?19 "Where There Is a Will to Condemn, There Is Evidence"
十九“欲加之罪，何患无辞”
——My Parents Tormented (December 1966-1967)
——父母受折磨(1966年12月—1967年)
A capitalist-roader was supposed to be a powerful official who was pursuing capitalist policies. But in reality no officials had any choice about which policies they pursued.
走资派本来是指那些推行资本主义路线的共产党官员。其实，共产党官员对他们推行什么路线完全没有选择的自由。
The orders of Mao and those of his opponents were all presented as coming from the Party, and the officials had to obey all of them even though in doing so they were obliged to carry out many zigzags and even U-turns. If they really disliked a particular order, the most they could do was engage in passive resistance, which they had to try hard to disguise. It was therefore impossible to determine whether officials were capitalist-roaders or not on the basis of their work.
毛泽东和中央机构里那些与他意见不同的人，都是以党中央的名义下达指示，各级官员的责任只是无条件服从，无论是“左”的还是“右”的，都得执行。如果他们实在不喜欢某项指示，顶多能做的是消极抵抗，即便如此，还得尽力掩饰。因此不可能根据官员的工作决定谁是走资派。
Many officials had their own views, but the Party rule was that they must not reveal them to the public. Nor did they dare to. So whatever the officials' sympathies were, they were unknown to the general public.
许多官员有他们自己的见解，但共产党的规定使他们不能向公众流露，他们也不敢流露。所以一般群众根本无法知道他们的共产党上司的真正想法，更不用说靠这些想法来决定谁是走资派了。
But ordinary people were the very force Mao now ordered to attack capitalist-roaders without, of course, the benefit of either information or the right to exercise any independent judgment. So what happened was that officials came under attack as capitalist-roaders because of the positions they held.
现在毛泽东就是利用这些群众来打倒走资派。他们并不知道谁像“走资”，毛泽东也无意让他们独立判断。结果变成以官员职务来决定是不是走资派。
Seniority alone was not the criterion. The decisive factor was whether a person was the leader of a relatively self-contained unit or not. The whole population was organized into units, and the people who represented power to ordinary people were their immediate bosses unit leaders. In designating these people for attack, Mao was tapping into the most obvious pool of resentment, in the same way that he had incited pupils against teachers. Unit leaders were also the key links in the chain of the Communist power structure which Mao wanted to get rid of.
这还不在于级别高低，关键是这个人是否为独立单位的领导。在中国，人们分属一个个“单位”，对一般群众来说，权力的代表就是他们的顶头上司——单位领导。不少人对顶头上司难免有怨气，(此处删去一句)，这是一种最普遍的心态，(此处删去一句)，就像学生对老师不满的心理。各个单位的领导干部也是共产党权力结构中的关键环节，而毛泽东现在就是要除掉这个权力结构。
It was because they were leaders of departments that both my parents were denounced as capitalist-roaders.
我父母亲都是各自单位的领导，所以他们成了走资派。
"Where there is a will to condemn, there is evidence," as the Chinese saying has it. On this basis, all unit leaders across China, big and small, were summarily denounced by people under them as capitalist-roaders for implementing policies that were alleged to be 'capitalist' and anti Chairman Mao." These included allowing free markets in the countryside, advocating better professional skills for workers, permitting relative literary and artistic freedom, and encouraging competitiveness in sports now termed 'bourgeois cups-and-medals mania." Until now most officials had had no idea that Mao had disliked these policies after all, the directives had all come from the Party, which was led by him. Now they were told, out of the blue, that all these policies had come from the 'bourgeois headquarters' within the Party.
所谓“欲加之罪，何患无辞”，突然间，大大小小单位的领导都被谴责说是执行了“资本主义”政策或“反毛主席革命路线”。如：农村自由市场、工厂工人搞技术、文学艺术相对自由、体育竞赛(这项如今成了“资产阶级锦标主义”)。大多数官员此时如梦初醒：原来毛泽东并不喜欢这些政策，但这些政策不是来自党中央吗？毛泽东不是党的主席吗？现在犹如晴天霹雳，他们被告知原来党内还有一个“资产阶级司令部”，发布资本主义的政策。
In every unit there were people who became activists.
They were called Rebel Red Guards, or "Rebels' for short.
They wrote wall posters and slogans proclaiming "Down with the capitalist-roaders," and held denunciation meetings against their bosses. The denunciations often sounded hollow, because the accused simply said that they had been carrying out Party orders Mao had always told them to obey Party orders unconditionally, and had never told them of the existence of the 'bourgeois headquarters." How were they to know? And how could they have acted otherwise?
每个单位总有一些人很活跃，他们称为“红卫兵造反派”(造反派)。他们到处张贴大字报、大标语，宣称“打倒走资派！”召开批判大会斗争上司。这些大会往往声势浩大，而内容空泛，被斗的人总是辨说，他们是遵照党的命令行事。毛泽东以前总要求他们无条件服从党，他从未告诉过他们还有一个“资产阶级司令部”，他们怎会知道呢？又怎敢不服从。自己另搞一套呢？
The officials had many supporters, some of whom rallied to their defense. They were called the "Loyalists." Verbal and physical battles broke out between them and the Rebels. Because Mao never said explicitly that all Party bosses should be condemned, some militants became hesitant: what if the bosses they attacked turned out not to be capitalist-roaders? Beyond the posters and slogans and denunciation meetings, ordinary people did not know what they were expected to do.
各个单位的领导也有许多支持者，组织起来保护他们，这些人被称为“保皇派”。结果两派互相指责，有时还动起手来。由于毛泽东从来没有明说过要打倒所有的共产党领导，有些造反派也犹豫了：如果他们斗争的领导最后又不是走资派了怎么办呢？除了写写大字报、大标语、参加批斗大会外，一般群众不知道究竟该做些什么。
So when I returned to Chengdu in December 1966 I sensed a distinct uncertainty in the air.
我于1966年12月回到成都时，感觉到四周充满茫然的气氛。
My parents were living at home. The health clinic where my father had been staying had asked them to leave in November because capitalist-roaders were supposed to go back to their units to be denounced. The small canteen in the compound had been closed down, and we all had to get our food from the big canteen, which went on working normally. My parents continued to receive their salaries every month, in spite of the fact that the Party system was paralyzed and they did not go to work. Since their departments dealt with culture, and their bosses in Peking were particularly hated by the Maos and had been purged at the start of the Cultural Revolution, my parents were in the direct line of fire. They were attacked in wall posters with standard abuse like "Bombard Chang Shou-yu' and "Burn Xia De-hong." The accusations against them were the same as those made against almost every director of every Department of Public Affairs up and down the country.
我父母现在回家里住了，疗养院要父亲这种走资派离开，不得再享受特权，住院医疗，省委大院的小食堂也关了门。我们得到还在正常营运的大食堂去搭伙。尽管共产党的机构已经瘫痪，我父母也不需要再上班了，他们却照常按月领工资。我父母的单位都和文化有关，中央宣传部领导人又是毛泽东不喜欢的对象，所以我父母跟全国宣传部长们一样首当其冲。大字报、大标语一个劲儿地猛烈抨击他们：“炮轰张守愚！”“火烧夏德鸿！”攻击全中国别的宣传部长们的话也都大同小异。
Meetings were convened in my father's department to denounce him. He was yelled at. As with most political struggles in China, the real impetus came from personal animosity. Father's foremost accuser was a Mrs. Shau, a prim and fiercely self-righteous deputy section chief who had long been aspiring to get rid of the prefix 'deputy."
我父亲的省委宣传部开批判会斗争他，朝他喊口号。和大多数政治斗争一样，群众的真正动力其实来自个人怨恨。斗争我父亲最积极的要算姚女士，一个看上去正经得要命、“革命”得了不得的副处长。
She considered that her promotion had been blocked by my father, and was determined to take revenge. Once she spat in his face and slapped him. But in general the anger was limited. Many of the staff liked and respected my father and were not fierce to him. Outside his department, some organizations for which he had been responsible, like the Sichuan Daily, also held denunciation meetings against him. But the staff there bore no personal grudges against him, and the meetings were formalities.
她一直渴望有扶“正”的一天，认定是我父亲挡了她的路，眼下报复的机会终于来了。她在一次批斗会上，朝父亲吐口水，还抽他耳光。但一般说来，愤怒的程度是有限的。许多我父亲的下属喜欢他、敬重他的为人，对他并不凶狠。那些隶属他管辖范围但非直接领导的单位，如《四川日报》，也斗争他，但那里的干部对他没有个人恩怨，斗争会只是形式。
Against my mother there were no denunciation meetings at all. As a grass-roots official, she had looked after more individual units than my father schools, hospitals, and entertainment groups. Normally, someone in her position would have been denounced by people from these organizations. But she was left alone by all of them. She had been responsible for solving their personal problems, such as housing transfers, and pensions. And she had done her job with unfailing helpfulness and efficiency. She had tried her best in previous campaigns not to victimize anyone, and had in fact managed to protect many. People knew the risks she had run, and repaid her by refusing to turn on her.
