11 "After the Anti-Rightist Campaign No One Opens Their Mouths"
十一 “反右以后莫发言”
——China Silenced (1956- 1958)
——中国沉默了(1956—1958年)
Because we now had no nurses and my mother had to check in for her 'parole' report every evening, we children had to stay on in our nurseries. My mother could not have looked after us anyway. She was too busy 'racing toward socialism' as a propaganda song went with the rest of Chinese society.
由于我们没有保姆，母亲每晚又得回隔离处睡觉，我们几个孩子仍得继续呆在各自的托儿所里。其实，母亲不管怎样都无法照顾我们，她正忙于和其他中国人一样“跑步进入社会主义”——就像一首宣传歌里唱的。
While she had been in detention Mao had accelerated his attempt to change the face of China. In July 1955 he had called for a speeding up of collective farming, and in November he abruptly announced that all industry and commerce, which had so far remained in private hands, were to be nationalized.
毛泽东加速了改变中国面貌的计划。1955年7月，他号召加快“农业合作化”；同年11月，又突然宣布把所有的私营工商业国有化。政府和私人老板先共同拥有企业，政府再逐步把企业从私人手里“赎买”过来。业主每年可领取他的企业总值的百分之五，共拿二十年。因为按官方说法，中国没有通货膨胀，所以二十年国家就付清了赎买费。以前的老板仍留下来当经理，并支领高薪，但是在他之上有一位党的领导掌握实权。
My mother was thrown straight into this movement. In theory, the state was supposed to own enterprises join fly with the former owners, who were to draw 5 percent of the value of their business for twenty years. Since there was officially no inflation, this was supposed to Represent full payment of the total value. The former owners were to stay on as managers and be paid a relatively high wage, but there would be a Party boss over them.
My mother was put in charge of a work team supervising the nationalization of over a hundred food factories, bakeries, and restaurants in her district. Although she was still on 'parole," and had to report in every evening, and could not even sleep in her own bed, she was entrusted with this important job.
我母亲受命领导一个工作组负责指导东城区内的数百家食品厂，糕点铺和饭馆的国有化。虽然她受审查，每天晚上得回隔离处过夜，但她仍被派任此重要任务。
The Party had attached astigmatic label to her kongzhi shi-yong, which meant 'employed but under control and surveillance." This was not made public, but was known to her and the people in charge of her case. The members of her work team knew she had been detained for six months, but did not know she was still under surveillance.
当时，党组织对她是“控制使用”，一边给她工作做，一边继续审查她。这只有她自己和专案组的人知道，她所领导的工作组只知道她曾被隔离了六个月，并不知道她的问题还没结果。
When my mother was put in detention, she had written to my grandmother asking her to stay on in Manchuria for the time being. She had concocted an excuse, as she did not want my grandmother to know she was being detained, which would have worried her terribly.
隔离审查初期，我母亲写了封信给姥姥，编了个理由要她暂时呆在东北。她不想让母亲知道自己出了问题而担惊受怕。
My grandmother was still in Jinzhou when the nationalization program started, and she found herself caught up in it. After she had left Jinzhou with Dr. Xia in 195I his medicine business had been run by her brother, Yu-lin.
国有化运动开始时，我姥姥仍在锦州，她也卷入了这场运动，原因是夏瑞堂的药店。她和夏瑞堂1951年离开锦州后，药店由她弟弟玉林代管。
When Dr. Xia died in 1952 ownership of the medicine shop passed to her. Now the state was planning to buy it out. In every business a group, made up of work team members and representatives of both employees and management, was set up to value its assets so the state could pay a 'fair price." They would often suggest a very low figure to please the authorities. The value placed on Dr. Xia's shop was ridiculously low, but there was an advantage to this for my grandmother: it meant that she was classified only as a 'minor capitalist," which made it easier for her to keep a low profile. She was not happy about being quasi-expropriated, but she kept her own counsel.
夏瑞堂于1952年去世后，药店所有权由姥姥继承，现在国家要出钱“买”她的药店了。每个私营企业里都成立了一个小组，由工作组成员、资方代表、职工代表组成，负责估计资产，使国家能“合理”地付款。当然，大家总是定出一个低得可怜的数目，取悦政府。虽然夏家药店估值低得可笑，大约人民币五百元(不足一百美金)，但却给我姥姥带来了意外的好处：她的阶级成分因此变成了“小业主”，算“独力劳动者”，没戴上“资本家”这顶“剥削阶级”的帽子。她虽然对财产被变相剥夺而满心不愿，但一言不发。
As part of the nationalization campaign, the regime organized processions with drums and gongs and endless meetings, some of them for the capitalists. My grandmother saw that all of them were expressing willingness to be bought out, even gratitude. Many said that what was happening to them was much better than they had feared.
在这场国有化运动里，共产党政权动员了大队人马敲锣打鼓上街游行欢呼。还有无数的会议，有些是专为资本家开的，会上我姥姥看见所有的资本家都说乐意让政府把企业买去，甚至还表现出一副很感激的样子。许多人说，运动比他们所预料的好得多，听说在苏联，企业都被没收，在中国则是买卖。而且国家连命令也没下，得大家心甘情愿才算数。当然，谁敢不心甘情愿呢？
In the Soviet Union, they had heard, businesses were confiscated outright. Here in China the owners were being indemnified, and what was more, the state did not just order them to hand over their businesses. They had to be willing. Of course, everyone was.
My grandmother was confused about how she should feel resentful toward the cause her daughter was engaged in, or happy with her lot, as she was told she should be.
我姥姥也给搞糊涂了，不知该愤恨这场她自己女儿全心全意投身的革命呢，还是该庆幸？
The medicine business had been built up by Dr. Xia's hard work, and her livelihood and that of her daughter had depended on it. She was reluctant to see it go just like that.
药店生意是夏瑞堂半辈子的血汗，曾是她和女儿赖以生存的支柱，她当然不愿眼见它就这样化为乌有。
Four years earlier, during the Korean War, the government had encouraged people to donate their valuables to help buy fighter planes. My grandmother did not want to give up her jewelry, which had been given to her by General Xue and Dr. Xia, and had at times been her only source of income. It also had strong sentimental value. But my mother added her voice to that of the government. She felt that jewelry was connected with an outdated past, and shared the Party's view that it was the fruit of 'the exploitation of the people' and should therefore be returned to them. She also produced the standard line about protecting China from being invaded by the "US imperialists," which did not mean very much to my grandmother. Her clinching arguments were: "Mother, what do you still want these things for? Nobody wears this sort of thing nowadays. And you don't have to rely on them to live. Now that we have the Communist Party, China is no longer going to be poor.
四年前在朝鲜战争期间，我姥姥有一次类似的经历。当时，政府鼓励老百姓捐钱买战斗机。我姥姥有薛之珩和夏瑞堂留给她的珠宝，这是她的全部财产，也是一生的纪念物，她不想献出去。但我母亲也劝说她，这些都是旧社会的东西，是剥削来的，理应退还给人民。她还引用当时标准的口号：“有钱出钱，有力出力，抗美援朝，打败美帝。”我姥姥心想她管不了什么美帝不美帝，但她被我母亲的这些话说动了：“妈，您还留这些东西做什么？现在没有戴这些玩意儿了，您也不必靠它们过活。我们有了共产党，中国不会再穷了，您还担什么心？
What have you got to be worried about? In any case, you have me. I will look after you. You never have to worry again. I have to persuade other people to donate. It's part jj of my work. How can I ask them if my own mother doesn't do it?" My grandmother gave up. She would do anything for her daughter. She surrendered all her jewelry except a couple of bracelets, a pair of gold earrings, and a gold ring, which were wedding presents from Dr. Xia. She got a receipt from the government and much praise for her 'patriotic zeal."
