8
8
Chapter 8 ENLIGHTENED RELATIONSHIPS
第八章 开悟的亲密关系
ENTER THE NOW FROM WHEREVER YOU ARE
随时随地进入当下
I always thought that true enlightenment is not possible except through love in a relationship between a man and a woman. Isn't this what makes us whole again? How can one's life be fulfilled until that happens?
我一直以为真正的开悟，只有透过男女关系中的爱才有可能。我们不是因为这样才会再度完整吗？在这之前，一个人的生命如何才得以实现？
Is that true in your experience? Has this happened to you?
依你的经验这是真的吗？在你身上发生过吗？
Not yet, but how could it be otherwise? I know that it will happen.
还没有。可是，还有别的可能吗？我知道它会发生。
In other words, you are waiting for an event in time to save you. Is this not the core error that we have been talking about? Salvation is not elsewhere in place or time. It is here and now.
换句话说，你在等一个及时的事件来救你。这不正是我们先前谈过的核心误谬吗？救赎不在另一个地方或时间。它在此时此地。
What does that statement mean, "salvation is here and now"? I don't understand it. I don't even know what salvation means.
“救赎就在此时此地”这一句话是什么意思？我连救赎是什么意思都不懂。
Most people pursue physical pleasures or various forms of psychological gratification because they believe that those things will make them happy or free them from a feeling of fear or lack. Happiness may be perceived as a heightened sense of aliveness attained through physical pleasure, or a more secure and more complete sense of self attained through some form of psychological gratification. This is the search for salvation from a state of unsatisfactoriness or insufficiency. Invariably, any satisfaction that they obtain is short-lived, so the condition of satisfaction or fulfillment is usually projected once again onto an imaginary point away from the here and now. "When I obtain this or am free of that — then I will be okay." This is the unconscious mind-set that creates the illusion of salvation in the future.
大多数人追逐肉体的享乐，或各种不同形式的心理满足。因为他们相信这些事会让他们快乐，或者会解除他们的恐惧感或匮乏感。我们可以把快乐理解为透过肉体的享乐，而达到一种高度的快活感；或者透过某种形式的心理满足，所获致的更安全、更完整的自我感。这是从一个不满或不足的状态里寻求救赎。他们从这些活动中所获得的满足感，势必是短暂的。因此满足和成就的条件，会再度被投射到此时此地之外的一个想像的点上。“有朝一日我得到了这个，或摆脱了那个——我就万事OK了。”这就是创造未来救赎幻相的心智模式。
True salvation is fulfillment, peace, life in all its fullness. It is to be who you are, to feel within you the good that has no opposite, the joy of Being that depends on nothing outside itself. It is felt not as a passing experience but as an abiding presence. In theistic language, it is to "know God" — not as something outside you but as your own innermost essence. True salvation is to know yourself as an inseparable part of the timeless and formless One Life from which all that exists derives its being.
真正的救赎是成就、是和平、是生命的圆满。它就是做你本然的自己。感觉你内在那个没有对立的善。感觉本体自性圆满的喜悦。它的感觉不是短暂的、会流逝的，而是一个常驻的临在。所谓“认识神”，是认识到那在你之内，不假外求的最深本质。真正的救赎就是认识你自己是和所有存在的源头——无时间、超越形相的一体生命——都是合一的。
True salvation is a state of freedom — from fear, from suffering, from a perceived state of lack and insufficiency and therefore from all wanting, needing, grasping, and dinging. It is freedom from compulsive thinking, from negativity, and above all from past and future as a psychological need. Your mind is telling you that you cannot get there from here. Something needs to happen, or you need to become this or that before you can be free and fulfilled. It is saying, in fact, that you need time — that you need to find, sort out, do, achieve, acquire, become, or understand something before you can be free or complete. You see time as the means to salvation, whereas in truth it is the greatest obstacle to salvation. You think that you can't get there from where and who you are at this moment because you are not yet complete or good enough, but the truth is that here and now is the only point from where you can get there. You "get' there by realizing that you are there already. You find God the moment you realize that you don't need to seek God. So there is no only way to salvation: Any condition can be used, but no particular condition is needed. However, there is only one point of access: the Now: There can be no salvation away from this moment. You are lonely and without a partner? Enter the Now from there. You are in a relationship? Enter the Now from there.