我母亲的宣传部根本就没有开过批斗她的会。身居此位的人一般都难免会挨斗。但没人斗她。她平素待人和善，又总努力帮助下属解决像住房、调换单位这样的切身问题。在过去历次运动中，她总是尽力避免整人。大家都喜欢她，不愿意整她。
On my first evening back home my grandmother made 'cloud-swallowing' dumplings and steamed rice in palm leaves filled with 'eight treasures." My mother gave me a cheerful account of what had been happening to her and my father. She said they had agreed they did not want to be officials anymore after the Cultural Revolution. They were going to apply to be ordinary citizens, and enjoy a normal family life. As I was to realize later, this was no more than a self-deluding fantasy, because the Communist
我从北京回来的第一晚，姥姥忙着给我做馄饨、蒸八宝饭。饭桌上母亲乐观地述说她和父亲的遭遇。她说他俩商量好了，文革之后不再当官了，要当一般老百姓，享享天伦之乐。我以后才了解到这只是他们自我安慰的幻想，他们不会不知道，一旦加入共产党就没有退出去的余地。但在当时，他们得抱点希望才能支持下去。
Party allowed no opting out; but at the time they needed something to hold on to.
My father also said: "Even a capitalist president can become an ordinary citizen overnight. It's a good thing not to be given permanent power. Otherwise officials will tend to abuse their power." He then apologized to me for having been dictatorial with the family.
我父亲也说：“资本主义国家的总统都可以在一夕之间变成普通公民，更何况在社会主义国家！一辈子当官不是好现象，这会造成滥用权力。”他还向我道歉，说他一直在家搞“一言堂”，“把你们搞得噤若寒蝉，现在，你们青年人起来造我们老一辈的反，我看是件好事。”他接着说，仿佛是一半对我，一半对他自己：“我觉得我们这些干部挨批、挨斗没什么了不起，就算狠了一点，让我们威风扫地，又有什么关系？”
"You are like singing cicadas silenced by chilling winter," he said, 'and it is good that you young people should rebel against us, the older generation." Then he said, half to me, half to himself, 'l think there is nothing wrong with officials like me being subject to criticism even a bit of hardship and loss of face."
This was another confused attempt by my parents to try to cope with the Cultural Revolution. They did not resent the prospect of losing their privileged positions in fact, they were trying to see this as something positive.
我的父母是在竭力想理解文化大革命。他们对丢官、丢特权并无怨言。但是，不久文革摧毁了他们最后一丝幻想。
Nineteen sixty-seven came. Suddenly, the Cultural Revolution switched into high gear. In its first stage, with the Red Guard movement, an atmosphere of terror had been created. Now Mao turned to his major goal: to replace the 'bourgeois headquarters' and the existing Party hierarchy with his personal power system. Liu Shaoqi and Deng Xiaoping were formally denounced and detained, as was Tao Zhu.
1967年到了，文化大革命突然加大了马力。第一阶段的红卫兵运动已制造了“红色恐怖”。现在毛泽东把目标转向了他真正想打击的人，以他的班子替换“资产阶级司令部”和原有的层层共产党组织。刘少奇、邓小平，还有陶铸，都被正式点名批判，并被关押。
On 9 January, the People's Daily and the radio announced that a "January Storm' had started from Shanghai, where Rebels had taken control. Mao called on people throughout China to emulate them and seize power from the capitalist-roaders.
1月9日，《人民日报》和新闻广播宣布“一月风暴”在上海爆发。上海的造反派夺了市委的权。毛泽东号召全国人民以他们为榜样，从走资派手中夺权。
"Seize power' (duo-quart)!? This was a magic phrase in China. Power did not mean influence over policies it meant license over people. In addition to money, it brought privilege, awe, and fawning, and the opportunity to take revenge. In China, there were virtually no safety valves for ordinary people. The whole country was like a pressure cooker in which a gigantic head of compressed steam had built up. There were no football matches, pressure groups, law suits, or even violent films. It was impossible to voice any kind of protest about the system and its injustices, unthinkable to stage a demonstration. Even talking about politics an important form of relieving pressure in most societies was taboo. Subordinates had very little chance of redress against their bosses. But if you were a boss of some kind, you had a chance to vent your frustration. So when Mao launched his call to 'seize power," he found a huge constituency of people who wanted to take revenge on somebody. Although power was dangerous, it was more desirable than powerlessness, particularly to people who had never had it. Now it looked to the general public as if Mao was saying that power was up for grabs.
“夺权！”这在中国是一个极富魔力的词语。有权并非意味着你能制定政策，而是意味你对下属有生杀予夺大权。除了金钱以外，权力还能带来特殊待遇，受人敬畏，被人讨好，还有报复的机会。当时在中国，一般老百姓几乎没有出气的安全阀门。这里没有狂热的足球赛、压力集团、出气官司，甚至暴力电影。人民既不可能反抗国家体系和不公平现象，也不可能示威游行。甚至议论政治是非——这种大多灵敏社会里重要的缓和紧张气氛方式——在这里也严格禁止。下级不敢对上司发火，但有了权就有了发作的机会。由于这种种因素，毛泽东的“夺权”号召获得许多支持者，他们都想对某些人展开报复。权力固然会带来危险，但它到底比没权强些，对从来没有掌过权的人来说，更是如此对一般老百姓而言，现在毛泽东犹如降了一道圣旨，“权力”成了一个可以抢夺的东西了。
In practically every unit in China, the morale of the Rebels was immensely boosted. So were their numbers.
All sorts of people -workers, teachers, shop assistants, even the staff of government offices started calling themselves "Rebels." Following the example of Shanghai, they physically beat the now disorientated "Loyalists' into surrender. The earlier Red Guard groups, like the one in my school, were disintegrating, because they had been organized around the children of high officials, who were under attack. Some early Red Guards who opposed the new phase of the Cultural Revolution were arrested. One of the sons of Commissar Li was beaten to death by Rebels who accused him of having let slip a remark against Mme Mao.
造反派的士气一下子高涨起来。各种各样的人：工人、教师、营业员，甚至政府机关的干部，都当上了造反派。造反派以上海为榜样，对失势的保皇派大打出手，逼他们投降。全国早期的红卫兵组织(包括我学校里的)也在此时解散了，因为它们以高干子弟为核心，而现在高级干部全成了文革的主要攻击对象。北京一些老红卫兵起来反对文革的这种新发展趋势，结果都被逮捕。四川省主要负责人的一个儿子写了张反对毛夫人的大字报，被乱棍打死。
The people in my father's department who had been in the posse which had taken him away to be detained were now Rebels. Mrs. Shau was chief of a Rebel group for all the Sichuan government offices, in addition to being its branch leader in my father's department.
省委宣传部那些把我父亲从家里带走的人现在摇身一变，成了造反派，姚女士是他们的领袖，她也当上了整个省级机关的造反派头头。
No sooner were the Rebels formed than they split into factions and fought for power in almost every work unit in China. All sides accused their opponents of being 'anti Cultural Revolution," or of being loyal to the old Party system. In Chengdu, the numerous groups quickly coalesced into two opposing blocs, headed by two university Rebel groups: the more militant '26 August' from Sichuan University, and the relatively moderate "Red Chengdu' from Chengdu University. Each commanded a following of millions of people throughout the province. In my father's department, Mrs. Shau's group was affiliated with 26 August, and the opposing group mainly consisting of more moderate people whom my father had liked and promoted, and who liked him with the Red Chengdu.
造反派一出现就分裂成若干派系，为争夺每个单位的权力而混战，他们互相指责对方“反文化大革命”或者是“保皇派”。在成都，多如牛毛的派系很快在两所大学的大旗下汇聚成两大派：即四川大学的“八·二六”和成都大学校温和的“红成”(红卫兵成都部队)。它们在全省内各自指挥数以百万计的群众。姚女士的组织依附于“八·二六”，而她的反对派则和“红成”挂钩，后者的成员多敬重我父亲。
Outside our apartment, beyond the compound walls, 26 August and Red Chengdu each rigged up loudspeakers to trees and electricity poles, which blasted out abuse of each other day and night. One night, I heard that 26 August had gathered hundreds of supporters and attacked a factory which was a stronghold of Red Chengdu. They captured the workers and tortured them, using methods including 'singing fountains' (splitting their skulls open so the blood burst out) and 'landscape paintings' (slashing their faces into patterns). Red Chengdu's broadcasts said several workers had become martyrs by jumping from the top of the building. I gathered they had killed themselves because they were unable to stand the torture.