不管怎样，您有我，我会好好照顾您的，您不必为生计发愁了。还有，我得说服别人捐献。这是我的工作。如果连自己的母亲都不带头，我怎好去动员别人呢？”我姥姥终于屈服了，只要为了女儿好，她什么都可以做。她交出了全部的珠宝，只留下一对手镯、一对金耳环和一个金戒指，这是夏瑞堂给她的结婚礼物。政府给了她一张收据，对她的“爱国情操”大加表扬。
But she was never happy about losing her jewelry, though she hid her feelings. Apart from sentimental attachment, there was a very practical consideration. My grandmother had lived through constant insecurity. Could one really trust the Communist Party to look after everyone?
她对失去珠宝耿耿于怀，只不过把怨气都藏在心里。撇开感情的因素不说，还有非常现实的一面。我姥姥一生的生活总无保障。共产党真能照顾好每个人吗？
Forever?
永远吗？
Now, four years later, she was again in the situation of having to hand over to the state something she wanted to keep, in fact the last possession she had. This time, she did not really have any choice. But she was also positively cooperative. She did not want to let her daughter down, and wanted to make sure her daughter would not be even slightly embarrassed by her.
四年过去了，她又面临同样的问题：国家要她交出她想留下的财产，这家药店是她仅剩的东西了。当然这次她毫无选择余地，但她也跟政府配合，她不想让女儿失望，也不想让女儿因她而遭到一丝为难。
The nationalization of the shop was a long process, and my grandmother stayed on in Manchuria while it dragged on. My mother did not want her to come back to Sichuan anyway until she herself had her full freedom of movement restored and was able to live in her own quarters. It was not until summer 1956 that my mother recovered freedom of movement and the 'parole' restrictions were lifted. However, even then there was no definitive decision on her case.
药店国有化拖了很长时间，我姥姥一直呆在东北。我母亲也不想在获得自由之前，让姥姥回四川。1956年夏季，我母亲才完全恢复了行动自由，隔离取消了。然而，她的案子仍没明确的结果。
It was finally brought to a conclusion at the end of that year. The verdict, which was issued by the Chengdu Party authorities, said in effect that they believed her account, and that she had no political connection with the Kuomintang. This was a clear-cut decision which exonerated her completely. She was tremendously relieved, as she knew her case could well have been left open 'for lack of satisfactory evidence," like many other similar cases. Then a stigma would have stuck with her for life. Now the chapter was closed, she thought. She was very grateful to the chief of the investigation team, Mr. Kuang. Usually officials tended to err on the side of overzealousness in order to protect themselves. It needed courage on the part of Mr. Kuang to decide to accept what she had said.
到了年底，成都市党委才作出结论，她和国民党没有政治联系。这种明确的裁决算是救了她，因为她知道她的案子有可能因为“缺乏证据”而一直悬在那里，就像许多人一样。那样她就将永不能翻身，一有运动就会被拉出来整。十八个月的痛苦总算熬过去了，她非常感激她的专案组组长匡先生，因为一般官员作结论时，往往“宁左勿右”，以保护自己。匡先生得要有很大的勇气，才会开脱了她。
After eighteen months of intense anxiety, my mother was in the clear again. She was lucky. As a result of the campaign over I6O'OOO men and women were labeled counterrevolution ari and their lives were ruined for three decades. Among these were some of my mother's friends in Jinzhou who had been the Kuomintang Youth League cadres. They were summarily branded counter revolutionaries sacked from their jobs, and sent to do manual labor.
我母亲算是很幸运的了，这次“肃反”下来，全国十六万人被定为“反革命分子”，此后十多年的生活被毁掉。这些人中有我母亲在锦州的朋友，他们就因为曾当过国民党三青团干部，而丢了工作，被下放去劳动改造。
This campaign to root out the last vestiges of the Kuomintang past pushed family background and connections to the forefront. Throughout Chinese history, when one person was condemned sometimes the entire clan men, women, and children, even newborn babies was executed. Execution could extend to cousins nine times removed (zhu-lian jill-zu). Someone being accused of a crime could endanger the lives of a whole neighborhood.
这场彻底铲除国民党势力的运动使一个人的家庭背景和亲朋关系变得至关紧要。中国历史上有株连九族的传统，有时甚至街坊邻居都要跟着倒楣。“肃反”前，共产党里有很多家庭出身“不好”的人，甚至有许多政敌的儿女在党内居高位。事实上，早期共产党领导本身就没几个“出身好”的，但在1955年之后，出身什么样的家庭变得越来越重要。日后的一次又一次的政治运动，受害者的数字像滚雪球一样愈滚愈大，首当其冲的都是受害者的至亲。
Hitherto the Communists had included people with 'undesirable' backgrounds in their ranks. Many sons and daughters of their enemies rose to high positions. In fact, most early Communist leaders had come from 'bad' backgrounds themselves. But after 1955 family origins became increasingly important. As the years went by and Mao launched one witch-hunt after another, the number of victims snowballed, and each victim brought down many others, including, first and foremost, his or her immediate family.
In spite of these personal tragedies, or perhaps partly because of the steely control, China was more stable in 1956 than at any time this century. Foreign occupation, civil war, widespread death from starvation, bandits, inflation all seemed to be things of the past. Stability, the dream of the Chinese, sustained the faith of people like my mother in their sufferings.
尽管有这些人的悲剧——也许正因为这样的铁腕控制，1956年是本世纪中国最稳定的时期。外国侵略、内战连绵、饿殍遍野、土匪蜂起、通货膨胀、贪污腐败——所有的这些都成了历史。安定——中国人的梦想——真的实现了。这使得像我母亲这样的人尽管个人受罪也支持共产党。
In the summer of 1956 my grandmother returned to Chengdu. The first thing she did was to rush to the nurseries and take us back to my mother's place. My grandmother had a fundamental dislike of nurseries. She said children could not be properly looked after in a group. My sister and I looked all right, but as soon as we spotted her, we screamed and demanded to go home. The two boys were another matter: Jin-ming's teacher complained that he was terribly withdrawn, and would not let any adult touch him. He only asked, quietly but obstinately, for his old nurse. My grandmother burst into tears when she saw Xiao-her. He looked like a wooden puppet, with a meaningless grin on his face. Wherever he was put, whether sitting or standing, he would just remain there, motionless.
1956年夏天，我姥姥回到成都。她的第一件事就是到各托儿所把我们接回来。我姥姥打心底就不相信托儿所，说一个阿姨管那么多孩子怎么照顾得过来。我和姐姐看上去还好，不过一看到她，我们就大哭大闹吵着要回家。京明的老师说他孤僻得令人害怕，不让任何成年人接近他，只一味固执地要他的奶妈。我姥姥一看见小黑就忍不住眼泪直流，这孩子看上去像个呆子，只会一个劲地傻笑。把他放在哪里，或坐或站，他就一动不动呆在那里保持原姿势，他甚至不知道去厕所解便，连哭叫都不会。我姥姥一把将他抱在怀里，从此小黑成了她最疼的外孙。
He did not know how to ask to go to the lavatory, and did not even seem to be able to cry. My grandmother swept him up into her arms and he instantly became her favorite.