真正的救赎是一种解脱的状态——从恐惧、从受苦中解脱，从匮乏和不足的状态所产生的缺乏、需要、求取、和攀缘之中解脱。它是从强迫性的思考，从负面的情感，最重要的是，从以“心理需求”为形式的过去和未来中解脱。你的心智告诉你说，你无法从这里到彼岸。你需要一个事件，或者在你自由和实现之前，你需要先变成这个或那个。事实上，也就是说你需要时间——你需要去找到、去厘清、去做、去达成、去获取、去变成、或者去了解某一件事之后，你才能自由或者完整。你把时间当成救赎的手段，而实际上，时间却是最大的障碍。你认为就因为你还不完整、还不够好，所以你无法由本然的你，在此刻到达彼岸。而事实上，此时此地是你能够达到彼岸的唯一的一个点。你体会到自己已经在彼岸的时候，你就“到达”了。你体会到你不需要寻找神的那一刻，你就找到神了。因此救赎没有唯一之道：你可以运用任何情况，而不需要一个特定的情况。不过入口点却只有一个：当下。离开当下，没有救赎。你孤单，你没有伴吗？就从那里进入当下。你在一份亲密关系里吗？也从那里进入当下。
There is nothing you can ever do or attain that will get you closer to salvation than it is at this moment. This may be hard to grasp for a mind accustomed to thinking that everything worthwhile is in the future. Nor can anything that you ever did or that was done to you in the past prevent you from saying yes to what is and taking your attention deeply into the Now. You cannot do this in the future. You do it now or not at all.
你所做或所完成的任何事里，最能让你接近救赎的就在这一刻。心智很难理解这样的说法，因为它习惯地认为未来才有价值。你曾经做过的一切，或被施加的一切，都阻挡不了你对本然说是；也阻挡不了你深刻地专注在当下。这件事你无法在未来做。你不是当下做，就是完全不做。
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LOVE/HATE RELATIONSHIPS
爱/恨关系
Unless and until you access the consciousness frequency of presence, all relationships, and particularly intimate relationships, are deeply flawed and ultimately dysfunctional. They may seem perfect for a while, such as when you are "in love," but invariably that apparent perfection gets disrupted as arguments, conflicts, dissatisfaction, and emotional or even physical violence occur with increasing frequency. It seems that most "love relationships" become love/hate relationships before long. Love can then turn into savage attack, feelings of hostility, or complete withdrawal of affection at the flick of a switch. This is considered normal. The relationship then oscillates for a while, a few months or a few years, between the polarities of "love" and hate, and it gives you as much pleasure as it gives you pain. It is not uncommon for couples to become addicted to those cycles. Their drama makes them feel alive. When a balance between the positive/negative polarities is lost and the negative, destructive cycles occur with increasing frequency and intensity, which tends to happen sooner or later, then it will not be long before the relationship finally collapses.
