16 "Soar to Heaven, and Pierce the Earth"
十六 “天不怕，地不怕”
——Mao's Red Guards (June-August 1966)
——毛的红卫兵(1966年6月—8月)
Under Mao a generation of teenagers grew up expecting to fight class enemies, and the vague calls in the press for a Cultural Revolution had stoked the feeling that a 'war' was imminent. Some politically well-attuned youngsters sensed that their idol, Mao, was directly involved, and their indoctrination gave them no alternative but to take his side.
在毛泽东引导下，年轻一代总想着哪一天会与阶级敌人战斗，而新闻界对“文化大革命”闪烁其辞的号召，使人们觉得大战即将来临。一些对政治很敏感的学生嗅到他们的偶像毛泽东和这场运动有直接关系，而所受的思想灌输使他们毫不犹豫地跟着毛走。
By the beginning of June a few activists from a middle school attached to one of China's most renowned universities, qmghua in Peking, had got together several times to discuss their strategies for the forthcoming battle and had decided to call themselves 'the Red Guards of Chairman Mao." They adopted a quotation by Mao that had appeared in the People's Daily, "Rebellion is justified," as their motto. These early Red Guards were 'high officials' children."
6月初，一些清华大学附属中学的学生举行了几次集会，对形势进行分析，决定称自己为“毛主席的红卫兵”。他们还引用了一条经常刊登在《人民日报》上的毛语录“造反有理”，作为他们的座右铭。
Only they could feel sufficiently secure to engage in activities of this kind. In addition, they had been brought up in a political environment, and were more interested in political intrigues than most Chinese. Mme Mao noticed them, and gave them an audience in July. On x August, Mao made the unusual gesture of writing them an open letter to offer his 'most warm and fiery support." In the letter he subtly modified his earlier saying to "Rebellion against reactionaries is justified." To the teenage zealots, this was like being addressed by God. After this, Red Guard groups sprang up all over Peking, and then throughout China.
早期的红卫兵多是高干子弟，只有他们才有胆量搞这类活动。此外，他们是在政治环境中长大的，比其他人更热衷政治活动。江青注意到他们，她在7月接见了他们。8月1日，毛作了一个颇不寻常的举动：给清华附中红卫兵写了一封公开信，对他们的“造反有理”，表示“最热烈的支持”。在这封信中，毛还微妙地把他早先的说法修饰成“对反动派造反有理”。对这些十几岁幼稚狂热的中学生来说，这封信简直就像上帝发来的圣旨。很快，红卫兵组织在北京如雨后春笋纷纷成立，并迅速扩及全国。
Mao wanted the Red Guards to be his shock troops. He could see that the people were not responding to his repeated calls to attack the capitalist-roaders. The Communist Party had a sizable constituency, and, moreover, the lesson of 1957 was also still fresh in people's minds.
毛泽东要用红卫兵作他的冲锋队，他感觉到人们对他攻击走资派的号召反应冷淡。共产党拥有为数颇多的支持者，另一方面，人们对1957年的教训还记忆犹新。
Then, too, Mao had called on the population to criticize Party officials, but those who had taken up his invitation had ended up being labeled as rightists and had been damned. Most people suspected the same tactic again 'enticing the snake out of its haunt in order to cut off its head."
那时，也是毛泽东号召人民批评共产党干部，结果那些应邀提意见的人都成了右派，从此倒楣，好些人都怀疑这次又是故伎重施——“引蛇出洞”。
If he was to get the population to act, Mao would have to remove authority from the Party and establish absolute loyalty and obedience to himself alone. To achieve this he needed terror an intense terror that would block all other considerations and crush all other fears. He saw boys and girls in their teens and early twenties as his ideal agents.
毛泽东如果想要动员老百姓，(此处删去3行)对他来说，那些十几岁到二十几岁的少男少女是太理想了。
They had been brought up in the fanatical personality cult of Mao and the militant doctrine of' class struggle." They were endowed with the qualities of youth- they were rebellious, fearless, eager to fight for a 'just cause," thirsty for adventure and action. They were also irresponsible, ignorant, and easy to manipulate and prone to violence. Only they could give Mao the immense force that he needed to terrorize the whole society, and to create a chaos that would shake, and then shatter, the foundation of the Party. One slogan summed up the Red Guards' mission: "We vow to launch a bloody war against anyone who dares to resist the Cultural Revolution, who dares to oppose Chairman Mao!"
这些人是在对他的狂热个人崇拜及阶级斗争的气氛下成长的，又具有年轻人的特质——爱造反、大胆、勇于为“正义事业”献身，渴望冒险和行动。(此处删去一句)只有用这支大军，(此处删去一句)才可以造成一场足以动摇甚至摧毁共产党基础的大混乱。有一条口号可扼要说明红卫兵的使命：“谁反对文化大革命，谁反对毛主席，我们就和谁血战到底！”
All policies and orders had hitherto been conveyed through a tightly controlled system which was entirely in the hands of the Party. Mao now discarded this channel and turned directly to the masses of the youth. He did this by combining two quite different methods: vague, high flown rhetoric carried openly in the press; and conspiratorial manipulation and agitation conducted by the Cultural Revolution Authority, particularly his wife. It was they who filled out the real meaning of the rhetoric. Phrases like 'rebellion against authority," 'revolution in education," 'destroying an old world so a new one could be born," and 'creating new man' all of which attracted many in the West in the 1960s were interpreted as calls for violent action. Mao understood the latent violence of the young, and said that since they were well fed and had had their lessons stopped, they could easily be stirred up and use their boundless energy to go out and wreak havoc.
在文化大革命之前，所有的政策和命令都是通过党组织逐级下达的。毛泽东现在撇开这条渠道不用，直接转向千万年轻人。一方面，他通过新闻媒体，发出一些堂皇的号召。这些年轻人就像六十年代许多西方人一样，被“造反”、“教育革命”、“砸碎旧世界创造新世界”、“造就一代新人”这些动听的言词所吸引。另一方面，他又通过中央文革，特别是他的夫人江青直接到学生中去发具体指示。毛泽东深知年轻人潜在的暴力性，他说：“现在停课又管饭吃，吃了饭要发热，要闹事，不叫闹事干什么？”
To arouse the young to controlled mob violence, victims were necessary. The most conspicuous targets in any school were the teachers, some of whom had already been victimized by work teams and school authorities in the last few months. Now the rebellious children set upon them.
把年轻人导向控制下的暴力，牺牲品必不可少。学校里最明显的目标就是老师，其中一些早已成了工作组和学校当局的牺牲品，现在，青少年们又开始攻击他们。
Teachers were better targets than parents, who could only have been attacked in an atomized and isolated manner.
比起父母，老师是更理想的靶子，因为父母分散在家，造反没法集中，而且在中国文化里老师是比父母更重要的权威人物。几乎在每一所学校里，老师都被污辱、殴打，有的学校里学生私设公堂、“监狱”，有的甚至把老师折磨致死。
They were also more important figures of authority than parents in Chinese culture. In practically every school in China, teachers were abused and beaten, sometimes fatally. Some schoolchildren set up prisons in which teachers were tortured.
But this was not enough on its own to generate the kind of terror that Mao wanted. On 18 August, a mammoth rally was held in Tiananmen Square in the center of Peking, with over a million young participants. Lin Biao appeared in public as Mao's deputy and spokesman for the first time. He made a speech calling on the Red Guards to charge out of their schools and 'smash up the four olds' defined as 'old ideas, old culture, old customs, and old habits."
