18 "More Than Gigantic Wonderful News"
十八 “特大喜讯”
——Pilgrimage to Peking (October-December 1966)
——进京朝圣(1966年10月—12月)
I found an excuse to get out of school, and was home again the next morning. The apartment was empty. My father was in detention. My mother, grandmother, and Xiao-fang were in Peking. My teenage siblings were living their own, separate lives elsewhere.
我找了个借口请假，第二天上午从学校回到家。家里空无一人：父亲仍被隔离，母亲、姥姥、小方在北京，另外两个弟弟和姐姐都呆在各自的学校里。
Jin-ming had resented the Cultural Revolution from the very beginning. He was in the same school as me, and was in his first year. He wanted to become a scientist, but this was denounced by the Cultural Revolution as 'bourgeois."
京明和我在同一所中学，他刚读一年级，进校不久就遇上文化大革命。他的志向是成为一名科学家，但文革谴责科学家是“资产阶级”，又来势凶猛，把社会翻了个底朝天。看来他科学家是当不成了，失望之余，他从一开始就对文革深怀不满。
He and some boys in his form had formed a gang before the Cultural Revolution. They loved adventure and mystery, and had called themselves the "Iron-Wrought Brotherhood." Jin-ming was their number-one brother. He was tall, and brilliant at his studies. He had been giving his form weekly magic shows using his chemistry knowledge, and had been openly skipping lessons which he was not interested in or which he had already gone beyond.
文革前，他和班上几位要好的同学就互称“铁哥们儿”，像大多数青少年一样，他们渴望一种冒险生活，到神秘的高山、原始森林去探险。京明算是“大哥”，他个子大，学业成绩好，常利用自己的化学知识在班上表演魔术，对没兴趣或早已自学过了的课程公然旷课。京明为人正直，讲公道，这些都使他的伙伴们对他颇为钦佩。
And he was fair and generous to the other boys.
When the school Red Guard organization was set up on August, Jin-ming's 'brotherhood' was merged into it.
当学校的红卫兵组织于8月16日成立时，京明和他的铁哥们儿被并了进去。
He and his gang were given the job of printing leaflets and distributing them on the streets. The leaflets had been written by older Red Guards in their mid-teens and typically had rifles like "Founding Declaration of the First Brigade of the First Army Division of the Red Guards of the Number Four School' (all Red Guard organizations had grand names), "Solemn Statement' (a pupil announced he was changing his name to "Huang the Guard for Chairman Mao'), "More Than Gigantic Wonderful News' (a member of the Cultural Revolution Authority had just given an audience to some Red Guards), and "The Latest Most Supreme Instructions' (a word or two by Mao had just been leaked out).
他们的工作是油印传单，拿到街上去散发。传单是由高年级红卫兵写的，内容不外是：“成都第四中学红卫兵司令部第一军第一师成立宣言”(所有红卫兵组织都有类似的大招牌)、“严正声明”(某同学宣布改名为“黄卫东”——姓黄的要保卫毛泽东)、“特大喜讯”(中央文革小组的成员在北京接见红卫兵时说：“经科学检查，毛主席身体十分、十分健康，至少能活到一百六十岁。”)以及“最新最高指示”(由中央文革泄露出来的毛泽东的一两句话)。
Jin-ming was soon bored stiff by this gibberish. He started to absent himself from his missions, and became interested in a girl of his age, thirteen. She seemed to him the perfect lady beautiful, gentle, and slightly aloof, with a touch of shyness. He did not approach her, but was content to admire her from afar.
京明很快就厌倦了这种生活。他开始逃避这些活动，把注意力转向一位同龄的女同学。她在他心目中算得上是十足的窈窕淑女——美丽、温柔、未语面先红，脸上却又略带高傲的神气，像个冰美人。不过京明是在单相思，仅止于崇拜她，从没有想过找机会和她接近。
One day the pupils in his form were summoned to go on a house raid. The older Red Guards said something about 'bourgeois intellectuals." All members of the family were declared prisoners and ordered to gather in one room while the Red Guards searched the rest of the house.
一天，京明所在的红卫兵支队被召集到一家宅院抄家。高年级红卫兵说这家主人是“资产阶级知识分子”。当红卫兵们开始到各房间翻箱倒柜时，这一家子全被集中到一间房里看管。
Jin-ming was appointed to watch the family. To his delight, the girl was the other 'jailer."
京明被指派为看守，他暗自欣喜，因为另一名看守是他的意中人。
There were three 'prisoners': a middle-aged man and his son and daughter-in-law. They had obviously been expecting the raid, and sat with resigned expressions on their faces, staring into Jin-ming's eyes as though into space. Jin-ming felt very awkward under their gaze, and he was also uneasy because of the presence of the girl, who looked bored and kept glancing toward the door. When she saw several boys carrying a huge wooden case full of porcelain, she mumbled to Jin-ming that she was going to have a look, and left the room. Facing his captives alone, Jin-ming felt his discomfort growing.
“犯人”有三名：一位上了年纪的男子、他的儿子和媳妇。这次抄家显然早在他们预料之中。他们平静地坐在板凳上，脸上露出听天由命的神情，淡漠地盯着京明，像是在看一片空白。京明在他们这种注目下变得局促不安，而意中人在场更使他觉得很别扭。她看上去很不耐烦，不时地转头朝门外望。一会儿，几个男孩子抬着五大箱瓷器走出院子。她嘴里咕咕噜噜对京明说了些话，大约是说她要去看一看，随之就消失了。一个人面对“犯人”，京明觉得越来越不舒服。
Then the woman prisoner stood up and said she wanted to go and breast-feed her baby in the next room. Jin-ming readily agreed.
当那位儿媳妇站起身来，说她想到隔壁房间去奶孩子时，京明马上同意了。
The moment she left the room, the object of Jin-ming's affection rushed in. Sternly, she asked him why a prisoner was at large. When Jin-ming said he had given permission, she yelled at him for being 'soft on class enemies." She was wearing a leather belt on what Jin-ming had thought of as her 'willowy' waist. Now she pulled it off and pointed it at his nose a stylized Red Guard posture while she screamed at him. Jin-ming was struck dumb. The girl was unrecognizable. All of a sudden she was far from gentle, shy, or lovely. She was all hysterical ugliness. Thus was Jin-ming's first love extinguished.
那女人离开后不久，京明的意中人冲进房间，问京明“犯人”为何不见了。当京明回答说是他允许时，她一下子狂怒地冲着京明破口大骂，骂他“对阶级敌人发慈悲”、“丧失阶级立场”，一面从纤细的腰上解下军用宽皮带，卷成个圈，一只手握着，晃动着指点京明的鼻子——红卫兵标准的姿势。京明惊呆了，平素如此娴雅端庄的姑娘一下子竟变成了凶神泼妇，他心目中美好的女神粉碎了。初恋就这样破灭了。
But he shouted back. The girl left the room and returned with an older Red Guard, the leader of the group. He started yelling so much his spittle splashed on Jinming, and he too pointed his rolled-up belt at him. Then he stopped, realizing that they should not be washing their dirty linen in front of class enemies. He ordered Jin-ming to go back to the school to 'wait for adjudication."
当他从失落的木呆情绪中醒转过来，想回嘴时，女孩子已跑出房间，稍后和一位高年级红卫兵队长一起回来。他也用皮带指着京明大骂，不过他很快就住口了，因为意识到在“阶级敌人”面前争吵太不合适，红卫兵家丑不可外扬，于是下令京明回校，“听候处置”。
That evening, the Red Guards in Jin-ming's form held a meeting without him. When the boys came back to the dormitory, their eyes avoided his. They behaved distantly for a couple of days. Then they told Jin-ming they had been arguing with the militant girl. She had reported Jin-ming's 'surrender to the class enemies' and had insisted that he be given a severe punishment. But the Iron-Wrought Brotherhood defended him. Some of them resented the girl, who had been terribly aggressive toward other boys and girls too.