Back at my mother's apartment, my grandmother gave vent to her anger and incomprehension. In between her tears she called my father and my mother 'heartless parents." She did not know that my mother had no choice.
一进家门，姥姥就一边流泪一边骂我父母是“铁石心肠”，她不知道他们是有苦说不出。
Because my grandmother could not look after all four of us, the two older ones, my sister and I, had to go to a nursery during the week. Every Monday morning, my father and his bodyguard would lift us onto their shoulders and carry us off howling, kicking, and tearing their hair.
而她一人毕竟无法照顾我们四个小家伙。我和姐姐还是得回幼儿园去，住全托，只有星期六才接回家来，每逢星期一早上，我父亲和他的警卫员就一人肩上扛一个，送我们去幼儿园。我和姐姐总是双腿乱踢，扯他们的头发，就是不愿去。
This went on for some time. Then, subconsciously, I developed a way of protesting. I began to fall ill at the nursery, with high fevers which alarmed the doctors. As soon as I was back home, my illness miraculously evaporated.
不久后，我似乎潜意识地得了怪病。一到幼儿园就发高烧，高得吓坏医生。但一回家，烧就奇迹般地退了。最后，父母无可奈何了，只好让我和姐姐也呆在家里。
Eventually, my sister and I were allowed to stay at home.
For my grandmother, all flowers and trees, the clouds and the rain were living beings with a heart and tears and a moral sense. We would be safe if we followed the old Chinese rule for children, ting-hua ('heeding the words," being obedient). Otherwise all sorts of things would happen to us. When we ate oranges my grandmother would warn us against swallowing the seeds.
家是姥姥创造出的神奇天地。她让我觉得大自然的花呀、树呀、云彩呀、雨呀，全是活生生的东西，它们也有感情，有眼泪，有心地。我们如果遵循中国向来对小孩的要求——听话，就会平平安安。否则，各种古怪的事都会降临。吃橘子时，姥姥说：“如果你们不听话，把橘子籽吞进了肚子，它就会在你们的肚子里发芽、长大，长呀长，有一天，哎呀！就从你头顶上冒了出来。长叶子，结果实，最后比我们家大门还高，你就进不了房子了！”
"If you don't listen to me, one day you won't be able to get into the house.
Every little seed is a baby orange tree, and he wants to grow up, just like you. He'll grow quietly inside your turn roy up and up, and then one day, Ai-ya!? There he is, out from the top of your head!? He'll grow leaves, and bear more oranges, and he'll become taller than our door..."
The thought of carrying an orange tree on my head fascinated me so much that one day I deliberately swallowed a seed one, no more. I did not want an orchard on my head: that would be too heavy. For the whole day, I anxiously felt my skull every other minute to see whether it was still in one piece. Several times I almost asked my grandmother whether I would be allowed to eat the oranges on my head, but I checked myself so that she would not know I had been disobedient. I decided to pretend it was an accident when she saw the tree. I slept very badly that night. I felt something was pushing up against my skull.
头上长棵橘子树的景象使我十分入迷，有一天，我故意吞下一粒橘子籽，只吞了一粒，因为我不想在头上长果园，那会太沉，我是扛不动的。整天，我每隔一会儿就摸摸头顶，看橘子树是不是长出来了。有好几次我差点忍不住要问姥姥：头上橘子树结的果能不能吃，但我还是憋住了，不想让姥姥知道我不听话而伤心。我决定在姥姥发现头上的橘子树时，撒个小小的谎，说是不小心吞下去的。那晚我睡得很不安宁，总觉得橘子树正在蠢蠢欲动地顶开我的头。
But usually my grandmother's stories sent me happily to sleep. She had a wealth of them from classical Chinese opera. We also had a lot of books about animals and birds and myths and fairy tales. We had foreign children's stories, too, including Hans Christian Andersen and Aesop's fables. Little Red Riding Hood, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, and Cinderella were among my childhood companions.
不过通常姥姥讲的故事总是使我快乐地进入梦乡。她能讲很多中国古典戏曲中的故事。我们也有很多有关动物、鸟类和其他神话传说的儿童书。外国书像《安徒生童话》、《伊索寓言》、《小红帽》、《灰姑娘》、《白雪公主与七个小矮人》，都是我童年的伴侣。
Along with the stories, I loved nursery rhymes. They were my earliest encounters with poetry. Because the Chinese language is based on tones, its poetry has a particularly musical quality to it. I was mesmerized by my grandmother's chanting of classical poems, whose meaning I did not understand. She read them in traditional style, producing singsong, lingering sounds, rising and falling in cadence. One day my mother overheard her reciting to us some poems written in about 500 BC. My mother thought they were far too difficult for us and tried to stop her. But my grandmother insisted, saying we did not have to understand the meaning, just get the feel for the musicality of the sounds. She often said she regretted losing her zither when she left Yixian twenty years before.
我也爱上了童谣，它们算是我最早接触到的诗。姥姥有时抑扬顿挫地念古诗，尽管我完全不懂意思，却总像着魔似的入神。有一天我母亲无意中听见她在教我们念《楚辞》，觉得对我们来说，是太艰深了，想阻止她，但姥姥却坚持说，我们并不一定要理解里面的含意，只需欣赏它的韵律美就够了。姥姥经常说她很后悔在二十年前离开义县时，丢掉了她的古琴。
My two brothers were not so interested in bedtime stories, or in being read to. But my sister, who shared a room with me, was just like me: she loved these stories.
我的两个弟弟对睡觉前听故事没有兴趣，但与我住同一个房间的姐姐却和我一样着迷。
And she had an extraordinary memory. She had impressed everyone by reciting Pushkin's long ballad "The Fisherman and the Goldfish' flawlessly at the age of three.
她的记忆力十分惊人，三岁时就能完整地背诵普希金的长诗《渔夫和金鱼的故事》，令所有听过的人都惊叹不已。
My family life was tranquil and loving. Whatever resentment my mother felt for my father, she seldom had rows with him, at least not in front of the children. My father's love for us was rarely shown through physical contact now that we were older. It was not customary for a father to hold his children in his arms, or to show affection by kissing them or embracing them. He would often give the boys piggyback rides, and would pat their shoulders or stroke their hair, which he rarely did to us girls. When we got beyond the age of three he would lift us carefully with his hands under our armpits, strictly adhering to Chinese convention, which prescribed avoiding intimacy with one's daughters. He would not come into the room where my sister and I slept without our permission.
我们的家庭生活平静而充满了温馨。尽管母亲对父亲有意见，但很少跟他吵架，即使吵架也不当着我们的面。父亲非常疼爱我们，虽然我们三岁后就很少用搂抱、亲吻来表达父爱了。对弟弟们，他让他们“搭马马肩’’(骑在他肩上)，有时拍拍他们的肩膀，或摸摸头。但对女儿们就没有这些举止，很有点“授受不亲”的味道。他在进我和姐姐的房间时，总要敲门征得我们同意。
My mother did not have as much physical contact with us as she would have liked. This was because she fell under another set of rules: those of the Communists' puritanical life-style. In the early 195os, a Communist was supposed to give herself so completely to the revolution and the people that any demonstration of affection for her children was frowned on as a sign of divided loyalties. Every single hour apart from eating or sleeping belonged to the revolution, and was supposed to be spent working. Anything that was regarded as not to do with the revolution, like carrying your children in your arms, had to be dispatched as speedily as possible.