(此处删去一句)1966年8月18日，毛泽东在北京天安门广场第一次接见了一百多万年轻人。日后，他又如此接见过七次，共一千三百万人。在这首次大会上，林彪第一次以毛泽东代言人身份出现在毛身边、公众面前。他号召红卫兵冲出学校大门，杀进社会，“大破一切剥削阶级的旧思想、旧文化、旧风俗、旧习惯(四旧)。”
Following this obscure call, Red Guards all over China took to the streets, giving full vent to their vandalism, ignorance, and fanaticism. They raided people's houses, smashed their antiques, tore up paintings and works of calligraphy. Bonfires were lit to consume books. Very soon nearly all treasures in private collections were destroyed.
红卫兵们按照这个含糊不清的口号指示，冲上街头，抄家、砸古董、毁文物、撕古画、烧书。就这样，几乎所有的私人收藏品都毁于一旦。
Many writers and artists committed suicide after being cruelly beaten and humiliated, and being forced to witness their work being burned to ashes. Museums were raided.
许多作家、艺术家受尽各种方式的凌辱、毒打，强迫他们目睹自己的作品化为灰烬，不少人含恨自杀。博物馆遭抄、砸，宫殿、庙宇、古墓、塑像、宝塔、城墙这些“旧”东西当然在劫难逃。只有少数地方躲过浩劫，如紫禁城，是周恩来派驻军队，并下特殊法令保护的结果。
Palaces, temples, ancient tombs, statues, pagodas, city walls anything 'old' was pillaged. The few things that survived, such as the Forbidden City, did so only because Premier Zhou Enlai sent the army to guard them, and issued specific orders that they should be protected. The Red Guards only pressed on when they were encouraged.
Mao hailed the Red Guards' actions as "Very good indeed!" and ordered the nation to support them.
毛泽东称赞红卫兵的行动“好得很！”，号召全国上下支持他们，并鼓动红卫兵扩大攻击的目标，增加恐怖。以往在共产党统治下享有特权的各行各业的顶尖人物都被冠上“反动资产阶级学术权威”的罪名。红卫兵的施暴对象还包括“老”阶级敌人，以前的地主、资本家、与国民党有关系的人，以及先前政治运动中的牺牲品，如“右派”等，他们的孩子也包括在内。
He encouraged the Red Guards to pick on a wider range of victims in order to increase the terror. Prominent writers, artists, scholars, and most other top professionals, who had been privileged under the Communist regime, were now categorically condemned as 'reactionary bourgeois authorities." With the help of some of these people's colleagues who hated them for various reasons, ranging from fanaticism to envy, the Red Guards began to abuse them. Then there were the old 'class enemies': former landlords and capitalists, people with Kuomintang connections, those condemned in previous political campaigns like the 'rightists' and their children.
Quite a number of' class enemies' had not been executed or sent to labor camps, but had been kept 'under surveillance." Before the Cultural Revolution, the police were allowed to release information about them only to authorized personnel. Now that policy changed. The police chief, one of Mao's own liege men Xie Fuzhi, ordered his men to offer the 'class enemies' to the Red Guards, and to tell the Red Guards about their crimes, such as their 'intention to overthrow the Communist government."
文革前大多数的“阶级敌人”没有被处死或送去劳改，而是放在群众中“监督”。警察只准对指定的人提供档案资料。现在政策改变了，新上任的公安部长谢富治下令把“阶级敌人”交给红卫兵处置，并把这些人的“罪行”告诉红卫兵，如“阴谋推翻共产党”，以激发青年人的怒火。
Up till the beginning of the Cultural Revolution torture, as distinct from torment, had been forbidden. Now Xie ordered policemen 'not to be bound by the old rules, no matter if they had been set by the police authorities or by the state." After saying "I'm not in favor of beating people to death," he continued: "But if some Red Guards hate the class enemies so much that they want to kill them, you don't have to force them to stop."
文革之前，私设公堂，严刑逼供是被禁止的。现在，谢命令公安人员：“不要受过去规定所约束，不管是国家的，还是公安机关的。”他还说：“我不赞成打死人，但有人(红卫兵)如果对阶级敌人恨之入骨，欲置之死地，我们也劝阻不住。”
A wave of beating and torture swept the country, mainly during house raids. Almost invariably, the families would be ordered to kneel on the floor and kowtow to the Red Guards; they were then beaten with the brass buckles of the Guards' leather belts. They were kicked around, and one side of their head was shaved, a humiliating style called the 'yin and yang head," because it resembled the classic Chinese symbol of a dark side (yin) and a light side (yang).
酷刑拷打之风顿时盛行全国，特别是在抄家时。被抄家的人得跪在地上对红卫兵磕头，红卫兵则挥舞铜头皮带连打带踢。他们还多被剃成“阴阳头”，头发被剃光一半。财产不是被砸烂就是被抄走。
Most of their possessions were either smashed or taken away.
It was worst in Peking, where the Cultural Revolution Authority was on hand to incite the young people. In the city center some theaters and cinemas were turned into torture chambers. Victims were dragged in from all over Peking. Pedestrians avoided the spots because the streets around echoed with the screams of the victims.
北京打人最厉害，这里有中央文革小组在旁煽风点火。城区的一些剧场和电影院被用作审讯室，受害人痛苦的哀嚎声使人们都避开这些地方绕道而行。
The earliest Red Guard groups were made up of high officials' children. Soon, when more people from other backgrounds joined, some of the high officials' children managed to keep their own special groups, like the "Pickets." Mao and his camarilla took a number of steps calculated to increase their sense of power. At the second mass Red Guards rally, Lin Biao wore their arm band to signify that he was one of them. Mme Mao made them the guards of honor in front of the Gate of Heavenly Peace in Tiananmen Square on National Day, 1 October.
最初，红卫兵是由高干子弟组成的。不久，当其他阶层出身的人渐渐加入时，有些高干子弟就成立了他们自己的特殊组织。(此处删去一句)在毛泽东第二次大规模接见红卫兵的集会上，林彪佩戴他们的袖章，以示自己也算是他们其中的一员，江青还把10月1日国庆日在天安门金水桥前值勤的这种“神圣任务”派给他们。
As a result, some of them developed an outrageous 'theory of the bloodline," summed up in the words of a song: "The son of a hero father is always a great man; a reactionary father produces nothing but a bastard!" Armed with this 'theory," some high officials' children tyrannized and even tortured children from 'undesirable' backgrounds.
结果，一种荒谬“血统论”出现了：“老子英雄儿好汉，老子反动儿混蛋。”在这种“谬论”的支配下，一些人横行霸道，甚至在学校办“劳改营”，折磨那些“出身不好”的孩子。
Mao let all this happen in order to generate the terror and chaos he wanted. He was not scrupulous about either who was hit or who were the agents of violence. These early victims were not his real targets, and Mao did not particularly like or trust his young Red Guards. He was simply using them. For their part, the vandals and torturers were not always devoted to Mao. They were just having a wild time, having been licensed to indulge their worst instincts.
(此处删去4行)。从红卫兵的角度来看，那些热衷抄家、拷问的人也不全都忠于毛释东，他们不过是抓住选个合法的撒野机会，尽情享受。
Only a small proportion of the Red Guards was actually involved in cruelty or violence. Many were able to avoid taking part because the Red Guard was a loose organization which, by and large, did not physically force its members to do evil. As a matter of fact, Mao himself never ordered the Red Guards to kill, and his instructions regarding violence were contradictory. One could feel devoted to Mao without perpetrating violence or evil.