那天晚上，京明所属红卫兵支队开会，没有要他参加，铁哥们回宿舍时都回避了他的眼神，不和他说话。这种反常情况持续了好几天，他们才告诉京明发生的事。那天会上，那位女孩激烈地指责京明心慈手软，坚持给他一个严厉处分，开除出红卫兵，关押起来。但铁哥们决心保护“大哥”，拒绝表态，并替京明说好话。他们说这个女孩对“革命同志”态度粗暴，她曾如此对待其他同学，引起公愤。
Still, Jin-ming was punished: he was ordered to pull out grass alongside the 'blacks' and 'grays." Mao's instruction to exterminate grass had led to a constant demand for manpower because of the grass's obstinate nature. This fortuitously offered a form of punishment for the newly created 'class enemies."
京明仍被处分了：和“黑五类”、“麻灰类”一起去拔草。毛泽东不喜欢草，所以中国人就得不断拔草。草难根治，总会重新长出来，这就提供了一种不断惩罚“阶级敌人”的方式。
Jin-ming pulled up grass only for a few days. His Iron Wrought Brotherhood could not bear to see him suffer.
京明只拔了几天草，他的铁哥们实在不忍心看着他受罪。
But he had been classified as a 'sympathizer with class enemies," and was never sent on any more raids, which suited him fine. He soon embarked on a journey with his brotherhood sight-seeing all over the country, taking in China's rivers and mountains, but, unlike most Red Guards, Jin-ming never made the pilgrimage to Peking to see Mao. He did not come home until the end of 1966.
但他已被定为同情分子，不再被派去做“抄家”这样的大事了。京明求之不得，不久便和铁哥们乘火车外出“云游天下”——玩去了。京明和大多数红卫兵不同，竟没想过要进京朝圣——去见毛泽东。他在1966年底才回成都。
My sister Xiao-hong, at fifteen, was a founding member of the Red Guards at her school. But she was only one among hundreds, as the school was crammed with officials' children, many of them competing to be active. She hated and feared the atmosphere of militancy and violence so much that she was soon on the verge of a nervous collapse. She came home to ask my parents for help at the beginning of September, only to find they were not there: my father was in detention and my mother had gone to Peking. My grandmother's anxiety made her even more scared, so she returned to her school. She volunteered to help 'guard' the school library, which had been ransacked and sealed, like the one at my school. She spent her days and nights reading, devouring all the forbidden fruits she could. It was this that held her together. In mid-September, she set out on a long tour around the country with her friends and like Jin-ming she did not come home until the end of the year.
我的姐姐小鸿那年十五岁。她是她们学校首批红卫兵之一，首批加入者有几百人之多，因为这所学校有许多干部子弟。她害怕暴力的作为，很快变得恍恍惚惚不知所措，于是在9月初跑回家，想从父母处得到帮助。但家里空空如也，只有焦虑不安的姥姥在，这使她更加紧张，又回去学校，自愿去看管图书馆。那里和我们学校图书馆一样，先被洗劫，然后封存。她在一片狼藉的书堆中翻阅，贪婪地啃读所有能拣到的“禁书”。正是书占据了她的思想和生活，使她免于精神崩溃。9月中旬，她和几位朋友去全国旅行，也是到1966年底才回成都。
My brother Xiao-her was almost twelve, and was at the same key primary school I had attended. When the Red Guards were formed in the middle schools, Xiao-her and his friends were eager to join. To them the Red Guards meant freedom to live away from home, staying up all night, and power over adults. They went to my school and begged to be allowed into the Red Guards. To get rid of them, one Red Guard said? off-handedly, "You can form the First Army Division of Unit 4969." So Xiao-her became the head of the Propaganda Department of a troop of twenty boys, all the others being 'commander," 'chief of staff," and so on. There were no privates.
我的另一位弟弟小黑那年十二岁。他就读的是我曾读过的实验小学。当红卫兵在中学风起云涌时，小黑和他的朋友也急于参加。对他们来说，加入红卫兵意味着天天可以住在学校里，不必回家受家长管束，还可以欺压、指挥成人。他们来到我的中学，要求加入红卫兵。一个红卫兵为了摆脱他们的纠缠，就随口说道：“你们可以自己组成红卫兵四九六九部队第一军嘛！”他们马上拿鸡毛当令箭，成立了一支军队，有二十名小学生，小黑成了宣传部头领，其他孩子也全有官做，诸如“司令”、“政委”，没有一个兵。
Xiao-her joined in hitting teachers twice. One of the victims was a sports teacher, who had been condemned as a 'bad element." Some girls of Xiao-her's age had accused the teacher of touching their breasts and thighs during gym lessons. So the boys set upon him, not least to impress the girls. The other teacher was the moral tutor. As corporal punishment was banned in schools, she would complain to the parents, who would beat their sons.
小黑参加了两次打教师的行动。一位牺牲品是体育教师，被定罪为“坏分子”，因为一些小黑年级的女学生声称这位教师在体育课上摸她们的乳房和大腿。为了讨得姑娘的欢心，男孩子揍了这个教师一顿。另一位挨打的是班主任，因为她常去学生家里拜访，把学生在学校里的淘气恶行报告给家长，所以学生们都很恨她。由于学校严格禁止体罚，老师有时不得不请家长管孩子，有的家长就痛打儿子一顿。
One day, the boys set out on a house raid, and were assigned to go to a household which was rumored to be that of an ex-Kuomintang family. They did not know what exactly they were supposed to do there. Their heads had been filled with vague notions of finding something like a diary saying how the family longed for Chiang Kai-shek's comeback and hated the Communist Party.
小黑的“部队”也搞过一次抄家。有人告诉他们，说有一户居民以前是国民党。孩子们完全不清楚抄家该做什么，只模糊地觉得，应该去找日记一类的东西，上面记着“盼望蒋介石回来”及“仇恨共产党”的内容。
The family had five sons, all well-built and tough looking? They stood by the door, arms akimbo, and looked down at the boys with their most intimidating stares. Only one boy attempted to tiptoe in. One of the sons picked him up by the scruff of his neck and threw him out with one hand. This put an end to any further such 'revolutionary actions' by Xiao-her's 'division."
这家人共有五个儿子，个个生得虎背熊腰。他们一字排开，双手叉腰，一言不发地站在门口，瞪眼盯着小黑的“部队”。小鬼们此刻全傻了眼，围聚在门外裹足不前。终于有一个孩子鼓足勇气，蹑手蹑脚想进去。一个儿子走出阵来，用一只手提起他的后衣领，一把抛回“部队”里。从此。再也没人提起要采取类似的“革命行动”了。
So, in the second week of October, while Xiao-her was living at his school and enjoying his freedom, Jin-ming and my sister were away traveling, and my mother and grandmother were in Peking, I was alone at home when one day, without warning, my father appeared on the doorstep.
到了10月第二个星期，小黑仍呆在他的学校，京明、姐姐在外旅行，母亲和姥姥还在北京，我独自一人在家。一天，父亲突然不声不响地出现在门口。
It was an eerily quiet homecoming. My father was a changed person. He was abstracted and sunk deep in thought, and did not say where he had been or what had been happening to him. I listened to him pacing his room through sleepless nights, too frightened and worried to sleep myself. Two days later, to my tremendous relief, my mother returned from Peking with my grandmother and Xiao-fang.