我母亲也不常抱我们、亲吻我们。这是因为她得遵守另一套不成文的规矩：共产党清教徒式的生活方式。在五十年代早期，共产党员除了吃饭睡觉外，每一分钟都属于革命，都得花在工作上。抱孩子与革命无关，得尽快做完了事，否则会挨批，说你不全心全意为革命工作。
At first, my mother found this hard to get used to.
"Putting family first' was a criticism constantly leveled at her by her Party colleagues. Eventually, she became drilled into the habit of working nonstop. By the time she came home in the evening, we had long since gone to sleep. She would sit by our bedsides watching our faces as we slept and listening to our peaceful breathing. It was the happiest moment in her day.
起初，我母亲很恋家，所以不断受到批评，说她“家庭观念重”，后来她才慢慢习惯了永无休止的工作。当她每天夜里回家时，孩子们早已人睡，她就坐在我们床边看着我们熟睡的脸，听我们平静均匀的呼吸，这是她一天中最幸福的时刻。
Whenever she had time she would cuddle us, gently scratching or tickling us, especially on our elbows, which was intensely pleasurable. Pure heaven for me was putting my head on her lap and having the inside of my ears tickled.
她一有空就搂着我们，轻轻地给我们搔痒，尤其是搔胳膊肘，简直舒服透了。我最喜欢的还是掏耳朵：搬张小凳坐在她面前，把头枕在她膝盖上，眯着眼，好像飘上了九重天。
Ear-picking was a traditional form of pleasure for the Chinese. As a child, I remember seeing professionals carrying a stand with a bamboo chair on one end and scores of tiny fluffy picks dangling from the other.
“掏耳朵”是一种享受，我记得小时候常看见那些职业掏耳朵的人担个小担子游街窜巷，一边是竹椅，另一边挂着一串串晃来荡去的五花八门掏耳工具，小勾匙啦，带绒毛的小棍啦，等等。
Starting in 1956 officials started to have Sundays off.
从1956年开始，干部们星期日可以休息了。
My parents would take us to parks and playgrounds where we played on the swings and merry-go-rounds or rolled down the grass-covered slopes. I have a memory of somersaulting dangerously but thrillingly downhill, meaning to career into my parents' arms, but instead crashing into two hibiscus trees, one after the other.
我父母爱带我们上公园，去儿童乐园玩。我们在那里荡秋千，坐旋转木马，还沿着青草覆盖的斜坡往下飞跑。我至今还记得有一次曾翻着筋头从坡上滚下来，我料想会落在我父母张开迎接的胳膊里，结果却撞到几棵芙蓉树干上。
My grandmother was still appalled at how often my parents were absent.
"What sort of parents are these?" she would sigh, shaking her head. To make up for them, she gave all her heart and energy to us. But she could not cope with four children on her own, so my mother invited Aunt Jun-ying to come and live with us. She and my grandmother got on very well, and this harmony continued when they were joined in early 1957 by a live-in maid. This coincided with our move to new quarters, in a former Christian vicarage. My father came with us, and so, for the first time ever, the whole family was living together under one roof.
但父母跟我们在一起的时间仍是不多。姥姥总摇着头叹息：“谁见过这样当爸爸妈妈的？”她于是把全部心血都花在我们身上。但她怎么也照料不过来我们这四个小家伙，我母亲就从宜宾把俊英娘娘请来帮忙。她和姥姥处得十分融洽。到了1957年初，母亲又请来一位保姆，住在我们家，她们三人也和睦无比。也正在这时，我们搬进了新房子，这是以前一个基督教教士的住宅。我父亲也搬来了，第一次我们整个家庭都生活在一起了。
The maid was eighteen. When she first arrived she was wearing a flower-patterned cotton top and slacks, which city dwellers, who wore quiet colors in keeping with both urban snobbery and Communist puritanism, would have regarded as rather garish. City ladies also had their clothes cut like Russian women's, but our maid wore traditional peasant-style garb, buttoned at the side, with cotton buttons instead of the new plastic ones. Instead of a belt, she used a cotton string to tie up her trousers. Many peasant women coming to town would have changed their attire so as not to look like country bumpkins. But she was completely unselfconscious about her clothes, which showed her strength of character. She had big, rough hands and a shy, honest smile on her dark, suntanned face, with two permanent dimples in her rosy cheeks. Everyone in our family liked her immediately. She ate with us and did the housework with my grandmother and my aunt. My grandmother was delighted to have two close friends and confidantes, as my mother was never there.
新来的保姆十八岁。她第一次到我们家时，身穿印花的大红大绿棉衣裤，这在城里姑娘看来是“土气十足”。当时城市居民流行穿的衣服是素色，这是共产党清教徒式的生活方式所带来的潮流，城市妇女服装式样也学苏联。而我们的新保姆穿的是传统农民服装开襟式，布做的钮扣，而非新式的塑料钮扣，不用皮带系裤子，而用松紧带。许多从农村到城市里来的姑娘都马上换衣着打扮，以免被人当乡下佬。但我们的新保姆则安然自得，显示她极有自信。她的手大、粗糙、黑里透红的面颊上，挂着略带羞涩憨厚的笑容，一笑总有两个酒窝。家里人很快就都喜欢上她了。她和我们一道吃饭，和我姥姥、俊英娘娘一道做家事。姥姥很高兴有了两个知心女友，因为我母亲从没时间在家里陪她说话。
Our maid came from a landlord's family, and had been desperate to get away from the countryside and the constant discrimination she faced there. In 1957 it had again become possible to employ people from a 'bad' family background. The 1955 campaign was over, and the atmosphere was generally more relaxed.
新保姆来自地主家庭。她拼死拼活要离开农村，离开那个受歧视的天地。1955年肃反结束后，政治气氛相对松弛了，又可以雇用家庭出身不好的人了，我家才敢雇她。
The Communists had instituted a system under which everyone had to register their place of residence (hu-kou).
共产党建立了一套户口制度，每个人都得在她们生活的地方注册，只有城市户口的居民才有食物配给。新保姆是农村户口，所以她在我家没有粮食供应。但我家里的配给足够供她吃。一年后，我母亲帮她把户口从农村迁到成都市。
Only those registered as urban dwellers were entitled to food rations. Our maid had a country registration so she had no source of food when she was with us, but the rations for my family were more than enough to feed her too. One year later, my mother helped her to move her registration into Chengdu.
My family also paid her wages. The system of state allowances had been abolished in late 1956, when my father also lost his bodyguard, who was replaced by a shared manservant who did chores for him in his office, like serving him tea and arranging cars. My parents were now earning salaries fixed according to their civil service grades. My mother was Grade i7, and my father was Grade io, which meant he earned twice as much as she did. Because basics were cheap, and there was no concept of a consumer society, their combined income was more than adequate. My father was a member of a special category known as gas-gan, 'high officials," a term applied to people of Grade: 3 and above, of whom there were about zoo in Sichuan. There were fewer than twenty people of Grade xo and above in the whole province, which had a population of about seventy-two million now.
