15 "Destroy First, and Construction Will Look After Itself"
十五 “破字当头，立在其中”
——The Cultural Revolution Begins (1965-1966)
——文化大革命开始(1965—1966年)
At the beginning of the 1960s, in spite of all the disasters Mao had caused, he was still China's supreme leader, idololized by the population. But because the pragmatists were actually running the country, there was relative literary and artistic freedom. A host of plays, operas, films, and novels emerged after long hibernation. None attacked the Party openly, and contemporary themes were rare. At this time Mao was on the defensive, and he turned more and more to his wife, Jiang Qjng, who had been an actress in the 193Os. They decided that historical themes were being used to convey insinuations against the regime and against Mao himself.
六十年代初，尽管毛泽东的经济政策引发了大灾难，他仍是中国至高无上的领袖，民众崇拜的偶像。但是由于这段时间实际上是由务实的领导人在管理国家，因此在文化、艺术方面，相对地较为自由。在经过漫长的冬眠后，一大批戏剧、电影、小说破土而出，当然，没有一本书、一出戏公开批评共产党，很多只是历史题材。当时毛泽东处于守势，(此处删去两句)对那些历史故事感到很不是滋味，觉得它们是在影射现实。
In China, there was a strong tradition of using historical allusion to voice opposition, and even apparently esoteric allusions were widely understood as coded references to the present day. In April 1963 Mao banned all "Ghost Dramas," a genre rich in ancient tales of revenge by dead victims' spirits on those who had persecuted them. To him, these ghost avengers were uncomfortably close to the class enemies who had perished under his rule.
借古讽今在中国已有悠久历史，人们都懂得这种讽谕手法。1963年4月，毛泽东下令禁演“鬼戏”——一种专讲冤魂向枉杀他们的恶势力复仇的戏，这类戏使毛很不舒服，(此处删去一句)。
The Maos also turned their attention to another genre, the "Dramas of the Ming Mandarin," the protagonist of which was Hai Rui, a mandarin from the Ming dynasty (1368-1644). A famous personification of justice and courage, the Ming Mandarin remonstrated with the emperor on behalf of the suffering ordinary people, at the risk of his own life. He was dismissed and exiled. The Maos suspected that the Ming Mandarin was being used to represent Marshal Peng Dehuai, the former defense minister who in 1959 had spoken out against Mao's disastrous policies which had caused the famine. Almost immediately after Peng's dismissal, there was a noticeable resurgence of the Ming Mandarin genre. Mme Mao tried to get the plays denounced, but when she approached the writers and ministers in charge of the arts they turned a deaf ear.
他对“明戏”特别敏感。这类戏的主人翁多是明朝著名的清官海瑞，他冒着生命危险为民请命，苦谏皇上，为此丢了官，被放逐到偏远地区。毛泽东怀疑海瑞是影射彭德怀元帅，这位前任国防部长于1959年批评毛泽东的导致大饥荒的经济政策而被毛罢了官。彭德怀被罢官后不久，一系列以海瑞为主题的“明戏”风行一时。江青要作家写文章批判，又要中央宣传部、文化部的部长禁戏，不过这些人都不理睬她。
In 1964, Mao drew up a list of thirty-nine artists, writers, and scholars for denunciation. He branded them 'reactionary bourgeois authorities," a new category of class enemies.
1964年，毛泽东理出一张名单，说三十九位艺术家、作家、学者是“反动资产阶级学术权威”——一种新的阶级敌人。其中就有新编历史剧《海瑞罢官》的作者吴晗。(此处删去3行)
Prominent names on the list included the most famous playwright in the Ming Mandarin genre, Wu Han, and Professor Ma Yin-chu, who had been the first leading economist to advocate birth control. For this he had already been named a rightist in 1957. Mao had subsequently realized that birth control was necessary, but he resented Professor Ma for showing him up and making it clear that he was wrong.
The list was not made public, and the thirty-nine people were not purged by their Party organizations. Mao had the list circulated to officials down to my mother's level with instructions to catch other 'reactionary bourgeois authorities." In the winter of 1964-65, my mother was sent as the head of a work team to a school named "Ox Market."
这张名单没有公开，这三十九人所属的党组织也没有清洗他们。毛泽东下令把名单发下去，发至我母亲这一级干部，要各级党组织照样抓“反动资产阶级学术权威”。1964年冬天，我母亲被派到成都“牛市口”中学当工作组组长，责任是从高级教师和喜欢舞文弄墨的人物中抓些可疑者。
She was told to look for suspects among prominent teachers and those who had written books or articles.