其实只有一小部分的红卫兵真正卷入残酷的暴力活动，大部分的人都尽量避免参与，他们可能避开是因为红卫兵是松散的组织，总的来说，没有人用枪逼着你干坏事。事实上，毛泽东本人从未下令叫红卫兵去杀人，他的指示暧昧不清，一个人无须卷入暴力或邪恶行动也可以感到忠于毛泽东，那些选择暴力的人不能把罪过全推在毛泽东身上。
Those who chose to do so could not simply blame Mao.
But Mao's insidious encouragement of atrocities was undeniable. On 18 August, at the first of the eight gigantic rallies which altogether were attended by thirteen million people, he asked a female Red Guard what her name was.
但毛泽东鼓励暴力也是事实。1966年8月18日他第一次接见百万红卫兵时，曾问一名红卫兵叫什么名字？
When she answered "Bin-bin," which means 'gentle," he said disapprovingly, "Be violent' (yao-wu-ma). Mao rarely spoke in public, and this remark, well publicized, was naturally followed like the gospel. At the third mammoth rally, on 25 September, when the Red Guards' atrocities were reaching their zenith, Mao's recognized spokesman, Lin Biao, announced, with Mao standing next to him: "Red Guard fighters: The direction of your battles has always been correct. You have soundly, heartily battered the capitalist-roaders, the reactionary bourgeois authorities, the blood suckers and parasites. You have done the right thing! And you have done marvelously!" At that, hysterical cheers, deafening screams of "Long live Chairman Mao," uncontrollable tears, and howled pledges of loyalty took possession of the crowds filling the enormous Tiananmen Square. Mao waved paternally, generating more frenzy.
当她回答“宋彬彬”时，毛问：“是不是文质彬彬的彬？”宋回答：“是！”毛说：“要武嘛！”毛泽东很少在公开场合讲话，这三个字被大肆宣传。被红卫兵当作真理似地遵从。9月15日，毛泽东第三次接见红卫兵时。他的代言人林彪站在他身边宣布：“红卫兵小将们！你们斗争的大方向始终是正确的。那些走资派、反动资产阶级学术权威、吸血鬼及寄生虫，都被你们搞得狼狈不堪。你们做得对！做得好！”台下马上响起一片震耳欲聋的“毛主席万岁！”狂呼声，天安门广场上黑压压的人群激动地流下热泪、誓言忠诚！毛泽东像慈父般地挥手致意，更引起狂喜。
Through his Cultural Revolution Authority, Mao kept control over the Peking Red Guards. He then sent them to the provinces to tell the local young people what to do. In Jinzhou, in Manchuria, my grandmother's brother Yu-lin and his wife were beaten up, and they and their two children were exiled to a barren part of the country. Yu-lin had come under suspicion when the Communists first arrived, because of his possession of a Kuomintang intelligence card, but nothing had happened to him or his family until now. My family did not know about this at the time.
毛泽东通过中央文革控制了北京的红卫兵。他又发出号召，要他们到各省去串联，鼓动外地以北京为榜样。我姥姥在锦州的弟弟玉林和他的妻子被殴打后，连同两个孩子一道下放到农村。共产党刚到锦州时，玉林因有一张国民党特务证而受到怀疑，但那时并无事。到现在，才遭了大殃。那时我家完全不知道这些事，人们避免通信，以免不知何时谁会牵连到谁，祸从天降。
People avoided exchanging news. With accusations so willfully concocted, and the consequences so horrific, you never knew what catastrophe you might bring to your correspondents, or they to you.
People in Sichuan had little idea of the extent of the terror in Peking. There were fewer atrocities in Sichuan, partly because the Red Guards there were not directly incited by the Cultural Revolution Authority. In addition, the police in Sichuan turned a deaf ear to their minister in Peking, Mr. Xie, and refused to offer up the 'class enemies' under their control to the Red Guards. However, the Red Guards in Sichuan, as in other provinces, copied the actions of those in Peking. There was the same kind of chaos as everywhere in China controlled chaos. The Red Guards may have looted the houses which they were authorized to raid, but they rarely stole from shops. Most sectors, including commerce, the postal services and transport, worked normally.
四川人当时并不十分清楚北京的恐怖气氛，红卫兵在四川较少暴行，部分原因是没有中央文革小组在煽动。另一方面，四川的警察对公安部长谢富治的命令装聋作哑，并不卖力把“阶级敌人”交给红卫兵。当然，四川的红卫兵和其他省一样，也模仿北京。这儿有着同样的混乱情形——控制下的混乱。红卫兵抄那些指定的牺牲者的家，却不去商店抢东西。大多数的机关、商业、邮电和运输仍运作如常。
In my school, a Red Guard organization was formed on z6 August, with the help of some Red Guards from Peking.
我的学校在一些来自北京的红卫兵帮助下，于1966年8月16日成立了红卫兵。
I had been staying at home feigning illness to escape the political meetings and frightening slogans, and was unaware that the organization had been set up until a couple of days later, when a phone call summoned me back 'to participate in the Great Proletarian Cultural Revolution." When I got to the school, I noticed that many pupils were proudly wearing red armbands with gold characters saying "Red Guards."
那段时间我一直呆在家里，装病逃避开会和可怕的口号，所以几天后，一通电话要我立即回校参加“文化大革命”，我才知道有这么个组织成立了。一到学校，我马上看到许多同学都自豪地戴着印有“红卫兵”金字的红袖套。
In these early days, the newborn Red Guards had the immense prestige of being Mao's babies. It went without saying that I should join, and I immediately submitted my application to the Red Guard leader in my form a fifteen-year-old boy named Geng who had been constantly seeking my company, but became shy and gauche the moment he was with me.
在那些日子里，新生的红卫兵象征是“毛主席的孩子们”，具有不可言喻的光荣。我当然也要参加，所以立即向班上的红卫兵头头交了申请书。他姓耿，是个十五岁的男孩子，过去他总是找机会跟我呆在一块儿，在一起时又变得局促不安。
I could not help wondering how Geng had become a Red Guard, and he was mysterious about his activities. But it was very clear to me that the Red Guards were mostly high officials' children. The head of the school Red Guards was one of the sons of Commissar Li, the Party first secretary for Sichuan. I ought to have been a natural; few pupils had fathers in higher positions than mine. But Geng privately told me that I was considered soft and 'too inactive," and must be toughened up before they could consider accepting me.
我当时心里纳闷：耿怎么一下子成了红卫兵？还神秘兮兮的。我看得出来，红卫兵大多数是高干子弟，学校红卫兵领袖就是四川省共产党主要领导的儿子。因为我父亲的级别比许多人的父亲都高，所以我理应是红卫兵的一员，但耿私下告诉我说，我“太软弱”、“太不积极”，得经过考验才能参加。
Since June, there had been an unwritten rule that everyone should remain in school around-the-clock to devote themselves entirely to the Cultural Revolution. I was one of the few who did not. But now the thought of playing truant somehow gave me a sense of danger, and I felt compelled to stay. The boys slept in the classrooms so we girls could occupy the dormitories. Non-Red Guards were attached to Red Guard groups and taken with them on their various activities.
自1966年6月以来，有一条不成文的规定，每个人必须整天泡在学校里，以示全心投入文化大革命。我呢，总想躲在家里。现在再这样做就危险了，我只得住进学校。当时男孩子都把宿舍让给女孩子，自己睡教室，非红卫兵成员也由红卫兵带着一块儿参加各种活动。
The day after I returned to school, I was taken out with several dozen other children to change street names to make them more 'revolutionary." The street where I lived was called Commerce Street,. and we debated what it should be renamed. Some proposed "Beacon Road," to signify the role of our provincial Party leaders. Others said "Public Servants' Street," as that was what officials should be, according to a quote of Mao's. Eventually we left without settling on anything because a preliminary problem could not be solved: the name plate was too high up on the wall to reach. As far as I knew, no one ever went back.
