2 "Even Plain Cold Water Is Sweet"
二 “喝凉水也是甜的”
——My Grandmother Marries a Manchu Doctor (1933-1938)
——成为满族医生的妻子(1933-1938)
The letter from General Xue's wife also asked my grandmother's parents to take her back. Though the point was couched in the traditional indirect manner, my grandmother knew that she was being ordered to move out.
薛大太太信中要姥姥的双亲领她回去。尽管话说得很婉转，但姥姥心里很清楚，这是撵她走。
Her father took her in, but with considerable reluctance.
姥姥重回娘家，外曾祖父极不情愿。
By now he had abandoned any pretense of being a family man. From the moment he had arranged the liaison with General Xue, he had risen in the world. As well as being promoted to deputy chief of the Yixian police and entering the ranks of the well-connected, he had become relatively rich, and had bought some land and taken up smoking opium.
他现在正是福星高照、时来运转。除了当上义县警察局副局长外，还变得相当富有，买了一些土地，吸上鸦片，外加两位姨太太。
No sooner had he been promoted than he acquired a concubine, a Mongolian woman who was presented to him by his immediate boss. Giving a concubine as a present to an up-and-coming colleague was a common practice, and the local police chief was happy to oblige a protege of General Xue. But my great-grandfather soon began casting around for another concubine; it was good for a man in his position to have as many as possible they showed a man's status. He did not have to look far: the concubine had a sister.
他一走马上任，警察局长就把自己的小妾——一位蒙古姑娘送给他。这种情况在当时官场上屡见不鲜，目的是借此来拉拢属下，以培植自己的势力。不久，外曾祖父又打算再娶一房，姨太太愈多愈显得有身份。他发现无须劳神远求，因为送来的姨太太有个姐姐。
When my grandmother returned to her parents' house, the setup was quite different from when she had left almost a decade before. Instead of just her unhappy, downtrodden mother, there were now three spouses. One of the concubines had produced a daughter, who was the same age as my mother. My grandmother's sister, Lan, was still unmarried at the advanced age of sixteen, which was a cause of irritation to Yang.
家里的情况已和十年前姥姥离开时大不一样了。除了母亲、妹妹玉兰和弟弟玉林外，多了三口人：两个姨太太加上其中一个所生的女孩，她和我母亲一般大。玉兰年近十六。还没定亲，在当时算是老姑娘了。
My grandmother had moved from one cauldron of intrigue into another. Her father was resentful of both her and her mother. He resented his wife simply for being there, and he was even more unpleasant to her now that he had the two concubines, whom he favored over her. He took his meals with the concubines, leaving his wife to eat on her own. My grandmother he resented for returning to the house when he had successfully created a new world for himself.
现在家里充满不和、压抑与猜疑。姥姥的父亲既怨恨她又讨厌她母亲。他从未喜欢过他妻子，更何况现在又有了两个讨他欢心的姨太太。外曾祖母在1930年终于生了一个儿子玉林，但处境并没有好转。对我姥姥呢，他从没想过她会回来，这下子可能打乱他一手创造的新天地。
He also regarded her as a jinx (kc), because she had lost her husband. In those days, a woman whose husband had died was superstitiously held responsible for his death.
她姥姥视为“克星”，当时的人们认为死了丈夫的女人命不好——“克夫”。外曾祖父担心姥姥会带来晦气，影响他的官运。
My great-grandfather saw his daughter as bad luck, a threat to his good fortune, and he wanted her out of the house.
姨太太们更是大感威胁。目前，整个杨家已成了她们的天下。外曾祖母是明媒正娶的大太太，按地位应在姨太太之上。但她是个温顺、懦弱的女子，因而常受姨太太们的欺凌。姨太太一看见她就冷眼以对。儿子玉林的出世更招来她们的憎恨，因为这将夺走她们未来的安全保障：外曾祖父一旦去世，所有财产将自动由儿子继承。她们恨玉林，以至外曾祖父稍微表现出一点爱子的举动，比如摸摸玉林的头，都会惹得她们大发脾气。
The two concubines egged him on. Before my grandmother came back, they had been having things very much their own way. My great-grandmother was a gentle, even weak person. Although she was theoretically the superior of the concubines, she lived at the mercy of their whims.
In 1930 she gave birth to a son, Yu-lin. This deprived the concubines of their future security, as on my great grandfather's death all his property would automatically go to his son. They would throw tantrums if Yang showed any affection at all to his son. From the moment Yu-lin was born, they stepped up their psychological warfare against my great-grandmother, freezing her out in her own house.
They only spoke to her to nag and complain, and if they looked at her it was with cold stony faces. My great grandmother got no support from her husband, whose contempt for her was not pacified by the fact that she had given him the son. He found new ways to find fault with her.
My grandmother was a stronger character than her mother, and the misery of the past decade had toughened her up. Even her father was a little in awe of her. She told herself that the days of her subservience to her father were over, and that she was going to fight for herself and for her mother. As long as she was in the house, the-concubines had to restrain themselves, even presenting a toadying smile occasionally.
姥姥比她母亲坚强得多，过去十年的悲惨日子使她变得更为坚韧，连她父亲也要畏她三分。从返家之日起，她就以杨家小女主人身份自居，姨太太们的嚣张行为开始有些收敛，见面对还会勉强挤出笑脸来，但整个家庭气氛仍是冷如冰窖。
This was the atmosphere in which my mother lived the formative years from two to four. Though shielded by her mother's love, she could sense the tension which pervaded the household.
我母亲就是在这种环境里度过她二岁到四岁的童年。姥姥虽对她疼爱备至，但她还是能感受到周围的紧张气氛。
My grandmother was now a beautiful young woman in her mid-twenties. She was also highly accomplished, and several men asked her father for her hand. But because she had been a concubine, the only ones who offered to take her as a proper wife were poor and did not stand a chance with Mr. Yang.
姥姥此时是个二十五岁美丽的年轻寡妇，有着知书识礼的才女名声，上门求亲的人不少。但因为当过姨太太，只有一些社会地位较低的人肯娶她做正室，外曾祖父对这种人瞧不上眼。姥姥又坚持不再嫁人作妾，她对那种“不是让别人做牺牲品，就是自己做牺牲品”的姨太太生活已深恶痛绝。
My grandmother had had enough of the spitefulness and petty vengefulness of the concubine world, in which the only choice was between being a victim and victimizing others. There was no halfway house. All my grandmother wanted was to be left alone to bring up her daughter in peace.
外曾祖父为了甩掉包袱而不断劝女儿再嫁为妾，姥姥却只想过着平的日子，把女儿养大。有时外曾祖父会气得忍不住对她大吼，“难道要我养你们一辈子？”
Her father was constantly badgering her to remarry, sometimes by dropping unkind hints, at other times telling her outright she had to take herselfoffhis hands. But there was nowhere for her to go. She had no place to live, and she was not allowed to get a job. After a time, unable to stand the pressure, she had a nervous breakdown.
但是姥姥真的是无处可去，那时的妇女不能出外找工作。在父亲的威逼、姨太太们的指桑骂槐下，姥姥终于不支病倒了。杨家请来满族医生夏瑞堂来为她诊病。姥姥对他并不陌生，他的三儿媳妇正是她昔日的同窗。她逃出薛公馆后，曾把女儿藏在他家。
夏瑞堂的祖辈曾做过满清皇室的御医，受过皇封，到他是第十代传人，以医术高超而蜚声义县。他还是个好心人，对付不起医药费的人，他就白看病不收钱。他身材高大，有一百八十几公分，但动作依然敏捷。他惯穿一身传统的长袍马褂，目光和善，留有一撮山羊胡和八字胡。他的表情、谈吐举止，都散发出一种安详的力量。
A doctor was called in. It was Dr. Xia, in whose house my mother had been hidden three years before, after the escape from General Xue's mansion. Although she had been a friend of his daughter-in-law, Dr. Xia had never seen my grandmother in keeping with the strict sexual segregation prevalent at the time. When he first walked into her room, he was so struck by her beauty that in his confusion he backed straight out again and mumbled to the servant that he felt unwell. Eventually, he recovered his composure and sat and talked to her at length. He was the first man she had ever met to whom she could say what she really felt, and she poured out her grief and her hopes to him although with restraint, as be fitted a woman talking to a man who was not her husband. The doctor was gentle and warm, and my grandmother had never felt so understood.
夏瑞堂替姥姥治病时，体察到她的病痛不是在生理上，而是在心理上。他对姥姥的身世早有所闻，对她逃出薛家的勇气十分敬慕，对她目前的处境也非常同情。夏瑞堂对姥姥好言相慰，这使得姥姥格外感动，她还从来没有碰上过那么体贴人、那么理解她心思的男人。虽然还是有所顾忌，她仍不由自主地开始对他倾诉久烦心中的苦闷和希望。
Before long, the two fell in love, and Dr. Xia proposed. Moreover, he told my grandmother that he wanted her to be his proper wife, and to bring my mother up as his own daughter. My grandmother accepted, with tears of joy. Her father was also happy, although he was quick to point out to Dr. Xia that he would not be able to provide any dowry. Dr. Xia told him that was completely irrelevant.