My mother was appalled, particularly as the purge threatened the very people she most admired. Besides, she could plainly see that even if she were to look for 'enemies' she would not find any. Apart from anything else, with the memory of all the recent persecutions few had dared to open their mouths at all. She told her superior, Mr. Pao, who was in charge of the campaign in Chengdu, how she felt.
我母亲很不情愿，特别是这次运动威胁到的是她最欣赏的人。此外，就算她热心搜寻，也抓不到。人们对从前的政治运动还记忆犹新，很少有人敢开口讲话。我母亲把她的想法向主管整个成都市这场运动的上司鲍先生作了汇报，鲍也深以为然。
Nineteen sixty-five passed, and my mother did nothing.
Mr. Pao did not exert any pressure on her. Their inaction reflected the general mood among Party officials. Most of them were fed up with persecutions, and wanted to get on with improving living standards and building a normal life.
1965年过去了，我母亲抓不出一个“反动资产阶级学术权威”，鲍先生也没有对她施加压力。他们的消极态度反映了共产党干部当时普遍的情绪，大多数人对整人的政治运动厌倦透了，只希望提高生活水准，过正常生活。
But they did not openly oppose Mao, and indeed went on promoting his personality cult. The few who watched Mao's deification with apprehension knew there was nothing they could do to stop it: Mao had such power and prestige that his cult was irresistible. The most they could do was engage in some kind of passive resistance.
但他们并没有公开反对毛泽东，相反地还在鼓动对毛的个人崇拜。只有少数一些人对神化毛泽东运动的迅速扩展感到焦虑不安，然而他们无能为力。毛泽东的权力太大，威望太高，势不可挡，最多只能消极抵制而已。
Mao interpreted the reaction from the Party officials to his call for a witch-hunt as an indication that their loyalty to him was weakening and that their hearts were with the policies being pursued by President Liu and Deng. His suspicion was confirmed when the Party newspapers refused to publish an article he had authorized denouncing Wu Han and his play about the Ming Mandarin. Mao's purpose in getting the article published was to involve the population in the witch-hunt. Now he found he was cut off from his subjects by the Party system, which had been the intermediary between himself and the people. He had, in effect, lost control.
毛泽东注意到共产党干部对他的政治运动不积极，他认为这表示他们对他已不再那么忠心耿耿。当他下令发表一篇批判北京市副市长吴晗的《海瑞罢官》文章时(即姚文元写的“评新编历史剧《海瑞罢官》”)，北京市委和负责文艺、宣传的中央宣传部都拒绝刊登，这证实了他的怀疑。发表姚文元的文章对毛很重要，他希望借此动员民众卷入他的政治运动。他和民众之间一向是由共产党组织作桥梁，现在他发现这道桥粱不通畅了，他等于失去了控制权。
The Party Committee of Peking, where Wu Han was deputy mayor, and the Central Department of Public Affairs, which looked after the media and the arts, stood up to Mao, refusing either to denounce Wu Han or to dismiss him.
Mao felt threatened. He saw himself as a Stalin figure,about to be denounced by a Khrushchev while he was still alive. He wanted to make a preemptive strike and destro~ the man he regarded as "China's Khrushchev," Liu Shaoqi, and his colleague Deng, as well as their followers in the Party. This he deceptively termed the "Cultural Revolution." He knew his would be a lone battle, but this gave him the majestic satisfaction of feeling that he was challenging nothing less than the whole world, and maneuvering on a grand scale. There was even a tinge of self-pity as he portrayed himself as the tragic hero taking on a mighty enemy the huge Party machine.