我们省委大院围墙外的树木和电线杆上，“八·二六”、“红成”各自安装了扩音器，每天不分昼夜地谩骂对方。一天晚上，我听到广播说“八·二六”聚集了几百名支持者武装攻下了一家“红成”控制的工厂，他们抓住了“红成”派的工人，用各种刑法折磨他们，有“喷泉”(打破头颅，血喷涌而出)。还有“风景画”(用刀乱割受害人的脸)。“红成”的广播说有几名工人从房顶上跳下来成了烈士。我猜想他们是不堪折磨而自杀的。
One major target of the Rebels was the professional elite in every unit, not only prominent doctors, artists, writers, and scientists, but also engineers and graded workers, even model night-soil collectors (people who collect human waste, which was extremely valuable to the peasants). They were accused of having been promoted by Capitalist roaders, but were really the object of their colleagues' jealousy. Other personal scores were also settled in the name of the revolution.
造反派斗争目标之一是各单位拔尖的业务人才，不仅包括杰出的医生、作家、艺术家和科学家，还有工程师、熟练工人，甚至掏大粪的模范。造反派指责他们是走资派的红人，当然，仇恨的真实原因往往是妒忌。不少人假革命的名义要踩着别人头顶爬上去。
The "January Storm' triggered brutal violence against the capitalist-roaders. Power was now being seized from Party officials, and people were spurred on to abuse them.
“一月风暴”也触发了对走资派的野蛮施暴。现在这些人已被夺走权力了，人们受煽动，放胆地折磨他们。
Those who had hated their Party bosses grabbed the opportunity to take revenge, although the victims of previous persecutions were not allowed to act. It was some time before Mao got around to making new appointments, as he did not know whom to appoint at this stage, so ambitious careerists were eager to show their militancy in the hope that this would get them chosen as the new holders of power. Rival factions competed to outdo each other in brutality. Much of the population colluded, driven by intimidation, conformism, devotion to Mao, desire to set He personal scores, or just the releasing of frustration.
那些过去仇恨共产党上司的人抓住这个机会进行报复，当时四川流行的话是：有仇报仇，无仇打破头。当然，历次政治运动的受害人没机会这样做，因为中央明文规定不准他们造反。这段时期，毛泽东还没拿定主意该让谁去执掌权力，于是野心勃勃的投机分子都忙于表现好斗精神，以便顺杆爬上去。对立的派别也争着比狠。人们纷纷卷进这场运动，或是慑于形势，或是随波逐流，或是对毛泽东忠诚，或是期望清算个人宿仇，或者就是出出闷气。
Physical abuse finally caught up with my mother. It did not come from people working under her, but mainly from ex-convicts who were working in street workshops in her Eastern District robbers, rapists, drug smugglers, and pimps. Unlike 'political criminals," who were on the receiving end of the Cultural Revolution, these common criminals were encouraged to attack designated victims. They had nothing against my mother personally, but she had been one of the top leaders in her district, and that was enough.
我母亲开始遭受折磨，打她的人并非她的下属，多是些刑满释放的盗窃犯、强奸犯、毒品走私犯，还有鸨母。他们重返社会后，被分配到街道工厂里。过去的政治犯现在也还是文革的靶子，这些刑事犯却不受限制尽情地打走资派。虽然他们对我母亲没有个人恩怨，但她是这个区的高级领导之一，这一点就足够了。
At meetings held to denounce her, these ex-convicts were particularly active. One day she came home with her face twisted in pain. She had been ordered to kneel on broken glass. My grandmother spent the evening picking fragments of glass from her knees with tweezers and a needle. The next day she made my mother a pair of thick kneepads. She also made her a padded waist protector, because the tender structure of the waist was where the assailants always aimed their punches.
在批斗她的大会上，这些刑事犯最活跃。一天，她挨斗后回到家，脸部痛苦地抽搐着，原来在斗争会上她被迫跪在碎玻璃上。整个晚上，姥姥用镊子和大针一点一点挑出陷进她膝盖肉里的玻璃渣。第二天，姥姥给母亲做了一对厚厚的护膝、一个护腰，因为打人的人最爱打腰部，引起内伤。
Several times my mother was paraded through the streets with a dunce cap on her head, and a heavy placard hanging from her neck on which her name was written with a big cross over it to show her humiliation and her demise. Every few steps, she and her colleagues were forced to go down on their knees and kowtow to the crowds. Children would be jeering at her. Some would shout that their kowtowing did not make enough noise and demand that they do it again. My mother and her colleagues then had to bang their foreheads loudly on the stone pavement.
好几次，我母亲被押着游街示众，头上戴一顶丑化她的高帽子，脖子上挂一块沉重的牌子，上面用粗黑字歪歪扭扭写着她的名字，还打了一个大×，表示她是“罪该万死”。每走几步，她和她的同事就被迫跪在地上向围观群众磕头，孩子朝他们扔石子、吐口水，有些高喊他们的头磕得不够响，要重新来。我母亲和她的同事只得在石头路面上使劲再磕。
One day that winter there was a denunciation meeting at a street workshop. Before the meeting, while the participants had lunch in the canteen, my mother and her colleagues were ordered to kneel for one and a half hours on grit-covered ground in the open. It was raining and she got soaked to the skin; the biting wind sent icy chills through her wet clothes and into her bones. When the meeting started, she had to stand bent double on the platform, trying to control her shivers. As the wild, empty screaming went on, her waist and neck became unbearably painful. She twisted herself slightly, and tried to lift her head a bit to ease the aching. Suddenly she felt a heavy blow across the back of her head, which knocked her to the ground.
那年冬季的一天，街道一家工厂开批斗会，开会前，参加者在食堂里吃午饭，要我母亲和同事在露天的粗砂砾地上跪一个半小时。当时下着雨，她的衣服全湿透了，贴在身体上，寒风吹透湿衣，冻得她浑身发抖。会议开始后，他们命令她把腰弓成90度，站在台上。她的双腿因刺骨的冷而不断打颤，得用尽全力才忍得住。当空洞粗野的口号呼喊得震天响时，她的腰部和脖颈疼痛难忍，于是稍稍扭动了一下身体，想抬头减轻一下痛苦，突然，有人从背后一掌将她打倒在她。
It was only some time later that she learned what had happened. A woman sitting in the front row, a brothel owner who had been imprisoned when the Communists clamped down on prostitution, had fixated on my mother, perhaps because she was the only woman on the platform.
她后来才知道出了什么事：当她抬头的那一瞬间，一个坐在台下前排的女人霍地跳起来，举起一把长锥子，向她左眼猛刺过来。这人过去是妓院老鸨，共产党取缔妓院，判了她的刑。现在她盯上了报仇的目标——我母亲，大概是因为我母亲是挨斗人中唯一的妇女。
The moment my mother lifted her head, this woman jumped up and thrust an awl straight at her left eye. The Rebel guard standing behind my mother saw it coming and struck her to the ground. Had it not been for him, my mother would have lost her eye.
眼看锥子就要刺到时，站在母亲身后的造反派看守赶快把她打倒，躲过迎面而来的锥子。要是没他，母亲的一只眼就瞎了。
My mother did not tell us about this incident at the time.
She seldom referred to what happened to her at all. When she had to mention something like the broken glass she said it casually, trying to make it sound as undramatic as possible. She never showed the bruises on her body, and she was always composed, even cheerful. She did not want us to worry about her. But my grandmother could tell how much she was suffering. She would follow my mother anxiously with her eyes, trying to hide her own pain.
母亲没有告诉我们这件惊险的事，她很少讲述挨斗的经过。当她不得不提到跪碎玻璃渣这样的事时，也总是小心翼翼地尽可能轻描淡写。她从来不给我们看身上的伤痕，始终显得沉着，甚至乐观。她不想让我们为她担忧。但是，姥姥看得出来女儿受了多少罪，她焦虑的目光总跟着我母亲转，一面还得尽力掩饰自己的痛苦。
One day our former maid came to see us. She and her husband were among the few who never broke off with our family through the whole of the Cultural Revolution. I felt immensely grateful for the warmth they brought us, especially as they ran the risk of being accused as 'sympathizers of capitalist-roaders." Awkwardly, she mentioned to my grand mother that she had just seen my mother being paraded through the streets. My grandmother pressed her to say more, then suddenly collapsed, the back of her head hitting the floor with a loud bang. She had lost consciousness.
一天，我们从前的保姆和她丈夫来看我们。在整个文革期间，很少有人像他们这样做。我很感激他们带来的安慰，特别是他们得冒着被指责为“同情走资派”的危险。交淡中，保姆不小心说漏了嘴，对姥姥提到她刚看到我母亲游街示众的情景。姥姥顿时神色大变，抓起她的手催她往下讲，结果还没等她开口，就一下失去了知觉，身子直挺挺地往后一倒，头“砰”地一声碰到地板上。
Gradually, she came to. With tears rolling down her cheeks, she said, "What has my daughter done to deserve this?"