当你没有取得临在的意识频率，以及在你取得临在的意识频率之前，所有的关系，特别是亲密关系，就是残缺不全而且彻底地的失能。也许有似乎完美的片刻，比如“在爱里”的时候。可是外表的完美，终究难逃争执、冲突、不满、和情感或肢体暴力的递增而划下句点。似乎大多数“爱的关系”都会很快地以爱/恨交织的关系收场。爱在转眼之间变成了野蛮的攻击、敌意、或者情爱的完全撤除。我们视这一切为常情。关系便在“爱”与恨的两极之间拉锯，其间的拉辐在几分钟、几个月、甚或几年不等。让你享受这样的起伏，也让你承受它的痛苦。双方对这个循环产生瘾头，变成了家常便饭。这个剧码给他们活着的感觉。一旦正/负两极之间失衡的时候，负面和破坏性的循环迟早会发生，并且开始加速增强，那么关系的瓦解便指日可待了。
It may appear that if you could only eliminate the negative or destructive cycles, then all would be well and the relationship would flower beautifully — but alas, this is not possible. The polarities are mutually interdependent. You cannot have one without the other. The positive already contains within itself the as yet unmanifested negative. Both are in fact different aspects of the same dysfunction. I am speaking here of what is commonly called romantic relationships — not of true love, which has no opposite because it arises from beyond the mind. Love as a continuous state is as yet very rare — as rare as conscious human beings. Brief and elusive glimpses of love, however, are possible whenever there is a gap in the stream of mind.
你满以为只要祛除了关系里的负面或破坏性的循环，从此就一切顺利、开花结果了——这无异是痴人说梦。爱、恨两极是相互依存的，有其一必有其二。正极之中就已经隐含了尚未彰显的负极。两者都是同一个失能的不同面向。我现在谈的是一般所谓的罗曼蒂克的关系，不是真爱。真爱没有对立。因为它源自超越心智的层面。以持续状态呈现的爱，就像有意识的人类一样少之又少。不过当心智流产生间隙的时候，我们可能对爱有短暂而浮光掠影的瞥见。
The negative side of a relationship is, of course, more easily recognizable as dysfunctional than the positive one. And it is also easier to recognize the source of negativity in your partner than to see it in yourself. It can manifest in many forms: possessiveness, jealousy, control, withdrawal and unspoken resentment, the need to be right, insensitivity and self-absorption, emotional demands and manipulation, the urge to argue, criticize, judge, blame, or attack, anger, unconscious revenge for past pain inflicted by a parent, rage and physical violence.
我们很容易把失能归之于关系中的负面情况，你也可能把失能的来源推在伴侣的身上而不在自己。它会以许多种形式显现出来：占有、嫉妒、控制、退缩、积怨、讨公道、冷漠、自溺、情感的索求和操控、驱迫性的争执、批评、判断、谴责、攻击、愤怒、无意识地对父母所施加的旧痛报复、暴怒、和肢体暴力。
On the positive side, you are "in love" with your partner. This is at first a deeply satisfying state. You feel intensely alive. Your existence has suddenly become meaningful because someone needs you, wants you, and makes you feel special, and you do the same for him or her. When you are together, you feel whole. The feeling can become so intense that the rest of the world fades into insignificance.
在正向的一面，你和伴侣是“在爱里”。起初这是一个有深度满足感的状态。你很深刻地感觉自己活着。你的存在因为有个人需要你、欲求你、让你与众不同，而突然间变得意义非凡，而你也对对方投桃报李。你们在一起的时候，你感觉完整了。这种感觉往往强到让你只羡鸳鸯不羡仙的地步。
However, you may also have noticed that there is a neediness and a clinging quality to that intensity. You become addicted to the other person. He or she acts on you like a drug. You are on a high when the drug is available, but even the possibility or the thought that he or she might no longer be there for you can lead to jealousy, possessiveness, attempts at manipulation through emotional blackmail, blaming and accusing — fear of loss. If the other person does leave you, this can give rise to the most intense hostility or the most profound grief and despair. In an instant, loving tenderness can turn into a savage attack or dreadful grief. Where is the love now? Can love change into its opposite in an instant? Was it love in the first place, or just an addictive grasping and clinging?