他们开始堕入爱河。夏瑞堂正式向她求婚。他说，他要娶她作正室，要像待自己亲生女儿那样把我母亲抚养成人。姥姥欣喜得流下眼泪，接受了他的求婚。外曾祖父也非常赞成这门亲事，特别是夏瑞堂主动提出不要嫁妆。
Dr. Xia had built up a considerable practice in traditional medicine in Yixian, and enjoyed a very high professional reputation. He was not a Han Chinese, as were the Yangs and most people in China, but a Manchu, one of the origin aI inhabitants of Manchuria. At one time his family had been court doctors for the Manchu emperors, and had been honored for their services.
Dr. Xia was well known not only as an excellent doctor, but also as a very kind man, who often treated poor people for nothing. He was a big man, over six feet tall, but he moved elegantly, in spite of his size. He always dressed in traditional long robes and jacket. He had gentle brown eyes, and a goatee and a long drooping mustache. His face and his whole posture exuded calm.
The doctor was already an elderly man when he proposed to my grandmother. He was sixty-five, and a widower, with three grown-up sons and one daughter, all of them married. The three sons lived in the house with him.
夏瑞堂当时已六十五岁，前任夫人去世十多年，有三个已成家的儿子和一个出了嫁的女儿，三个儿子与夏瑞堂住在一起，大儿子管理家产，包括田地、庄园；二儿子在父亲诊所学医；三儿子是教师。还有八个孙子，其中一个已结婚生子，夏家算是个四代同堂的大家庭。
The eldest looked after the household and managed the family farm, the second worked in his father's practice, and the third, who was married to my grandmother's schoolfriend, was a teacher. Between them the sons had eight children, one of whom was married and had a son himself.
Dr. Xia called his sons into his study and told them about his plans. They stole disbelieving, leaden glances at one another. There was a heavy silence. Then the eldest spoke:
这一天，夏瑞堂把儿子们召集到书房，告诉他们自己的打算。儿子们最初是面面相觑。一阵沉默之后，大儿子怕自己没听清楚，再问道：
"I presume, Father, you mean she will be a concubine."
“您不是要纳她为妾吧？”
Dr. Xia replied that he was going to take my grandmother as a proper wife.
夏瑞堂平静地说，他一贯反对纳妾。
This had tremendous implications, as she would become their stepmother, and would have to be treated as a member of the older generation, with venerable status on a par with her husband. In an ordinary Chinese household the younger generations had to be subservient to the older, with suitable decorum to mark their relative positions, but Dr. Xia adhered to an even more complicated Manchu system of etiquette. The younger generations had to pay their respects to the older every morning and evening, the men kneeling and the women curtsying. At festivals, the men had to do a full kowtow. The fact that my grandmother had been a concubine, plus the age gap, which meant they would have to do obeisance to someone with an inferior status and much younger than themselves, was too much for the sons.
儿子们除了惊慌、担忧，还加上愤怒。在一般汉人家庭中，晚辈要服从长辈，各种辈份有其合宜的礼数，而满人礼法更为森严。晚辈必须每天早晚向长辈请安。男的屈腿下跪，叫“打千儿”，女的行屈膝礼。逢年过节，人们还得行大礼——磕头。如今一个当过别人姨太太的年轻女人，将要成为他们的继母，像夏瑞堂一样受他们的问候和跪拜，这简直是令人难以忍受。
They got together with the rest of the family and worked themselves up into a state of outrage. Even the daughterin-law who was my grandmother's old schoolfriend was upset, as her father-in-law's marriage would force her into a radically new relationship with someone who had been her classmate. She would not be able to eat at the same table as her old friend, or even sit down with her; she would have to wait on her hand and foot, and even kowtow to her.
全家人——儿子、媳妇、孙子、孙媳妇，甚至重孙，都纷纷挨次哭泣着跪在夏瑞堂跟前，恳求他考虑清楚。他们提出“满汉不通婚”的满族旧习。夏瑞堂回答说，这种规矩早已废除。他的孩子们却说，真正的满人还是应该遵守。他们一再要求他考虑年龄的差距——夏瑞堂的岁数比她整整大两倍，有人更引述了一句谚语：老夫娶少妻，终归是人家的。已婚的孙子甚至上前抱住他的脚，声泪俱下地说：“您就不替我们想想，叫我们今后在人前怎么做人？”
Each member of the family sons, daughters-in-law, grandchildren, even the great-grandson went in turn to beg Dr. Xia to 'consider the feelings' of his 'own flesh and blood." They went down on their knees, they prostrated themstelves in a full kowtow, they wept and screamed.
They begged Dr. Xia to consider the fact that he was a Manchu, and that according to ancient Manchu custom a man of his status should not marry a Han Chinese. Dr. Xia replied that the rule had been abolished a long time before.
His children said that if he was a good Manchu, he should observe it anyway. They went on and on about the age gap.
Dr. Xia was more than twice my grandmother's age. One of the family trotted out an ancient saying: "A young wife who has an old husband is really another man's woman."
What hurt Dr. Xia more was the emotional blackmail especially the argument that taking an ex-concubine as a proper wife would affect his children's position in society.
这深深刺伤了夏瑞堂，他明白娶一位姨太太为正室，会使孩子们在社会上抬不起头来。
He knew his children would lose face, and he felt guilty about this. But Dr. Xia felt he had to put my grandmother's happiness first. If he took her as a concubine, she would not merely lose face, she would become the slave of the whole family. His love alone would not be enough to protect her if she was not his proper wife.
但他仍然认定必须把姥姥的幸福摆在首位，姥姥如果嫁给他作妾，就只能成为这个大家庭的奴隶，单凭他的爱是保护不了她的。夏瑞堂恳求他的家人能遂其所愿，但家人及当时的社会都认为这“不负责”的行为不能纵容。
Dr. Xia implored his family to grant an old man's wish.
But they and society took the attitude that an irresponsible wish should not be indulged. Some hinted that he was senile. Others told him: "You already have sons, grandsons, and even a great-grandson, a big and prosperous family. What more do you want? Why do you have to marry her?"
儿子们央请亲朋好友来做说客。大家一致认定这桩婚事太荒唐了，埋怨他老糊涂。有的人还当面质问他，“您已经儿孙满堂，还娶哪门子亲？”他们还迁怒于姥姥，骂她是“前夫尸骨未寒，就想再嫁人了！”“这女人算计得可好了，不当姨太太，一心要做正夫人。明摆着居心不良，将来虐待夏家子孙不说，还会盘算掉夏家家产。”这句话说穿了还不是一个“钱”字。夏家人担心我姥姥如果以女主人身份当家，就会把整个家产都吞了。
The arguments went on and on. More and more relatives and friends appeared on the scene, all invited by the sons. They unanimously pronounced the marriage to be an insane idea. Then they turned their venom against my grandmother.
"Marrying again when her late husband's body and bones are not yet cold!"
"That woman has it all worked out: she is refusing to accept concubine status so that she can become a proper wife. If she really loves you, why can't she be satisfied with being your concubine?"
They attributed motives to my grandmother: she was scheming to get Dr. Xia to marry her, and would then take over the family and ill-treat his children and grandchildren.
They also insinuated that she was plotting to lay her hands on Dr. Xia's money. Underneath all their talk about propriety, morality, and Dr. Xia's own good, there was an unspoken calculation involving his assets. The relatives feared my grandmother might lay her hands on Dr. Xia's wealth, as she would automatically become the manageress of the household as his wife.
Dr. Xia was a rich man. He owned 2,000 acres of farmland dotted around the county of Yixian, and even had some land south of the Great Wall. His large house in the town was built of gray bricks stylishly outlined in white paint. Its ceilings were whitewashed and the rooms were wallpapered, so that the beams and joints were concealed, which was considered an important indicator of prosperity.
夏瑞堂是个富人，有两千多亩地散布在义县一带，甚至远到长城以南。他在城里有大宅是用灰砖砌成的，以石灰勾缝，四壁贴有墙纸，所有的屋梁和接口都被粉刷过的天花板覆盖住，这些在当时是大户人家的排场。他还拥有一家带药铺的中医诊所，生意十分兴隆。医生有自己的药店，是事业成功的标志。
He also owned a flourishing medical practice and a medicine shop.
When the family saw they were getting nowhere, they decided to work on my grandmother directly. One day the daughter-in-law who had been at school with her paid a call. After tea and social chitchat, the friend got around to her mission. My grandmother burst into tears, and took her by the hand in their usual intimate manner. What would she do if she were in her position, she asked. When she got no reply, she pressed on: "You know what being a concubine is like. You wouldn't like to be one, would you?
夏家人眼看说不动夏医生，就派三儿媳妇来劝姥姥。她们见了面，喝了会儿茶，聊了会儿天，才言归正传。未说上几句，姥姥便哽咽起来，拉着这位昔日同窗的手问：“如果你处在我的地位你会怎么办？”三儿媳妇无言以对，姥姥更加伤心。“所谓‘将心比心’，你总知道做姨太太的滋味吧？你总不想当人家的姨太太吧？”
You know, there is an expression of Confucius: "Jiang-xinbi-xin Imagine my heart was yours"!" Appealing to someone's better instincts with a precept from the sage sometimes worked better than a direct no.