待她慢慢醒转过来时，眼泪就顺着脸颊往下淌，嘴里说：“我女儿到底犯了什么法？要受这种罪？”
My mother developed a hemorrhage from her womb, and for the next six years, until she had a hysterectomy in 1973, she bled most days. Sometimes it was so severe she would faint and had to be taken to a hospital. Doctors prescribed hormones to control the flow of blood, and my sister and I gave her the injections. My mother knew it was dangerous to depend on hormones, but there was no alternative. It was the only way she could get through the denunciation meetings.
我母亲在不断的折磨下得了子宫出血症，以后的六年时间里，几乎是天天淌血，直到1973年做了子宫切除手术才根治。有时她昏倒了，被送进医院，医生开的处方是用荷尔蒙来控制流血，我和姐姐轮流替她注射。母亲深知依赖荷尔蒙很危险，但她没有选择的余地，这是她能熬过批斗会的唯一办法。
In the meantime, the Rebels in my father's department stepped up their assaults on him. Being one of the most important in the provincial government, the department had more than its share of opportunists. Formerly obedient instruments of the old Party system, many now became fiercely militant Rebels, led by Mrs. Shall under the banner of 26 August.
同时，省委宣传部的造反派对父亲的攻击也渐为猛烈了。宣传部是省级机关最重要的部门之一，野心勃勃的人多。以前共产党的驯服工具现在变成了激进的造反派，附属于“八·二六”，由姚女士领导。
One day, a group of them barged into our apartment and marched into my father's study. They looked at the bookshelves, and declared him a real 'diehard' because he still had his 'reactionary books." Earlier, in the wake of the book burning by the teenage Red Guards, many people had set fire to their collections. But not my father. Now he made a faint attempt to protect his books by pointing at the sets of Marxist hardbacks.
一天，他们和一些年轻的红卫兵闯入我家，直奔我父亲的书房。他们指着书架大骂我父亲“顽固不化”，竟然还收藏着这么多的“反动书籍”。早些时候，当十几岁的红卫兵掀起烧书狂潮时，许多人出于害怕，都把自己的藏书付之一炬，但我父亲没有这样做。在这个节骨眼儿，他为了保住藏书，就指指成套的马列主义精装书，但姚女士吼道：“不要想愚弄我们红卫兵，看你藏了多少‘毒草’！”
"Don't try to fool us Red Guards!" yelled Mrs. Shau.
"You have plenty of "poisonous weeds"!" She picked up some Chinese classics printed on flimsy rice paper.
她抓起几本中国古典线装书挥舞着。“什么‘我们红卫兵’？”
"What do you mean, "us Red Guards"?" my father retorted.
我父亲反唇相讥，“你够当红卫兵的妈了——你也该懂点道理。”
"You are old enough to be their mother and you ought to have more sense, too."
Mrs. Shau slapped my father hard. The crowd barked at him indignantly, although a few tried to hide their giggles Then they pulled out his books and threw them into huge jute sacks they had brought with them. When all the bags were full, they carried them downstairs, telling my father they were going to burn them on the grounds of the department the next day after a denunciation meeting against him. They ordered him to watch the bonfire 'to be taught a lesson." In the meantime, they said, he must burn the rest of his collection.
姚女士跳上前狠狠抽了我父亲一记耳光，人群跟着咆哮，当然也有几个人闪在一边想忍住笑。随后他们从书架上扒下书来，胡乱塞进预先准备好的大麻袋里。拖着装满书的麻袋下楼时，他们对我父亲说，这些书将在第二天的批斗会后烧掉。他们“勒令”他观看整个烧书过程，以“接受教育”。同时他们要他必须自行烧掉没拿走的书。
When I came home that afternoon, I found my father in the kitchen. He had lit a fire in the big cement sink, and was hurling his books into the flames.
我下午回到家时，看见父亲站在厨房的一个大水泥槽前，槽里燃烧着熊熊的火，他正把藏书一本本扔进火里。
This was the first time in my life I had seen him weeping.
It was agonized, broken, and wild, the weeping of a man who was not used to shedding tears. Every now and then, in fits of violent sobs, he stamped his feet on the floor and banged his head against the wall.
我有生以来第一次看见他落泪，他的哭声好像不能痛痛快快地放出来，不时，在狂烈的抽泣声中，他用力跺脚，以头撞墙。
I was so frightened that for some time I did not dare to do anything to comfort him. Eventually I put my arms around him and held him from the back, but I did not know what to say. He did not utter a word either. My father had spent every spare penny on his books. They were his life. After the bonfire, I could tell that something had happened to his mind.
又惊又怕的我好一阵子不敢说一句话来安慰他，最后我伸出胳膊从后面搂住他，但仍不知该说什么才好，他也一言不发。我父亲把他所有的积蓄都花在买书上，书等于是他的命。水泥槽里的火慢慢熄灭了，我看得出他的脑子也发生了变化。
He had to go to many denunciation meetings. Mrs. Shau and her group usually got a large number of Rebels from outside to increase the size of the crowd and to lend a hand in the violence. A standard opening was to chant:
父亲无数次在批斗会上挨斗。姚女士和她的造反派每次都从其他地方请来战友以壮声势。批斗会的开场白总是千篇一律地呼口号：
"Ten thousand years, another ten thousand years, and yet another ten thousand years to our Great Teacher, Great Leader, Great Commander, and Great Helmsman Chairman Mao!" Each time the three 'ten thousand's and four 'great's were shouted out, everyone raised their Little Red Books in unison. My father would not do this. He said that the 'ten thousand years' was how emperors used to be addressed, and it was unfitting for Chairman Mao, a Communist.
“我们伟大的领袖、伟大的导师、伟大的统帅、伟大的舵手毛主席万寿无疆！万寿无疆！万寿无疆！”这时，每个人都举起小红书边喊边从胸前向家中画弧形。我父亲拒绝这样做，他说“万寿无疆”是对封建帝王喊的，不适合毛主席——一位共产党员。
This brought down a torrent of hysterical yells and slaps.
结果招来的是歇斯底里的狂叫和一顿毒打。
At one meeting, all the targets were ordered to kneel and kowtow to a huge portrait of Mao at the back of the platform. While the others did as they were told, my father refused. He said that kneeling and kowtowing were undignified feudal practices which the Communists were committed to eliminating. The Rebels screamed, kicked his knees, and struck him on the head, but he still struggled to stand upright.
在一次大会上，造反派命令所有挨斗的人跪在一幅毛泽东大画像前磕头。别的人都服从了，我父亲却拒绝了。他说下跪和磕头是封建礼节，共产党不搞这一套。台下一阵大喊大叫，台上的造反派则狠狠地踢他的腿，狠命往下扯他的头发，要他下跪。他竭力挣扎，一边喊：“老子就是不下跪，就是不磕头！”造反派更被激怒了，要他“低头认罪”。父亲回答说：“我不低头，也没有犯罪！”
"I will not kneel!? I will not kowtow” he said furiously. The enraged crowd demanded, "Bow your head and admit your crimes!" He replied, "I have committed no crime. I will not bend my head!"
Several large young men jumped on him to try to force him down, but as soon as they let go he stood up straight, raised his head, and stared defiantly at the audience. His assailants yanked his hair and pulled his neck. My father struggled fiercely. As the hysterical crowd screamed that he was 'anti-Cultural Revolution," he shouted angrily, "What kind of Cultural Revolution is this? There is nothing "cultural" about it!? There is only brutality!"
几个壮汉强压下他的头，但一松手，他便昂起头来，挑战似地盯着台下。造反派又一拥而上，拽他的脖子。我父亲于是和他们扭到一起，台下闹成一团，骂他“反对文化大革命”。我父亲愤怒地说：“这算什么文化大革命！哪有半点‘文化’在里面？简直是‘武化大革命’！”
The men who were beating him howled, "The Cultural Revolution is led by Chairman Mao!? How dare you oppose it?" My father raised his voice higher: "I do oppose it, even if it is led by Chairman Mao!"
打他的人喊道：“你好大胆，竟敢反对文化大革命！文化大革命是毛主席发动的！”父亲提高了嗓门：“我就是要反对，毛主席发动的我也要反对！”
There was total silence.
"Opposing Chairman Mao' was a crime punishable by death. Many people had died simply because they had been accused of it, without any evidence.
全场一下子鸦雀无声，“反对毛主席”是犯死罪的。就是没有反，别人说你反你也得死。造反派目瞪口呆，因为我父亲似乎毫不害怕。
The Rebels were stunned to see that my father did not seem to be afraid. After they recovered from their initial shock, they began to beat him again, calling on him to withdraw his blasphemous words. He refused. Enraged, they tied him up and dragged him to the local police, demanding that they arrest him. But the policemen there would not take him. They liked law and order and Party officials, and hated the Rebels. They said they needed permission to arrest an official as senior as my father, and no one had given such an order.