毛泽东感到岌岌可危，他怕斯大林那样的下场，更怕还在世就要被“赫鲁晓夫”取代。他决心先发制人，摧毁他说的“中国的赫鲁晓夫”——刘少奇，以及他在党内的追随者。这个整人运动就是所谓的“文化大革命”。毛深知自己是孤军作战，但这倒使他觉得“独立寒秋”，在傲然向全世界挑战，也给了他机会运筹帷幄。他甚至把自己想象成悲剧英雄，与强大的共产党机器大决战。
On 10 November 1965, having repeatedly failed to have the article condemning Wu Han's play published in Peking, Mao was at last able to get it printed in Shanghai, where his followers were in charge. It was in this article that the term "Cultural Revolution' first appeared. The Party's own newspaper, the People's Daily, refused to reprint the article, as did the Peking Daily, the voice of the Party organization in the capital. In the provinces, some papers did carry the article. At the time, my father was overseeing the provincial Party newspaper, the Sichuan Daily, and was against reprinting the article, which he could sense was an attack on Marshal Peng and a call for a witch-hunt. He went to see the man in charge of cultural affairs for the province, who suggested they telephone Deng Xiaoping. Deng was not in his office, and the call was taken by Marshal Ho Lung, a close friend of Deng's, and a member of the Politburo. It was he whom my father had overheard saying in 1959: "It really should be him [Deng] on the throne." Ho said not to reprint the article.
1965年11月10日，毛泽东屡次要北京发表姚文元的文章而不成，终于在上海把它发表了，这里是他的亲信当权。在姚的文章里，“文化大革命”这个字眼第一次出现了。共产党中央机关报《人民日报》不转载这篇文章，北京市委机关报《北京日报》也拒绝转载，各省呢，有的转载了，有的也不转载。我父亲当时管《四川日报》，他不想登这篇文章，因为他意识到此文不仅是针对彭德怀，而且号召开展新的政治运动。他去见专管文化事务的省委书记，这位先生决定打电话请示邓小平。邓当时不在办公室，贺龙元帅接了电话，贺龙是邓小平的好友，也是政治局常委。贺龙在电话里说不要转载姚的文章。
Sichuan was one of the last provinces to run the article, doing so only on 18 December, well after the People's Daily finally printed it on 30 November. The article appeared in the People's Daily only after Zhou Enlai, the premier, who had emerged as the peacekeeper in the power struggle, added a note to it, in the name of 'the editor," saying that the Cultural Revolution was to be an 'academic' discussion, meaning that it should be nonpolitical and should not lead to political condemnations.
四川在12月18日登载姚的文章，是最后刊登的省份，比《人民日报》11月30日还晚。《人民日报》转载时，总理周恩来专门写了“编者按”，说文化大革命是一场学术讨论，不是整人的政治运动。(此处删去一句)
Over the next three months there was intense maneuvering, with Mao's opponents, as well as Zhou, trying to head off Mao's witch-hunt. In February 1966, while Mao was away from Peking, the Politburo passed a resolution that 'academic discussions' must not degenerate into persecutions. Mao had objected to this resolution, but he was ignored.
后来的三个月，毛泽东的对手们，加上周恩来，进行了一系列活动，想把文化大革命从整人的轨道上引开。1966年2月，当毛泽东不在北京时，政治局通过了一个决议，后来称为《二月提纲》，强调学术问题的争论必须局限在学术范围内，不能变成政治迫害。毛泽东反对这个决议，但政治局充耳不闻。
In April my father was asked to prepare a document in the spirit of the Politburo's February resolution to guide the Cultural Revolution in Sichuan. What he wrote became known as the "April Document." It said: The debates must be strictly academic. No wild accusations should be allowed. Everyone is equal before the truth. The Party must not use force to suppress intellectuals.
同年4月，四川省委要我父亲按照《二月提纲》精神起草一份称为《四月意见》的文件以指导四川的文化大革命。内容有：这是一场学术讨论，不抓辫子，不打棍子，不戴帽子。不能当“党阀”，不能以势压人，真理面前人人平等。
Just as this document was about to be published in May, it was suddenly blocked. There was a new Politburo decision. This time, Mao had been present and had got the upper hand, with Zhou Enlai's complicity. Mao tore up the February resolution and declared that all dissident scholars and their ideas must be 'eliminated." He emphasized that it was officials in the Communist Party who had been protecting the dissident scholars and other class enemies. He termed these officials 'those in power following the capitalist road," and declared war on them. They became known as 'capitalist-roaders." The mammoth Cultural Revolution was formally launched.