The friend went back to her family feeling quite guilty, and reported her failure. She hinted that she did not have the heart to push my grandmother anymore. She found an ally in De-gui, Dr. Xia's second son, who practiced medic Me with his father, and was closer to him than his brothers. He said he thought they should let the marriage go ahead. The third son also began to weaken when he heard his wife describe my grandmother's distress.
三儿媳归回到家中，感到十分内疚，表示已不想再对姥姥施加压力。她也发现有人跟她想法一样——二儿子德贵，他和父亲一起行医，比其他兄弟更亲近父亲，他认为应该让父亲结婚。三儿子在听到妻子描述了姥姥的身世和品行后，也有些动摇了。
The ones who were most indignant were the eldest son and his wife. When she saw that the other two sons were wavering, the eldest son's wife said to her husband: "Of course they don't care. They've got other jobs. That woman can't take those away from them. But what have you got? You are only the manager of the old man's estate and it will all go to her and her daughter!? What will become of poor me and our poor children? We have nothing to fall back on. Perhaps we should all die! Perhaps that is what your father really wants!? Perhaps I should kill myself to make them all happy!" All this was accompanied by wailing and floods of tears. Her husband replied in an agitated manner: "Just give me fill tomorrow."
但大儿子和他的妻子仍然坚决反对。大媳妇发现别的兄弟开始动摇，就哭喊着对丈夫说，“他们当然不用担心，他们各有各的本事，杨家女人抢不走。你有什么呢？你不过是爹的管家——那女人嫁来，这个家就会由她来当，财产不都落到她和她女儿手里了。我和我们的孩子到时候该怎么办呢？我们什么都没有，干脆死了算了，可能这就是你父亲想要的！我死了好让你们大家称心如意！”她尖着噪门说着，还一把眼泪，一把鼻涕。她的丈夫强压着怒火，从牙缝里挤出话来：“等明天再说吧！”
When Dr. Xia woke the next morning he found his entire family, with the sole exception of De-gui, fifteen people in all, kneeling outside his bedchamber. The moment he emerged, his eldest son shouted "Kowtow!" and they all prostrated themselves in unison. Then, in a voice quaking with emotion, the son declaimed: "Father, your children and your entire family will stay here and kowtow to you till our deaths unless you start to think of us, your family and, above all, your elderly self."
第二天一早，夏瑞堂起床走到门边，吃了一惊，门前黑压压的一大片，全家老少十五个人，除德贵外，都跪在地上。他一出门，大儿子就高声喊，“磕头！”大家应声磕下头。夏瑞堂气得浑身发抖，他要孩子们都站起来，但大儿子说：“不，阿玛(满族称父亲的说法)，我们不能站起来，除非您取消婚事。”
Dr. Xia was so angry his whole body shook. He asked his children to stand up, but before anyone could move the eldest son spoke again: "No, Father, we won't- not unless you call off the wedding!" Dr. Xia tried to reason with him, but the son continued to hector him in a quivering voice. Finally Dr. Xia said: "I know what is on your minds. I won't be in this world much longer. If you are worried about how your future stepmother will behave, I have not the slightest doubt that she will treat you all very well. I know she is a good person. Surely you can see there is no other reassurance I can give you except her character..."
夏瑞堂提起手杖跺跺地，沉重地叹了一口气说：“我知道你们心里在想什么。我在世的日子已不长了，如果你们担心的是继母将会狠心对待你们，我可以告诉你们，她是个好人，我可以保证她的品行……”
At the mention of the word 'character," the eldest son gave a loud snort: "How can you mention the word "character" about a concubine!? No good woman would have become a concubine in the first place!" He then started to abuse my grandmother. At this, Dr. Xia could not control himself. He lifted his walking stick and began thrashing his son.
一听到“品行”两个字，大儿子立即嗤之以鼻，“做小老婆的人有什么‘品行’可言？好人家的女儿哪有去当小老婆的！”接着他开始辱骂我姥姥。夏瑞堂大怒，举起手杖打了大儿子两下。
All his life Dr. Xia had been the epitome of restraint and calm. The whole family, still on their knees, was stunned. The great-grandson started screaming hysterically. The eldest son was dumbstruck, but only for a second; then he raised his voice again, not only from physical hurt, but also for his wounded pride at being beaten in front of his family. Dr. Xia stopped, short of breath from anger and exertion. At once the son started bellowing more abuse against my grandmother. His father shouted at him to shut up, and struck him so hard his walking stick broke in two.
夏瑞堂向来待人和气，自制力很强。他愤怒的反常举动把跪在地上的子孙们都吓呆了，重孙开始歇斯底里的大哭起来。大儿子也愣住了，但他很快就硬着头皮嘶喊起来。他当着众人的面挨打，自尊心深受伤害，即使父亲住了手，他仍谩骂不已。夏瑞堂怒不可遏，举起手杖又用力打下来，只听“咔嚓”一声，手杖竟断成两截。
The son reflected on his humiliation and pain for a few seconds. Then he pulled out a pistol and looked Dr. Xia in the face.
大儿子又羞又痛，沉默了几秒钟后，突然拔出一支手枪，对准自己的肚子，大声喊道：
"A loyal subject uses his death to remonstrate with the emperor. A filial son should do the same with his father. All I have to remonstrate with you is my death!" A shot rang out. The son swayed, then keeled over onto the floor. He had fired a bullet into his abdomen.
“古来忠臣以死谏君，孝子以死谏父。阿玛，如果您不答应，儿子只有一死了！”只听一声枪声，大儿子摇晃了几下，弓身蜷倒在地上，子弹穿进的他的腹腔。
A horse-drawn cart rushed him to a nearby hospital, where he died the next day. He probably had not intended to kill himself, just to make a dramatic gesture so the pressure on his father would be irresistible.
在一片慌乱中，夏家马车赶紧把他送进医院。也许他并不想自杀，只是想做做样子，对父亲施加压力，却没想到很不幸地，他在第二天去世。
His son's death devastated Dr. Xia. Although outwardly he appeared calm as usual, people who knew him could see that his tranquillity had become scarred with a deep sadness. From then on he was subject to bouts of melancholy, very much out of character with his previous imperturbability.
儿子死后，夏瑞堂失去了往常的安详。尽管他的外表照样平静，但熟悉他的人都能看出他内心十分悲痛。
Yixian was boiling with indignafon, rumor, and accusations. Dr. Xia and particularly my grandmother were made to feel responsible for the death. Dr. Xia wanted to show he was not going to be deterred. Soon after the funeral of his son, he fixed a date for the wedding. He warned his children that they must pay due respect to their new mother, and sent out invitations to the leading townspeople. Custom dictated that they should attend and give presents. He also told my grandmother to prepare for a big ceremony. She was frightened by the accusations and their unforeseeable effect on Dr. Xia, and was desperately trying to convince herself that she was not guilty. But, above all, she felt defiant. She consented to a full ceremonial ritual.
不过，他并不想屈服于压力，办丧事后不久，他就定下婚期，还是举行一场隆重的婚礼。这时的姥姥面对四面八方的非难，说大儿子的死她该负绝大的责任。她害怕，不知该不该继续这一桩婚事，但社会大众的谴责激起她的反抗心理，她相信自己没有罪。
On the wedding day she left her father's house in an elaborate carriage accompanied by a procession of musicians. As was the Manchu custom, her own family hired the carriage to take her halfway to her new home, and the bridegroom sent another to carry her the second half of the way. At the han dover point, her five year-old brother, Yu-lin, waited at the foot of the carriage door with his back bent double, symboli?ing the idea that he was carrying her on his back to Dr. Xia's carriage. He repeated the action when she arrived at Dr. Xia's house. A woman could not just walk into a man's house; this would imply a severe loss of status. She had to be seen to be taken, to denote the requisite reluctance.
婚礼按满族风俗进行。一辆杨家租来的华丽马车将姥姥送到半路，由新郎派来的另外一辆迎亲马车接她走完后半程。在交接地点上，她的五岁弟弟玉林蹲在马车门下，腰弓成90度，象征是他把姊姊背到迎亲马车上的，到达夏家后，玉林又重复上述动作。按满人风俗，新娘不能自己走进新郎家门，必须被背过去，以显得不失身份。
Two bridesmaids led my grandmother into the room where the wedding ceremony was to take place. Dr. Xia was standing before a table draped with heavy red embroidered silk on which lay the tablets of Heaven, Earth, Emperor, Ancestors, and Teacher. He was wearing a decorated hat like a crown with a tail-like plumage at the back and a long, loose, embroidered gown with bell-shaped sleeves, a traditional Manchu garment, convenient for riding and archery, deriving from the Manchus' nomadic? past. He knelt and kowtowed five times to the tablets and then walked into the wedding chamber alone.
两位伴娘引姥姥来到举行婚礼的大厅。夏瑞堂站在一张八仙桌前，桌上铺着厚厚的大红绣花绒缎台布，上面供奉着“天地君新师”牌位。夏瑞堂头戴一顶华美的礼帽，形状像王冠，上面还插有翎毛，身着一件宽大的锦缎长袍和马蹄袖马褂，这是传统的满人服装，起源于当年满人的游牧生活，便于骑马身箭。
Next my grandmother, still accompanied by her two attendants, curtsied five times, each time touching her hair with her right hand, in a gesture resembling a salute. She could not kowtow because of the mass of her elaborate headdress. She then followed Dr. Xia into the wedding chamber, where he removed the red cover from her head.