回校第二天，我就和另外几十名孩子上街去改换街道的名称，使它们更革命化。我住的省委大院所在的街叫“商业街”，我们来到街口，开始激烈争论应该改成什么新名字。有人提议“灯塔街”，以示省委灯塔般的作用。另一些人则说该叫“勤务员路”，因为毛主席说，共产党官员是人民的勤务员，最后却不了了之，因为有一个基本问题无法解决，路牌挂得太高，摘了半天也摘不下来。据我所知，以后谁也没有再去过问此事。
In Peking the Red Guards were much more zealous. We heard about their successes: the British mission was now on "Anti-Imperialism Road," the Russian embassy on "Anti-Revisionism Road."
北京的红卫兵比我们狂热得多。我们不断听到他们成功的消息：英国代办处现在位于“反帝路”了，苏联使馆则位于“反修路”。
In Chengdu, streets were shedding their old names like "Five Generations under One Roof' (a Confucian virtue), "The Poplar and Willow Are Green' (green was not a revolutionary color), and "Jade Dragon' (a symbol of feudal power). They became "Destroy the Old," "The East Is Red," and "Revolution' streets. A famous restaurant called "The Fragrance of Sweet Wind' had its plaque broken to bits. It was renamed "The Whiff of Gunpowder."
成都街道也开始抛掉了像“五世同堂”(旧道德)、“杨柳青”(非革命的红色)、“玉龙”(封建权力象征)这样的名字，取而代之的是“破旧”、“东方红”和“革命”路。一家叫做“香风味”的著名餐馆横匾被砸个粉碎，新名字是：“火药味”。
Traffic was in confusion for several days. For red to mean 'stop' was considered impossibly counter revolutionary. It should of course mean 'go." And traffic should not keep to the right, as was the practice, it should be on the left. For a few days we ordered the traffic policemen aside and controlled the traffic ourselves. I was stationed at a street corner telling cyclists to ride on the left. In Chengdu there were not many cars or traffic lights, but at the few big crossroads there was chaos. In the end, the old rules reasserted themselves, owing to Zhou Enlai, who managed to convince the Peking Red Guard leaders. But the youngsters found justifications for this: I was told by a Red Guard in my school that in Britain traffic kept to the left, so ours had to keep to the right to show our anti-imperialist spirit. She did not mention America.
交通混乱的情况持续了好多天。红卫兵对指挥交通的红绿灯提出抗议，说用红色代表“停止”是非常反动的，红色应该是前进呀！车辆也不应该靠右行驶，而应靠左。我们要交通警察靠边站，自己指挥交通。我被派到一个街口告诉骑自行车的人靠左骑。成都很少汽车和交通信号灯，但在几个大十字路口仍出现混乱情况。结果周恩来出面说服了北京红卫兵，旧的交通规则得以恢复。年轻人为此找到了一个借口，我们学校的一位红卫兵告诉我，英国的车辆是靠左行驶的，因此我们得靠右，以体现反帝精神，当然她没有提到美国。
As a child I had always shied away from collective activity. Now, at fourteen, I felt even more averse to it. I suppressed this dread because of the constant sense of guilt I had come to feel, through my education, when I was out of step with Mao. I kept telling myself that I must train my thoughts according to the new revolutionary theories and practices. If there was anything I did not understand, I must reform myself and adapt. However, I found myself trying very hard to avoid militant acts such as stopping passers by and cutting their long hair, or narrow trouser legs, or skirts, or breaking their semi-high-heeled shoes.
我从小就讨厌集体活动。现在，十四岁的我更讨厌这一切了。可是，我努力压抑自己的“个人主义”思想，因为这有违毛主席的主张。我所受的教育是：思想一与毛的教导相冲突，就产生一种愧疚感。我不断告诫自己：要跟上新的革命理论与实践，不能理解时得努力改造自己。然而，尽管费了很大的努力，我仍拼命躲避红卫兵剪行人的长头发、窄裤管、裙子或敲掉半高跟鞋鞋跟等激烈活动。
These things had now become signs of bourgeois decadence, according to the Peking Red Guards.
这些东西成了红卫兵攻击的目标，据说是“资产阶级腐朽生活方式”。
My own hair came to the critical attention of my schoolmates. I had to have it cut to the level of my earlobes. Secretly, though much ashamed of myself for being so 'petty bourgeois," I shed tears over losing my long plaits. As a young child, my nurse had a way of doing my hair which made it stand up on top of my head like a willow branch. She called it 'fireworks shooting up to the sky."
我自己的头发也成了同学们批评的目标，我只好把它剪成齐耳根的短发，在责备自己“小资产阶级情调”之余，我为失去心爱的长辫而落泪。小时候，我的奶妈喜欢把我的头发梳成一根“冲天炮”。
Until the early 1960s I wore my hair in two coils, with rings of little silk flowers wound around them. In the mornings, while I hurried through my breakfast, my grandmother or our maid would be doing my hair with loving hands. Of all the colors for the silk flowers, my favorite was pink.
六十年代早期，我的头发盘成两个小抓髻，用一圈小绸花绕起来。早上，当我匆匆忙忙吃早饭时，姥姥或保姆会用慈爱的手给我梳头，我最喜欢粉红色的绸花。
After 1964, following Mao's calls for an austere lifestyle, more suited to the atmosphere of class struggle, I put patches on my trousers to try to look 'proletarian' and wore my hair in the uniform style of two plaits with no colors, but long hair had not been condemned as yet. My grandmother cut it for me, muttering all the while. Her hair survived, because she never went out at that time.
1964年后，由于毛泽东号召朴实的生活方式和强调阶级斗争，我在裤子上打了补钉，以使自己看上去更加“无产阶级化”。头发也梳成了规矩的两条辫子，没有了色彩鲜艳的绸花，那时留长发还没有受到指责。姥姥在剪我头发时，边剪边心疼地嘀咕。她的长发留了下来，因为她盘成髻，而且很少出门。
The famous teahouses in Chengdu also came under attack as 'decadent." I did not understand why, but did not ask. In the summer of 1966 I learned to suppress my sense of reason. Most Chinese had been doing that for a long time.
成都著名的茶馆也因“腐朽”受到了攻击。我不明白为什么，但也没有问。1966年夏天，我学会了遇事不问为什么，许多中国人早就这样做了。
A Sichuan teahouse is a unique place. It usually sits in the embrace of a bamboo grove or under the canopy of a large tree. Around the low, square wooden tables are bamboo armchairs which give out a faint aroma even after years of use. To prepare the tea a pinch of tea leaves is dropped into a cup and boiling water is poured on top.
四川的茶馆是个独特的去处，通常位于竹林丛中或一棵大树的华盖下，一圈竹椅围着低矮的方木桌，用了多年的竹椅仍散发出淡淡的清香。沏茶时，一撮茶叶投入茶杯里，开水倾注进去后，茶碟松松地盖在上面，蒸气透过缝隙飘逸而出，带来茉莉花或其他茶叶花的芳香。四川有很多种茶，仅茉莉花茶一种就有五级。
Then a lid is sunk loosely onto the cup, allowing the steam to seep through the gap, bringing out the fragrance of the jasmine or other blossoms. Sichuan has many kinds of tea.
Jasmine alone has five grades.
Teahouses are as important to the Sichuanese as pubs are to the British. Older men, in particular, spend a lot of time there, puffing their long-stemmed pipes over a cup of tea and a plateful of nuts and melon seeds. The waiter shuttles between the seats with a kettle of hot water which he pours from a couple of feet away with pinpoint accuracy.