他们从惊愕中恢复过来时，又狠命地打他，要他认错。他又拒绝了。狂怒的造反派把他捆起来连拖带拉地送往公安局，要求逮捕他。可是，不收他。警察喜欢法律、秩序，同情领导干部，讨厌造反派。他们说逮捕像我父亲这样的高级干部需经上级批准，而当时没人发出这一道命令。
My father was to be beaten up repeatedly. But he stuck to his guns. He was the only person in the compound to behave like this, indeed the only one I knew of at all, and many people, including Rebels, secretly admired him.
父亲不断挨打，但不肯悔改。在我周遭的人中，他是唯一敢在批斗会上和造反派硬顶而不肯低头的人。许多人(包括造反派成员)私下都说很佩服他。
Every now and then a complete stranger passing us in the street would murmur stealthily how my father had impressed them. Some boys told my brothers they wanted to have bones as strong as my father's.
有时，陌生人在街上遇见我们，会压低声音说他们十分敬佩我父亲。一些男孩子告诉我弟弟，说希望有我父亲一样的硬骨头。
After their day's torment, both my parents would come home to my grandmother's nursing hand. By then, she had set aside her resentment of my father, and he had also mellowed toward her. She applied ointment to his wounds, stuck on special poultices to reduce his bruising, and got him to drink potions made with a white powder called bai-yao to help cure his internal injuries.
每次挨斗后，父母回家都受到姥姥的精心照料。她此时已把对女婿的怨气搁在一边，父亲对她也温和多了。她在他的伤口上贴药膏以减轻伤痛，还给他服云南白药治他的内伤。
My parents were under permanent orders to stay at home and wait to be summoned to the next meeting. Going into hiding was out of the question. The whole of China was like a prison. Every house, every street was watched by the people themselves. In this vast land, there was nowhere anyone could hide.
我父母被“勒令”在家，随时等待被架去批斗。逃跑、躲藏都是不可能的，那时候中国就像一座大监狱，每个家庭、每条街道都被人民自己监视着，在这么一块大地上，没有地方可以藏身。
My parents could not go out for relaxation either.
"Relaxation' had become an obsolete concept: books, paintings, musical instruments, sports, cards, chess, teahouses, bars all had disappeared. The parks were desolate, vandalized wastelands in which the flowers and the grass had been uprooted and the tame birds and goldfish killed. Films, plays, and concerts had all been banned: Mme Mao had cleared the stages and the screens for the eight 'revolutionary operas' which she had had a hand in producing, and which were all anyone was allowed to put on. In the provinces, people did not dare to perform even these. One director had been condemned because the makeup he had put on the torn red hero of one of the operas was considered by Mme Mao to be excessive. He was thrown into prison for 'exaggerating the hardship in the revolutionary struggle." We hardly even thought of going out for a walk.
我父母也不可能出门轻松轻松。“娱乐”这个概念已不复存在：书、画、乐器、体育、扑克牌、棋类、茶馆、酒馆统统都被扫荡。公园荒芜了，里面的花、草一塌糊涂，笼鸟、金鱼也都死光。舞台、戏院、电影院只准上演江青参加制作的八个“革命样板戏”。有的地方，连“样板戏”也不敢演。一位导演被关进监狱就是因为江青说他把戏里面英雄人物受拷打后的妆化得太凄惨了，“夸大了革命斗争的残酷性”。我父母更不敢想上街散步了。街头时有游街示众的场面，到处是杀气腾腾的大字报、大标语，街上的人像行尸走肉，个个表情不是生硬就是恐惧。另外，我父母是走资派，被认出来会有被羞辱、谩骂甚至殴打的危险。
The atmosphere outside was terrifying, with the violent street-corner denunciation meetings and all the sinister wall posters and slogans; people were walking around like zombies, with harsh or cowed expressions on their faces.
What was more, my parents' bruised faces marked them as condemned, and if they went out they ran the risk of being abused.
As an indication of the terror of the day, no one dared to burn or throw away any newspapers. Every front page carried Mao's portrait, and every few lines featured Mao's quotations. These papers had to be treasured and it would bring disaster if anyone saw you disposing of them. Keeping them was also a problem: mice might gnaw into Mao's portrait, or the papers might simply rot either of these would be interpreted as a crime against Mao. Indeed, the first large-scale factional fighting in Chengdu was triggered by some Red Guards accidentally sitting on old newspapers which had Mao's face on them. A schoolfriend of my mother's was hounded to suicide because she wrote "Heartily love Chairman Mao' on a wall poster with one brush stroke inadvertently shorter, making the character 'heartily' look like the one meaning 'sadly."
当时恐怖到什么地步呢？没有人敢烧掉或扔掉报纸，因为张张报纸的头版都有毛的画像。版面内容都有“毛语录”，都得妥善保存起来。如果有人发现你烧毁或撕掉的话，就大难临头了，保存这么多的报纸也是个大问题：伟大领袖的面孔可能被老鼠咬，也可以腐烂。两者都会被说成是有意侮辱毛泽东，都是杀头之罪。成都第一次大规模的派系战斗就是因这种事触发的，一次开大会时，有些红卫兵不小心用有毛泽东像的画报垫在屁股下坐，另一派就指责他们亵渎伟大领袖。我母亲的一个朋友在写大标语时，把“衷心热爱毛主席”的“衷”字写得有点像“哀”字，结果受到残酷的折磨而自杀。
One day in February 1967, in the depths of this overwhelming terror, my parents had a long conversation which I only came to know about years later. My mother was sitting on the edge of their bed, and my father was in a wicker chair opposite. He told her that he now knew what the Cultural Revolution was really about, and the realization had shattered his whole world. He could see clearly that it had nothing to do with democratization, or with giving ordinary people more say. It was a bloody purge to increase Mao's personal power.
1967年2月的一天，在恐怖气氛最浓时，我父母曾做过一次长谈。当时母亲坐在床边，父亲坐在一张藤椅上，两人面对面。他告诉母亲，他现在总算明白了“文化大革命”究竟是怎么回事。这不是真的要搞“大民主”，让一般群众说话，也不是打倒干部的骄气，取消他们的特权，“文革”是用非常手段来扩增毛泽东个人的权力体系。
My father talked slowly and deliberately, choosing his words carefully.
我父亲说这番话时说得很慢，字字斟酌。
"But Chairman Mao has always been so magnanimous," my mother said. "He even spared Pu Yi. Why can't he tolerate his comrades-in-arms who fought for a new China with him? How can he be so harsh on them?"
我母亲问：“毛主席不是很宽宏大量吗？他都能容纳得下溥仪，为何要把那些与他一起出生人死，打下江山的战友置之死地呢？”
My father said quietly, but intensely, "What was Pu Yi? He was a war criminal, with no support from the people. He couldn't do anything. But..." He fell into a meaningful silence. My mother understood him: Mao would not tolerate any possible challenge. Then she asked, "But why all of us, who after all only carry out orders? And why incriminate all these innocent people? And so much destruction and suffering?"
父亲很激动，但却平静地说：“溥仪吗？他是个罪人，早已被老百姓唾弃了，留下他，他能复辟吗？但是…”他停住了，意味深长地看着母亲。母亲理解他的意思：毛泽东不可能忍受任何潜在的挑战。不过她仍不解地问：“为什么让我们这些下面的人受大罪呢？为何要害这么多无辜的人呢？又为何要造成这么大的混乱呢？”
My father replied, "Maybe Chairman Mao feels he could not achieve his goal without turning the whole place upside down. He has always been thorough and he has never been faint hearted about casualties."
父亲说：“可能毛主席觉得他不把整个世界翻个底朝天就达不到目的。他办事从来就喜欢彻底，而且他不是说过吗？搞革命就是要有牺牲，就是要付出代价。”
After a charged pause, my father went on: "This cannot be a revolution in any sense of the term. To secure personal power at such cost to the country and the people has to be wrong. In fact, I think it is criminal."
父亲沉默了一会儿又说：“这不能叫革命，跟马克思主义一点儿边也沾不上。(此处删去一句)。让国家和人民遭受这么大的灾难，肯定是错的！”
My mother scented disaster. After reasoning like this, her husband had to act. As she expected, he said, "I am going to write a letter to Chairman Mao."
母亲一阵揪心，感觉到大难临头了。她的丈夫既然这么说，一定会有所行动。果然，他说：“我要写信给毛主席。”
My mother dropped her head into her hands.
"What's the use?" she burst out.
母亲头一下垂到手里，叫出声来：“有什么用呢？毛主席能听你的话？你这不是明明白白以卵击石，自取灭亡吗？你这次别指望我去北京帮你送信了！”
"How could you possibly imagine Chairman Mao would listen to you? Why do you want to destroy yourself- and for nothing? Don't count on me to take it to Peking this time!"
My father leaned over and kissed her.