夏瑞堂跪拜五次，然后单独进入洞房。接着是姥姥拜堂，她仍由两位伴娘陪同，行五遍屈膝礼，同时举起右手碰碰鬓角，以示敬礼。当她进入洞房后，夏瑞堂揭开她的大红盖头，两位伴娘递给他们每人一个葫芦形瓶子。待他们互相交换后，伴娘便离去，留下夏瑞堂和姥姥相对而坐，并保持沉默。稍后，夏瑞堂走出洞房接待着来道贺的亲朋好友，姥姥继续单独待在屋里，连续几个钟头动也不动地价值在炕上，面对贴着大红双喜剪纸的窗户。这叫作“坐福”，象征心静如止水——女人必须具备的品德。等所有的客人离去后，夏家一位男性亲戚走进新房，拉她袖套三次。这样，姥姥才被允许下炕。两位伴娘重新入房，帮助她卸去沉重的绣花外套，换上简单轻巧的大红衣裤，同时还摘掉插满珠宝的头饰，把头发梳成两个抓髻。
The two bridesmaids presented each of them with an empty gourd-shaped vase, which they exchanged with each other, and then the bridesmaids left. Dr. Xia and my grandmother sat silently alone together for a while, and then Dr. Xia went out to greet the relatives and guests. My grandmother had to sit, motionless and alone, on the kang, facing the window on which was a huge red 'double happiness' paper cut, for several hours. This was called 'sitting happiness in," symbolizing the absence of restlessness that was deemed to be an essential quality for a woman. After all the guests had gone, a young male relative of Dr. Xia's came in and tugged her by the sleeve three times. Only then was she allowed to get down from the kang. With the help of her two attendants, she changed out of her heavily embroidered outfit into a simple red gown and red trousers. She removed the enormous headdress with all the clicking jewels and did her hair in two coils above her ears.
* * *
So in 1935 my mother, now age four, and my grandmother, age twenty-six, moved into Dr. Xia's comfortable house. It was really a compound all on its own, consisting of the house proper in the interior and the surgery, with the medicine shop, facing onto the street. It was customary for successful doctors to have their own shops. Here Dr. Xia sold traditional Chinese medicines, herbs and animal extracts, which were processed in a workshop by three apprentices.
姥姥嫁入夏家是1935年的事。那年我母亲四岁。姥姥二十六岁。夏家院大宅深，临街的房子用作诊所，还出售各种中草药和按夏家祖传秘方配制的成药。三位徒弟在一间作坊内负责加工、制作。
The facade of the house was surmounted by highly decorated red and gold eaves. In the center was a rectangular plaque denoting the Xia residence in gilded characters. Behind the shop lay a small courtyard, with a number of rooms opening off it for the servants and cooks.
大宅向街正门的顶端，是彩绘成金黄色的屋檐，写有“夏宅”的长方形烫金大匾立在中央。药房后面是天并，周围有许多正对着天井的房间，供仆役和厨师住。
Beyond that the compound opened out into several smaller courtyards, where the family lived. Farther back was a big garden with cypresses and winter plums. There was no grass in the courtyards the climate was too harsh. They were just expanses of hard, bare, brown earth, which turned to dust in the summer and to mud in the brief spring when the snow melted. Dr. Xia loved birds and had a bird garden, and every morning, whatever the weather, he did qigong, a form of the slow, graceful Chinse exercises often called tai chi, while he listened to the birds singing and chirping.
往里去，大院分成了若干较小并互相分分隔开的庭院，夏家大小成员分住在过里。大院里种着柏树、腊梅，还有个别致的鸟园。每天早上，夏瑞堂总爱到这里来，边聆听小鸟的叽叽喳喳，边做气功、打太极拳。
After the death of his son, Dr. Xia had to endure the constant silent reproach of his family. He never talked to my grandmother about the pain this caused him. For Chinese men a stiff upper lip was mandatory. My grandmother knew what he was going through, of course, and suffered with him, in silence. She was very loving toward him, and attended to his needs with all her heart.
姥姥住在夏家大院里，得适应满族的生活习惯。她和我母亲住在一间屋子里，夏瑞堂的卧室则在另外一间。每天一大早，姥姥的神经就开始绷紧，她必须赶在一大家子人来请安前梳洗打扮好，还得把头发盘上去，做成一种非常复杂的样式，再戴上一个不轻的头饰。所有的这些辛苦换来的仅仅是一连串冷透了的早安声，这几乎是一天中大家唯一对她说的话。
She always showed a smiling face to his family, although they generally treated her with disdain beneath a veneer of formal respect. Even the daughter-in-law who had been at school with her tried to avoid her. The knowledge that she was held responsible for the eldest son's death weighed on my grandmother.
姥姥总是笑脸迎人。逢年过节，全家大小向她磕头行大礼时，她都赶快站起来，留空她的座位，象征让夏瑞堂已故的前妻接受儿孙们的敬意。尽管晚辈们勉强做出尊敬她的样子，但姥姥知道他们怀恨在心。
Her entire lifestyle had to change to that of a Manchu.
尽管夏瑞堂从未对姥姥表露过，姥姥也能体察他因长子自杀而饱尝的痛苦。她默默地尽力替他分担这份心理的重负，对他百般温柔，唯恐不能照顾好他。
昔日的同学——三儿媳妇现在也回避她。吃饭时，会有一位儿媳妇站在姥姥身后伺候，她们总是摆出一张冷若冰霜的脸孔，结果是再好的饭菜姥姥也难以下咽，更说不上仔细品尝了。
She slept in a room with my mother, and Dr. Xia slept in a separate room. Early every morning, long before she got up, her nerves would start to strain and jangle, anticipating the noise of the family members approaching. She had to wash hurriedly, and greet each of them in turn with a rigid set of salutations. In addition, she had to do her hair in an extremely complicated way so that it could support a huge headdress, under which she had to wear a wig. All she got was a sequence of icy "Good morning's, virtually the only words the family ever spoke to her. As she watched them bowing and scraping, she knew they had hate in their hearts. The ritual grated all the more for its insincerity.
On festivals and other important occasions, the whole family had to kowtow and curtsy to her, and she would have to jump up from her chair and stand to one side to show that she had left the chair empty, which symbolized their late mother, to acknowledge their respect. Manchu custom conspired to keep her and Dr. Xia apart. They were not supposed even to eat together, and one of the daughters-in-law always stood behind my grandmother to serve her. But the woman would present such a cold face that my grandmother found it difficult to finish her meal, much less enjoy it.
Once, soon after they had moved into Dr. Xia's house, my mother had just settled down into what looked like a nice, comfortable, warm place on the kang when she saw Dr. Xia's face suddenly darken, and he stormed over and roughly pulled her off the seat. She had sat in his special place. This was the only time he ever hit her. According to Manchu custom, his seat was sacred.
我母亲到夏家后，夏瑞堂像对亲生儿女那样待她，让她称自己为“阿玛”。在我母亲印象中，继父只打过她一次：那是她刚到夏家，看见炕上有个带靠垫的座位，似乎又舒服又暖和，就爬上去坐。突然，她发现夏瑞堂脸一沉，冲过来给了她一巴掌，把她从座位上接下来。后来母亲才知道，那是继父特殊的座位，按满人的规矩，只有他才能坐在上面。继父把我母亲改姓“夏”，取名“德鸿”。“德”是她在夏家的排行。“夏德鸿”这个名字从此便跟随我母亲至今。
The move to Dr. Xia's house brought my grandmother a real measure of freedom for the first time but also a degree of entrapment. For my mother it was no less ambivalent. Dr. Xia was extremely kind to her and brought her x~p as his own daughter. She called him "Father," and he gave her his own name, Xia, which she carries to this day and a new given name, "De-hong," which is made up of two characters: Hong, meaning 'wild swan," and De, the generation name, meaning 'virtue."
姥姥有了“继母”身份，夏家人不敢明目张胆欺侮她，怕被人说是忤逆，于是他们把气出在我母亲身上，嘲笑她是“拖油瓶”，夏家的孩子们常把她打得鼻青脸肿。但她很倔强，既不哭，也不叫，只是缠着她母亲，带她“回家”，回到她姥姥家或薛之珩为她母亲买下的住宅去，她记得在那里仆人们待她就像个小公主。但很快她就明白了，不能跟母亲说要“回家”，因为每当此时，母亲总是满脸泪水。姥姥了解所发生的一切，但她从不对夏瑞堂提起，怕在他和他的孩子们之间惹出事端。
Dr. Xia's family did not dare insult my grandmother to her face that would have been tantamount to treason to one's 'mother." But her daughter was another matter. My mother's first memories, apart from being cuddled by her mother, are of being bullied by the younger members of Dr. Xia's family. She would try not to cry out, and to hide her bruises and cuts from her mother, but my grandmother knew what was going on. She never said anything to Dr. Xia, as she did not want to upset him or create more problems for him with his children. But my mother was miserable. She often begged to be taken back to her grandparents' house, or to the house General Xue had bought, where everyone had treated her like a princess. But she soon realized she should stop asking to 'go home," as this only brought tears to her mother's eyes.