四川的茶馆犹如英国人的酒吧。人们，特别是老人，爱到这里来消磨时间，一口一口地吸着长烟袋，面前摆上一杯茶和一碟瓜子。提着开水壶的服务员奔忙于座位之间，从一两尺外准确无误地往客人杯中加开水。
A skillful waiter makes the water level higher than the edge of the cup without it spilling over. As a child I was always mesmerized watching the water fall from the spout. I was rarely taken to a teahouse, though. It had an air of indulgence of which my parents disapproved.
高手可以把水加到高于杯缘而不溢出来。我还是个孩子时，总是着迷地看着水从壶嘴划出一条弧线落人杯中。但是我很少被带去茶馆，它有一种安闲享乐的气氛，是我父母不赞成的。
Like European cafes, a Sichuan teahouse provides newspapers on bamboo frames. Some customers go there to read, but it is primarily a place to meet and chat, exchanging news and gossip. There is often entertainment storytelling punctuated with wooden clappers.
就像欧洲的咖啡馆一样，四川茶馆也提供报纸，它们通常放在竹框内。有些顾客到茶馆阅读，但茶馆主要是一个会友、谈天、交流讯息以及闲言碎语的去处，有时也有合着竹板节拍说书的。
Perhaps because they had an aura of leisure, and if people were sitting in one they were not out making revolution, teahouses had to be closed. I went with a couple of dozen pupils between thirteen and sixteen years old, most of whom were Red Guards, to a small one on the bank of the Silk River. Chairs and tables were spread outside under a Chinese scholar tree. The summer evening breeze from the river fanned out a heavy scent from the clusters of white blossoms. The customers, mostly men, raised their heads from their chessboards as we approached along the uneven cobblestones that paved the bank. We stopped under the tree. A few voices from our group started to shout: "Pack up!? Pack up!? Don't linger in this bourgeois place!" A boy from my form snatched a corner of the paper chessboard on the nearest table and jerked it away. The wooden pieces scattered on the ground.
可能正是因为它的悠闲气息，坐茶馆的人没在搞革命，所以茶馆得关门。一天，我和几十个初中学生(大多数是红卫兵)来到一个坐落在锦江河畔的小茶馆。竹椅、方桌散布在一棵大槐树下，夏日微风吹来一股股花香。当我们沿着河岸高低不平的卵石路走近茶馆时，顾客们(大多数是男子)从棋盘上抬起头来。我们在树下停住，几个同学开始喊道：“起来！都起来！别在这个资产阶级的地方鬼混！”同年级的一位男孩子抓起就近桌子上的棋盘纸一角，猛然一扯，棋子撒了一地。
The men who had been playing were quite young. One of them lunged forward, his fists clenched, but his friend quickly pulled the corner of his jacket. Silently they began to pick up the chess pieces. The boy who had jerked away their board shouted: "No more chess playing! Don't you know it is a bourgeois habit?" He stooped to sweep up a handful of pieces and threw them toward the river.
下棋的是两个年轻人，其中一个往前一冲，拳头也捏了起来。他的朋友忙拉了拉他的衣角，止住了他，两人默默俯下身去拣棋子。扯棋盘的男孩继续喊：“不许再下棋了！你们不知道这是资产阶级的东西？！”他弯腰抓起一把棋子就朝河里扔。
I had been brought up to be courteous and respectful to anyone older than me, but now to be revolutionary meant being aggressive and militant. Gentleness was considered 'bourgeois." I was repeatedly criticized for it, and it was one reason given for not allowing me into the Red Guards.
我以前所受的教育是要对年长者有礼貌，但现在的革命好像要我们杀气腾腾。温文尔雅被认为是“资产阶级”，我受的批评里就有这一条，这也是不让我入红卫兵的理由之一。
Over the years of the Cultural Revolution, I was to witness people being attacked for saying 'thank you' too often, which was branded as 'bourgeois hypocrisy'; courtesy was on the brink of extinction.
在文化大革命年代，我目睹了人们因说“谢谢您”而遭攻击，说是“资产阶级虚伪”，文明礼貌快绝灭了。
But now, outside the teahouse, I could see that most of us, including the Red Guards, were uneasy about the new style of speaking and lording it over others. Not many of us opened our mouths. Quietly, a few started to paste rectangular slogans onto the walls of the teahouse and the trunk of the scholar tree.
当时在茶馆外，我可以看到大多数同学都对这种横蛮无理的时髦说话方式感到羞愧不安，没有几个人跟着吵吵嚷嚷。一些人默默地在茶馆墙上和槐树干上张贴长方形标语。
The customers silently began to walk away along the bank. Watching their disappearing figures, a feeling of loss overwhelmed me. A couple of months before, these adults probably would have told us to get lost. But now they knew that Mao's backing had given the Red Guards power.
顾客们开始静静地沿河岸散去。看着他们离开的身影，一种失落感笼罩了我。几个月之前，这些成年人可能会摆摆手把这帮小孩子赶走，但现在他们知道毛泽东赋予红卫兵无上权力。
Thinking back, I can see the thrill some children must have felt at demonstrating their power over adults. A popular Red Guard slogan went: "We can soar to heaven, and pierce the earth, because our Great Leader Chairman Mao is our supreme commander!" As this declaration reveals, the Red Guards were not enjoying genuine freedom of self-expression. From the start they were nothing but the tool of a tyrant.
后来我回想时，才明白好多孩子一定是因为能指挥大人而兴奋。不过，红卫兵并未享受到自我表达的真正自由，从一开始，他们就只是工具，一条口号说得再清楚不过了：“我们红卫兵天不怕、地不怕，因为伟大领袖毛主席是我们的红司令！”
Standing on the riverbank in August 1966, though, I was just confused. I went into the teahouse with my fellow pupils. Some asked the manager to close down. Others started pasting slogans on the walls. Many customers were getting up to go, but in a far corner one old man was still sitting at his table, calmly sipping his tea. I stood beside him, feeling embarrassed that I was supposed to assume the voice of authority. He looked at me, and resumed his noisy sipping. He had a deeply lined face that was almost stereotypical 'working class' as shown in propaganda pictures. His hands reminded me of one of my textbook stories which described the hands of an old peasant: they could bundle thorny firewood without feeling any pain.
当然，1966年8月，站在河岸旁的我并没有想到这许多，只是感到迷惑。我和同学们一起走进茶馆，有的要经理关门，有的贴标语，顾客纷纷悄然离去。但在一个角落里，一位老人仍兀坐在他的桌子旁，平静地呷茶。我走到他身边，感到很窘，因为此刻我应按照红卫兵的规矩用一种权威式的口吻说话。他看了看我，又继续发出呷茶的声音。他有一张满是皱纹的脸，像宣传画上典型的“工人阶级”。他的手使我想起一课短文里描绘的老农民的手：它们可以抓起多刺的木柴而不感到痛。
Perhaps this old man was very sure of his unquestionable background, or his advanced age, which had hitherto been the object of respect, or perhaps he simply did not think I was very impressive. Anyway, he remained in his seat taking no notice of me. I summoned up my courage and pleaded in a low voice, "Please, could you leave?" Without looking at me, he said, "Where to?"
可能因这位老人自信无可挑剔的背景，或因他的高龄，或者他不把我放在眼里，反正他就是坐在那儿，不理会我。我鼓起勇气，小声地请求他：“请您离开，行吗？”他看也不看我就回答说：“去哪里？”
"Home, of course," I replied. He turned to face me. There was emotion in his voice, though he spoke quietly.
“当然是回家。”我说。
"Home? What home? I share a tiny room with my two grandsons. I have a corner surrounded by a bamboo curtain. Just for the bed. That's all. When the kids are home I come here for some peace and quiet. Why do you have to take this away from me?"