父亲这次回家显得怕人地平静，完全变成另外一个人。他不搭理我，既没说他一直在哪里，也没说发生了什么事，只深陷在冥想中。他把自己关在书房里，整夜不眠地踱来踱去。夜深了，我听着他的脚步声，感到非常担忧、害怕，睡不着觉。两天后，当我看见母亲、姥姥和小方从北京回来时，终于大松了一口气。
My mother immediately went to my father's department and handed Tao Zhu's letter to a deputy director. Straight away, my father was sent to a health clinic. My mother was allowed to go with him."
母亲马上去父亲的宣传部，把陶铸的信交给一位副部长。父亲很快被送进疗养院，母亲获准去陪伴他。疗养院位于幽静、秀丽的乡下，两边都是绿色的小溪。父亲有一间套房，会客室里摆着一排空荡荡的书架，卧室里有一张大双人床，盥洗间嵌着发亮的白瓷砖。阳台外面有几棵桂花树，正散发着醉人的香气。秋风吹来，一点点桂花瓣轻轻飘落在无草的泥地上。
I went there to see them. It was a lovely place in the country, bordered on two sides by a beautiful green brook.
我去探望他们时，父亲看上去很平静。母亲告诉我，他们每天到门外小溪去钓鱼。我觉得他们都平安无事了，于是告诉他们我想到北京去见毛主席。和所有人一样，这是我一直最渴望做的事。可是我到现在还没去，原因是我感到父母需要我，我应该在他们身边。
My father had a suite with a sitting room in which there was a row of empty bookshelves, a bedroom with a large double bed, and a bathroom with shiny white files. Outside his balcony, several osmanthus trees spread an intoxicating scent. When the breeze blew, tiny golden blossoms floated softly down to the grass less earth.
Both my parents seemed peaceful. My mother told me they went fishing in the brook every day. I felt they were safe, so I told them I was planning to leave for Peking to see Chairman Mao. I had longed to make this trip, like almost everybody else. But I had not gone because I felt I should be around to give my parents support.
Making the pilgrimage to Peking was very much encouraged and food, accommodations, and transport were all free. But it was not organized. I left Chengdu two days later with the five other girls from the reception office. As the train whistled north, my feelings were a mixture of excitement and nagging disquiet about my father. Outside the window, on the Chengdu Plain, some rice fields had been harvested, and squares of black soil shone among the gold, forming a rich patchwork. The countryside had been only marginally affected by the upheavals, in spite of repeated instigations by the Cultural Revolution Authority led by Mme Mao. Mao wanted the population fed so that they could 'make revolution," so he did not give his wife his full backing. The peasants knew that if they got involved and stopped producing food, they would be the first to starve, as they had learned in the famine only a few years before. The cottages among the green bamboo groves seemed as peaceful and idyllic as ever. The wind gently swayed the lingering smoke to form a crown over the graceful bamboo tips and the concealed chimneys. It was less than five months since the beginning of the Cultural Revolution, but my world had changed completely. I gazed out at the quiet beauty of the plain, and let a wistful mood envelop me. Fortunately, I did not have to worry about being criticized for being 'nostalgic," which was considered bourgeois, as none of the other girls had an accusing turn of mind. With them, I felt I could relax.
红卫兵进京朝圣并没有组织，但受到极大的鼓励，享受免费提供的食物、住宿和交通工具。两天后，我和学校“接待站”的另外五位姑娘就乘火车离开了成都。当火车嘘嘘地喷着白烟驶向北方时，我的心情既兴奋，又摆脱不开为父亲担忧的阴影。窗外是广阔的成都平原，一些稻子还是金黄金黄的，另一些已收割，露出一块块黑色泥土，好像一大幅拼花织锦。城里的动乱对农村的影响很小，尽管毛夫人江青领导的中央文革小组不断煽风点火，但是毛并未全力支持她，因为他很清楚：老百姓得先有饭吃，才可能去“闹革命”。而且，农民也都明白，如果他们像城里人那样停止生产跑去闹革命，第一个挨饿的就是他们自己，几年前的大饥荒就是前车之鉴。绿竹环绕的农舍看上去仍然十分安宁，像田园牧歌。绿竹丛顶端隐约可见的烟囱上，缕缕炊烟缠绵着，由微风轻轻地摇散。文革开始还不到五个月时间，我的世界已经完全变了样！我凝视着静静的田野，让忧郁笼罩着我。庆幸是，此刻我不必担忧被批评为“小资产阶级情调”，和我同行的五位女孩子都没有挑剔别人的嗜好，和她们在一起，我感到很轻松。
The prosperous Chengdu Plain soon gave way to low hills. The snowy mountains of west Sichuan glistened in the distance. Before very long we were traveling in and out of the tunnels through the towering Qjn Mountains, the wild range that cuts Sichuan off from the north of China.
富庶的成都平原景色很快就被连绵起伏的低丘所取代，西边的雪山顶在远方闪闪发亮。过了一段时间，我们开始在秦岭隧道里进进出出，秦岭像一座天然屏障把四川与中国北部隔开，西藏在四川西两，险峻的长江三峡在东部，南面被长期视为蛮夷之地。所以自古以来，四川总是自成一体，四川人也素有独立精神之名声。(此处删去一句)。
With Tibet to the west, the hazardous Yangtze Gorges to the east, and the southern neighbors considered barbarians, Sichuan had always been rather self-contained, and the Sichuanese were known for their independent spirit. Mao had been concerned about their legendary inclination to seek some margin of independence, and had always made sure the province was in the firm grip of Peking.
After the Qjn Mountains, the scenery became dramatically different. The soft greenness gave way to harsh yellow earth, and the thatched cottages of the Chengdu Plain were replaced by rows of dry mud cave-huts. It was in caves like these that my father had spent five years as a young man.
过了秦岭，窗外骤然是另一番风情：柔和的绿野变成了苍凉的黄土地。成都平原的草屋也变成一排排山边掘出的窑洞。就是在这样的窑洞里，父亲度过了五年岁月。
We were only a hundred miles from Yan'an, where Mao had set up his headquarters after the Long March. It was there that my father dreamed his youthful dreams and became a devoted Communist. Thinking of him, my eyes became moist.
火车距延安只有100哩，毛泽东长征后在那里建立了他的指挥中心。在延安父亲编织了他的梦，变成了忠实的共产党员。想到他，我的眼睛湿润了。
The journey took two days and a night. The attendants came to talk to us often and told us how envious they were that we would be seeing Chairman Mao soon.
火车连续行驶了两天一夜，列车员不断跑来对我们说：他们很羡慕我们就要见到毛主席了。
At Peking Station huge slogans welcomed us as "Chairman Mao's guests." It was after midnight, yet the square in front of the station was lit ~up like daytime. Searchlights swept through the thousands and thousands of young people, all wearing red armbands and speaking often mutually unintelligible dialects. They were talking, shouting, giggling, and quarrelling against the background of a gigantic chunk of stolid Soviet-style architecture the station itself. The only Chinese features were the pastiche pavilion like roofs on the two clock towers at each end.
北京站前是一幅巨大的标语：“欢迎你们，毛主席的客人！”这时虽然已是午夜，站前广场仍被照得如同白昼。探照灯在密密麻麻的人群中扫来扫去，大家都戴着红袖套，说着相互不懂的方言，又笑又叫又吵。背景是北京站，它是一所巨大敦实的苏联式建筑，唯一的中国特色是两边钟楼上的仿古大屋顶。
As I stumbled drowsily out into the searchlights, I was enormously impressed by the building, its ostentatious grandeur and its shiny marbled modernity. I had been used to traditional dark timber columns and rough brick walls.
我半醒半睡、跌跌撞撞地走入探照灯下的人群里，面对这种现代化建筑物的浮华、宏伟和闪亮的大理石，感到惊叹，我过去常见的是传统暗色的木柱形粗糙的砖墙。
I looked back, and with a surge of emotion saw a huge portrait of Mao hanging in the center, under three golden characters, "Peking Station," in his calligraphy.