正当此文件准备在5月份发表时，突然接到命令停止发表。此刻政治局有了新的决议，这回毛泽东在场，占了上风，并加上周恩来的支持。毛泽东推翻了《二月提纲》，下令清算所有持反对意见的学者和他们的观点。他还说是共产党内的当权派包庇“反动资产阶级学术权威”以及其他阶级敌人，这些人是“走资本主义道路的当权派”(简称“走资派”)。他对他们宣战，“史无前例的文化大革命”就此拉开序幕。
Who exactly were these 'capitalist-roaders'? Mao himself was not sure. He knew he wanted to replace the whole of the Peking Party Committee, which he did. He also knew he wanted to get rid of Liu Shaoqi and Deng Xiaoping, and 'the bourgeois headquarters in the Party." But he did not know who in the vast Party system were loyal to him and who were followers of Liu and Deng and their 'capitalist road." He calculated that he controlled only a third of the Party. In order not to let a single one of his enemies escape, he resolved to overthrow the entire Communist Party. Those faithful to him would survive the upheaval. In his own words: "Destroy first, and construction will look after itself." Mao was not worried about the possible destruction of the Party: Mao the Emperor always overrode Mao the Communist. Nor was he Faint hearted about hurting anyone unduly, even those most loyal to him.
偌大的中国共产党中，谁是“走资派”，毛泽东当然不可能心中有数。他知道他要打倒整个北京市委，这时已做到了。他也知道要打倒刘少奇、邓小平和党内的“资产阶级司令部”。但毛并不清楚在庞大的共产党机构中谁忠于他，谁追随刘、邓和他们的“资本主义道路”。(此处删去一句)他相信那些忠于他的人将在大风大浪中涌现出来。按他的话就是：“破字当头，立在其中”。毛并不担心他的行动会把整个中国共产党毁了。(此处删去4行)。
One of his great heroes, the ancient general Tsao Tsao, had spoken an immortal line which Mao openly admired:
"I would rather wrong all people under Heaven; and no one under Heaven must ever wrong me."?
The general proclaimed this when he discovered that he had murdered an elderly couple by mistake the old man and woman, whom he had suspected of betraying him, had in fact saved his life.
Mao's vague bat He calls threw the population and the majority of Party officials into profound confusion. Few knew what he was driving at, or who exactly were the enemies this time. My father and mother, like other senior Party people, could see that Mao had decided to punish some officials. But they had no idea who these would be. It could well be themselves. Apprehension and bewilderment overwhelmed them.
毛不清不楚地叫喊反走资派，可把全国老百姓和绝大多数共产党干部都搞糊涂了，大家不明白他到底要干什么，也不知道他想对哪些人下手。我父母也像别的官员一样，只知道毛泽东要打倒一批共产党干部，但不知道是谁，也许就是他们自己，大家惶惶不可终日。
Meanwhile, Mao made his single most important organizational move: he set up his own personal chain of command that operated outside the Party apparatus, although by formally claiming it was under the Politburo and the Central Committee he was able to pretend it was acting on Party orders.
就在此时，毛泽东作了一个最重要的组织安排，建立起个人的发号施令体系，独立于现有的共产党组织之外——虽然名义上仍在政治局和中央委员会领导之下，这样他就可以以党的名义发令。
First, he picked as his deputy Marshal Lin Biao, who had succeeded Peng Dehuai as defense minister in 1959 and had greatly boosted Mao's personality cult in the armed forces. He also set up a new body, the Cultural Revolution Authority, under his former secretary Chen Boda, with his intelligence chief Kang Sheng and Mme Mao as its de facto leaders. It became the core of the leadership of the Cultural Revolution.
首先他把1959年接替彭德怀任国防部长的林彪提拔为副手，林就是那位在军队里不遗余力地推行崇拜毛泽东运动的人。毛泽东又设立了中央文革小组来直接、具体领导文化大革命，让他以前的秘书陈伯达任组长，而实权在他夫人江青和康生手里。
Next, Mao moved in on the media, primarily the People's Daily, which carried the most authority as it was the official Party newspaper and the population had become accustomed to it being the voice of the regime. He appointed Chen Boda to take it over on 3I May, thus securing a channel through which he could speak directly to hundreds of millions of Chinese.
下一步，毛泽东改组了新闻媒体。最重要的是《人民日报》，老百姓都知道它是共产党中央的喉舌。毛泽东于5月31日派陈伯达去执掌《人民日报》，以确保他能畅通无阻地向亿万中国人直接下令。
Starting in June 1966, the People's Daily showered the country with one strident editorial after another, calling for 'establishing Chairman Mao's absolute authority," 'sweeping away all the ox devils and snake demons' (class enemies), and exhorting people to follow Mao and join the vast, unprecedented undertaking of a Cultural Revolution.