"I wasn't thinking about your delivering it. I'm going to post it." Then he lifted her head and looked into her eyes. In a tone of despair he said, 'what else can I do? what alternatives do I have? I must speak up. It might help. And I must do it even if just for my conscience."
父亲弯下身来吻吻她，说：“我没有要你去送信，我用邮寄。”他双手捧起她的头，望着她的眼睛，无可奈何地说：“除此之外，我有什么办法？还有哪条路好走呢？我一定要说话，我想总会有点用，至少我问心无愧。”
"Why is your conscience so important?" my mother said.
“你的心就这么重要？”母亲说：“比孩子还重要？你要他们当‘黑五类’、‘狗崽子’吗？”
"More than your children? Do you want them to become "blacks"?"
There was a long pause. Then my father said hesitantly, "I suppose you must divorce me and bring up the children your way." Silence fell between them again, making her think that perhaps he had not made up his mind about writing the letter, because he was aware of its consequences. It would surely be catastrophic.
一段沉默后，父亲才犹犹豫豫地说：“那么你就和我离婚吧！带大孩子。”他不再往下说了，这使我母亲揣测到，他可能还没有打定主意写信，他很清楚后果实在太严重了。
Days passed. In late February, an airplane flew low over Chengdu spreading thousands of sparkling sheets which floated down out of the leaden sky. On them was printed a copy of a letter dated 17 February and signed by the Central Military Committee, the top body of senior army men. The letter told the Rebels to desist from their violent actions. Although it did not condemn the Cultural Revolution directly, it was obviously trying to halt it. A colleague showed the leaflet to my mother. My parents had a surge of hope. Perhaps China's old and much-respected marshals were going to intervene. There was a big demonstration through the streets of central Chengdu in support of the marshals' call.
一天又一天过去了。2月下旬，一架飞机飞掠成都上空，成千上万的传单从灰暗的天中闪落下来。这是一封中央军事委员会签署的信，信上日期是2月17日。这封信要造反派停止暴力行动，虽然没明说反对文化大革命，但制止文革的努力显而易见。我母亲的一位同事带给她一张传单，我父母心里顿时燃起了希望，看来中国德高望重的老元帅出面干预了，成都街上出现了若干支持老帅们的游行。
The leaflets were the result of upheavals behind closed doors in Peking. In late January Mao had for the first time called on the army to support the Rebels. Most of the top military leaders except Defense Minister Lin Biao were furious. On 14 and 16 February, they held two long meetings with political leaders. Mao himself stayed away, as did Lin Biao, his deputy. Zhou Enlai presided. The marshals joined forces with Politburo members who had not yet been purged. These marshals had been the commanders of the Communist army, veterans of the Long March, and heroes of the revolution. They condemned the Cultural Revolution for persecuting innocent people and destabilizing the country. One of the vice-premiers, Tan Zhenlin, burst out in a fury, "I've followed Chairman Mao all my life. Now I'm not following him anymore!" Immediately after these meetings the marshals began to take steps to try to stop the violence. Because it was particularly bad in Sichuan, they issued the letter of 17 February especially for the province.
这些传单是北京怀仁堂内激烈交锋的结果。1月下旬，毛泽东第一次号召军队支持造反派。绝大多数共产党军队的高级将领，除了国防部长林彪以外，都怒不可遏。在2月14日和16日，他们和政治局、中央文革小组的成员开了两次长会。毛泽东没有参加，林彪也没有参加，会议由周恩来主持。这些军队的统帅、长征的英雄、革命的元勋们和还没被清洗掉的政治局成员联台起来反对中央文革小组。他们谴责文化大革命残害了大批无辜，使国家陷入混乱。一位叫谭震林的副总理愤怒地说：“我一辈子都跟毛主席，现在我不跟了！”会议后，老帅们开始采取步骤停止暴力。由于当时四川的情况特别严重，他们专为这个省委发了2月17日信件，用飞机在成都上空散发。
Zhou Enlai declined to throw his weight behind the majority, and stuck with Mao. The personality cult had endowed Mao with demonic power.
周恩来没有明确站在多数派一边，他仍然忠于毛。毛泽东马上展开反击，个人崇拜赋予他魔法般的极力，在那万众顶礼膜拜的年代，他一示意，造反派就群起攻之。政治局委员和老帅们被粗暴地揪斗批判，他们的家被抄砸，军队没有起来支持他们。
Retribution against the opposition was swift. Mao stage-managed mob attacks on the dissident Politburo members and military commanders, who were subjected to house raids and brutal denunciation meetings. When Mao gave the word to punish the marshals, the army did not make a move to support them.
This single feeble attempt to stand up to Mao and his Cultural Revolution was termed the "February Adverse Current." The regime released a selective account of it to generate more intense violence against the capitalist roaders.
这是中国最高层仅有的一次反对毛泽东和文化大革命的尝试，毛称它为“二月逆流”。在全国各地掀起对走资派更残酷的斗争。
The February meetings were a turning point for Mao.
二月的政治局会议对毛泽东来说是个转折点，他看到了他是何等的孤立，几乎人人都反对他。
He saw that virtually everyone opposed his policies. This led to the total discarding in all but name of the Party.
The Politburo was effectively replaced by the Cultural Revolution Authority. Lin Biao soon began to purge commanders loyal to the marshals, and the role of the Central Military Committee was taken over by his personal office, which he controlled through his wife. Mao's cabal now was like a medieval court, structured around wives, cousins, and fawning courtiers. Mao sent delegates to the provinces to organize "Revolutionary Committees," which were to be the new instruments of his personal power, replacing the Party system all the way down to the grass roots.
他于是下决心抛弃整个共产党，让它名存实亡，政治局实际上被中央文革小组取代。林彪着手清洗军队中忠于老帅的将领，中央军委被他个人的办公室“林办”所顶替，由他夫人叶群主持。(此处删去两行)。毛泽东选派他信得过的人到各省去组织“革命委员会”，这是他个人权力的新工具，取代了过去的共产党体系，把以前的人马换掉，一直换到最基层。
In Sichuan, Mao's delegates turned out to be my parents' old acquaintances, the Tings. After my family had left Yibin, the Tings had practically taken control of the region. Mr. Ting had become its Party secretary; Mrs. Ting was Party chief of the city of Yibin, the capital.
毛泽东派来四川的代表竟是我父母的熟人——宜宾的刘、张二挺：刘结挺、张西挺夫妇。在我家离开宜宾后，他夫妻两人完全控制了这一地区，挺先生当上了地委第一书记，挺夫人任宜宾地区首府宜宾市委书记。
The Tings had used their positions to engage in endless persecutions and personal vendettas. One involved a man who had been Mrs. Ting's bodyguard in the early 1950s.
“二挺”利用他们的职权不断制造冤案，迫害了一大批人。其中一个是挺夫人五十年代初期的警卫。
She had tried to seduce him several times, and one day she complained about having stomach trouble and got the young man to massage her abdomen. Then she guided his hand down to her private parts. The bodyguard immediately pulled his hand back and walked away. Mrs. Ting accused him of trying to rape her and had him sentenced to three years in a labor camp.
她数次勾引这位年轻人，有一天，她佯装肚子痛，要他替她按摩腹部，慢慢拉着他的手去摸她的下身，警卫马上抽回手，走出了房间。事后挺夫人对丈夫说警卫要强奸她，这位无辜的年轻人于是被判了三年劳改。
An anonymous letter exposing the whole affair reached the Sichuan Party Committee, which ordered an investigation. Being the defendants, the Tings were not supposed to see this letter, but a crony of theirs showed it to them.
有人寄一封匿名信到四川省委揭发此冤案，省委下令进行调查。“二挺”身为被揭发的人，本来无权看这封信，但他们的一个密友私自将此信交给他俩。
They got every member of the Yibin government to write a report on some issue or other in order to check their handwriting. They were never able to identify the author, but the investigation came to nothing.
“二挺”利用权力把宜宾政府上上下下都召集起来“开会”，要每人写一份报告，借此鉴别笔迹。但也没能抓住写匿名信的人。
In Yibin, officials and ordinary people alike were terrified of the Tings. The recurrent political campaigns and the quota system provided ideal opportunities for them to engage in victimization.
在宜宾，干部和群众都被“二挺”的淫威所慑服，不断的政治运动不断需要有牺牲品，为“二挺”提供了整人的机会。
In 1959 the Tings got rid of the governor of Yibin, the man who had succeeded my father in 1953. He was a veteran of the Long March, and was very popular, which made the Tings' envious. He was called "Straw Sandal Li' because he always wore peasant's sandals a sign that he wanted to keep close to his roots in the soil. Indeed, during the Great Leap Forward, he showed little alacrity in forcing the peasants to produce steel, and in 1959 he spoke up about the famine. The Tings denounced him as a 'rightist opportunist' and had him demoted to purchasing agent for the canteen of a brewery. He died in the famine, although his job should have meant he had a better opportunity to fill his stomach than most. The autopsy showed there was only straw in his stomach. He had remained an honest man to his death.