出站后，我回过头来，一股激动的情绪霍然涌起，我看到一幅巨大的毛泽东画像挂在建筑物的中心，下面是毛手书的三个金色大字“北京站”。
Loudspeakers directed us to the reception rooms in a corner of the station. In Peking, as in every other city in China, administrators were appointed to arrange food and accommodations for the traveling youngsters. Dormitories in universities, schools, hotels, and even offices were pressed into service. After waiting on line for hours, we were assigned to Qinghua University, one of the most prestigious in the country. We were taken there by coach and told that food would be provided in the canteen. The running of the gigantic machine for the millions of traveling youngsters was overseen by Zhou Enlai, who dealt with the daily chores with which Mao could not be bothered.
扩音器引导我们来到站前广场一角“接待站”。就像其他中国城市一样，北京干部们被派来为串联的红卫兵安排食宿。住宿安排在大学、中学、招待所里，甚至机关办公室也腾出来。在排了好几个小时的队后，我们被分配到清华大学。公共汽车载我们过去，到达后，通知我们在学校食堂吃饭。安顿数百万年轻人的工作是由周恩来亲自负责，他还得处理国家繁杂的日常工作，毛泽东不会管这些事的。
Without Zhou or somebody like him, the country and with it the Cultural Revolution would have collapsed, and Mao let it be known that Zhou was not to be attacked.
要是当时没有周恩来或其他这样的人物来管理国家，中国经济及文化大革命都可能会垮掉。毛泽东很清楚周恩来的重要性，所以明令大家不准攻击周。
We were a very serious group, and all we wanted to do was to see Chairman Mao. Unfortunately, we had just missed his fifth review of Red Guards in Tiananmen Square. What were we to do? Leisure activities and sightseeing were out irrelevant to the revolution. So we spent all our time on the campus copying wall posters. Mao had said that one purpose of traveling was to 'exchange information about the Cultural Revolution." That was what we would do: bring the slogans of the Peking Red Guards back to Chengdu.
我们六位姑娘都很严肃，来北京的唯一目的是见毛泽东。不幸的是，我们刚好错过了他第五次在天安门广场检阅红卫兵。怎么办呢？观光游览是不算革命的，所以我们把全部时间都花在清华校园里抄大字报上。毛泽东说旅行是串联，目的是“交流文化大革命经验”，我们得把北京红卫兵的大字报抄下来带回成都。
Actually, there was another reason for not going out: transport was impossibly crowded and the university was out in the suburbs, about ten miles from the city center.
事实上，客观条件也使我们无法观光：大学远在郊区，离市中心有十哩之遥。而每辆公共汽车都挤得满满的，门上吊着、顶上爬着都是人。
Still, we had to tell ourselves that our disinclination to move was correctly motivated.
尽管如此，我们还得为不出去玩耍找个革命的理由。
Staying on the campus was intensely uncomfortable. Even today I can still smell the latrines down the corridor from our room, which were so blocked that the water from the washbasins and urine and loosened excrement from the toilets flooded the tiled floor. Fortunately, the doorway to the latrines had a ridge, which prevented the stinking overflow from invading the corridor. The university administration was paralyzed, so there was nobody to get repairs done. But children from the countryside were still using the toilets: manure was not considered untouchable by peasants. When they trudged out, their shoes left highly odorous stains along the corridor and in the rooms.
校园的生活极不舒服，时至今日我似乎仍能闻到当年我们的房间来自走廊那头厕所的臭味，由于下水道不通，洗脸槽流不下去的脏水和便池的屎尿都溢出来，淌满了瓷砖地。多亏厕所有个门坎，污水屎尿不致流到走廊上。学校管理机关陷于瘫痪，没人来修理。可是农村来的学生还在使用这些厕所，他们已习惯于和粪便打交道。当他们拖泥带水走出厕所后，过道房间便留下一串臭哄哄的污迹。
A week passed, and still there was no news of another rally at which we could see Mao. Subconsciously desperate to get away from our discomfort, we decided to go to Shanghai to visit the site where the Communist Party had been founded in 192l, and then on to Mao's birthplace in Hunan, in south-central China.
一个星期过去了，毛泽东似乎没有再发动另一次检阅的迹象。下意识里我们都急于摆脱这个肮脏的环境，于是决定先去上海，参观中国共产党1921年的诞生地，然后再赴湖南，瞻仰毛泽东的出生地。这都是“革命圣地”，不算游山玩水。
These pilgrimages turned out to be hell: the trains were unbelievably packed. The dominance of the Red Guards by high officials' children was coming to an end, because their parents were beginning to come under attack as capitalist-roaders. The oppressed 'blacks' and 'grays' began to organize their own Red Guard groups and to travel. The color codes were beginning to lose their meaning. I remember meeting on one train a very beautiful, slim girl of about eighteen, with unusually big, velvet black eyes and long, thick eyelashes. As was the custom, we started by asking each other what 'family background' we were from. I was amazed at the unembarrassed manner with which this lovely girl replied that she was a 'black." And she seemed confidently to be expecting us 'red' girls to be friendly with her.
没想到旅程艰难万分，火车大爆满。在这段时期，高干子弟控制红卫兵的时代已结束了，因为他们自己的父辈已被攻击为“黑帮”、“走资派”。过去一直受压的“黑类”和“灰类”开始组成自己的红卫兵，也参加了串联。“红”变“黑”了，“黑”又变“红”了。我记得有一次在火车上碰到一个美丽苗条年约十八岁的姑娘，有双非常大的黑眼珠，长长的眼睫毛。一如惯例，我们见面就互通“家庭出身”。当我听见那位可爱的女孩子毫无窘态地报出自己出身“黑类”时，我简直惊呆了，她似乎完全确信我们这些“红”姑娘会友好待她。
The six of us were very unmilitant in our behavior, and our seats were always the center of boisterous chatting.
当然，我们六个人原本就毫无斗气。我们的座位总是车上叽叽喳喳聊天的中心。
The oldest member of our group was eighteen, and she was particularly popular. Everyone called her "Plumpie," as she was very well padded all around. She laughed a lot, with a deep, chesty, operatic sound. She sang a lot too, but, of course, only songs of Chairman Mao's quotations.
我们之中最年长的姑娘十八岁，也是最受欢迎的人物，大家称她“小胖子”，因为她实在是胖嘟嘟的。她笑得最多、最开心，具有一种深沉浑厚的歌剧般嗓音。她也爱唱歌，当然只唱毛泽东的语录歌和一些歌颂毛的歌曲。除此之外，所有的歌曲几乎都在十年文革中被禁止了。
All songs except these and a few in praise of Mao were banned, like all other forms of entertainment, and remained so for the ten years of the Cultural Revolution.
This was the happiest I had been since the start of the Cultural Revolution, in spite of the persistent worry about my father and the agony involved in traveling. Every inch of space in the trains was occupied, even the luggage racks.
这是我自文化大革命开始以来最愉快的日子。但是我心里仍挂念父亲，也时时感到旅途不适。火车上每一寸地都被占满了，行李架上、座位下都是人，厕所里也满满的，根本无法挤进去，只有朝圣的虔诚信念支撑着我们。
The toilet was jam-packed: no one could get in. Only our determination to see the holy sites of China sustained us.
Once, I desperately needed to relieve myself. I was sitting squeezed up next to a window, because five people were crammed onto a narrow seat made for three. With an incredible struggle I reached the toilet but when I got there I decided it was impossible to use it. Even if the boy who sat on the lid of the tank with his feet on the toilet seat cover could lift his legs for one moment, even if the girl who sat between his feet could somehow manage to be held up briefly by the others filling every usable space around her, I could not bring myself to do it in front of all these boys and girls. I returned to my seat on the verge of tears. Panic worsened the bursting sensation, and my legs were shaking. I resolved to use the toilet at the next stop.