《人民日报》从1966年6月起，每天头版头条都套红，有各种口号、社论、要“大树特树毛主席的绝对权威！”“横扫一切牛鬼蛇神！”要人民追随毛泽东，参加文化大革命。
In my school, teaching stopped completely from the beginning of June, though we had to continue to go there.
6月初，我们学校的正常教学完全停止了。
Loudspeakers blasted out People's Daily editorials, and the front page of the newspaper, which we had to study every day, was frequently taken up entirely by a full-page portrait of Mao. There was a daily column of Mao's quotations. I still remember the slogans in bold type, which, through reading in class over and over again, were engraved into the deepest folds of my brain:
每天上学只是政治学习，读毛泽东著作、报纸上的社论。校园里安装了大喇叭，天天喊《人民日报》上的标语。报纸的第一版常是一幅通版的毛泽东像，还有若干《毛主席语录》。我至今仍记得那些通栏口号：
"Chairman Mao is the red sun in our hearts!"
“毛主席是我们心中最红最红的红太阳！”
"Mao Zedong Thought is our lifeline!"
“毛泽东思想是我们的命根子！”
"We will smash whoever opposes Chairman Mao!"
“谁敢反对毛主席，我们就要全党共讨之，全国共诛之！”
"People all over the world love our Great Leader Chairman Mao!"
“全世界人民热爱伟大领袖毛主席！”由于天天反复地念，这些口号都深印在脑海里。
There were pages of worshipping comments from foreigners, and pictures of European crowds trying to grab Mao's works. Chinese national pride was being mobilized to enhance his cult.
报纸上还总有外国人仰慕毛泽东的故事，欧洲人争购《毛泽东选集》的照片，中国人的民族自豪感也被用来加强对毛泽东的个人崇拜。
The daily newspaper reading soon gave way to the recitation and memorizing of The Quotations of Chairman Mao, which were collected together in a pocket-size book with a red plastic cover, known as "The Little Red Book." Everyone was given a copy and told to cherish it 'like our eyes."
读报很快发展到背诵《毛主席语录》，这是本红塑料皮、巴掌大的“小红书”，每个人都发有一本，说要像“爱护眼睛一样爱惜”。每天我们集会时要一遍又一遍地齐声朗诵，我现在还能一字不漏地背出其中许多章节。
Every day we chanted passages from it over and over again in unison. I still remember many verbatim.
One day, we read in the People's Daily that an old peasant had stuck thirty-two portraits of Mao on his bedroom walls, 'so that he can see Chairman Mao's face as soon as he opens his eyes, whatever direction he looks in." So we covered the walls of our classroom with pictures of Mao's face beaming his most benign smile. But we soon had to take them down, and quickly, too. Word circulated that the peasant had really used the pictures as wallpaper, because Mao's portraits were printed on the best-quality paper and were free. Rumour had it that the reporter who had written up the story had been found to be a class enemy for advocating 'abuse of Chairman Mao." For the first time, fear of Chairman Mao entered my subconscious.
一天，我们读到一则《人民日报》报道，说有位老农民在他家的卧室墙上贴了三十二张毛主席像，原因是只要一睁开眼，不论面朝哪个方向，他都能看见毛主席的光辉形象。马上，我们也在教室的墙上贴满了毛泽东的像——这样我们也可以到处看见他的慈眉善目了。但是我们马上又得揭下来了，有消息说，老农民其实是用毛主席像作贴墙纸，因为毛的像是用最好的纸张印刷的，而且免费供应。消息还说已查出写此则报道的记者是“暗藏的阶级敌人”，想鼓动大家“污辱毛主席”。第一次，我下意识地感觉到恐惧。
Like "Ox Market," my school had a work team stationed in it. The team had half heartedly branded several of the school's best teachers as “reactionary bourgeois authorities," but had kept this from the pupils. In June 1966, however, panicked at the tide of the" Cultural Revolution and feeling the need to create some victims, the work team suddenly announced the names of the accused to the whole school.
像牛市口中学一样，我们中学前段时间也来了工作组。他们勉勉强强地把学校的几位名教师定成“反动资产阶级学术权威”，但对学生们保密。然而，到了1966年6月，在汹涌澎湃的文化大革命浪潮下，工作组觉得不抓“阶级敌人’’不行了。于是骤然公布了名单，还发动了学生和老师写大字报和标语口号。一时间，这些东西铺天盖地，充满了校园。有的老师积极，是因为他们得服从命令，忠于党。有些人是顺应时势，有些是忌妒那些名教师，有些则是害怕使然。
The work team organized pupils and the teachers who had not been accused to write denunciation posters and slogans, which soon covered the grounds. Teachers became active for a variety of reasons: conformity, loyalty to the Party's orders, envy of the prestige and privileges of other teachers and fear.