这回他转过脸来看我了，声音有点激动，尽管话说得很轻：“家？什么家？我和两个孙子合住一间小屋子，我只有一个竹帘围起来的角落，只够放一张床。就这么大点。当孩子们回到家时，我就来这里找点清静。为什么你们连这个也不准？”
His words filled me with shock and shame. This was the first time I had heard a first hand account of such miserable living conditions. I turned and walked away.
他的话使我既震惊又惭愧，我第一次听到有人竟然有这样狭小的家。我没再说什么，转身走开了。
This teahouse, like all the others in Sichuan, was shut for fifteen years until 198x, when Deng Xiaoping's reforms decreed it could be reopened. In 1985 I went back there with a British friend. We sat under the scholar tree.
这家茶馆像四川其他茶馆一样关闭了十五年，一直到1981年邓小平的改革政策使它重新开了门。1985年，我和一位英国朋友去到那里，坐在那棵老槐树下。
An old waitress came to fill our cups with a kettle from two feet away. Around us, people were playing chess. It was one of the happiest moments of that trip back.
一位服务员过来用开水壶从两尺外给我们加水。周围的人们在下棋、聊天。这是那次回中国旅行中最愉快的时刻。
When Lin Biao called for everything that represented the old culture to be destroyed, some pupils in my school started to smash things up. Being more than 2,000 years old, the school had a lot of antiques and was therefore a prime site for action. The school gateway had an old tiled roof with carved eaves. These were hammered to pieces. The same happened to the sweeping blue-glazed roof of the big temple which had been used as a ping-pong hall. The pair of giant bronze incense burners in front of the temple were toppled, and some boys urinated into them.
当林彪号召“破四旧”时，我们学校的一些学生也开始砸学校了。我们学校有两千多年历史，到处是古物。这些成了狂热分子攻击的目标。雕花屋檐的古老房顶被敲破，已成为乒乓室的孔庙大殿琉璃瓦屋顶也遭到同样命运。大庙前的那对大铜香炉被掀翻，一些男孩子朝里面撒尿。
In the back garden, pupils with big hammers and iron rods went along the sandstone bridges casually breaking the little statues. On one side of the sports field was a pair of towering rectangular tablets made of red sandstone, each twenty feet high. Some lines about Confucius were carved on them in beautiful calligraphy. A huge rope was tied around them, and two gangs pulled. It took them a couple of days, as the foundations were deep. They had to get some workers from outside to dig a hole around the tablets.
学生们拿着榔头和铁棒走上后花园的小石桥，打碎石栏杆上的小雕像玩。大操场一侧有一对长方形巨大石碑，约二十尺高，上面用漂亮的书法刻者孔子生平。现在，一根粗绳把它们捆了起来，两队学生使劲拉，要把它们拉倒。一两天也没拉动，因为地基太深。红卫兵只好从外面请来些工人沿着基座四周挖了两个大坑。
When the monuments finally crashed down amidst cheers, they lifted part of the path that ran behind them.
当这两块碑终于在欢呼声中倒下时，后面的小路也被掀翻了。
All the things I loved were disappearing. The saddest thing of all for me was the ransacking of the library: the golden filed roof, the delicately sculpted windows, the blue painted chairs .... Bookshelves were turned upside down, and some pupils tore books to pieces just for the hell of it.
所有我喜爱的东西都消失了。对我来说，最心疼的是图书馆。那些金色琉璃瓦屋顶、精致的雕花窗框、漆成蓝色的飞来椅……都被打得稀烂，书架也被推倒了。一些学生着了魔似地撕书取乐
Afterward, X-shaped white paper strips with black characters were stuck on what was left of the doors and windows to signal that the building was sealed.
。然后，写上黑字的白纸条以×形贴在门上、窗上，以示查封。
Books were major targets of Mao's order to destroy.
书籍是毛泽东的“破”的主要目标。
Because they had not been written within the last few months, and therefore did not quote Mao on every page, some Red Guards declared that they were all 'poisonous weeds." With the exception of Marxist classics and the works of Stalin, Mao, and the late Lu Xun, whose name Mme Mao was using for her personal vendettas, books were burning all across China. The country lost most of its written heritage. Many of the books which survived later went into people's stoves as fuel.
由于它们不是在最近几个月写的，没有在每页引用毛的语录，红卫兵宣布它们都是“毒草”。除了马、恩、列、斯、毛的著作，以及已故鲁迅的作品外，大多数的书都付之一炬。(此处删去一句)焚书使中国失去了一大笔珍贵的文化遗产，即使有的书逃过红卫兵的手，后来也因为“读书无用”而成了人们炉里的燃料。
But there was no bonfire at my school. The head of the school Red Guards had been a very conscientious student.
我们学校没有点燃焚书的火把。因为学校红卫兵头头是一位好学的学生，一位温文尔雅的十七岁男孩子。他当上红卫兵领袖是因为他父亲的地位，而不是他本人的野心。虽然他无法阻止普遍的破坏情形，但尽力保护了书籍。
A rather feminine-looking seventeen-year-old, he had been made the Red Guard leader because his father was the Party chief for the province, rather than because of his own ambition. While he could not prevent the general vandalism, he did manage to stop the books from being burned.
Like everyone else, I was supposed to join in the 'revolutionary actions." But I, like most pupils, was able to avoid them, because the destruction was not organized, and no one made sure we took part. I could see that many pupils hated the whole thing, but nobody tried to stop it. Like myself, many boys and girls may well have been telling themselves that they were wrong to feel sorry about the destruction and needed to reform. But subconsciously we all knew we would have been crushed instantly had we raised any objection.
虽然照规矩我应该参加“革命行动”，但跟大多数学生一样，我躲避开了。之所以能逃过是由于这些破坏行为不是有组织的，没有人强迫我们参加。我可以看得出来，许多学生不愿意做，但也没有人敢站出来劝阻。一些同学可能和我一样在压抑自己离经叛道的意识，训斥自己要改造思想。我们心里也都有数，任何异议都会给自己惹来大祸。
By then 'denunciation meetings' were becoming a major feature of the Cultural Revolution. They involved a hysterical crowd and were seldom without physical brutality.
这时“批斗大会”已成了文化大革命的一大现象，多由情绪激昂的人群参加，会中少不了肉体折磨。
Peking University had taken the lead, under the personal supervision of Mao. At its first denunciation meeting, on 18 June, over sixty professors and heads of departments, including the chancellor, were beaten, kicked, and forced to kneel for hours. Dunce caps with humiliating slogans were forced onto their heads. Ink was poured over their faces to make them black, the color of evil, and slogans were pasted all over their bodies. Two students gripped the arms of each victim, twisting them around behind his back and pushing them up with such ferocity as almost to dislocate them. This posture was called the 'jet plane," and soon became a feature of most denunciation meetings all over the country.
在毛泽东亲自支持下，北京大学的学生带头于1966年6月18日批斗了六十多位教授、系主任、校长。他们戴着涂写侮辱性口号的高帽子，脸上涂着黑墨，表示“黑帮”，身上也贴着标语，在地上一跪就是几个小时。批斗时，这些人由两名学生从后面揪住头发，狠狠地反扭双臂，好像要把骨头折断，这叫做“坐喷气式飞机”。此模式很快风靡全国，大大小小的批斗会都非有不可。
I was once called by the Red Guards in my form to attend such a meeting. Horror made me feel very chilly in the hot summer afternoon when I saw a dozen or so teachers standing on the platform on the sports ground, with their heads bent and their arms twisted into the 'jet plane' position. Then, some were kicked on the back of their knees and forced to kneel, while others, including my English-language teacher, an elderly man with the fine manner of a classical gentleman, were forced to stand on long, narrow benches. He found it hard to keep his balance, and swayed and fell, cutting his forehead on the sharp corner of a bench. A Red Guard standing next to him instinctively stooped and extended his hands to help, but immediately straightened up and assumed an exaggeratedly harsh posture, with his fists clenched, yelling: "Get back onto the bench!" He did not want to be seen as soft on a 'class enemy." Blood trickled down the teacher's forehead and coagulated on the side of his face.