有一次，我急于小便。当时我靠窗坐着，被挤得紧贴着车壁，原为三个人的座位现在挤了五个人。经过一番不可思议的拼搏，我终于到了厕所，却发现根本不可能使用。就算坐在水箱盖上的男孩子愿意把他的脚从便桶盖子上抬起来一会儿，就算坐在他双脚之间的女孩子能被人抱起来让出便桶。我也不可能在众目睽睽下方便。他们不可能让出厕所到过道上去，那里也满是人。于是我又折腾一番挤回到座位，急得几乎掉出眼泪。结果越急就越憋不住，我吓得两腿发抖，决定到了下一站，无论如何得下到站台去上厕所。
After what seemed an interminable time, the train stopped at a small, dusk-enveloped station. The window was opened and I clambered out, but when I came back I found I could not get in.
时间和火车行驶都好像是蜗行牛步，终于我们停在一个薄暮笼罩的小站上。在朋友们的帮助下，我打开窗户，爬了出去。但返回时，我发现进不去了。
I was perhaps the least athletic of us six. Previously, whenever I had had to climb into a train through the window, one of my friends had always lifted me from the platform while others pulled me from inside. This time, although I was being helped by about four people from inside, I could not hoist my body high enough to get my head and elbows in. I was sweating like mad, even though it was freezing cold. At this point, the train started to pull away. Panicking, I looked around to see if there was anyone who could help. My eyes fell on the thin, dark face of a boy who had sidled up beside me. But his intention was not to lend me a hand.
我可能是六个人当中最缺乏运动神经的一个。以往当我必须由窗户爬进火车时，一位朋友得到站台上把我托起来，别的人在车里全力接我。这一次，虽然有四个人合力在车上拉我，我仍无法把头和手肘伸入车窗。尽管当时是严冬季节，我还一个劲儿流汗。就在此时，火车缓缓启动了，恐慌万分的我四下张望，想找找有没有人可以托我一把。我的眼光落到一个瘦小、黑脸的男孩子身上，他正悄悄挨近我，但是他的目的却不是想帮我。
I had my purse in a pocket of my jacket, and because of my climbing position it was quite visible. With two fingers, the boy picked it out. He had presumably chosen the moment of departure to snatch it. I burst out crying. The boy paused. He looked at me, hesitated, and put the purse back. Then he took hold of my right leg and hoisted me up. I landed on the table as the train was beginning to pick up speed.
我的钱包放在外衣口袋里，在爬窗户时露了出来。那个男孩用两根指头把它一夹就夹出来了。显然，他先前一直在等火车启动这个时机。我一下子哭了起来，那个男孩子愣住了，他看着我，露出踌躇的神色。然后，他很快把钱包又塞回我的衣袋，双手托起我的右腿，把我举起来。火车开始加速了，而我已爬上了车内桌面。
Because of this incident, I developed a soft spot for adolescent pickpockets. In the coming years of the Cultural Revolution, when the economy was in a shambles, theft was widespread, and I once lost a whole year's food coupons. But whenever I heard that policemen or other custodians of' law and order' had beaten a pickpocket, I always felt a pang. Perhaps the boy on that winter platform had shown more humanity than the hypocritical pillars of society.
有了这次经历后，我对小扒手们总心怀同情。文革期间，当经济一团糟时，小偷到处都是。有一次，我全年的粮票被扒光。即便如此，每当我看到警察或别的人打小偷时，我就觉得揪心地难过。那位小站上的扒手比伪善的“社会栋梁”们表现了更多的人性。
Altogether we traveled about 2,000 miles on this trip, in a state of exhaustion such as I had never experienced in my life. We visited Mao's old house, which had been turned into a museum-cum-shrine. It was rather grand quite different from my idea of a lodging for exploited peasants, as I had expected it to be. A cap ton underneath an enormous photograph of Mao's mother said that she had been a very kind person and, because her family was relatively well off, had often given food to the poor. So our Great Leader's parents had been rich peasants!? But rich peasants were class enemies!? Why were Chairman Mao's parents heroes when other class enemies were objects of hate? The question frightened me so much that I immediately suppressed it..
我们一共旅行了两千多哩，我从来没有这么疲惫不堪过。我们去了韶山，参观了毛泽东的故居，修得像座博物馆。使我十分惊奇的是，毛家住宅看上去很宽大，一点儿也不像我想象中的“受剥削”的贫苦农家。一幅巨大的毛泽东母亲照片下有一行注脚，说她很仁慈，因为毛家富有，她经常把粮食分给贫苦农民。这样说来，我们伟大领袖的父母原来竟是富农！但富农是“阶级敌人”呀！为何伟大领袖的父母是英雄，而其他富农是仇恨的对象？一连串闪现的问题把我吓坏了，我不敢往下想。
When we got back to Peking in mid-November, the capital was freezing. The reception offices were no longer at the station, because the area was too small for the huge number of youngsters now pouring in. A truck took us to a park where we spent the whole night waiting for accommodations to be allocated. We could not sit down because the ground was covered with frost and it was unbearably cold. I dozed off for a second or two standing up. I was not used to the harsh Peking winter and, having left home in the autumn, had not brought any winter clothes with me. The wind cut through my bones, and the night seemed never-ending. So did the line. It meandered around and around the ice-covered lake in the middle of the park.
当我们于11月中旬回到北京时，这里已是冰天雪地了。接待站已不再设在车站，站外面积太小，不足以容纳四面八方涌来、日益增加的年轻人。一辆卡车把我们载到一个公园。整整一个晚上我们站在霜地上不断跺脚，排队等待分配住宿。地上全是冰霜，坐也不能坐。我又累又倦，站着站着就打起盹来。我这个四川人是第一次见识到北方严寒气候，而且我是秋天离家的，没带任何冬衣。此时此刻，我真正体会到北风刺骨的滋味了。黑夜仿佛无止尽的漫长，队伍也一圈又一圈地绕着公园中心冰冻的湖。
Dawn came and went and we were still in line, absolutely exhausted. It was not until dusk fell that we reached our accommodations: the Central Drama School. Our room had once been used for singing classes. Now there were two rows of straw mattresses on the floor, no sheets or pillows. We were met by some air force officers, who said they had been sent by Chairman Mao to look after us and give us military training. We all felt very moved by the concern Chairman Mao showed us.
拂晓来了又去。我们仍在排队，我已筋疲力尽。天又黑了，我们才挪到接待窗口，分到了住处：中央戏剧学院。我们的房间以前是歌唱教室，现在地上铺着两排草垫，既没有床单，也没有枕头。一些空军军官来接待我们，说他们是“毛主席派来照料红卫兵的亲人”，并指导我们军训。我们为毛主席的这份关心感动得痛哭流涕。
Military training for the Red Guards was a new development. Mao had decided to put a brake on the random destruction which he had unleashed. The hundreds of Red Guards lodged in the Drama School were organized into a 'regiment' by the air force officers. We struck up a good relationship with them, and liked two officers in particular, whose family backgrounds we learned at once, as was customary. The company commander had been a peasant from the north, while the political commissar came from an intellectual's family in the famous garden city of Suzhou. One day they proposed taking the six of us to the zoo, but asked us not to tell the others because their jeep could not hold any more people. Besides, they implied, they were not supposed to divert us to activities irrelevant to the Cultural Revolution. Not wanting to get them into trouble we declined, saying we wanted to 'stick to making revolution." The two officers brought us bagfuls of big ripe apples, which were seldom seen in Chengdu, and bunches of toffee-coated water chestnuts, which we had all heard of as a great Peking speciality. To repay their kindness, we sneaked into their bedroom and collected their dirty clothes, then washed them with great enthusiasm. I remember struggling with the big khaki uniforms, which were extremely heavy and hard in the icy water. Mao had told the people to learn from the armed forces, because he wanted everyone to be as regimented and indoctrinated with loyalty to him alone as the army was. Learning from servicemen had gone hand in hand with the promotion of affection for them, and numerous books, articles, songs, and dances featured girls helping soldiers by washing their clothes.