Among the victims was my Chinese language and literature teacher, Mr. Chi, whom I adored. According to one of the wall posters, he had said in the early 1960s: "Shouting "Long live the Great Leap Forward!" will not fill our stomachs, will it?" Having no idea that the Great Leap had caused the famine, I did not understand his alleged remark, although I could catch its irreverent tone.
在受害者当中，有一位我欣赏的国文老师——纪先生。据一份大字报上所写的，他在六十年代初曾说过这么一句话：“光是空口喊‘大跃进万岁！’哪能填饱肚子？”我当时并不知道大跃进造成了大饥荒，所以不明白他所说的话，但能感受到其中大不敬的味道。
There was something about Mr. Chi which set him apart.
At the time I could not put my finger on it, but now I think it was that he had an air of irony about him. He had a way of making dry, short half-cough, half-laughs which suggested he had kept something unsaid. He once made this noise in response to a question I asked him. One lesson in our textbook was an extract from the memoirs of Lu Dingyi, the then head of Central Public Affairs, about his experience on the Long March. Mr. Chi drew our attention to a vivid description of the troops marching along a zigzagging mountain path, the whole procession lit up by pine torches carried by the marchers, the flames glowing against a moonless black sky. When they reached their night's destination, they all 'rushed to grab a bowlful of food to pour down their stomachs." This puzzled me profoundly, as Red Army soldiers had always been described as offering their last mouthful to their comrades and going starving themselves. It was impossible to imagine them 'grabbing." I went to Mr. Chi for an answer. He cough laughed said I did not know what being hungry meant, and quickly changed the subject. I was unconvinced.
纪先生有某种与众不同的气质，那时我说不出是什么，现在才明白，他是具有一种讽世的态度。他有一种似笑非笑的干咳，叫人觉得他有话未说出。我们的教科书上一篇文章是共产党中央宣传部长陆定一的回忆录，追忆长征时的艰苦。他生动描述了军队在崎岖的山路上行进的情形，他们手上拿的火炬照亮了无月的夜空，仿佛是一条红色巨流。当他们终于抵达目的地时，全都“冲上前去，大家抢了一碗饭就吃”。这令我困惑了，红军战士不是都宁愿自己挨饿，也要把最后一口饭让给同志的啊！怎么会抢饭吃？我问纪先生，他干咳笑说我不能体会到饿肚子的滋味，然后他迅速改变了话题。我当然没有被说服。
In spite of this, I felt the greatest respect for Mr. Chi. It broke my heart to see him, and other teachers I admired, being wildly condemned and called ugly names. I hated it when the work team asked everyone in the school to write wall posters 'exposing and denouncing' them.
除此小小的“不满意”外，我对纪先生是五体投地。看见我敬佩的老师们被乱整，我感到十分伤心。我对工作组要我们写大字报揭发、批判他们十分反感。
I was fourteen at the time, instinctively averse to all militant activities, and I did not know what to write. I was frightened of the wall posters' overwhelming black ink on giant white sheets of paper, and the outlandish and violent language, such as "Smash So-and-so's dog's head' and "Annihilate So-and-so if he does not surrender." I began to play truant and stay at home. For this I was constantly criticized for 'putting family first' at the endless meetings that now made up almost our entire school life. I dreaded these meetings. A sense of unpredictable danger haunted me.
那年我十四岁，本能地厌恶所有好斗的行为，再说我也不知道有什么好写的。满校园的白纸黑字，奇奇怪怪、杀气腾腾的气氛令我十分害怕，如“砸碎某某的狗头！”“某某不投降就叫他灭亡！”我开始逃学，躲在家里，为此我总在会议上被批评“家庭观念重”。开会成了我们全部的学校生活。我讨厌开会，一种不可言状的恐惧总跟着我。
One day my deputy headmaster, Mr. Kan, a jolly, energetic man, was accused of being a capitalist-roader and of protecting the condemned teachers. Everything he had done in the school over the years was said to be 'capitalist," even studying Mao's works as fewer hours had been devoted to this than to academic studies.