My mother's closest friends were her pets. She had an owl, a black myna bird which could say a few simple phrases, a hawk, a cat, white mice, and some grasshoppers and crickets which she kept in glass bottles. Apart from her mother, her only close human friend was Dr. Xia's coachman, "Big Old Lee." He was a tough, leathery-skinned man from the Hinggan mountains in the far north, where the borders of China, Mongolia, and the Soviet Union meet.
于是，我母亲最亲密的朋友就是一些小动物了。她养了一只猫头鹰，一只呼呼拉(鹰的一种)、一只会学几句人话的八哥、一只猫及一些小白鼠。她还有好些蚱蜢和蟋蟀。养在玻璃瓶中。我母亲唯一的人类朋友是夏瑞堂的马夫“大老李”。
He had very dark skin, coarse hair, thick lips, and an upturned nose, all of which are very unusual among Chinese. In fact, he did not look Chinese at all. He was tall, thin, and wiry. His father had brought him up as a hunter and trapper, digging out ginseng roots and hunting bears, foxes, and deer. For a time they had done very well selling the skins, but they had eventually been put out of business by bandits, the worst of whom worked for the Old Marshal, Chang Tso-lin. Big Old Lee referred to him as 'that bandit bastard." Later, when my mother was told the Old Marshal had been a staunch anti-Japanese patriot, she remembered Big Old Lee's mockery of the 'hero' of the northeast.
这位来自大兴安岭的中年汉子，有着古铜色的粗糙皮肤，极厚的嘴唇，粗硬的头发，朝天鼻，看上去不太像个中国人。他从小跟随父亲打猎，捕捉熊、狐狸和鹿子，方法是使用猎枪、埋设夹子和挖陷阱。他们还按人参之类的药材。有段时间，他们靠卖皮毛、人参等维生，日子过得还不错。后来，因“胡子”土匪和官兵的骚扰，他不得不离开大山，逃到义县谋生。他时常说张作霖跟“胡子”没两样。后来，当我母亲听说张作霖是“抗日英雄”时，她总记起大老李的话。
Big Old Lee looked after my mother's pets, and used to take her out on expeditions with him. That winter he taught her to skate. In the spring, as the snow and ice were melting, they watched people performing the important annual ritual of 'sweeping the tombs' and planting flowers on the graves of their ancestors. In summer they went fishing and gathering mushrooms, and in the autumn they drove out to the edge of town to shoot hares.
我母亲的鸟类朋友都归大老李照料，他帮她捉虫子，做鸟食，还带她到郊外游玩。冬天教她溜冰；冰雪融化时，他们去踏青，看清明扫墓；夏天钓鱼、采蘑菇；秋天则去打野兔。
In the long Manchurian evenings, when the wind howled across the plains and the ice froze on the inside of the windows, Big Old Lee would sit my mother on his knee on the warm kang and tell her fabulous stories about the mountains of the north. The images she took to bed were of mysterious tall trees, exotic flowers, colorful birds singing tuneful songs, and ginseng roots which were really little girls after you dug them out you had to tie a red string around them, otherwise they would run away.
东北的冬季夜晚是漫长的。当窗外北风怒号、冰封大地的时候，大老李总是盘腿坐在炕上，把我母亲放在膝头，给她讲北方深山老林的神话传说。五颜六色的神奇鸟和满树林的奇异花就伴着她进入梦乡。特别是那些妙不可言的人参，它们是胖胖的小孩，挖出来时，你得在上面系一根红绳子拴住，不然，一眨眼工夫它们就会跑得无影无踪。
Big Old Lee also told my mother about animal lore.
Tigers, which roamed the mountains of northern Manchuria, were kind-hearted and would not hurt human beings unless they felt threatened. He loved tigers. But bears were another matter: they were fierce and one should avoid them at all costs. If you did happen to meet one, you must stand still until it lowered its head. This was because the bear has a lock of hair on his forehead which falls over his eyes and blinds him when he drops his head. With a wolf you should not turn and run, because you could never outrun it. You should stand and face it head-on, looking as though you were not afraid. Then you should walk backwards very, very slowly. Many years later, Big Old Lee's advice was to save my mother's life.
大老李告诉母亲，老虎实际上是很善良的，从不吃人，除非受到威胁。但黑熊很凶残，千万得躲着它。如果不幸碰上，要立刻站住不动，直到它低下头。这是因为熊的前额有一绺卷毛，低头时，卷毛正好遮住它的视丝，让他变成“熊瞎子”。这时你就赶紧跑。遇到狼，千万不要跑，因为你不可能跑得比它快。你得面对它站着，两眼盯住它，显得你并不怕它，然后再慢慢退着走开。多年后，大老李的故事居然救了我母亲一命。
One day when she was five years old my mother was in the garden talking to her pets when Dr. Xia's grandchildren crowded around her in a gang. They started jostling her and calling her names, and then began to hit her and shove her around more violently. They forced her into a corner of the garden where there was a dried-up well and pushed her in. The well was quite deep, and she fell hard on the rubble at the bottom. Eventually someone heard her screams and called Big Old Lee, who came running with a ladder; the cook held it steady while he climbed in. By now my grandmother had arrived, frantic with worry. After a few minutes, Big Old Lee resurfaced carrying my mother, who was half unconscious and covered with cuts and bruises. He put her in my grandmother's arms. My mother was taken inside, where Dr. Xia examined her.
我母亲五岁那年，有一天，她正在院子里和她的小动物们玩，夏瑞堂的一大群孙子们围了过来。她发现后想跑，但他们开始推撞她、谩骂她，越来越粗暴。渐渐地，他们把她挤到院子角落的一口枯井旁，只听一声惨叫，我母亲被推了下去，重重跌到底的石砾碎石上。终于有人听到了她的哭喊，叫来了大老李。他扛着梯子跑来，放入井中，爬了下去。此刻姥姥也闻声赶来，急得像疯了似的。不一会儿，大老李抱着我母亲爬了上来，她已处于半昏迷状态，浑身是血口子。姥姥接过我母亲，抱到屋内，夏瑞堂忙为她检查。
One hipbone was broken. For years afterward it sometimes became dislocated and the accident left her with a permanent slight limp..
我母亲有块髋骨摔断了。她至今走路还有些瘸。
When Dr. Xia asked her what had happened, my mother said she had been pushed by "Number Six [Grandson]."
夏瑞堂问起事情的经过。我母亲说：“是小六子把我推下去的！”
My grandmother, ever attentive to Dr. Xia's moods, tried to shush her up because Number Six was his favorite.
姥姥一听急忙打断她的话，不许她往下说。她同时瞥了丈夫一眼，担心丈夫会难过，因为小六是他最宠爱的孙子。
When Dr. Xia left the room, my grandmother told my mother not to complain about "Number Six' again, so as not to upset Dr. Xia. For some time my mother was confined to the house because of her hip. The other children ostracized her completely.
夏瑞堂一言不发地离开了房间。姥姥说：“小六子是阿玛的心尖儿，别惹他，别让阿玛不高兴。”此后一段时间，我母亲被关在房里养伤，而别的孩子完全不理她了。
Immediately after this, Dr. Xia began to go away for several days at a time. He went to the provincial capital, Jinzhou, about twenty-five miles to the south, looking for a job. The atmosphere in the family was unbearable, and my mother's accident, which might easily have been fatal, convinced him that a move was essential.
此事发生后，夏瑞堂就常常去义县南面二十五哩的省会锦州，想在那里找份工作。大家庭内的气氛已紧张之极，现在我母亲又险些被置于死地，他决心搬走。
This was no small decision. In China, to have several generations of a family living under one roof was considered a great honor. Streets even had names like "Five Generations Under One Roof' to commemorate such families. Breaking up the extended family was viewed as a tragedy to be avoided at all costs, but Dr. Xia tried to put on a cheerful face to my grandmother, saying he would be glad to have less responsibility.
这种决定非同小可。在中国，几代人同住被认为是极为荣耀的，有些街道甚至取名“五世同堂”，以表彰某个大家庭。大家庭的破裂被看作是大悲剧，应尽力防止。不过夏瑞堂仍装出愉快的样子，他对姥姥说，以后可以少操点心。
My grandmother was vastly relieved, although she tried not to show it. In fact, she had been gently pushing Dr. Xia to move, especially after what happened to my mother. She had had enough of the extended family, always glacially present, icily willing her to be miserable, and in which she had neither privacy nor company.
我姥姥也大感轻松，虽然她不能显得太高兴。事实上，她一直希望丈夫能搬走。她对冷若冰窖的大家庭已受够了。
Dr. Xia divided his property up among the members of his family. The only things he kept for himself were the gifts which had been bestowed on his ancestors by the Manchu emperors. To the widow of his eldest son he gave all his land. The second son inherited the medicine shop, and the house was left to his youngest son. He saw to it that Big Old Lee and the other servants were well taken care of. When he asked my grandmother if she would mind being poor, she said she would be happy just to have her daughter and himself: "If you have love, even plain cold water is sweet."