军训对红卫兵来说，是个新发展。毛泽东此刻已决定刹住他造成的混乱局面。住在中央戏剧学院的红卫兵被空军军官们编成了班、排、连、营，由他们指挥操练。我们几个姑娘和军官们关系处得很好，特别喜欢两位直接指挥我们的军官。按惯例，我们一见面就互相通报了家庭背景。连长是位北方农民，政治指导员生长在著名的园林城市——苏州，出身知识分子家庭。一天，他们提议带我们六个人到动物园去，但要我们不告诉其他人，因为他们的吉普车装不下太多人。他们也暗示说他们不想制造一种坏印象：带我们去玩耍，偏离了“文化大革命”。由于不想给他们惹麻烦，我们谢绝了，说“要一心一意闹革命”。结果那两位军官带来大包成都少见的大红苹果，还有冰糖葫芦——早有所闻的北京一大名产。为了报答他们的盛情，我们偷偷溜进他们的卧室，把他们的脏衣服收集起来，清洗干净。我至今仍然清晰地记得自己是如何使尽全身力气对付在冰冷的水里又硬又重的卡其布军服。姑娘们帮战士洗衣服是许多书籍、文章、歌曲和舞蹈的题材。原因是毛泽东要“全国人民学解放军”，上上下下都要像军队那样服从他、于是学习军人与爱军宣传齐头并进。
I even washed their underpants, but nothing sexual ever entered my mind. I suppose many Chinese girls of my generation were too dominated by the crushing political upheavals to develop adolescent sexual feelings. But not all. The disappearance of parental control meant it was a time of promiscuity for some. When I got back home I heard about a former classmate of mine, a pretty girl of fifteen, who went off traveling with some Red Guards from Peking. She had an affair on the way and came back pregnant. She was beaten by her father, followed by the accusing eyes of the neighbors, and enthusiastically gossiped about by her comrades. She hanged herself, leaving a note saying she was 'too ashamed to live." No one challenged this medieval concept of shame, which might have been a target of a genuine cultural revolution. But it was never one of Mao's concerns, and was not among the 'olds' which the Red Guards were encouraged to destroy.
我甚至洗了他们的内裤，但我的脑子里从来没有过丝毫性的念头。大概很多我这一代的中国姑娘都被政治激变所支配，无从发展青春性意识。当然，并非人人如此。没有家长的管束，有些少男少女便自由放纵。回到成都时，我听说以前的一位同学自杀了。她是位俊俏的十五岁女孩子，和一些来自北京的红卫兵一起去各地串联。她和同伴在途中发生了性关系，回家后发现怀了孕。她被父亲毒打了一顿，左邻右舍以鄙视的目光看待她，红卫兵战友也在背后说长道短。她无法忍受，上吊自杀了，留下一张字条，说她“没脸见人”。这种封建的羞耻观本应是文化革命的真正目标，(此处删去一句)却没有列在要红卫兵破除的“四旧”之中。
The Cultural Revolution also produced a large number of militant puritans, mostly young women. Another girl from my form once received a love letter from a boy of sixteen. She wrote back calling him 'a traitor to the revolution': "How dare you think about such shameless things when the class enemies are still rampant, and people in the capitalist world still live in an abyss of misery!" Such a style was affected by many of the girls I knew. Because Mao called for girls to be militant, femininity was condemned in the years when my generation was growing up. Many girls tried to talk, walk, and act like aggressive, crude men, and ridiculed those who did not. There was not much possibility of expressing femininity anyway. To start with, we were not allowed to wear anything but the shapeless blue, grey or green trousers and jackets.
文化大革命也产生了许许多多咄咄逼人的道学先生，大多数是年轻姑娘。我的一位同班女孩曾收到一封情书，写自一个十六岁的男孩子。她大笔一挥，回信指责那个落入情网者是“革命的叛徒”，“当阶级敌人仍猖獗一时，资本主义世界的人民仍生活在水深火热之中时，你却尽在想些不知羞耻的事！”当时这种风气流行一时。毛泽东号召“不爱红装爱武装”，女性温柔成了指责对象，不少姑娘说话行事都努力像个粗野的男人，谁不这么做谁就被看不起。当然，那些日子也没有表现女性特征的机会，我们只准穿没有体型的蓝色、灰色或军绿的衣裤。
Our air force officers drilled us round and round the Drama School's basketball courts every day. Next to the courts was the canteen. My eyes used to steal toward it as soon as we formed up, even if I had just finished breakfast.
在戏剧学院里，空军军官们天天指挥我们围著篮球场一圈又一圈地操练。操场旁边是食堂，一列上队，我的双眼就不断朝那个方向瞟，即使是刚吃了早饭也如此，我每天脑子里想的都是吃饭，不知是由于肚里缺少油水，还是太冷，或是操练太枯燥，我不断想着各种四川菜：香酥鸭、糖醋鱼、醉鸡，还有数不尽的小吃。
I was obsessed with food, although I was not sure whether this was due to the lack of meat, or the cold, or the boredom of the drilling. I dreamed of the variety of Sichuan cuisine, of crispy duckling, sweet-and-sour fish, "Drunken Chicken," and dozens of other succulent delicacies.
None of us six girls was used to having money. We also thought that buying things was somehow 'capitalist." So, in spite of my obsession with food, I only bought one bunch of toffee-coated water chestnuts, after my appetite for them had been whetted by the ones our officers gave us. I resolved to give myself this treat after a great deal of agonizing and consultation with the other girls. When I got home after the trip I immediately devoured some stale biscuits, while handing my grandmother the almost untouched money she had given me. She pulled me into her arms and kept saying, "What a silly girl!"
我们这六个姑娘没有一人有花钱的习惯，再加上觉得买东西好像跟资产阶级有某种关联，所以我尽管一个劲儿想吃东西，也只买过一串冰糖葫芦。买之前，还经过一段长时闻痛苦的煎熬，和别的姑娘反复讨论。后来我回家时，一口气就吞食了一盒走了味的饼干，一边把姥姥在我出发前给我的零花钱几乎原封不动地退还她。姥姥一把将我搂在怀里，不停地说：“真是个傻丫头！傻丫头！”
I also returned home with rheumatism. Peking was so cold that water froze in the taps. Yet I was drilling, in the open, without an overcoat. There was no hot water to warm up our icy feet. When we first arrived, we were given a blanket each. Some days later, more girls arrived, but there were no more blankets. We decided to give them three and share the other three between us six. Our upbringing had taught us to help comrades in need. We had been informed that our blankets had come from stores reserved for wartime. Chairman Mao had ordered them to be taken out for the comfort of his Red Guards. We expressed our heartfelt gratitude to Mao. Now, when we ended up with hardly any blankets, we were told to be even more grateful to Mao, because he had given us all China had.