不久我们学校的党书记凯先生，一位性格开朗、生气勃勃的人，被定成了“走资派”，理由是他重用“反动资产阶级学术权威”。他在学校做的每一件事都成了罪证，甚至安排学毛著时间比教学时间少。
I was equally shocked to see the cheerful secretary of the Communist Youth League in the school, Mr. Shan, being accused of being 'anti-Chairman Mao." He was a dashing-looking young man whose attention I had been eager to attract, as he might help me join the Youth League when I reached the minimum age, fifteen.
我同样吃惊的是，学校共青团书记陕先生被谴责为“反对毛主席”。他是个风流才子，我一向渴望引起他的注意，原因倒不是别的，只是他可能帮助我一到十五岁就尽早入团。
He had been teaching a course on Marxist philosophy to the sixteen- to eighteen-year-olds, and had given them some essay-writing assignments. He had underlined bits of the essays which he thought were particularly well written. Now these disconnected parts were joined together by his pupils to form an obviously nonsensical passage which the wall posters claimed was anti-Mao.
他教授高中学生马克思主义哲学课，常在学生的作文上，用红笔划出他认为写得出色的句子。现在这些毫无关联的句子被他的学生拼凑成一些短文，据此在字报上说他恶意攻击毛主席。
I learned years later that this method of concocting an accusation through the arbitrary linking of unconnected sentences had started as early as 1955, the year my mother suffered her first detention under the Communists, when some writers had used it to attack their fellow writers.
多年后，我得知这种找罪证的方式源于1955年的肃反运动，当时一些作家就用此法打击他们的同行。
Mr. Shan told me years later that the real reason he and the deputy headmaster were picked out as victims was that they were not around at the time they had been absent as members of another work team which made them convenient scapegoats. The fact that they did not get on with the headmaster, who had stayed behind, made things worse.
多年后，陕先生告诉我，他和凯先生被整的真实原因是：当时他俩都不在学校，他们被派为工作组成员到别的单位去了，在校的领导趁机把他们拿来当替罪羊。他俩本来就和校长处不好，校长何乐不为。陕先生悻悻然地对我说：
"If we'd been there and he'd been away, that son of a turtle wouldn't have been able to pull his pants up, he would have had so much shit on his arse," Mr. Shan told me ruefully.
“如果当时我们在学校，他去了工作组，这个龟儿子就有得受了。他屁股上的屎多得很！”
The deputy headmaster, Mr. Kan, had been devoted to the Party, and felt terribly wronged. One evening he wrote a suicide note and then slashed his throat with a razor. He was rushed to hospital by his wife, who had come home earlier than usual. The work team hushed up his suicide attempt. For a Party member like Mr. Kan to commit suicide was regarded as a betrayal.
书记凯先生对共产党忠心耿耿，自觉受了天大委屈。一天傍晚，他写了一封遗书，然后用剃胡刀片割了自己的喉咙。恰好那天他妻子比平时早回家，赶快送他进医院急救。工作组对他自杀的消息秘而不宣。他们很紧张，因为心里明白，像这样的牺牲品是凭空捏造出来的，没有一点证据。
It was seen as a loss of faith in the Party and an attempt at blackmail. Therefore, no mercy should be shown to the unfortunate person. But the work team was nervous. They knew very well that they had been inventing victims without the slightest justification.
共产党视自杀为叛党行为——对党丧失信心，向党示威，因而不准对自杀者有半点同情，可当我母亲听到凯先生自杀的消息她痛哭了。她很喜欢他，知道他是位乐观的人，不是极度绝望是不会寻此绝路的。
When my mother was told about Mr. Kan she cried. She liked him very much, and knew that as he was a man of immense optimism he must have been under inhuman pressure to have acted in this way.
In her own school, my mother refused to be swept into any panic victimizing. But the teenagers in the school, stirred up by the articles in the People's Daily, began to move against their teachers. The People's Daily called for 'smashing up' the examination system which 'treated pupils like enemies' (quoting Mao) and was part of the vicious designs of the 'bourgeois intellectuals," meaning the majority of the teachers (again quoting Mao). The paper also denounced 'bourgeois intellectuals' for poisoning the minds of the young with capitalist rubbish in preparation for a Kuomintang comeback.
我母亲不肯随波逐流，不在她任工作组组长的学校乱抓替罪羊，但学校的学生开始被《人民日报》鼓动起来反对老师了。从报上他们得知，毛泽东说老师都是“资产阶级知识分子”、“把学生当敌人”，用考试整他们，毒害他们的心灵，为国民党复辟做准备。毛泽东宣布：
"We cannot allow bourgeois intellectuals to dominate our schools anymore!" said Mao.