夏瑞堂把家产分了，所有的田地和庄园都归大儿子的遗孀，以弥补她丧夫之痛；二儿子分到整个中药店；三儿子则分到夏家的住宅。大老李和其他仆人也都一一安顿。他只为自己保留了满清皇帝赏赐给他祖宗的礼品，此外一无所有。他问姥姥介不介意和他过穷日子。姥姥说：“只要有你，有我女儿，喝凉永也是甜的！”
On a freezing December day in 1936 the family gathered outside the front gate to see them off. They were all dry eyed except De-gui, the only son who had backed the marriage. Big Old Lee drove them in the horse-drawn carriage to the station, where my mother said a tearful goodbye to him. But she became excited when they got on the train. This was the first time she had been on a train since she was a year old and she was thrilled, jumping up and down as she looked out the window.
1936年12月的一个冰天雪地的日子，夏家人全聚集在大门外为他们送行。这群人的眼睛都是干的，只有支持这桩婚事的德贵在流泪。我母亲也泪流满面地向大老李道了别。当列车载着他们向锦州出发时，她开始兴奋起来，在车厢里跳上蹦下，不时趴在窗口向外望。这是她自一岁以来首次坐火车。
Jinzhou was a big city, with a population of almost 100,000, the capital of one of the nine provinces of Manchukuo. It lies about ten miles inland from the sea, where Manchuria approaches the Great Wall. Like Yixian, it was a walled town, but it was growing fast and had already spread well beyond its walls. It boasted a number of textile factories and two oil refineries; it was an important railroad junction, and even had its own airport.
锦州是“满洲国”九省之一的省会，当时约有十七万居民。它距大海有十哩，靠近长城，四周也像义县那样被城墙环绕着。不过城里的工商业早已十分发达，东面有个规模很大的纺织厂，西北面有两个炼油厂。锦州是重要的铁路枢纽，甚至还有机场。
The Japanese had occupied it in early January 1932, after heavy fighting. Jinzhou was in a highly strategic location, and had played a central role in the takeover of Manchuria, its seizure becoming the focus of a major diplomatic dispute between the United States and Japan and a key episode in the long chain of events which ultimately led to Pearl Harbor ten years later.
日本人在1931年9月开始入侵东北后，少帅张学良被迫放弃他的大本营沈阳。他带领二十万军队撤到锦州，在这里建立了指挥中心。日本人在1932年1月经过激烈战斗后攻占该城。锦州的沦陷是日本占领整个东北的重要一步，也成为美国与日本之间外交的争论点。日本人轰炸了锦州，使它成为有史以来最早受空袭的城市之一，入城后，又大肆烧杀掳掠。
when the Japanese began their attack on Manchuria in September 1931, the Young Marshal, Chang Hsueh-liang, was forced to abandon his capital, Mukden, to the Japanese. He decamped to Jinzhou with some 200,000 troops and set up his headquarters there. In one of the first such attacks in history, the Japanese bombed the city from the air. When the Japanese troops entered Jinzhou they went on a rampage.
This was the town where Dr. Xia, now age sixty-six, had to start again from the bottom. He could only afford to rent a mud hut about ten by eight feet in size in a very poor part of town, a low-lying area by a river, under a levee. Most of the local shack owners were too poor to afford a proper roof: they laid pieces of corrugated iron over their four walls and put heavy stones on top to try to stop them from being blown away in the frequent high winds. The area was right on the edge of the town on the other side of the river were sorghum fields.
夏瑞堂在锦州白手起家时，年已六十六，为了省钱，他租了一间小土屋。小土屋十尺长，八尺宽，位于城外小凌河堤坝下的低洼地，河对岸是大片的高粱地。这里是锦州的贫民区，绝大多数土屋的房主都无力盖上一个像样的屋顶，只能用一块块的波纹状的铁皮搭在上面，再压上大石头以防被频繁的大风吹走。
When they first arrived in December, the brown earth was frozen solid and so was the river, which was about thirty yards wide at this point. In the spring, as the ice thawed, the ground around the hut turned to a quagmire, and the stench of sewage, kept down in winter because it immediately froze, permanently lodged in their nostrils. In the summer the area was infested with mosquitoes, and floods were a constant worry because the river rose well above the level of the houses and the embankments were poorly maintained.
当他们在12月份到这里时，褐色的土地已冻得坚硬如石，河水也冰封了。挨到春天，冰雪消融，土屋四周又顿成沼泽。阴沟污水因春暖解冻而散发出阵阵恶臭。到了夏季，此区成了蚊虫大本营，他们常提心吊胆，怕洪水泛滥，因为河水水位高过堤坝外的土屋屋顶，而堤坝已年久失修。
My mother's overwhelming impression was of almost unbearable cold. Every activity, not just sleeping, had to take place on the kang, which took up most of the space in the hut, apart from a small stove in one corner. All three of them had to sleep together on the kang. There was no electricity or running water. The toilet was a mud shack with a communal pit.
我母亲印象最深刻的是刚到时的寒冷，不单是睡觉，任何活动都得在炕上进行。炕几乎占了土屋的整个面积，余下的空间角落只能放个小炉子，三人挤在一张炕上睡觉，没有电，没有自来水。厕所在屋外，地上挖出一排排相通的坑，四周围着泥巴糊的墙。
Right opposite the house was a brightly painted temple dedicated to the God of Fire. People coming to pray in it would tie their horses up in front of the Xias' shack. When it got warmer, Dr. Xia would take my mother for walks along the riverbank in the evenings and recite classical poetry to her, against the background of the magnificent sunsets. My grandmother would not accompany them: there was no custom of husbands and wives taking walks together, and in any case, her bound feet meant that walking could never be a pleasure for her.
新居正对面是一座装饰得耀眼的火神庙，前来拜神的人们马马匹系在夏家土屋的门口，天暖时，夕阳西下，夏瑞堂爱带着我母亲去河堤上散步，看锦州八大景观之一的“红螺晚照”。他常吟一些古诗给我母亲听。姥姥不能陪他们散步，那时不流行夫妻出双入对，而且，散步对她那双小脚来说，绝非乐事。
They were on the edge of starvation. In Yixian the family had had a supply of food from Dr. Xia's own land, which meant they always had some rice even after the Japanese had taken their cut. Now their income was sharply down and the Japanese were appropriating a far greater proportion of the available food. Much of what was produced locally was forcibly exported to Japan, and the large Japanese army in Manchuria took most of the remaining rice and wheat for itself. The local population could occasionally get hold of some maize or sorghum, but even these were scarce. The main food was acorn meal, which tasted and smelled revolting.
他们处于饥饿的边缘。在义县时，夏瑞堂拥有的土地足以使全家老少丰衣足食。即使在日本人强令“出荷”后，他们也不愁没饭吃。现在没了地，收入菲薄，只能是日本人搜刮后剩下什么吃什么。当地生产的粮食有很多被强行运往日本，剩下的大米和小麦，又被日本庞大的驻军拿走，当地居民只能得到一些玉米、高粱，但是这些东西也很少见，主食变成了橡子面，闻起来、吃起来都令人恶心。米、麦只有黑市里有，姥姥就卖薛之珩给她的首饰去买。到吃饭时，她不是说吃过了，就是说不饿，让着丈夫和女儿，等他们吃完后再吃剩下的。后来夏瑞堂发现她卖首饰，就急忙制止她说：“我已上了年纪，不会长命百岁，你们以后还得靠这些首饰过活。”
My grandmother had never experienced such poverty, but this was the happiest time of her life. Dr. Xia loved her, and she had her daughter with her all the 6me. She was no longer forced to go through any of the tedious Manchu rituals, and the tiny mud hut was filled with laughter. She and Dr. Xia sometimes passed the long evenings playing cards. The rules were that if Dr. Xia lost, my grandmother would smack him three times, and if she lost, Dr. Xia would kiss her three times.
我姥姥从未如此苦过，但这却是她一生中最快活的日子。夏瑞堂爱她，女儿又总在身旁。她也不必遵守那些满族的繁文缛节，小土屋内充满了欢笑声。在漫漫长夜里，她和夏瑞堂常玩纸牌，游戏规则是夏瑞堂输了，姥姥就轻轻打他三下，姥姥输了，夏瑞堂则要亲她三次。
My grandmother had many women friends in the neighborhood, which was something new for her. As the wife of a doctor she was respected, even though he was not well off. After years of being humiliated and treated as chattel, she was now truly surrounded by freedom.
姥姥生平第一回有了很多女邻居朋友。虽然他们并不富有，但身为医生的妻子，她受到人们的尊敬。那段蒙受屈辱、蔑视的日子已成过去，如今她是真的自由了。
Every now and then she and her friends would put on an old Manchu performance for themselves, playing hand drums while they sang and danced. The tunes they played consisted of very simple, repetitive notes and rhythms, and the women made up the lyrics as they went along. The married women sang about their sex lives, and the virgins asked questions about sex. Being mostly illiterate, the women used this as a way to learn about the facts of life.
她和朋友们不时在一起玩一种古老的满族游戏——打手皮鼓。一手持鼓，一手拍打，边打、边唱，节奏旋律很简单，几乎可以说随心所欲。唱词内容多是讲述性生活。已婚的讲“感受”，未婚的提问题。由于没有机会受教育，妇女们就利用这种游戏来学习生活知识，也通过歌唱谈论丈夫，交流经历，说些闲言碎语。
Through their singing, they also talked to each other about their lives and their husbands, and passed on their gossip.