一次我被我们班的红卫兵叫去参加一个批斗大会。当我看见十几个老师被押上操场的台子，低着头，手臂被扭成“喷气式飞机”时，那种恐怖气氛使我在盛夏的午后感到浑身冰凉。不久，一些人被踢得跪在地上。另一些人，包括我的英文老师，一位年长、学者味十足的男子，被迫站在一条长而窄的长凳上。我的老师年龄大了，开始颤抖，重心不能保持平衡，终于摔了下来，前额被板凳的尖角划破。一个站在他旁边的红卫兵本能地伸手去扶他，但那位红卫兵大概马上发现自己“失态”，于是立即站直了身子，努力做出一副严厉的样子，握紧拳头，吼叫道：“滚上板凳去！”他不想让别人看到他对“阶级敌人”软弱。血顺着老师的前额往下流，在脸侧凝成血块。
He, like the other teachers, was accused of all sorts of outlandish crimes; but they were really there because they were graded, and therefore the best, or because some pupils had grudges against them.
这些老师被指控有各种稀奇古怪的罪，但他们被押上台批斗的真正原因是他们都是高级教师，属“反动资产阶级学术权威”，要不然就是有些学生对他们怀有怨气。
I learned in later years that the pupils in my school behaved relatively mildly because, being in the most prestigious school, they were successful and academically inclined. In the schools which took in wilder boys, there were teachers who were beaten to death. I witnessed only one beating in my school. My philosophy teacher had been somewhat dismissive to those who had not done well in her classes, and some of them hated her and now started to accuse her of being 'decadent." The 'evidence," which reflected the extreme conservatism of the Cultural Revolution, was that she had met her husband on a bus. They got to chatting, and fell in love. Love arising out of a chance meeting was regarded as a sign of immorality. The boys took her to an office and 'took revolutionary actions over her' the euphemism for beating somebody up. Before they started, they called for me especially and made me attend.
在后来的年月里，我才得知我们学校的学生表现还算温和，因为四中是明星学校，学生多是用功读书和成绩优秀的。在一些性情较野的孩子集中的学校，有的老师被活活打死。在我的学校，我只亲眼见过一次打老师的情形。我的哲学老师对成绩较差的学生有时有点太严厉。有些学生恨她，就说她“道德破坏”，理由是她和她丈夫是在公共汽车上认识的，婚姻源自偶然一面。“一见钟情”也成了罪，这说明文化大革命其实是最封建、最“旧”的。男孩子们把老师带到一间办公室，说要对她“采取革命行动”——打人的代名词。他们动手前，特别要我到场，说：
"What will she think when she sees you, her pet pupil, there!"
“当她看到你这个得意门生也来了，那才好呢！”
I was considered her favorite because she had praised my work often. But I was also told that I should be there because I had been too soft, and needed 'a lesson in revolution."
我之所以被称作是她的得意门生，是因为她经常赞扬我。同学们也觉得我太软弱，需要接受“革命教育”。
When the beating started, I shrank at the back of the ring of pupils who crowded into the small office. A couple of classmates nudged me to go to the front and join in the hitting. I ignored them. In the center my teacher was being kicked around, rolling in agony on the floor, her hair askew.
那天小办公室里挤满了人，我缩在外圈。一开始打老师时，有人用肘部碰我，要我到前排去打，我没理会。我的老师被前排的男孩子们用脚猛踢，躺在地上痛苦的翻滚，头发散乱着，哭着求他们住手。
As she cried out, begging them to stop, the boys who had set upon her said in cold voices, "Now you beg!? Haven't you been ferocious? Now beg properly!" They kicked her again, and ordered her to kowtow to them and say "Please spare my life, masters!" To make someone kowtow and beg was an extreme humiliation. She sat up and stared blankly ahead: I met her eyes through her knotted hair. In them I saw agony, desperation, and emptiness. She was gasping for breath, and her face was ashen gray. I sneaked out of the room. Several pupils followed me. Behind us I could hear people shouting slogans, but their voices were tentative and uncertain. Many pupils must have been scared. I walked away swiftly, my heart pounding. I was afraid I might be caught and beaten myself. But no one came after me, and I was not condemned afterward.
打她的男孩子则用冷冰冰的语调对她说：“现在你知道求饶了，你过去不是凶得很吗？现在好好求饶！”他们一边踢她，一边令她向大家磕头，并喊：“请革命小将们饶我一命！”磕头求饶是一个人最大的耻辱。老师坐了起来，茫然地看着前面。我从她披散在脸上的乱发中，看到她的眼里是极度痛苦、绝望而木然的神情。她急促地喘气，脸色像死人一样铅灰。我转身溜了出去，好几位同学也离开了。背后传来口号声，声音有点儿勉强，想必是大家都害怕才喊口号壮胆，我加快步子逃走，一颗心怦怦乱跳，担心自己会被抓去挨打。但没有人追我，后来也没有受到惩罚。
I did not get into trouble in those days, in spite of my obvious lack of enthusiasm. Apart from the fact that the Red Guards were loosely organized, I was, according to the 'theory of bloodlines," born bright red, because my father was a high official. Although I was disapproved of, nobody did anything drastic, except criticize me.
在那些疯狂的日子里，尽管我明显地缺乏热情，经常躲在家里，我也没有遇到麻烦。原因除了红卫兵本身组织松散外，还因为我父亲是个高级干部，根据“血统论”，我是“自来红”。虽然有些好斗的红卫兵对我不满，但我只是挨批评，没有人对我采取什幺“革命行动”。
At the time, the Red Guards divided pupils into three categories: 'reds," 'blacks," and 'grays." The 'reds' were from the families of 'workers, peasants, revolutionary officials, revolutionary officers, and revolutionary martyrs."
红卫兵把学生分为三大类：“红五类”、“黑五类”、“麻灰类’。“红五类”的人出身“工人、农民、革命干部、革命军人、革命烈士”；
The 'blacks' were those with parents classified as 'land lords, rich peasants, counter-revolutionaries bad elements, and rightists." The 'grays' came from ambiguous families such as shop assistants and clerks. In my year, all pupils ought to have been 'reds' because of the screening in the enrollment. But the pressure of the Cultural Revolution meant that some villains had to be found. As a result, more than a dozen became 'grays' or 'blacks."
“黑五类”出身“地主、富农、反革命分子、坏分子、右派”；“麻灰类”介于两者之间，是那些划不进两边的人。我那个年级本已按毛泽东的“阶级路线”招生了，所有学生理应是“红五类”了。但文革使得每个班级好像都得找些“坏人”作为革命对象，结果我的年级有十多个人成为“黑五类”或“麻灰类”。
There was a girl named Ai-ling in my year. We were old friends, and I had often been to her house and knew her family well. Her grandfather had been a prominent economist, and her family had been enjoying a very privileged life under the Communists. Their house was large, elegant, and luxurious, with an exquisite garden much better than my family's apartment. I was especially attracted by their collection of antiques, in particular the snuff bottles which Ai-ling's grandfather had brought back from England where he had studied at Oxford in the 1930s.