1959年，“二挺”整掉了宜宾地区专员李鹏。此人是在1953年接替我父亲任专员的，是一位长征老红军，外号“李草鞋”，因为他总穿一双农民的草鞋——以示自己不忘本。“李草鞋”在宜宾深受爱戴，使“二挺”妒火中烧。在大跃进期间，脾气耿直的“李草鞋”不愿强迫农民去炼钢，1959年又直言不讳地警告农村正发生饥荒。“二挺”把他定为“右倾机会主义分子”解除职务，开除出党，下放到一家酿酒厂的食堂当采购员。饥荒年中他饿死了，本来他的老红军资格和他的职务可以比别人更可能吃饱肚子，但解剖医生切开他的胃时，发现里面只有稻草。他至死是一位廉洁的人。
Another case, also in 1959, involved a doctor whom the Tings condemned as a class enemy because he made a truthful diagnosis of hunger victims and the famine was officially unmentionable.
1959年还发生了另一桩案件。一名医生被“二挺”定罪为“阶级敌人”，理由是他说了有的病人是饿死的——那时谁也不敢这么说。
There were scores of cases like these so many that people risked their lives to write to the provincial authorities to denounce the Tings. In 1962, when the moderates had the upper hand in the central government, they launched a nationwide investigation into the previous campaigns and rehabilitated many of the victims. A team was formed by the Sichuan government to investigate the Tings, who were found guilty of gross abuse of power.
“二挺”制造的冤案有数十个，许多人冒着生命危险写信给省委控告他俩。1962年，温和派在中央占上风，在全国各地为以前政治运动的受害者平反。四川省委也组织专门的人调查“二挺”，结论是两人滥用职权、陷害无辜。“二挺”被解除了职务，软禁起来。1965年，当时任共产党中央总收记的邓小平签署一项决定，把他俩开除出党。
They were sacked and detained, and in 1965 General Secretary Deng Xiaoping signed an order expelling them from the Party.
When the Cultural Revolution started, the Tings somehow escaped and got to Peking, where they appealed to the Cultural Revolution Authority. They presented themselves as heroes upholding 'class struggle," for which, they claimed, they had been persecuted by the old Party authorities. My mother actually bumped into them once at the grievance office. They asked her warmly for her address in Peking. She declined to give it to them.
文化大革命开始时，“二挺”设法逃到北京，向中央文革小组告状。他们说自己是狠抓阶级斗争的英雄，说正是由于勇于和阶级敌人斗争，他们才被旧的共产党当权派所迫害。当时我母亲也在北京，与他俩在“上访接待站”巧遇。他们很热情地问她在北京的住址，但我母亲没有告诉他们。
The Tings were picked up by Chen Boda, one of the leaders of the Cultural Revolution Authority, and my father's old boss in Yan'an. Through him, Mme Mao received them, and immediately recognized them as kindred spirits. Mme Mao's motivation for the Cultural Revolution had much less to do with policy than with set fling personal scores some of the pettiest kind. She had a hand in the persecution of Mme Liu Shaoqi because, as she herself told the Red Guards, she was furious about Mme Liu's overseas trips with her husband, the president. Mao only went abroad twice, both times to Russia, and both times without Mme Mao. What was worse, on her trips abroad Mme Liu was seen wearing smart clothes and jewelry that no one could wear in Mao's austere China.
中央文革小组组长陈伯达发现了“二挺”。通过陈伯达的关系，毛夫人接见了他们，结果一拍即合，江青热衷于文化大革命，与其说是出自政策使然，毋宁说是报私仇——而且常常为了一些极琐碎的小事。她操纵斗争刘少奇夫人就是典型一例。她对红卫兵说，她非常愤恨刘夫人常陪着丈夫(国家元首)出国访问。毛泽东只出过两次国，都是去苏联，而且也没有带她去。这还不算，在出访中，刘夫人身穿美丽合身的旗袍，还戴着项链。当时的中国，人人像苦行僧似的，没人敢这样穿戴。江青数次找到红卫兵诉说对刘夫人的妒恨，说到伤心处还声泪俱下。红卫兵心领神会，在斗争刘夫人时，逼她穿上过去出访时穿过的衣服，戴上乒乓球串成的“项链”。
Mme Liu was accused of being a CIA agent and thrown into prison, barely escaping death.
刘夫人被定罪为美国中央情报局特务，逮捕入狱，差一点被整死。
Back in the 1930s, before she had met Mao, Mme Mao had been a minor actress in Shanghai, and had felt cold-shouldered by the lite raft there. Some of them were Communist underground leaders, who after 1949 became leading figures in the Central Department of Public Affairs. Partly to avenge her real or imagined humiliation in Shanghai thirty years before, Mme Mao went to extreme lengths to find 'anti-Chairman Mao, anti-socialist' elements in their work. As Mao went into retreat during the famine, she managed to get closer to him and whispered much venomous pillow talk in his ear. In order to bring her foes down, she condemned the entire system under them, which meant the departments of Public Affairs all over the country.
早在三十年代，江青在遇到毛泽东之前是上海的小演员，每每感觉被文化界的显要人物冷落了。这些人当中有的是地下共产党的领导人，1949年后，大部分都成了共产党中央宣传部的负责官员，为了报复这些人事实上或想象中对她在上海的羞辱，三十年后，毛夫人用尽一切办法要在他们的工作中找出“反毛主席、反社会主义”的“罪行”来。(此处删去一句)。结果整个中央宣传部，甚至全中国上上下下的宣传部，都被毛泽东定为“阎王殿”而被“砸烂”。
She also took revenge on actors and actresses from the Shanghai period who had aroused her jealousy. An actress called Wang Ying had played a role which Mme Mao had coveted. Thirty years later, in 1966, Mme Mao had her and her husband imprisoned for life. Wang Ying committed suicide in prison in 1974.
她还整那些在上海时期她所忌妒的演员。一名女演员叫王莹，三十年代与江青争演《赛金桦》的女主角而取胜。三十年后(1966年)，江青把王莹和她的丈夫弄成死囚。王莹于1974年3月在狱中自杀。
Another well-known actress, Sun Wei-shi, had once appeared decades before with Mine Mao in a play in Yan'an in front of Mao. Sun's performance was apparently more of a hit than Mme Mao's, and she became a very popular figure among the top leaders, including Mao.
另一名著名演员叫孙维世，延安时期曾与江青同台在毛泽东面前演过戏，显然比江青更像个明星，包括毛泽东在内的共产党上层人物都喜欢她。
Being Zhou Enlai's adopted daughter, she did not feel the need to butter up Mme Mao. In 1968, Mme Mao had her and her brother arrested and tortured to death. Even Zhou Enlai's power could not protect her.
孙是周恩来的养女，不觉得自己有必要去巴结毛夫人。1968年，江青下令将她和她哥哥逃捕。她死在狱中的酷刑下，甚至周恩来的势力也不足以保护她。
Mme Mao's vendettas gradually became known to the general public by word of mouth; her character also revealed itself in her speeches, which were reproduced on wall posters. She was to become almost universally hated, but at the beginning of 1967 her evils were still little known.
毛夫人的心狠手辣逐渐被小道消息广泛传播开来，从大字报登载她自己的言论中也可以看出她的禀性，她后来几乎成了人人仇恨的对象，但在1967年年初，她的恶行仍然很少有人知晓。
Mme Mao and the Tings belonged to the same breed, who had a name in Mao's China -zheng-ren, people persecuting officials." The tirelessness and single mindedness with which they engaged in persecution, and the bloodthirsty methods they used, were on a truly horrific scale. In March 1967, a document signed by Mao announced that the Tings had been rehabilitated and empowered to organize the Sichuan Revolutionary Committee.
毛夫人和“二挺”是同一类人，(此处删去一句)，他们的行为有个专有名词：“整人”。他们整起人来从不知疲倦，手段之毒辣血腥，实在是登峰造极。1967年3月，毛泽东签署了一项文件宣布给“二挺”平反，并授权他俩人来四川省组建革命委员会。
A transitional authority called the Sichuan Preparatory Revolutionary Committee was set up. It was composed of two generals the chief political commissar and the commander of the Chengdu Military Region (one of China's eight military regions) and the Tings. Mao had decreed that every Revolutionary Committee should have three components: the local army, representatives of the Rebels, and 'revolutionary officials." The latter were to be chosen from among former officials, and this was at the discretion of the Tings, who were in effect running the committee.
一个过渡性的权力机构——四川省革命委员会筹委会成立了，一共四个人：两个军人，成都军区(中国八大军区之一)政委张国华、司令员梁兴初，再加上“二挺”。毛泽东说，每个革命委员会都要由三种人组成：军队的代表、造反派代表和“革命干部”代表。革命干部代表从以前的共产党干部中选择，完全取决于“二挺”的好恶。
In late March 1967 the Tings came to see my father.