我家还付给她工资。政府的供给制已于1956年下半年取消。我父亲的警卫员也取消了，几个副部长合用一个勤务员，在办公室为他做打开水、安排汽车之类杂务。我父亲现在按他们的级别拿固定工资，我母亲十七级，我父亲十级，他的工资比她多一倍。当时物价很低，又不是消费社会，因而两人工资加起来绰绰有余。我父亲算“高干”，这是由十三级以上干部组成的一个特殊阶层，在四川省有几百名，十级以上干部约有几十名，而四川省当时有七千二百万人口。
In the spring of 1956 Mao announced a policy known as the Hundred Flowers, from the phrase 'let a hundred flowers bloom' (bai-hua qi-j~ng), which in theory meant greater freedom for the arts, literature, and scientific research. The Party wanted to enlist the support of China's educated citizens, which the country needed, as it was entering a stage of 'post-recovery' industrialization.
1956年春，毛泽东宣布了“双百方针”：百花齐放，百家争鸡。说是要给艺术、文学、科研更多的自由。共产党想争取那些受过教育的人的支持，因为中国开始进入工业化时期，建设急需人才。
The general educational level of the country had always been very low. The population was huge over 600 million by then and the vast majority had never enjoyed anything like a decent standard of living. The country had always had a dictatorship which operated by keeping the public ignorant and thus obedient. There was also the problem of the language: the Chinese script is exceedingly difficult; it is based on tens of thousands of individual characters which are not related to sounds, and each has complicated strokes and needs to be remembered separately. Hundreds of millions of people were completely illiterate.
历来中国的教育水准都非常低，原因之一是人口太多(当时全国人口已有六亿多)，绝大多数人都很贫穷。传统的专制统治实行愚民政策以使人民安分守己。中文字又特别难学，有好几万个单字，不能一望而知如何发音，而且每个字都有复杂的笔画，得一个个分别记。全国有好几亿人一字不识。
Anybody with any education at all was referred to as an 'intellectual." Under the Communists, who based their policies on class categories, 'intellectuals' became a specific, if vague, category, which included nurses, students, and actors as well as engineers, technicians, writers, teachers, doctors, and scientists.
任何受过教育的人因之都被称为“知识分子”。在共产党领导下，“阶级成份论”成了统治基础，“知识分子”算一个阶层，相当含糊，即包括工程师、技术员、作家、教师、医生、科学家，也包括护士、学生、演员。
Under the Hundred Flowers policy, the country enjoyed about a year of relative relaxation. Then, in spring 1957, the Party urged intellectuals to criticize officials all the way to the top. My mother thought this was to encourage further liberalization. After a speech by Mao on the subject, which was gradually relayed down to her level, she was so moved she could not sleep all night. She felt that China was really going to have a modern and democratic party, a party that would welcome criticism to revitalize itself. She felt proud of being a Communist.
在“双百”方针下，整个国家享受了一年左右相当宽松的气氛。1957年春，共产党邀请知识分子批评各级领导。我母亲听了毛泽东的一个一级级向下传达的话后，非常激动，整夜没有睡意。她觉得中国共产党真的越变越民主了，她为自己是共产党员而自豪。
When my mother's level was told about Mao's speech soliciting criticism of officers, they were not informed about some other remarks he had made around the same time, about enticing snakes out of their lairs to uncover anyone who dared to oppose him or his regime. One year before, the Soviet leader, Khrushchev, had denounced Stalin in his 'secret speech," and this had devastated Mao, who identified himself with Stalin. Mao was further rat fled by the Hungarian uprising that autumn, the first successful if short-lived attempt to overthrow an established Communist regime. Mao knew that a large proportion of China's educated people favored moderation and liberalization. He wanted to prevent a "Chinese Hungarian uprising." In fact, he effectively told the Hungarian leaders that his solicitation of criticism had been a trap, which he had prolonged after his colleagues suggested bringing it to a halt, in order to make sure he had smoked out every single potential dissident.
其实传达到我母亲的只是毛泽东欢迎批评的话，并没有传达另一席话。那次毛说鼓励批评好似“引蛇出洞”：诱出那些胆敢反对他和共产党统治的人。一年前，苏联领袖赫鲁晓夫在“秘密报告”中谴责了斯大林，深深震撼了毛泽东。因为毛与斯大林是惺惺相惜的。1956年匈牙利发生推翻共产党政权的暴动事件——不久被镇压住了——也使毛大受刺激。他知道中国有一大批受过教育的人都希望开放、自由。他想要防止中国发生类似的匈牙利事件，后来他曾对匈牙利共产党领导人表示，鼓励人批评等于是个陷阱，他的同事提议要“收”了时，他说还要继续“放”，以确保所有潜在的异端分子都统统现形。
He was not worried about the workers or the peasants, as he was confident they were grateful to the Communists for bringing them full stomachs and stable lives. He also had a fundamental contempt for them he did not believe they had the mental capacity to challenge his rule. But Mao had always distrusted intellectuals. They had played a big role in Hungary, and were more likely than others to think for themselves.
毛泽东不担心工人或农民。他坚信这些人会感激共产党让他们填饱了肚子，使他们过上安稳的生活，他不相信这些人会想起来造反。毛泽东不喜欢知识分子，他们比别的阶层更喜欢独立思考。匈牙利事件就是知识分子扮演了重要角色。
Unaware of Mao's secret maneuvers, officials and intellectuals alike engaged in soliciting and offering criticisms.
基层干部和知识分子由于对毛泽东的真正意图一无所知，都忙于欢迎批评和提出批评。
According to Mao, they were to 'say whatever they want to say, and to the full." My mother enthusiastically repeated this in the schools, hospitals, and entertainment groups she looked after. All kinds of opinions were aired at organized seminars and on wall posters. Well-known people set an example by making criticisms in the newspapers.
按照毛泽东说的“知无不言，言无不尽”，我母亲热心地到她主管的学校、医院、娱乐部门一再宣传要人们在会议上大鸣大放，写大字报。于是各种各样的意见都出现了。一些知名人士带头在报上发表批评文章。
My mother, like almost everyone, came in for some criticism. The main one from the schools was that she showed favoritism toward 'key' (zhong-dian) schools. In China there were a number of officially designated schools and universities on which the state concentrated its limited resources. These got better teachers and facilities, and selected the brightest pupils, which guaranteed that they had a high entrance rate into institutions of higher education, especially the 'key' universities. Some teachers from ordinary schools complained that my mother had been paying too much attention to the 'key' schools at their expense.
我母亲是东城区文教机构的领导，当然首当其冲，最主要的是说她偏爱重点学校。当时中国有若干小学、中学和大学是指定的重点学校，国家把有限的财力投入这些学校，优先分配给它们优秀的教师，先进的教学设备，让它们选择最聪明的学生。重点学校毕业的学生升学率极高，特别是进入重点大学的比例很高，于是一些普通学校的都是抱怨我母亲“偏心”。
Teachers were also graded. Good teachers were given honorary grades which entitled them to much higher salaries, special food supplies when there was a shortage, better housing, and complimentary theater tickets. Most graded teachers under my mother seemed to have come from 'undesirable' family backgrounds, and some of the ungraded teachers complained that my mother placed too much importance on professional merit rather than 'class background." My mother made self-criticisms about her lack of even handedness regarding the 'key' schools, but she insisted that she was not wrong in using professional merit as the criterion for promotion.
教师也分等级。好的教师级别高，薪水也高，在食物短缺时有特殊配给，还有较好的住房和招待戏票等。我母亲提拔的大多数高级别教师家庭背景好像都有点儿“问题”。所以有些低级别的教师抱怨她用人重才轻阶级成份。我母亲当时检讨了“偏爱重点学校，对一般学校关心不够”，但她坚持说她提拔、重用人才没有错。
There was one criticism to which my mother turned a deaf ear in disgust. The headmistress of one primary school had joined the Communists in 1945 earlier than my mother and was unhappy at having to take orders from her. This woman attacked my mother on the grounds that she had got her job solely on the strength of my father's status.