我有个好朋友叫艾玲。我经常到她家去玩，和她家很熟。她的祖父是位著名的经济学家，全家过着优越的生活。他们的住宅宽大，有一个精巧的小花园，雅致又奢华——比我家的住所好得多。我特别为她家所收藏的古董所吸引，尤其是一套鼻烟壶，那是艾玲祖父二十年代在牛津大学留学时，从英国带回来的。
Now, suddenly, Ai-ling became a 'black." I heard that pupils from her form had raided her house, smashed all the antiques, including the snuff bottles, and beaten her parents and grandfather with the brass buckles of their belts. The next day when I saw her she was wearing a scarf. Her classmates had given her a 'yin and yang head."
现在艾玲突然成了“黑五类”。我听说她同学抄了她家，砸烂了所有的古董，包括那些鼻烟壶，还用铜头皮带打她的父母和祖父。我第二天见到她时，她头上围着头巾：同学给她剃了个“阴阳头”，她只好把头发都剃光。她见到我时低头流泪，我觉得无能为力，找不到半句话来安慰她。
She had had to have it completely shaved. She wept with me. I felt terribly inadequate because I could not find any words to comfort her.
In my own form a meeting was organized by the Red Guards at which we all had to give our family backgrounds so we could be categorized. I announced 'revolutionary official' with great relief. Three or four pupils said 'office staff." In the jargon of the day, this was different from 'officials," who held more senior positions. The division was unclear, as there was no definition of what 'senior' meant. Nevertheless, these vague labels had to be used on various forms, all of which had a space for 'family background." Together with a girl whose father was a shop assistant, the children of 'office staff' were branded as 'grays." It was announced that they were to be kept under surveillance, sweep the school grounds and clean toilets, bow their heads at all times, and be prepared to be lectured by any Red Guard who cared to address them. They also had to report their thoughts and behavior every day.
在我们班上，红卫兵召开会议，要大家自报家庭出身，以供分类。我说出“革命干部”时，大大松了口气。有三四个学生说他们的出身是“职员”，这其实也是“干部”。但按当时红卫兵规定，只有高干才算“革干”，一般干部不算。但界限不清，结果所有出身“职员”的孩子和一个父亲是营业员的女孩一块被班上的红卫兵划成“麻灰类”。会上宣布将监督他们打扫学校操场、厕所，他们得随时保持低头状，听从红卫兵的管教，还必须每天汇报思想和行动。
These pupils suddenly looked subdued and shrunken.
Their vigor and enthusiasm, which they had had in abundance up to now, had deserted them. One gift bent her head and tears streamed down her cheeks. We had been friends.
这些同学情绪一下子落了千丈，满脸颓丧，平素的激动和热情已消失得无影无踪。我的一位女同学低着头，眼泪一个劲地流。我们曾是朋友，会后，我走过去，想说点什么。她却抬起头来，满眼尽是愤恨。我一句话也没说出来就走开了。我在校园内若有所失地走着。已是8月底了，栀子花开了，香味好像来自另外一个世界，与周围的气氛完全不协调。
After the meeting I went over to her to say something comforting, but when she raised her head I saw resentment, almost hatred, in her eyes. I walked away without a word, and wandered listlessly through the grounds. It was the end of August. The Cape jasmine bushes spread their rich fragrance. It seemed strange there should be any scent at all.
As dusk was descending I was walking back to the dormitory when I saw something flash by a second-floor window of a classroom block about forty yards away. There was a muffled bang at the foot of the building. The hazy branches of some orange trees prevented me from seeing what was happening, but people started to run in the direction of the noise. Out of the confused, suppressed exclamations I made out the message: "Someone has jumped out of the window!"
黄昏降临时，我朝宿舍走去。突然看见四十码外教学大楼二楼一扇窗外有东西在晃动，紧接着传来沉闷的一响。由于面前柚子树杈挡住了我的视线，我看不清到底发生了什么事，只见一大群人朝那个方向跑。从混乱的骚动和惊叫声中，我判断出是有人跳楼了。
I instinctively raised my hands to cover my eyes, and ran to my room. I was terribly scared. My mind's eye fixated on the blurry crooked figure in midair. Hurriedly I shut the windows, but the noise of people talking nervously about what had happened filtered through the thin glass.
我下意识地用手捂住眼睛，飞快跑回宿舍。我怕极了，脑里浮现出空中那一具模糊、扭曲的人形。我赶紧关上窗户，但人们紧张的嘈杂声仍透过薄薄的玻璃窗传来。
A seventeen-year-old girl had attempted suicide. Before the Cultural Revolution, she had been one of the leaders of the Communist Youth League, and had been a model in studying Chairman Mao's works and learning from Lei Feng. She had done many good deeds like washing her comrades' clothes and cleaning out toilets, and frequently gave talks to the school about how loyally she followed Mao's teachings. She was often to be seen strolling deep in conversation with a fellow pupil, with a conscientious and purposeful look on her face, carrying out 'heart-to heart duties with someone who wanted to join the Youth League. But now, suddenly, she had been categorized as a 'black." Her father was 'office staff." He worked for the municipal government, and was a Party member. But some of her classmates who found her a 'pain," and whose fathers were in higher posts, decided she should be a 'black." In the last couple of days, she had been put under guard with other 'blacks' and 'grays' and forced to pull grass out of the sports ground. To humiliate her, her classmates had shaved her beautiful black hair, leaving her head grotesquely bald. On that evening, the 'reds' in her form had been giving her and the other victims an insulting lecture.
一位十七岁的女孩企图跳楼自杀。文化大革命之前，她是学校共青团的一名负责人，是学习毛主席著作和雷锋的模范，她常做“好事”，为同学洗衣服、打扫厕所，还不断在学校里讲话，说她如何“听毛主席的话”。我常看见她和同学散步、谈话，显然是在对那些想入团的人“谈心”，脸上总是一副认真极了的表情。现在她却突然成了“黑五类”。其实，她的父亲是党员干部，在市政府里工作。但是她班上有些父亲职务较高的同学向来嫌她多事，讨厌她，眼下有了权，决定把她算成“黑五类”。几天来，她一直和其他“黑、麻”学生在一起，由红卫兵看管在操场除草。红卫兵为了羞辱她，剪掉了她美丽的黑发，把她的头剃成怪诞的秃子。那天晚上，她班上的红卫兵又训斥她和其他“黑、麻”类，她咽不下这口气，反驳他们说，她更忠于毛主席。有个男孩子甩了她一耳光，说她根本不配提忠于毛主席的话，她是阶级敌人。她跑到窗口，跳了下去。
She retorted that she was more loyal to Chairman Mao than they were. The 'reds' slapped her and told her she was not fit to talk about her loyalty to Mao because she was a class enemy. She ran to the window and threw herself out.
Stunned and scared, the Red Guards rushed her to a hospital. She did not die, but she was crippled for life.
红卫兵在震惊之余，赶紧把她送到医院。她没有死，但终身残废。
When I saw her many months later on the street, she was bent over on crutches, her eyes blank.
好几个月后，我在街上看到她时，她腋下夹着拐杖，双眼茫然。
On the night of her attempted suicide, I could not sleep.
在她跳楼那天晚上，我整夜无法入睡。
The moment I closed my eyes, an indistinct figure loomed over me, smeared with blood. I was terrified and shaking.
一闭上眼，一个巨大、模糊的人形就在眼前晃动，浑身上下都是血，我吓得发抖。
The next day I asked for sick leave, which was granted.
第二天，我跑去请病假，被批准了。
Home seemed to be the only escape from the horror at school. I desperately wished I would never have to go out again.
现在似乎只有家是唯一安全的地方，我只想能永远不出门。