They wanted to include him in their committee. My father enjoyed high prestige among his colleagues for being honest and fair. Even the Tings appreciated his qualities, particularly as they knew that when they had been in disgrace my father had not, like some, added his personal denunciations. Besides, they needed someone with his abilities.
1967年3月下旬，“二挺”来看我父亲，他们想拉他合作。我父亲一向享有正直、公正的声誉。甚至“二挺”这样的人也赞赏他的品德，特别是他们知道当他们被罢官软禁时，我父亲并没有落井下石。当然，他们也需要像他这样能干的人。
My father greeted them as courtesy required, but my 'grandmother welcomed them with enthusiasm. She had heard little about their vendettas, and she knew that it was Mrs. Ting who had authorized the precious American medicines which had cured my mother of TB when she was pregnant with me.
我父亲以应有的礼貌接待他们，我姥姥则十分热情，她对他俩害人的事不知道，只记得在我母亲怀我时，是挺夫人下令把宝贵的美国药物都给了我母亲，治好了她的肺病。
When the Tings went into my father's quarters, my grandmother quickly rolled out some dough, and soon the loud rhythmic melody of chopping filled the kitchen. She minced pork, cut a bundle of tender young chives, hashed an assortment of spices, and poured hot rapeseed oil onto chilli powder to make the sauce for the traditional welcoming meal of dumplings.
当“二挺”走进父亲书房时，姥姥就在厨房里忙开了，准备包饺子招待客人。她忙着揉面、剁肉馅、切香葱、拌调料、做辣椒油。厨房里一片抑扬顿挫声。
In my father's study, the Tings told him about their rehabilitation and their new status. They said they had been to his department and been briefed by the Rebels there about the trouble he had gotten himself into. However, they said, they had always liked him in those early years in Yibin, still had high regard for him, and wanted to work with him again. They promised that all the incriminating things he had said and done could be forgotten if he cooperated. Not only that, he could rise again in the new power structure, taking charge of all cultural affairs in Sichuan, for example. They made it clear it was an offer he could not afford to refuse.
“二挺”对我父亲说，他们现在平反了，回四川来主持工作。他们已去过宣传部，从造反派那里听说了他给自己惹的麻烦。尽管如此，他们念在宜宾同事一场，现在仍很看重他，希望和他一起工作。他们许诺他只要愿意合作，他说的那些话可以一笔勾销。他们还暗示他甚至可能官加一等。
My father had heard about the Tings' appointment from my mother, who had read it on wall posters. He had said to my mother at the time: "We mustn't believe in rumors. This is impossible!" It was incredible to him to see this couple placed in vital positions by Mao. Now he tried to restrain his disgust, and said, "I'm sorry, I can't accept your offer."
我母亲先前已从街头大字报上看到了有关“二挺”出任的事，告诉了我父亲，父亲却说“千万不要相信这种谣言，这是不可能的事！”他完全不敢相信毛泽东会把这么重要的职务让这两人来担任。现在他竭力压抑对来者的厌恶，说他很抱歉，无法接受他们的好意。
Mrs. Ting snapped, "We are doing you a big favor. Other people would have begged for this on their knees. Do you realize what a spot you are in, and who we are now?"
挺夫人冲口而出：“我们是在帮你的忙，换了别人，求都求不来。你知不知道你现在是什么人？我们又是什么人？”
My father's anger rose. He said, "Whatever I have said or done I take responsibility for myself. I do not want to get mixed up with you." In the heated exchanges that followed, he went on to say that he thought their punishment had been just, and they should never have been trusted with important jobs. Stunned, they told him to be careful what he said: it was Chairman Mao himself who had rehabilitated them and had called them 'good officials."
我父亲生了气，高声说：“不管我是什么人，我自己做事自己当，不和你们搅在一起！”随后他们发生了激烈的争吵，我父亲说他认为过去共产党组织给“二挺”的处罚是对的，他们根本不配担任重要职务。“二挺”被这些意外的话弄得目瞪口呆，警告他说话要小心，是毛主席亲自给他们平的反，还称他俩是“好干部”。
My father's outrage spurred him on.
"But Chairman Mao could not have known all the facts about you. What sort of' good officials" are you? You have committed unforgivable mistakes." He checked himself from saying 'crimes."
我父亲的愤怒一发不可收拾了，他说：“毛主席怎么可能知道你们两人的全部作为呢？你们算什么好干部？你们犯了严重的错误！”他好不容易才忍住了没说“犯罪”这两个字。
"How dare you challenge Chairman Mao's words!" exclaimed Mrs. Ting. "Deputy Commander Lin Biao said: "Every word of Chairman Mao's is universal absolute truth, and every word equals ten thousand words"!"
挺夫人高声喊叫起来：“你胆子也太大了！毛主席的话你也敢反对！林副主席说：‘毛主席的话句句是真理，一句顶一万句！’你难道不知道？”
"If a word means one word," my father said, 'it is already a man's supreme achievement. It is not humanly possible for one word to mean ten thousand. What Deputy Commander Lin Biao said was rhetorical, and should not be taken literally."
我父亲说：“如果一个人能说一句顶一句，就不错了，怎可能一句顶一万句呢？通都不通。”
The Tings could not believe their ears, according to their account afterward. They warned my father that his way of thinking, talking, and behaving was against the Cultural Revolution, which was led by Chairman Mao. To this my father said he would like a chance to debate with Chairman Mao about the whole thing. These words were so suicidal that the Tings were speechless. After a silence, they stood up to leave.
“二挺”后来对造反派说，他们当时简直不敢相信自己的耳朵。他们警告我父亲，说他的思维方式、言论都是反对文化大革命的，而文化大革命是毛主席领导的。父亲说有机会的话他要找毛主席辩论。这些话在当时听上去不啻是自杀，“二挺”无言以对，沉默了一会儿，站起身就走。
My grandmother heard angry footsteps and rushed out of the kitchen, her hands dusted with wheat flour into which she had been dipping the dumplings. She collided with Mrs. Ting and asked the couple to stay for lunch.
我姥姥听见愤愤的脚步声，跑出了厨房，双手因为忙着包饺子而满是面粉。她迎面碰上挺夫人，笑着请他们留下来吃饭。
Mrs. Ting ignored her, stormed out of the apartment, and started to tramp downstairs. At the landing she stopped, turned around, and said furiously to my father, who had come out with them, "Are you crazy? I'm asking you for the last time: Do you still refuse my help? You realize I can do anything to you now."
挺夫人没理睬，一扭头登登地走出了我家。走到楼梯转弯处，她停下来，转身生气地对站在楼上的我父亲说：“你是不是疯了？我最后一次问你：你后不后悔？想好没有，还拒不拒绝我的帮助？你要明白，我现在要怎么处置你都行！”
"I want nothing to do with you," my father said. "You and I are different species."
我父亲回答：“我不和你们打交道，我和你们不是同一路人。”
Leaving my startled and fearful grandmother at the top of the stairs, my father went into his study. He came out almost at once, and carried an ink stone to the bathroom.
姥姥还站在楼梯口，惊慌失措，父亲径直进了他的书房。他几乎马上又出来了，手上拿着砚台走进了盥洗间。
He dripped a few drops of water onto the stone and walked thoughtfully back into the study. Then he sat down at his desk, and started grinding a stick of ink round and round the stone, forming a thick black liquid. He spread a blank sheet of paper in front of him. In no time, he had finished his second letter to Mao. He started by saying: "Chairman Mao, I appeal to you, as one Communist to another, to stop the Cultural Revolution." He went on to describe the disasters into which it had thrown China. The letter ended with the words: "I fear the worst for our Party and our country if people like Liu Jie-ting and Zhang Xi-ting are given power over the lives of tens of millions of people."
他往砚台上滴了几滴水，沉思着返回书房。他在写字台前坐下，一圈一圈地磨墨，磨好后，把一张纸摊在桌上。不一会儿，就写出了给毛泽东的第二封信，信的开头是：“毛主席，我以一名共产党员的身份，请求您停止文化大革命。”他接着写了文化大革命给中国带来的种种灾难，信的结尾说：“像刘结挺、张西挺这样的人居然被授以要职，掌握千百万人民的生杀大权，我实在为我们的党和国家感到十分担忧。”
He addressed the envelope to "Chairman Mao, Peking," and took it to the post office at the top of the street. He sent it by registered airmail. The clerk behind the counter took the envelope and glanced at it, maintaining an expression of total blankness. Then my father walked home to wait.
他写好了信封“北京：毛泽东主席收”，便拿着这封信去了街口邮局。在那里，他对柜台后面的营业员说寄挂号信。营业员接过信，瞥了一眼，竭力不动声色。我父亲接过挂号信收据后，走回家——等待。