然而，你也许察觉到这个浓得化不开的柔情蜜意里，隐含了一份需求和攀缘。你开始对这个人上了瘾。对方对你的作用就像毒品一样。只要毒品在身你就会骇（high），而只要对方一有可能离开你的念头，就会导致嫉妒、占有、或者企图藉着源自失落的恐惧而生的情感——要胁、谴责、指控——进行情感的操控。万一对方果然离开了你，便会产生最强烈的敌意，或是绝顶的悲伤和绝望。任何一种情况都会使柔情化为攻击或悲伤的利剑。如今爱在阿方？爱能否在顷刻之间化为恨？当初的那些是爱，或者只是一个执着和攀缘的瘾头？
ADDICTION AND THE SEARCH FOR WHOLENESS
瘾头和寻求圆满
Why should we become addicted to another person?
我们为什么会对人产生瘾头？
The reason why the romantic love relationship is such an intense and universally sought-after experience is that it seems to offer liberation from a deep-seated state of fear, need, lack, and incompleteness that is part of the human condition in its unredeemed and unenlightened state. There is a physical as well as a psychological dimension to this state.
罗曼蒂克的爱情之所以会成为普世所追求的强烈经验，原因在于它似乎可以提供解脱。从人类的无明和不得救赎的状态里的恐惧、需求、和不完整的状态中解脱出来。这个状态包含了一个生理和心理的向度。
On the physical level, you are obviously not whole, nor will you ever be: You are either a man or a woman, which is to say, one-half of the whole. On this level, the longing for wholeness — the return to oneness — manifests as male-female attraction, man's need for a woman, woman's need for a man. It is an almost irresistible urge for union with the opposite energy polarity. The root of this physical urge is a spiritual one: the longing for an end to duality, a return to the state of wholeness. Sexual union is the closest you can get to this state on the physical level. This is why it is the most deeply satisfying experience the physical realm can offer. But sexual union is no more than a fleeting glimpse of wholeness, an instant of bliss. As long as it is unconsciously sought as a means of salvation, you are seeking the end of duality on the level of form, where it cannot be found. You are given a tantalizing glimpse of heaven, but you are not allowed to dwell there, and find yourself again in a separate body.
在生理的层面上，你显然不是完整的，而且以后也不会完整：你不是男人就是女人，也就是说你只有完整所需的一半。在这一个层面上，你对完整的渴求以异性相吸的形式呈现。男人需要一个女人，女人需要一个男人。阴阳两极的结合，是一种无法抗拒的驱力。这个生理驱力的根源其实是属灵的：渴望二元对立的终结，回归圆满合一。生理层面的性结合最接近这个状态。这也是性成为生理领域中最具满足感的经验的原因。可是性结合只不过是幸福的一刹、圆满的流光一瞥罢了。只要你无意识地把它当做救赎的手段来追求，你就是缘木求鱼，企图在形相的层面寻求二元对立的终结。你窥见了乐园之美之妙，可是却不被允许流连其中，不被允许在另一具独立的躯体里找寻自己。
On the psychological level, the sense of lack and incompleteness is, if anything, even greater than on the physical level. As long as you are identified with the mind, you have an externally derived sense of self. That is to say, you get your sense of who you are from things that ultimately have nothing to do with who you are: your social role, possessions, external appearance, successes and failures, belief systems, and so on. This false, mind-made self, the ego, feels vulnerable, insecure, and is always seeking new things to identify with to give it a feeling that it exists. But nothing is ever enough to give it lasting fulfillment. Its fear remains; its sense of lack and neediness remains.
心理层面上的缺乏感和不完整感，比生理层面更深更大。只要你和心智认同，你就是向外界寻求自我感。也就是说，你从和你的本来面目毫不相干的事物上：社会角色、财产、外貌、成败、信念系统等——获得你的自我感。心造的假我———我执——感觉脆弱、不安全，所以总是从新奇中寻求认同，好让它感觉到自己的存在。可是其中没有一样可以给它持续的实现感。它的恐惧仍在，它的匮乏感和需求感依然徘徊不去。
But then that special relationship comes along. It seems to be the answer to all the ego's problems and to meet all its needs. At least this is how it appears at first. All the other things that you derived your sense of self from before, now become relatively insignificant. You now have a single focal point that replaces them all, gives meaning to your life, and through which you define your identity: the person you are "in love" with. You are no longer a disconnected fragment in an uncaring universe, or so it seems. Your world now has a center: the loved one. The fact that the center is outside you and that, therefore, you still have an externally derived sense of self does not seem to matter at first. What matters is that the underlying feelings of incompleteness, of fear, lack and unfulfillment so characteristic of the egoic state are no longer there — or are they? Have they dissolved, or do they continue to exist underneath the happy surface reality?