我母亲对一个批评十分反感，有位小学校长是1945年入党的，比我母亲早，不服气受她指挥。她说我母亲根本没有能力当宣传部长，只是靠丈夫的官大。
There were other complaints: the headmasters wanted the right to choose their own teachers, instead of having them assigned by a higher authority. Hospital directors wanted to be able to buy herbs and other medicines themselves, because the state supply did not meet their needs.
还有不少别的意见：校长要求有聘任教师的权力，而不是由教育局硬性分配。医院院长要求自己采购药物，因为医药公司分配来的药物常不对路，需要的不给，不需要的一大堆。
Surgeons wanted larger food rations: they considered their job to be as demanding as that of a kung-fu player in a traditional opera, but their ration was a quarter less. A junior official lamented the disappearance from Chengdu markets of some famous traditional items like "Pockmark Wong scissors' and "Beards Hu brushes," which had been replaced by inferior mass-produced substitutes. My mother agreed with many of these views, but there was nothing she could do about them, as they involved state policies. All she could do was report them to higher authorities.
外科医生抱怨粮食定量低，说他们的工作量不亚于京剧的武生，但定量比他们少四分之一。一位机关干部还感叹许多传统名牌货，如“王麻子剪刀”、“胡开文笔纸”都从成都市场上消失了，现在成批产的商品都粗制滥造。我母亲个人对这些意见也十分赞同，但她没法替他们解决，因为这些事涉及国家政策，她所能做的仅是汇报上去。
The outburst of criticisms, which were often personal grouses or practical, nonpolitical suggestions for improvements, blossomed for about a month in the early summer of 1957. At the beginning of June, Mao's speech about 'enticing snakes out of their lairs' was relayed down orally to my mother's level.
我母亲听到的意见大多是个人牢骚或改进工作的具体意见，并未涉及政权问题。这些议论在1957年初夏兴盛了一个月。6月初，毛泽东“引蛇出洞”的那席话口头传达到了我母亲这一级。
In this talk, Mao said that 'rightists' had gone on a rampage attacking the Communist Party and China's socialist system. He said these rightists made up between 1 percent and 10 percent of all intellectuals and that they must be smashed. To simplify things, a figure of 5 percent, halfway between Mao's two extremes, had been established as the quota for the number of rightists who had to be caught. To meet it, my mother was expected to find over a hundred rightists in the organizations under her.
在这席话里，毛泽东说“右派”已对共产党和中国的社会主义制度发动攻击。还说，右派占知识分子总人数的百分之一到十，要“聚而歼之”。管“反右派运动”的人于是取了毛泽东所说的两个极端数字的中值：百分之五，定为必须抓出来的右派人士额数。为了完成“指标”，我母亲得在她管辖的学校、医院、娱乐团体里找出一百多名右派来。
She had not been very happy about some of the criticisms made to her. But few of them could even remotely be considered 'anti-Communist' or 'anti-socialist." Judging from what she had read in the newspapers, it seemed there had been some attacks on the Communists' monopoly of power and on the socialist system. But in her schools and hospitals, there were no such grand calls. Where on earth could she find the rightsts?
虽然我母亲对有些直接攻击她个人的意见十分不满，但凭心而论，她看不出有什么够得上“反党”、“反社会主义”的。报纸上倒是登了些反对共产党“一党专制”，或不满社会主义制度的言论。但在她管辖的小单位里，哪有这样大的意见呢？她上哪里去找右派分子呢？
Besides, she thought, it was unfair to penalize people who had spoken up after they had been invited, indeed urged, to do so. Moreover, Mao had explicitly guaranteed that there would be no reprisals for speaking up. She herself had called enthusiastically on people to voice their criticisms.
另外，她打从心底觉得此事不公道，先是宣布“知无不言，言无不尽，言者无罪，闻者足戒”，现在却把提了意见的人打成右派。
Her dilemma was typical of that facing millions of officials across China. In Chengdu, the Anti-Rightist Campaign had a slow and painful start. The provincial authorities decided to make an example of one man, a Mr. Hau, who was the Party secretary of a research institute staffed by top scientists from all over Sichuan. He was expected to catch a considerable number of rightists, but he reported that there was not a single one in his institute.
整个中国有好几百万的共产党干部和我母亲一样陷于两难处境，成都市反右运动迟迟开展不起来。四川省上级决定拿一个人来开刀——一家研究院的党委书记郝先生，这个机构汇集了许多高级科学家，所以上级曾要求他抓一大批出来，但他却说那里一个右派也没有。
"How is that possible?" his boss said. Some of the scientists had studied abroad, in the West.
"They must have been contaminated by Western society. How can you expect them to be happy under communism? How can there be no rightists among them?" Mr. Hau said that the fact that they were in China by choice proved they were not opposed to the Communists, and went so far as to give a personal guarantee for them. He was warned several times to mend his ways. In the end he was declared a rightist himself, expelled from the Party, and sacked from his job. His civil service grade was drastically reduced, which meant his salary was slashed, and he was put to work sweeping the floors of the laboratories in the institute he had formerly been running.
他的上司发火了，说：怎么可能呢？这些科学家中有好多人是从西方留学回来的，他们必定受过西方思想的毒害，怎么会满意共产党呢？怎会没有右派呢？郝先生说这些人回国是出于自愿，这正说明他们不反共产党，他可以担保。他的上级屡次要他改变立场，但他坚持不改，结果被划成右派，开除出党，撤职降级，被分配去打扫他那个研究院的试验室。
My mother knew Mr. Hau, and admired him for sticking to his guns. She developed a great friendship with him which has lasted till today. She spent many evenings with him, giving vent to her anxieties. But in his fate she saw her own if she did not fill her quota.
我母亲认识郝先生，她很佩服他的勇气，因此和他成了很好的朋友，友谊一直持续至今。她常在傍晚和他在一起，向他述说自己的苦闷。但是从他的身上，我母亲也可预见自己的下场——如果她没完成上头所交待下来的任务的话。
Every day, after the usual endless meetings, my mother had to report to the municipal Party authorities on how the campaign was going. The person in charge of the campaign in Chengdu was a Mr. Ying, a lean, tall, rather arrogant man. My mother was supposed to produce figures for him showing how many rightists had been nailed. There did not have to be any names. It was numbers that mattered.
我母亲每天在没完没了的会议后，得向市委汇报运动的进展。不需要报名字，数目就是一切。
But where could she find her 1oo-plus 'antiCommunist, anti-socialist rightists'? Eventually one of her deputies, a Mr. Kong, who was in charge of education for the Eastern District, announced that the headmistresses of a couple of schools had identified some teachers in their schools. One was a teacher in a primary school whose husband, a Kuomintang officer, had been killed in the civil war. She had said something to the effect that "China today is worse off than in the past." One day she got into a row with the headmistress, who had criticized her for slacking off. She flew into a rage and hit the headmistress. A couple of her teachers tried to stop her, one telling her to be careful because the headmistress was pregnant. She was reported to have screamed that she wanted to 'get rid of that Communist bastard' (meaning the baby in the woman's womb).