“资产阶级知识分子统治我们学校的现象再也不能继续下去了。”
One day my mother bicycled to the school to find that the pupils had rounded up the headmaster, the academic supervisor, the graded teachers, whom they understood from the official press to be 'reactionary bourgeois authorities," and any other teachers they disliked. They had shut them all up in a classroom and put a notice on the door saying 'demons' class." The teachers had let them do it because the Cultural Revolution had thrown them into bewilderment. The pupils now seemed to have some sort of authorization, undefined but nonetheless real. The grounds were covered with giant slogans, mostly headlines from the People's Daily.
一天，我母亲骑自行车来到学校，一进门就听说学生们把校长、教导主任、级别高的教师和他们平素不喜欢的老师都当作“反动资产阶级学术权威”，关进了一间教室，门上贴了张纸，写着“鬼儿班”。教师们都不敢管，他们已被文化大革命搞得手足无措，现在中学生似乎握有了某种权柄，学校到处是巨大的标语，绝大多数是《人民日报》的标题。
As my mother was shown to the classroom now turned 'prison," she passed through a crowd of pupils. Some looked fierce, some ashamed, some worried, and others uncertain. More pupils had been following her from the moment she arrived. As the leader of the work team, she had supreme authority, and was identified with the Part)'.
我母亲径直去了“鬼儿班”，后边跟着一群学生。只见门口围着一堆学生，有的看起来很凶，有的不好意思，有的担心，有的不安。学生见她来了，就围拢了过来。母亲身为工作组组长，是学校的最高领导，被当作党的化身。
The pupils looked to her for orders. Having set up the 'prison," they had no idea what to do next.
学生们静静地望着她，等她下命令。他们已办起了“鬼儿班”，下一步该怎么办呢？
My mother announced forcefully that the 'demons' class' was dismissed. There was a stir among the pupils, but nobody challenged her order. A few boys muttered to one another, but lapsed into silence when my mother asked them to speak out. She went on to tell them that it was illegal to detain anyone without authorization, and that they should not ill-treat their teachers, who deserved their gratitude and respect. The door to the classroom was opened and the 'prisoners' set free.
我母亲语气强硬地下令解散“鬼儿班”，这在学生当中引起一阵骚动，但没有人站出来反对。有些人交头接耳，我母亲要他们说大声点儿，他们又一声不吭。她告诉大家没有公安机关命令关押人是违法的，野蛮对待自己的老师更是可耻，他们应该感谢和尊敬老师。教室门打开了，“犯人”们被释放出来了。
My mother was very brave to go against the tide. Many other work teams engaged in victimizing completely innocent people to save their own skins. In fact, she had more cause than most to worry. The provincial authorities had already punished several scapegoats, and my father had a strong presentiment that he was going to be the next in line. A couple of his colleagues had told him discreetly that the word was going around in some organizations under him that they should turn their suspicion on him.
我母亲胆子算大的，尽管她也忧心忡忡，因为此时省上也在找替罪羊，我父亲已预感到下一个会轮到他了。他的几位同事已悄悄透露消息给他，叫他小心，其管辖的单位被“打了招呼”(暗示把矛头指向他)。
My parents never said anything to me or my siblings.
这些事父母从没对我们孩子们提起。
The restraints which had kept them silent about politics before still prevented them from opening their minds to us. Now it was even less possible for them to speak. The situation was so complex and confusing that they could not understand it themselves. What could they possibly say to us that would make us understand? And what use would it have been anyway? There was nothing anyone could do.
他们从来就不和我们谈政治斗争，现在更不可能开口了，情况是如此复杂、混乱，他们自己也搞不清楚，怎么能使孩子们理解呢？告诉孩子又有什么用呢？谁都无能为力，而且不知道反而更安全些。所以我们兄弟姐妹对文化大革命毫无心理准备，只模模糊糊地感觉到好像有什么祸事将会发生。
What was more, knowledge itself was dangerous. As a result, my siblings and I were totally unprepared for the Cultural Revolution, although we had a vague feeling of impending catastrophe.
In this atmosphere, August came. All of a sudden, like a storm sweeping across China, millions of Red Guards emerged.
就是在这种气氛里，8月份来临了，百万红卫兵乍现，狂风暴雨般席卷了整个中国。