然后一份特别的关系出现了。我执所有的问题和需求，似乎都找到了解药。至少一开始是这般光景。这之前所有形成你自我感的事物都无足轻重了。如今你找到了一个可以取而代之的单一焦点，它赋予你生命的意义。于是你又透过它来界定你的身份，和你一起“在爱里”的人身。你不再是一个无情宇宙里断裂的碎片了，或者似乎不再是了。你的世界有了一个中心：被爱者。这个中心来自于你的身外和你仍然由外界汲取自我感的事实，但一开始似乎都不重要了。最重要的是，形成我执特性的不完整感、恐惧感、匮乏感、和未实现感都不见了——或者真的不见了吗？他们已经消逝了，还是继续存在于快乐的表层实相之下？
If in your relationships you experience both "love" and the opposite of love — attack, emotional violence, and so on — then it is likely that you are confusing ego attachment and addictive clinging with love. You cannot love your partner one moment and attack him or her the next. True love has no opposite. If your "love" has an opposite, then it is not love but a strong ego-need for a more complete and deeper sense of self, a need that the other person temporarily meets. It is the ego's substitute for salvation, and for a short time it almost does feel like salvation.
如果你在亲密关系里同时经验到“爱”和它的对立——攻击、情感暴力等——那么你很可能把爱和我执与瘾头混为一谈了。你无法既爱你的伴侣，却又在下一刻攻击对方。真爱没有对立。如果你的“爱”里有对立，那么它便不是爱，而只是我执对更完整、更深层的自我感的强烈需求，而对方正好暂时地满足了你这一份需求。你的爱就是我执救赎的代用品，而在短时间内，它也几乎给了你救赎的感觉。
But there comes a point when your partner behaves in ways that fail to meet your needs, or rather those of your ego. The feelings of fear, pain, and lack that are an intrinsic part of egoic consciousness but had been covered up by the "love relationship" now resurface. Just as with every other addiction, you are on a high when the drug is available, but invariably there comes a time when the drug no longer works for you. When those painful feelings reappear, you feel them even more strongly than before, and what is more, you now perceive your partner as the cause of those feelings. This means that you project them outward and attack the other with all the savage violence that is part of your pain. This attack may awaken the partner's own pain, and he or she may counter your attack. At this point, the ego is still unconsciously hoping that its attack or its attempts at manipulation will be sufficient punishment to induce your partner to change their behavior, so that it can use them again as a cover-up for your pain.
可是有朝一日伴侣的所做所为，不再迎合你的需求，或者我执的需求。那些被“爱的关系”所掩盖，而属于我执意识一部分的恐惧、痛、和缺乏感便一一浮现。这时候你就像其他的瘾头一样，瘾头满足的时候你就处于骇里，可是药物总有失灵的一天。当这些痛苦的感觉再次出现的时候，你感觉到的痛更甚于以往。然后，你就把伴侣视为这些情感的肇因。这意谓着你向外界投射，你用属于痛里一部分的野蛮暴力攻击对方。这个攻击也许唤醒了伴侣的痛，对方就会反击你。这时候我执仍然无意识地希望它的攻击或者操控，足以构成对方的惩罚，而使对方改弦易辙，好让我执再利用它们掩饰你的痛。
Every addiction arises from an unconscious refusal to face and move through your own pain. Every addiction starts with pain and ends with pain. Whatever the substance you are addicted to — alcohol, food, legal or illegal drugs, or a person — you are using something or somebody to cover up your pain. That is why, after the initial euphoria has passed, there is so much unhappiness, so much pain in intimate relationships. They do not cause pain and unhappiness. They bring out the pain and unhappiness that is already in you. Every addiction does that. Every addiction reaches a point where it does not work for you anymore, and then you feel the pain more intensely than ever.