但是她到哪里去凑这一百多名反党、反社会主义的右派分子呢？最后，一位负责学校教育的孔先生报告说有几所小学学校的校长已划了几个教师为右派。其中一个小学教师的丈夫是国民党军官，在内战中丧生，她曾说过“今不如昔”之类的话。有一天，校长说她懒惰，不认真教书。她动了怒，与校长大吵，还动手打了校长。别的教师劝阻她，说校长怀孕了。据当时那些教师所形容，她狠狠地说：“我正想打掉这共产党的狗崽子！”
In another case, a teacher whose husband had fled to Taiwan with the Kuomintang was reported to have shown off to other young women teachers some jewelry her husband had given her, trying to make them envious of her life under the Kuomintang. These young women also said she told them it was a pity the Americans had not won the war in Korea and advanced into China.
另外，有一位女教师的丈夫逃到台湾去了。一些年轻的女教师揭发她，说她把丈夫以前送给她的金银首饰拿出来向她们炫耀，宣扬国民党时代的生活多么惬意，还对她们说，她很遗憾，美国人没能打赢朝鲜战争，进攻中国。
Mr. Kong said he had checked the facts. It was not up to my mother to investigate. Caution would be seen as trying to protect the rightists and questioning her colleagues' integrity.
在当时的情况下，我母亲不可能去调查核实，谨慎会被视为袒护右派分子，怀疑同事的诚实。
The hospital chiefs and the deputy who was running the health bureau did not name any rightists themselves, but several doctors were labeled rightists by the higher authorities of the Chengdu municipality for their criticisms made at earlier meetings organized by the city authorities.
医院的院长和卫生保健部门的负责人都投有抓出右派来。但市当局把在市委组织的会上鸣放的几位医生划成了右派。
All these rightists together came to fewer than ten, far short of the quota. By now Mr. Ying was fed up with the lack of zeal displayed by my mother and her colleagues, and he told her that the fact that she could not spot rightism showed she was 'rightist material' herself. To be labeled a rightist not only meant becoming a political outcast and losing one's job, but, most important, one's children and family would suffer discrimination and their future would be in jeopardy. The children would be ostracized at school and in the street where they lived. The residents' committee would spy on the family to see who was visiting them.
可是这些加起来还不到十个人，还低于我母亲所要完成的定额数。我母亲的上司殷先生后来不耐烦了，警告她：如不能找出足够的右派，就证明她本人“与右派只差一步”。被划成右派不仅意味着丢官在政治上受歧视，更重要的是孩子、家庭都将受到牵连，他们的前途也都完了。孩子们会在学校、所住的街上受孤立，居委会将监视这个家庭，留心谁来看过他们。
If a rightist was sent to the countryside, the peasants would give the hardest jobs to him and his family. But no one knew the exact impact, and this uncertainty was itself a powerful cause of fear.
要是右派被送到农场，农民会把最重的活摊派给他和他的家庭。还有别的种种后果，但没有确知是什么。这种吉凶未卜、提心吊胆的日子是最可怕的。
This was the dilemma facing my mother. If she was labeled a rightist, she would either have to renounce her children or ruin their future. My father would probably be forced to divorce her, or he too would be blacklisted and under permanent suspicion. Even if my mother sacrificed herself and divorced him, the whole family would still be marked as suspects, forever. But the cost of saving herself and her family was the well-being of more than a hundred innocent people and their families.
我母亲进退维谷，她如果被划成右派，就只有两条路走：要么与孩子们断绝关系，要么毁了他们的前程。我父亲可能被迫和她离婚，否则，他也会跟着倒楣。就算我母亲肯牺牲自己，与我父亲离婚，整个家庭仍将永远抬不起头。可是拯救她自己和她家庭的代价是一百多位无辜的人和他们的家庭。
My mother did not talk to my father about this. What solution could he have come up with? She felt resentful because his high position meant he did not have to deal with specific cases. It was the lower- and middle-rank officials like Mr. Ying, my mother, her deputies, the headmistresses, and hospital directors who had to make these agonizing decisions.
One of the institutions in my mother's district was the Chengdu Number Two Teacher Training College. Students in teacher training colleges were given scholarships which covered their fees and living expenses, and these institutions naturally attracted people from poor families.
我母亲的辖区内，有一所“成都市第二师范学校”。师范学生都免学费，还发生活费，往往吸引了穷人家小孩来读。
The first railway linking Sichuan, "Heaven's Granary," with the rest of China had recently been completed. As a result, a lot of food was suddenly transported out of Sichuan to other parts of China, and the prices of many items doubled or even tripled almost overnight. The students at the college found their standard of living practically halved, and staged a demonstration calling for higher grants. This action was compared by Mr. Ying to those of the PettfiCircle in the 1956 Hungarian uprising, and he called the students 'kindred spirits of the Hungarian intellectuals."
当时第一条连接“天府之国”四川和其他省的铁路“宝成线”完工通车，大量食物突然被调运出川，结果一夕之间不少物价涨了一倍。“二师”学生发现他们的生活水准下降了很多，于是上街游行，要求更多的生活费。这次游行被市委比作是1956年的匈牙利事件，学生们开的会被比作“裴多菲俱乐部”，学生是“匈牙利知识分子的徒子徒孙”。
He ordered that every student who had participated in the demonstration should be classified as a rightist. There were about 300 students at the college, of whom ~ 30 had taken part in the demonstration. All of them were labeled rightists by Mr. Ying. Although the college was not under my mother, as she looked after primary schools only, it was located in her district, and the city authorities arbitrarily counted the students as her quota.
市委下令把所有参加游行的学生都划成右派。这所学校共有三百多名学生，一百三十名因参加了游行都变成了右派或“反社会主义分子”。虽然此校并不属于我母亲掌管(她只管小学)，但因校址在东城区地盘内，市委就大笔一挥把这笔数目算成她的。
My mother was not forgiven for her lack of initiative.
Mr. Ying put her name down for further investigation as a rightist suspect. But before he could do anything, he was condemned as a rightist himself.
殷先生并不因此放过我母亲，反而把她列为右派怀疑对象。但是在他还未来得及采取行动前，自己就被打成右派。
In March 1957 he had gone to Peking for a conference of the heads of provincial and municipal Public Affairs departments from the whole of China. In the group discussions, delegates were encouraged to voice their complaints about the way things were run in their areas. Mr. Ying aired some fairly innocuous grumbles against the first secretary of the Sichuan Party Committee, Li Jing-quan, who was always known as Commissar Li. My father was the head of the Sichuan delegation at the conference, so it fell to him to write the routine report when they came back. When the Anti-Rightist Campaign started, Commissar Li decided he did not like what Mr. Ying had said. He checked with the deputy head of the delegation, but this man had adroitly absented himself in the toilet when Mr. Ying started his criticism. In the later stage of the campaign, Commissar Li labeled Mr. Ying a rightist. When he heard this, my father became desperately upset, tormenting himself with the thought that he was partly responsible for Mr. Ying's downfall. My mother tried to convince him this was not the case: "It's not your fault!" she told him. But he never stopped agonizing about it.