我是带着风湿病回家的。北京冷得水管里的水都结冰了，可我们得在露天操场上顶着刺骨寒风训练，又没有大衣穿，一天下来没有热水暖暖脚。我们刚到时，每人分到一床毯子。几天后，更多的姑娘到了，毯子就不够用了。我们六人一起商量，分给新来者三条，我们合用三条。大家长久以来受的教育是要义不容辞帮助同志。军官们曾告诉我们，毛毯是战备物资，是毛主席下令拿出来给他的红卫兵用的，那时我们都不禁感谢毛主席，现在，毯子没有了，我们应该更加感谢毛主席，他倾其所有地都给了我们。
The blankets were small, and could not cover two people unless they slept close together. The shapeless nightmares which had started after I had seen the attempted suicide had become worse after my father was taken away and my mother left for Peking; and since I slept badly, I often twisted out from under the blanket. The room was poorly heated, and once I fell asleep, an icy chill invaded me. By the time we left Peking the joints in my knees were so inflamed that I could hardly bend them.
毛毯太小，不足以盖住两人，除非紧紧挤在一起。可我无法静卧在一处。自从目睹学校那桩自杀事件后，我便爱做恶梦。父亲被带走，母亲去了北京之后，恶梦更加频繁。我老是睡得不安稳，翻来翻去的，不时翻出毯子外，房间暖气供应有气无力，一旦要睡着了冰冷的凉气就袭来。离开北京时，我的膝关节红肿得几乎没法蹲下。
My discomfort did not stop there. Some children from the countryside had fleas and lice. One day I came into our room and saw one of my friends crying. She had just discovered a blot of tiny white eggs in the armpit seam of her underwear lice eggs. This threw me into a panic, because lice caused unbearable itchiness and were associated with dirtiness. From then on, I felt itchy all the time, and examined my underwear several times a day. How I longed for Chairman Mao to see us soon so I could go home!
更要命的是，有些农村来的孩子带来了跳蚤和虱子。一天，我走进房间，看见一位朋友在哭，原来她在内衣的腋窝处发现了一串细小、白色发亮的虱子卵。我怕极了！因为虱子会引起无法忍受的奇痒，而且使我自己觉得自己很脏。从此以后，我无时不感到身上有地方在发痒，一天有好几次仔细检查内衣。所有的折磨使我天天祈盼毛主席快点检阅我们，这样我就能回家了。
On the afternoon of 24 November, I was in one of our usual Mao quotation studying sessions in one of the boys' rooms (officers and boys would not come into the girls' rooms, out of modesty). Our nice company commander came in with an unusually light gait and proposed conducting us in the most famous song of the Cultural Revolution: "When Sailing the Seas, We Need the Helmsman."
11月24日下午，我们照常在男孩子的房间里学习毛语录，(军官和男孩子们出于男女界限不进姑娘的房间)。我们和蔼的连长迈着不寻常的轻快步伐走进来，提出打拍子指挥大家唱当时最流行的歌曲《大海航行靠舵手》。
He had never done this before, and we were all pleasantly surprised. He waved his arms beating time, his eyes shining, his cheeks flushed. When he finished, and announced with restrained excitement that he had some good news, we knew immediately what it was.
他从来不曾有过这样的举动，令我们十分惊喜。他挥舞着手臂打拍子时，两眼闪闪发光，脸上喜气洋洋。当他示意大家安静，说要宣布一项好消息时，我们马上就猜到了。
"We're going to see Chairman Mao tomorrow!" he exclaimed. The rest of his words were drowned out by our cheers. After the initial wordless yelling, our excitement took the form of shouting slogans: "Long live Chairman Mao!"
“明天我们要见毛主席了！”他话音未落，我们便欢呼起来。一阵无词的大叫后，我们的兴奋变成了一阵阵的口号：“毛主席万岁！”“跟着毛主席，永远闹革命！”
"We will follow Chairman Mao forever!"
The company commander told us that no one could leave the campus from that minute on, and that we should watch one another to make sure of this. To be asked to watch one another was quite normal. Besides, these were safety measures for Chairman Mao, which we were only too glad to apply. After dinner, the officer approached my five companions and me, and said in a hushed and solemn voice: "Would you like to do something to ensure Chairman Mao's safety?"
连长告诉我们，从现在起任何人都不得离开校园，大家得互相监督。“互相监督”在当时是很正常的事，更何况现在是要保护毛主席的安全，我们当然乐意从命。饭后，连长找到我们六位姑娘，压低嗓门，一本正经地说：“你们愿不愿意为保卫毛主席的安全出力？”
"Of course!" He signaled for us to keep quiet, and continued in a whisper: "Would you propose before we leave tomorrow morning that we all search each other to make sure that no one is carrying anything they shouldn't? You know, young people might forget about the rules.... He had announced the rules earlier that we must not bring anything metal, not even keys, to the rally.
“当然愿意！”我们齐声回答。他作了个“嘘”声手势，要我们保持安静，又低声问：“明天早上出发前，你们提议大家互相检查以确保没有人携带违反规定的物品，好不好？你们知道，年轻人容易疏忽……”他早先已宣布过规定——不准携带任何金属物品进入会场，甚至不准带钥匙。
Most of us could not sleep, and excitedly talked the night away. At four o'clock in the morning we got up and gathered in disciplined ranks for the hour-and-a-half walk to Tiananmen Square. Before our 'company' set off, at a wink from the officer, Plumpie stood up and proposed a search. I could see that some of the others thought she was wasting our time, but our company commander cheerfully seconded her proposal. He suggested we search him first.
当晚，我们无法入睡，整夜大家都在兴奋地交谈。早上四点钟，我们起了床，排列整齐，步行一个半钟头到天安门广场去。队伍开拔前，连长使了个眼色，小胖子就站出队列，提议互相搜身。我看得出一些人觉得她在浪费大家的时间，但连长笑眯眯地赞许，让我们先搜他。
A boy was called to do this, and found a big bunch of keys on him. Our commander acted as though he had been genuinely careless, and gave Plumpie a victorious smile.
一个男孩走出队列来执行，在连长口袋里发现一大串钥匙。我们的连长做出一付恍然醒悟、懊恼自己不够细心的样子，对小胖子眨眨眼，笑了笑。
The rest of us searched each other. This roundabout way of doing things reflected a Maoist practice: things had to look as though they were the wish of the people, rather than commands from above. Hypocrisy and play acting were taken for granted.
接着，大家互相搜身。整个成功的表演反映了毛泽东统治下的一种做事方式：即便是命令，也做得要像是老百姓自发的。
The early-morning streets were bursting with activity.
Red Guards were marching toward Tiananmen Square from all over the capital. Deafening slogans surged like roaring waves. As we chanted, we raised our hands and our Little Red Books formed a dramatic red line against the darkness. We reached the square at dawn. I was placed in the seventh row from the front on the wide northern pavement of the Avenue of Eternal Peace to the east side of Tiananmen Square. Behind me were many more rows.
清晨时，北京大街在沸腾，红卫兵从四面八方列队向天安门广场进发，震耳欲聋的口号声就像大海的浪涛声。每喊一句口号，小红书就举上头，在黎明前的黑暗中形成道道红光。天亮时，我们到达广场，在天安门东头、宽阔的长安街北面，沿着慢车道和街沿整齐排列成行。我站在第七排，后面还有许多排。
After lining us up tidily, our officers ordered us to sit down on the hard ground cross-legged. With my inflamed joints, this was agony, and I soon got pins and needles in my bottom. I was deadly cold and drowsy and exhausted because I could not fall asleep. The officers conducted nonstop singing, making different groups challenge each other, to keep up our spirits.
列队完毕，大家原地盘腿坐在冰凉坚硬的水泥地上。我的关节红肿，很痛，坐了一阵，屁股就麻木了。又冷、又困，又无法打盹，就更累了。军官们不停地打拍子，指挥大家唱歌，要不同的红卫兵连队互相挑战，让大家保持高昂的情绪。
Shortly before noon, hysterical waves of "Long live Chairman Mao!" roared from the east. I had been flagging and was slow to realize that Mao was about to pass by in an open car. Suddenly thunderous yelling exploded all around me.