My grandmother loved these gatherings, and would often practice for them at home. She would sit on the kang, shaking the hand drum with her left hand and singing to the beat, composing the lyrics as she went along. Often Dr. Xia would suggest words. My mother was too young to be taken along to the gatherings, but she could watch my grandmother rehearsing. She was fascinated and particularly wanted to know what words Dr. Xia had suggested.
姥姥喜欢这类聚会，每每在家练习。她坐在炕上，边打手鼓，边填新词，合着节拍哼，时时停下来揣摩韵律，夏瑞堂也帮着填词凑趣。我母亲太小，姥姥从不带她参加这类游戏，只能在家里看排练。她发现继父和母亲常为所填新词笑得前仰后合，就强扭着母亲要她重说一遍，结果如堕云里雾中，仍是一点不懂。
She knew they must be great fun, because he and her mother laughed so much. But when her mother repeated them for her, she 'fell into clouds and fog." She had no idea what they meant.
But life was tough. Every day was a battle just to survive.
Rice and wheat were only available on the black market, so my grandmother began selling off some of the jewellery
General Xue had given her. She ate almost nothing herself, saying she had already eaten, or that she was not hungry and would eat later. When Dr. Xia found out she was selling her jewellery, he insisted she stop: "I am an old man," he said.
"Some day I will die, and you will have to rely on those jewels to survive."
Dr. Xia was working as a salaried doctor attached to another man's medicine shop, which did not give him much chance to display his skill. But he worked hard, and gradually his reputation began to grow. Soon he was invited to go on his first visit to a patient's home. When he came back that evening he was carrying a package wrapped in a cloth. He winked at my mother and his wife and asked them to guess what was inside the package. My mother's eyes were glued to the steaming bundle, and even before she could shout out "Steamed rolls!" she was already tearing the package open. As she was devouring the rolls, she looked up and met Dr. Xia's twinkling eyes. More than fifty years later she can still remember his look of happiness,
刚到锦州时，夏瑞堂在一家叫“宝春堂”的中药店当坐堂医师，按钟点支薪。由于他医术高明，名气渐渐传开。不久，他就第一次被请到病人家出诊。当天晚上，他回家时，手里拎着一个纸包，向妻子、女儿眨了眨眼，要她们猜猜里面装的是什么。我母亲发现纸包直冒热气直觉是好吃的东西。她冲上前去，迫不及待地扯开纸包。“夹肉烧饼！”她欢呼起来，接着就狼吞虎咽了起来。偶一抬头，看到夏瑞堂正满怀怜爱地注视着她。五十多年后，我母亲仍能清晰记起夏瑞堂的目光。至今她还说，从此再也没有吃过比那天的夹肉烧饼更美味的东西了。
My Grandmother Mama a Manchu Doctor 77 and even today she says she cannot remember any food as delicious as those simple wheat rolls.
Home visits were important to doctors, because the families would pay the doctor who made the call rather than his employer. When the patients were happy, or rich, the doctors would often be given handsome rewards.
上门治病对医生很重要，因为病家会直接把钱付给医生本人。病人如果满意，又富有，给医生的报酬就很高。有些病家还会在逢年过节时，置办厚礼送医生。夏瑞堂出诊多次后，夏家的境况就明显好转了。
Grateful patients would also give doctors valuable presents at New Year and on other special occasions. After a number of home visits, Dr. Xia's circumstances began to improve.
His reputation began to spread, too. One day the wife of the provincial governor fell into a coma, and he called in Dr. Xia, who managed to restore her to consciousness.
夏瑞堂的名声也开始远播。一天，他被请到省长府上。原来省长太太突然休克。夏瑞堂药到病除，使夫人恢复知觉。
This was considered almost the equivalent of bringing a person back from the grave. The governor ordered a plaque to be made on which he wrote in his own hand:
这在当时简直就是起死回生。省长激动之余，马上定制一个大匾，亲手写上四个大字：
"Dr. Xia, who gives life to people and society." He ordered the plaque to be carried through the town in procession.
“济世救人”，派人抬着匾，敲锣打鼓穿城游行送到夏瑞堂所在药店。
Soon afterward the governor came to Dr. Xia for a different kind of help. He had one wife and twelve concubines, but not one of them had borne him a child. The governor had heard that Dr. Xia was particularly skilled in questions of fertility. Dr. Xia prescribed potions for the governor and his thirteen consorts, several of whom became pregnant.
接着，省长又请夏帮另一个忙。他有一位夫人和12位姨太太，却没有一个为他生孩子的。夏医生给省长、省长太太以及姨太太们均开了药方。不久，竟有好几位怀了孕。
In fact, the problem had been the governor's, but the diplomatic Dr. Xia treated the wife and the concubines as well.
事实上，问题出在省长身上。但为了顾全他的面子，结果大家都吃药。
The governor was overjoyed, and wrote an even larger plaque for Dr. Xia inscribed: "The reincarnation of Kuanyin' (the Buddhist goddess of fertility and kindness). The new plaque was carried to Dr. Xia's house with an even larger procession than the first one. After this, people came to see Dr. Xia from as far away as Harbin, 400 miles to the north. He became known as one of the 'four famous doctors' of Manchukuo.
此事使省长更加感激不尽，他送给夏医生一个更大的匾，上面仍是他的手书：“送子观音”。从此，夏瑞堂名声日隆，甚至远到四百哩之外的哈尔滨，都有人上门求医。他被誉为“满洲国”四大名医之一。
By the end of 1937, a year after they had arrived in Jinzhou, Dr. Xia was able to move to a bigger house just outside the old north gate of the city. It was far superior to the shack by the river. Instead of mud, it was made of red brick. Instead of one room, it had no fewer than three bedrooms. Dr. Xia was able to set up his own practice again, and used the sitting room as his surgery.
1937年年底，也就是在锦州一年之后，夏医生和姥姥搬到锦州老南门内通达胡同。新住宅比起小凌河旁的土屋不知好多少倍，墙壁是用石头砌成的，光卧室就有三间。
The house occupied the south side of a big courtyard which was shared with two other families, but only Dr. Xia's house had a door which opened directly into it. The other two houses faced out onto the street and had solid walls on the courtyard side, without even a window looking onto it. When they wanted to get into the courtyard they had to go around through a gate from the street. The north side of the courtyard was a solid wall. In the courtyard were cypresses and Chinese ilex trees on which the three families used to hang up clotheslines. There were also some roses of Sharon, which were tough enough to survive the harsh winters. During the summer my grandmother would put out her favorite annuals: white-edged morning glory, chrysanthemums, dahlias, and garden balsam.
他们和另外两家人共用一个大院子，但只有夏家的房子有一道直通院子的门，另外住户必须从外面绕过街头，通过院子大门才能进入。院落里种着柏树和冬青树，还种了些丁香和别的能生长在严冬、生命力强的花。姥姥爱花的天性又在这里施展开了，满园子都是步步高、鸡冠花、菊花、大丽花和风仙花等。
My grandmother and Dr. Xia never had any children together. He subscribed to a theory that a man over the age of sixty-five should not ejaculate, so as to conserve his sperm, which was considered the essence of a man. Years later my grandmother told my mother, somewhat mysteriously, that through qigong Dr. Xia developed a technique which enabled him to have an orgasm without ejaculating.
姥姥和夏瑞堂没有孩子。夏瑞堂信奉一种理论，认为人过六十五岁后，就不应让精液外泄了，这对男人的健康极为重要。
For a man of his age he enjoyed extraordinary health. He was never ill, and took a cold shower every day, even in temperatures of minus io F. He never touched alcohol or tobacco, in keeping with the injunctions of the quasi religious sect to which he belonged, the Zai-li-hui (Society of Reason).
他从来不生病，每天洗冷水澡，甚至温度降至摄氏零度以下，也不退缩。他不近烟酒，这也是他参加的一个名叫“在理会”的宗教团体的教义。
Although he was a doctor himself, Dr. Xia was not keen on taking medicine, insisting that the way to good health was a sound body. He adamantly opposed any treatment which in his opinion cured one part of the body while doing damage to another, and would not use strong medicines because of the side effects they might have. My mother and grandmother often had to take medicines behind his back. When they did fall ill, he would always bring in another doctor, who was a traditional Chinese doctor but also a shaman and believed that some ailments were caused by evil spirits, which had to be placated or exorcized by special religious techniques.
虽然夏瑞堂本人就是医生，但他不主张吃药，认为健康要靠锻炼。他坚决反对任何照他看来虽治好身体某一部分但却损害另一部分的医疗技术，不轻易用猛药强剂，担心会有副作用。我母亲和姥姥总是背着他偷吃药。有时她们生病时，他请一位是黄教僧的中医师诊病，这个人相信有些病是“邪气”所致，理应由某种特殊的宗教手段来驱邪。
* * *
My mother was happy. For the first time in her life she felt warmth all around her. No longer did she feel tension, as she had for the two years at her grandparents', and there was none of the bullying she had undergone for a whole year from Dr. Xia's grandchildren.