1957年三月，殷先生赴北京参加全国省、市宣传部长会议。分组讨论时，与会的代表们都被鼓励对他们所在各省领导提意见。殷先生对四川省委负责人说了些牢骚话。我父亲是四川省代表团团长，回川后他得照例作会议情况报告。后来，当反右运动开始时，这位负责人找副团长核实。但这位先生当时一听殷先生开始发牢骚就聪明地去了厕所。在反右后期，殷先生被定为右派。我父亲听到这个消息非常不安，翻来覆去地想他对殷被划为右派负有责任。我母亲安慰他说：“这怎么会是你的错呢？”但我父亲始终没有心安过。
Many officials used the campaign to settle personal scores. Some found that one easy way to fill their quota was to offer up their enemies. Others acted out of sheer vindictiveness. In Yibin, the Tings purged many talented people with whom they did not get on, or of whom they were jealous. Almost all of my father's assistants there, whom he had picked out and promoted, were condemned as rightists. One former assistant whom my father liked very much was branded an 'extreme rightist." His crime was a single remark to the effect that China's reliance on the Soviet Union should not be 'absolute." At the time the Party was proclaiming that it should be. He was sentenced to three years in one of China's gnlags and worked on building a road in a wild, mountainous area, where many of his fellow prisoners died.
当时有些干部借机公报私仇，这是一箭双雕的买卖：既凑够了右派指标，又打击了自己的私敌。在宜宾，刘、张二挺利用反右清洗他们忌妒又合不来的才干之士。我父亲在宜宾时所提拔的人，许多都成了右派。一位他的得力助手被划为“极右派”，原因是当时中共称“对苏联要一边倒”，而他说不该“太绝对”。结果他被判了三年劳改，去修筑一条穿越荒芜山区的公路，许多人死于此工程，他算是活着出来了。
The Anti-Rightist Campaign did not affect society at large. Peasants and workers carried on with their lives.
反右运动并没有席卷整个社会。工人和农民照常过活。
When the campaign ended after a year, at least 550,000 people had been labeled as rightists students, teachers, writers, artists, scientists, and other professionals. Most of them were sacked from their jobs and became manual laborers in factories or on farms. Some were sent to do hard labor in gulags. They and their families became second-class citizens. The lesson was harsh and clear: criticism of any kind was not going to be tolerated. From that point on people stopped complaining, or speaking up at all. A popular saying summed up the atmosphere: "After the Three Antis no one wants to be in charge of money; after the Anti-Rightist Campaign no one opens their mouth."
一年的运动下来，至少有五十五万学生、教师、作家、艺术家、科学家、医生及别的专业人才被划为右派。大多数人都失去工作，下放到工厂和农村去做笨重的体力劳动，有些人进了劳改营。他们的家庭成员都成了二等公民。教训既残酷又清楚，(此处删去一句)，有一句顺口溜道出了当时的气氛，“三反以后莫管钱，反右以后莫发言。”(此处删去一句)
But the tragedy of 1957 was more than that of reducing people to silence. The possibility of falling into the abyss now became unpredictable. The quota system combined with personal vendettas meant that anyone could be persecuted, for nothing.
更有甚者，1957年的悲剧还在于，大祸不仅“从口出”，而且“从天降”。“指标”制度加上个人私怨，意味着任何人都可能遭殃。
The vernacular caught the mood. Among the categories ofrighfists were 'lots-drawing rightists' (chou-qianyou-pal), people who drew lots to decide who should be named as rightists, and 'toilet rightists' (ce-suo you-pat), people who found they had been nominated in their absence after they could not restrain themselves from going to the toilet during the many long, drawn-out meetings. There were also rightists who were said to 'have poison but not released it' these were people who were named as rightists without having said anything against anyone.
有的右派得了这样的头衔：“抽签右派”，由大家拈阄决定；“厕所右派”，有些人在马拉松式的会议中实在忍耐不住大小便，去了厕所，返回时才发现自己成了右派；“有毒不放”，即使任何话也没说，任何人也没反对，但当一位领导不喜欢你时，他也许会说，“这人看起来对劲，他父亲曾被共产党处决，我就不信他对共产党没有刻骨仇恨，不过不说就是了。”有些好心的领导则正好相反，“让我抓右派，抓谁呢？我总不能害人，抓我自己算了。”这样的人被称为“自认右派”。
When a boss did not like someone, he could say: "He doesn't look right," or "His father was executed by the Communists, how can he not feel resentful? He just won't say it openly." A kind hearted unit leader sometimes did the opposite: "Whom should I nail? I can't do that to anyone. Say it's me." He was popularly called a 'self-acknowledged rightist' (zi-ren you-pal).
For many people 1957 was a watershed. My mother was still devoted to the Communist cause, but doubts crept in about its practice. She talked about these doubts with her friend Mr. Hau, the purged director of the research institute, but she never revealed them to my father not because he had no doubts, but because he would not discuss them with her. Party rules, like military orders, forbade members from talking about Party policies among themselves. It was stipulated in the Party charter that every member must unconditionally obey his Party organization, that a lower-rank official must obey a higher-rank one. If you had any disagreement, you could mention it only to a higher-rank official, who was deemed to be an incarnation of the Party organization. This regimental discipline, which the Communists had insisted on since the Yan'an days and earlier, was crucial to their success. It was a formidable instrument of power, as it needed to be in a society where personal relationships overrode any other rules. My Father adhered to this discipline totally. He believed that the revolution could not be preserved and sustained if it were challenged openly. In a revolution you had to fight for your side even if it was not perfect as long as you believed it was better than the other side. Unity was the categorical imperative.
对许多人来说，1957年是一道分水岭。我母亲仍然忠于共产主义理想，但已开始对它的实践产生了疑问。她把这些疑虑对她的朋友郝先生说了，但她从不对我父亲说。不是因为他没有疑虑，而是因为他不会和她讨论。共产党的纪律就像军事命令，禁止党员们私下议论党的政策。党章规定：党员必须无条件服从党组织，下级服从上级，你有不同意见，只能向代表党组织的高一级领导反映。这种军事化纪律沿袭了共产党在延安时期或更早期所建立的制度，也是他们胜利的关键。他们就是用这种铁的纪律在一个传统上个人关系高于一切的社会里保持政权。我父亲无条件服从这个种纪律。他相信革命要成功，就不能从内部挑战。在革命过程中，你站到哪边就得为那边作战，就算你这边并不完美，但只要比对方好就行。团结统一胜过一切。
My mother could see that as far as my father's relationship with the Party was concerned, she was an outsider.
我母亲看得出，凡事只要涉及到党，她在我父亲眼里就是外人。
One day, when she ventured some critical comments about the situation and got no response from him, she said bitterly, "You are a good Communist, but a rotten husband!"
一天，她针对时势向我父亲发了些牢骚，他没有理睬。我母亲苦涩地说：“你是个好党员，不是个好丈夫！”
My father nodded. He said he knew.
我父亲点了点头，说他知道。
Fourteen years later, my father told us children what had almost happened to him in 1957. Since his early days in Yan'an, when he was a young man of twenty, he had been close friends with a well-known woman writer called Ding Ling. In March 1957, when he was in Peking leading the Sichuan delegation at a Public Affairs conference, she sent him a message inviting him to visit her in Tianjin, near Peking. My father wanted to go, but decided against it because he was in a hurry to get home. Several months later Ding Ling was labeled as the number-one rightist in China.
十四年后，父亲对我们提到他在1957年的险遇。早在延安时期，他二十岁时，曾和著名女作家丁玲成为要好的朋友。1957年3月，他到北京参加宣传工作会议，丁玲托人带信请他去天津看她。我父亲是想去，但更急于回家，故打消了念头。几个月后，丁玲成了中国大右派。
"If I had gone to see her," my father told us, "I would have been done for too.”
父亲告诉我们说，“如果真去看了她，我这顶右派帽子就跑不掉罗！”