接近正午时，只听得一片片狂热的“毛主席万岁！”的欢呼声，自东面似暴风呼啸而来。我此时已因筋疲力尽而反应迟钝，好一会儿，才意识到毛泽东站在敞篷车上向我们这个方向开过来了。突然，雷鸣般的欢呼声在我四周爆发：
"Long live Chairman Mao!? Long live Chairman Mao!" People sitting in front of me shot up and hopped in delirious excitement, their raised hands frantically waving their Little Red Books.
“毛主席万岁！毛主席万岁！”坐在我前面的红卫兵们一下子都跳了起来，不断发狂地跳跃，拼命舞动小红书。
"Sit down!? Sit down!"
“坐下！坐下！”
I cried, in vain. Our company commander had said that we all had to remain seated throughout. But few seemed to be observing the rules, possessed by their urge to set eyes on Mao.
我大叫，但徒劳无益。我们连长反复交待过，整个检阅过程都必须坐着，但现在极少有人遵守这条纪律了，大家争着站起来看毛主席。
Having been sitting for so long, my legs had gone numb.
因为盘腿坐在地上的时间太长，我的下肢麻木了。
For some seconds, all I could see was a boiling sea of the backs of heads. When I finally managed to totter to my feet, I caught only the very end of the motorcade. Liu Shaoqi, the president, had his face turned in my direction.
有好几秒钟，我看到的只是一片上下起伏的后脑勺。当我终于趔趔趄趄地站起来时，只看见汽车长蛇阵的最后几辆，其中一辆上站着刘少奇——国家主席，他的脸正好朝着我这个方向。
Wall posters had already started attacking Liu as "China's Khrushchev' and the leading opponent of Mao.
那时，大字报已经在指名点姓地说他是“中国的赫鲁晓夫”，反对毛主席。
Although he had not been officially denounced, it was clear that his downfall was imminent. In press reports of the Red Guard rallies, he was always given a very undistinguished place. In this procession, instead of standing next to Mao, as the number-two man should have done, he was right at the back, in one of the last cars.
虽然他还没有被正式打倒，但人人都清楚：他倒台的日子已不远了。在历次检阅红卫兵的新闻报道中，看得出他的地位无足轻重。这次检阅，他没有以中国的第二号人物身份站在毛泽东身边，而是被安排在后而，几乎是最后一辆车上。
Liu looked subdued and weary. But I did not have any feelings for him. Although he was the president, he did not mean anything to my generation. We had grown up imbued with the cult of Mao alone. And if Liu was against Mao, it seemed to us natural that he should go.
刘步奇看上去心事重重，情绪低沉，此刻，我对他没有任何感情。虽然他是国家主席，但他对我这代人来说没有什么意义，我们是在崇拜毛泽东的环境中长大的。如果刘要反对毛，他当然该被打倒。
At that moment, with the sea of youngsters screaming their loyalty to Mao, Liu must have felt how utterly hopeless his situation was. The irony was that he himself had been instrumental in promoting Mao's deification, which had led to this explosion of fanaticism in the youth of a nation which was largely unreligious. Liu and his colleagues may have helped deification in order to appease him, thinking that he would be satisfied with abstract glory and leave them to get on with the mundane work, but Mao wanted absolute power both on earth and in heaven. And perhaps there was nothing they could have done: the cult of Mao may have been unstoppable.
目睹青年们正狂热地表达对毛泽东的忠诚，刘少奇一定感觉到他的处境是何等没有希望。具有讽刺意味的是：正是他本人长期倡导对毛泽东的神化崇拜，在一个很少有宗教意识的国家里引发了青年人对毛泽东的宗教狂。(此处删去3行)当然，不管是刘少奇还是别的人也许都无可奈何，无法阻挡崇拜毛泽东的澎湃潮流，毛就有那样的威力。
These reflections did not occur to me on the morning of 25 November 1966. All I cared about then was catching a glimpse of Chairman Mao. I turned my eyes quickly away from Liu to the front of the motorcade. I spotted Mao's stalwart back, his right arm steadily waving. In an instant, he had disappeared. My heart sank. Was that all I would see of Chairman Mao? Only a fleeting glimpse of his back?
1966年11月25日上午，我脑子里并没有想到这么多，我全心全意想的是看毛泽东。我把目光飞快地从刘少奇身上移开，扫向车队前列。我看见了毛泽东宽大结实的背影，右手正稳稳地挥动着。一眨眼间，他就从我的视野中消失了。这就是我朝圣的全部？这么久的艰苦等候换来的就只是他的背影？
The sun seemed suddenly to have turned gray. All around me the Red Guards were making a huge din. The girl standing next to me had just pierced the index finger of her right hand and was squeezing blood out of it to write something on a neatly folded handkerchief. I knew exactly the words she was going to use. It had been done many times by other Red Guards and had been publicized ad name am "I am the happiest person in the world today. I have seen our Great Leader Chairman Mao!" Watching her, my despair grew. Life seemed pointless. A thought flickered into my mind: perhaps I should commit suicide?
太阳似乎失去了光辉。周围呢，红卫兵还在又跳又叫。我注意到身旁的一位姑娘正在刺破右手食指，挤出鲜血在一张整整齐齐折叠的手帕上写字。我知道她在写什么，千千万万红卫兵都做过这样的事，报上也不厌其烦地报道：“今天我是世界上最幸福的人；我见到了伟大领袖毛主席！”看看她，我更绝望了，生命仿佛失去了意义，一个念头闪过脑海：也许我该自杀？
It vanished almost the next instant. Looking back, I suppose the idea was really a subconscious attempt to quantify my devastation at having my dream smashed, especially after all the hardships I had suffered on my journey. The bursting trains, the inflamed knees, the hunger and cold, the itchiness, the blocked toilets, the exhaustion all in the end unrewarded.
这个念头一闪而过了。现在回想起来，大概是我在下意识地衡量自己对多年梦想的破灭到底有多失望，特别是为了追求这个梦想，我受了很多苦，爆满的火车、红肿的关节、饥饿寒冷、虱子奇痒、臭水四溢的厕所、终日筋疲力竭。所有这一切换来的只是一眼背影而已。
Our pilgrimage was over and a few days later we headed home. I had had enough of the trip, and I longed for warmth and comfort, and a hot bath. But the thought of home was tinged with apprehension. No matter how uncomfortable, the journey had never been frightening, as my life immediately prior to it had been. Living in close contact with thousands and thousands of Red Guards for well over a month, I had never seen any violence, or felt terror. The gigantic crowds, hysterical though they were, were well disciplined and peaceful. The people I met were friendly.
朝圣就这样完结了，几天后，我们动身回家。我算受够了，一心只想温暖、舒适，洗个热水澡。但是，“家”笼罩在阴影中。我记得临行前那段不安的日子。不管旅行有多么不舒服，但它不使人担惊受怕。我与成千上万的红卫兵共同生活了一个多月，从未眼见任何暴力，也不感到恐怖。大家虽然如醉如痴般狂热，但井然有序，和平无事，彼此都十分友善。
Just before I left Peking, a letter came from my mother. It said my father had fully recovered and everyone in Chengdu was fine. But she added at the end that both she and my father were being criticized as capitalist-roaders.
离京前，我接到母亲的来信，上面说，父亲已经康复，全家都很好。不过她最后加了句话，说她和父亲都成了“走资派”，得接受批判。
My heart sank. By now it had become clear to me that capitalist-roaders Communist officials were the main targets of the Cultural Revolution. I was soon to see what this meant for my family and for me.
我的心为之一沉，当时我已明白：“走资派”——共产党干部——是文化大革命真正的靶子。我就要看到这会带给我家和我本人什么命运了。