任何瘾头都来自你无意识地拒绝面对和经历你的痛。任何瘾头始于痛也止于痛。无论使你上瘾的物质是什么——酒精、食物、合法、非法的药物、或者一个人——你都是在利用一个人或物来掩饰你的痛。这也是为什么亲密关系一渡过陶然欲醉期之后，接踵而来的就是太多的不快乐和痛的原因。关系本身并不会造成痛和不快乐，它只是把你内在已经有的痛和不快乐引发出来而已。每一种瘾头也都有相同的作用。每一个瘾头也都会有不再灵光的时候。然后你就会有痛不欲生之感。
This is one reason why most people are always trying to escape from the present moment and are seeking some kind of salvation in the future, The first thing that they might encounter if they focused their attention on the Now is their own pain, and this is what they fear. If they only knew how easy it is to access in the Now the power of presence that dissolves the past and its pain, the reality that dissolves the illusion. If they only knew how close they are to their own reality, how dose to God.
许多人企图藉着逃避当下而从未来寻找救赎，也是这个理由。如果他们把注意力贯注在当下，第一个可能遭遇到的就是他们的痛，而他们害怕的就是这个。但愿他们知道：进入当下取得临在的力量来瓦解过去和旧痛，进入当下取得实相的力量来瓦解幻相是多么容易的事。也但愿他们知道自己是多么接近自己的实相，多么接近神。
Avoidance of relationships in an attempt to avoid pain is not the answer either. The pain is there anyway. Three failed relationships in as many years are more likely to force you into awakening than three years on a desert island or shut away in your room. But if you could bring intense presence into your aloneness, that would work for you too.
企图避免痛而回避关系也不是解决之道。痛依然在。三次失败的关系比起你幽居荒岛或闭关苦修三年，更有可能迫使你走向觉醒。不过如果你能够把深刻的临在带入独处的话，也会有相同的效果。
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FROM ADDICTIVE TO ENLIGHTENED RELATIONSHIPS
从瘾忧到开悟
Can we change an addictive relationship into a true one ?
瘾爱能变成真爱吗？
Yes. Being present and intensifying your presence by taking your attention ever more deeply into the Now:. Whether you are living alone or with a partner, this remains the key. For love to flourish, the light of your presence needs to be strong enough so that you no longer get taken over by the thinker or the pain-body and mistake them for who you are. To know yourself as the Being underneath the thinker, the stillness underneath the mental noise, the love and joy underneath the pain, is freedom, salvation, enlightenment. To disidentify from the pain-body is to bring presence into the pain and thus transmute it. To disidentify from thinking is to be the silent watcher of your thoughts and behavior, especially the repetitive patterns of your mind and the roles played by the ego.
能。把你的关注加倍地深入当下，让自己临在，强化你的临在。无论你独居或与伴侣同居，这个方法依然是关键。爱如要滋长，你的临在之光一定要强。如此一来，你就不会被思考者或痛苦之身所掌控，而误以为它们就是你的本来面目了。因而知道你自己就是思考者之下的本体、心智噪音之下的寂静、痛苦之下的爱和喜悦，你就是自由、救赎、和开悟。撤离痛苦之身的认同，就是把临在带进痛苦，因而转化痛苦。撤离思考的认同，就是做你思想和行为的沉默观察者，尤其是重覆的心智模式和我执所扮演的角色。
If you stop investing it with "selfness," the mind loses its compulsive quality, which basically is the compulsion to judge, and so to resist what is, which creates conflict, drama, and new pain. In fact, the moment that judgment stops through acceptance of what is, you are free of the mind. You have made room for love, for joy, for peace. First you stop judging yourself; then you stop judging your partner. The greatest catalyst for change in a relationship is complete acceptance of your partner as he or she is, without needing to judge or change them in any way. That immediately takes you beyond ego. All mind games and all addictive clinging are then over. There are no victims and no perpetrators anymore, no accuser and accused. This is also the end of all codependency, of being drawn into somebody else's unconscious pattern and thereby enabling it to continue. You will then either separate — in love — or move ever more deeply into the Now together — into Being. Can it be that simple? Yes, it is that simple.