我母亲很快活。这是她有生以来第一次感到生活中处处都是温馨。这里既没有她姥爷家里的紧张气氛，也不用再害怕夏家大小会欺侮她。
She was particularly excited by the festivals which came around almost every month. There was no concept of the workweek among ordinary Chinese. Only government offices, schools, and Japanese factories had a day off on Sunday. For other people only festivals provided a break from the daily routine.
她还特别巴望过节。过节总有好东西吃、新衣服穿。盼望过节是中国当时一般人的共同心理，那时没有星期日的概念，只有政府官员、学校师生和日本人的工厂才在星期日停止工作，一般人就靠逢年过节稍事休息。因此，几乎每个月都有某种传统节日。
On the twenty-third day of the twelfth moon, seven days before the Chinese New Year, the Winter Festival began. According to legend, this was the day when the Kitchen God, who had been living above the stove with his wife, in the form of their portraits, went up to Heaven to report on the behavior of the family to the Celestial Emperor. A good report would bring the family abundant food in the kitchen in the coming year. So on this day every household would busily kowtow to the portraits of Lord and Lady Kitchen God before they were set ablaze to signify their ascent to Heaven. Grandmother would always ask my mother to stick some honey on their lips. She would also burn lifelike miniature horses and figures of servants which she made out of sorghum plants so the royal couple would have extra special service to make them happier and thus more inclined to say many nice things about the Xias to the Celestial Emperor.
最令母亲朝恩暮想的是春节。农历正月初一前七天，就开始过小年，家家忙着祭灶王爷。“灶王爷”是一幅贴在灶上的画像，随时录人功过，一年一次升天向玉皇大帝禀告。每年腊月二十三日是灶王爷升天之日，人们把这幅画烧掉，表示他升天去见玉皇大帝。烧掉前先摆上供品，一家人向他磕头，求他“上天言好事，下界保平安”。我母亲此时的任务是把蜜糖涂在画像的嘴唇上，以免他升天后讲坏话。与灶王爷画像一块烧掉的，还有姥姥用高粱秆扎得活灵活现的小人小马，这是供灶王爷差遣和代步用的。到了除夕夜，才又贴张新像，于是，这位神仙又回来了。
The next few days were spent preparing all sons of food.
Meat was cut into special shapes, and rice and soybeans were ground into powder and made into buns, rolls, and dumplings. The food was put into the cellar to wait for the New Year. With the temperature as low as minus 2o F, the cellar was a natural refrigerator.
小年一过，就忙着准备过年的食物，把猪、羊、牛肉切成不同形态，磨黄米面和糯米面，准备豆沙包、元宵、馒头和蒸糕。所有食物全放入地窖冻起来，以备大年使用。这时，气温在零下20摄氏度以上，等于天然冰箱。
At midnight on Chinese New Year's Eve, a huge burst of fireworks was let off, to my mother's great excitement.
忙到除夕夜，全家人围着火炉，聊天、守岁、吃饺子。半夜十二点一过，鞭炮齐鸣，这是我母亲最兴奋的时刻。
She would follow her mother and Dr. Xia outside and kowtow in the direction from which the God of Fortune was supposed to be coming. All along the street, people were doing the same. Then they would greet each other with the words "May you run into good fortune."
她随父母走出房门，按照历书指明的财神爷降临的方向磕头，全城的人也都磕头。然后，纷纷起身向邻居、朋友互道“恭喜发财”。
At Chinese New Year people gave each other presents.
When dawn lit up the white paper in the windows to the east, my mother would jump out of bed and hurry into her new finery: new jacket, new trousers, new socks, and new shoes. Then she and her mother called on neighbors and friends, kowtowing to all the adults. For every bang of her head on the floor, she got a 'red wrapper' with money inside. These packets were to last her the whole year as pocket money.
正月初一，朝东的窗纸一发白，我母亲就急忙跳下床，穿上新衣服、新裤子、新袜子、新鞋子，由姥姥带着去访亲会友。她向所有的长辈磕头，他们给她红包，里面装着压岁钱，这是她一年的零花。接下去的十五天中，成人们互相拜访，互祝发财。发财，是大多数中国人的梦，当时大家都很穷。即使是夏瑞堂这样的人家也中有在过节时才能敞开肚子吃肉。
For the next fifteen days, the adults went round paying visits and wishing each other good fortune. Good fortune, namely money, was an obsession with most ordinary Chinese. People were poor, and in the Xia household, like many others, the only time meat was in reasonably abundant supply was at festival time.
The festivities would culminate on the fifteenth day with a carnival procession followed by a lantern show after dark.
The procession centered on an inspection visit by the God of Fire. The god would be carried around the neighborhood to warn people of the danger of fire; with most houses partly made of timber and the climate dry and windy, fire was a constant hazard and source of terror, and the statue of the god in the temple used to receive offerings all year round. The procession started at the temple of the God of Fire, in front of the mud hut where the Xias had lived when they first came to Jinzhou. A replica of the statue, a giant with red hair, beard, eyebrows, and cloak, was carried on an open sedan chair by eight young men. It was followed by writhing dragons and lions, each made up of several men, and by floats, stilts, and yangge dancers who waved the ends of a long piece of colorful silk tied around their waists. Fireworks, drums, and cymbals made a thundering noise. My mother skipped along behind the procession.
正月十五元宵节，喜庆的气氛达到高潮。家家张灯、户户结彩。最热闹的场面是“火神爷”出巡，火神爷的塑像被抬出来游行，告诫大家小心火烛。它浑身“火红”，火红的头发，火红的眉毛，火红的胡须，火红的关篷，坐在一顶八人大轿上。前面开路的是高跷队、秧歌队、锣鼓队，跟在轿后的狮子舞、龙灯舞、小旱船，一路上浩浩荡荡，热闹非凡。所经之处，富贵人家、大商号都摆上供品香案，祈求它保佑不遭火灾。
Almost every household displayed tantalizing foods along the route as offerings to the deity, but she noticed that the deity jolted by rather quickly, not touching any of it.
"Goodwill for the gods, offerings for the human stomachs!" her mother told her. In those days of scarcity my mother looked forward keenly to the festivals, when she could satisfy her stomach. She was quite indifferent to those occasions which had poetic rather than gastronomic associations, and would wait impatiently for her mother to guess the riddles stuck on the splendid lanterns hung at people's front doors during the Lantern Festival, or for her mother to tour the chrysanthemums in people's gardens on the ninth day of the ninth moon.
姥姥和母亲兴致勃勃地跟着出巡队伍跑。我母亲注意到火神爷沿途任何供品也不拿，就一颠一颠地被抬走了。姥姥告诉她，这叫“心到佛知，上供人吃”。那些穷日子里，我母亲热望过节的最大兴致，就是有好东西吃。对那些充满诗意而不充满食物的节日她则没什么兴趣，姥姥在元宵节猜灯谜，在九九重阳节一家去赏菊，她都不耐烦地等在一旁。
During the Fair of the Town God's Temple one year, my grandmother showed her a row of clay sculptures in the temple, all redecorated and painted for the occasion.
当一年一度的城隍庙会到来时，姥姥爱带我母亲去城隍庙看泥塑。
They were scenes of Hell, showing people being punished for their sins. My grandmother pointed out a clay figure whose tongue was being pulled out at least a foot while simultaneously being cut up by two devils with spiky hair standing on end like hedgehogs and eyes bulging like frogs.
这些泥塑望画地狱十殿阎王审判鬼魂的故事，教育人们道德准则。姥姥指着一组“割舌地狱”要我母亲看：一个人被捆在柱头上，舌头被一个模样狰狞的小鬼拉得长长的，另一个小鬼正用刀割他的舌头。
The man being tortured had been a liar in his previous life, she said and this was what would happen to my mother if she told lies.
姥姥说，这是在惩罚那些生前说谎的人，如果我母亲说了谎，死后也要受这种处罚。
There were about a dozen groups of statues, set amid the buzzing crowds and the mouth-watering food stalls, each one illustrating a moral lesson. My grandmother cheerfully showed my mother one horrible scene after another, but when they came to one group of figures she whisked her by without any explanation. Only some years later did my mother find out that it depicted a woman being sawed in half by two men. The woman was a widow who had remarried, and she was being sawed in half by her two husbands because she had been the property of both of them. In those days many widows were frightened by this prospect and remained loyal to their dead husbands, no matter how much misery that entailed. Some even killed themselves if they were forced by their families to remarry.
这就样，姥姥一路快快乐乐地对我母亲挨个解说那些怕人的形象。但在一组塑像前她却突然闭了嘴，接着我母亲快乐离开。若干年之后，我母亲才知道，那组塑像描绘的是“锯人地狱”：一个再嫁的寡妇正被她的两任丈夫从中间锯成两半，因为她是他们俩共同的财产。在那时日，这种恐怖场面吓坏了不少守寡的妇女，使她们忠贞于已去世的丈夫，不管所谓的忠贞是怎样的悲惨。有的人甚至在被夫家迫令再嫁时自杀。
My mother realized that her mother's decision to marry Dr. Xia had not been an easy one.
我母亲此时才意识到：姥姥决定再嫁给夏瑞堂是多么不容易。