如果你停止用“我执”来豢养它，心智就失去了驱迫性的特质。此一特质基本上就是驱迫性的批判和抗拒本然，从而创造出冲突、剧码、和新痛。事实上，你透过接纳本然而停止批判的那一刻，你就摆脱了心智。你便挪出了爱、喜悦、和和平的空间。首先你停止了对自己的批判；接着你对伴侣的批判也停止了。关系中最棒的一个转变的触媒就是完全地接纳你伴侣的本然，而不需要对他们做任何的批判或改变。这么做立刻让你超越了我执。所有的心智游戏和瘾症到此结束。没有了受害者和加害人；也没有了原告和被告。这也是互相依赖的结束。你也不会被拖进别人无意识的模式里，而无形中造成这个模式的变本加厉。你们或者是各自独立——在爱里——或者一起更深入当下。有这么简单吗？没错，就是这么简单。
Love is a state of Being. Your love is not outside; it is deep within you. You can never lose it, and it cannot leave you. It is not dependent on some other body, some external form. In the stillness of your presence, you can feel your own formless and timeless reality as the unmanifested life that animates your physical form. You can then feel the same life deep within every other human and every other creature. You look beyond the veil of form and separation. This is the realization of oneness. This is love.
爱就是一个本体的状态。你的爱不在外界；它在你的内心深处。你无法失去它，它也无法离开你。它不依赖另一个身体，一个外相。在你临在的寂静当中，你就可以感觉到你自己无形和无时的实相，那个赋予你形体生命的隐含生命。这时候的你才可以感觉到在每一个人和众生内在同样的生命。你的视线超越了形相和孤离的障幕。这就是合一的体现。这就是爱。
What is God? The eternal One Life underneath all the forms of life. What is love? To feel the presence of that One Life deep within yourself and within all creatures. To be it. Therefore, all love is the love of God.
神是什么？就是在所有生命形相底层永恒的至一生命。爱是什么？感觉你和众生内在深处临在的至一生命。成为它。因此所有的爱就是对神的爱。
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Love is not selective, just as the light of the sun is not selective. It does not make one person special. It is not exclusive. Exclusivity is not the love of God but the "love" of ego. However, the intensity with which true love is felt can vary. There may be one person who reflects your love back to you more clearly and more intensely than others, and if that person feels the same toward you, it can be said that you are in a love relationship with him or her. The bond that connects you with that person is the same bond that connects you with the person sitting next to you on a bus, or with a bird, a tree, a flower. Only the degree of intensity with which it is felt differs.
爱是没有拣择的，就像阳光普照大地一样。爱不会让人与众不同。爱不会排外。排外性不是神的爱，而是我执的“爱”。不过感受真爱的强度却因人而异。也许有一个人对你感同身受，他会比其他人以更明确、更强烈的爱回应你。这时你就和对方有了爱的关系。连系着你和这个人的契合，与连系着你和同公车上的邻座、和一只鸟、一棵树、一朵花是一样的。差别仅在于感受的强度。
Even in an otherwise addictive relationship, there may be moments when something more real shines through, something beyond your mutual addictive needs. These are moments when both your and your partner's mind briefly subside and the pain-body is temporarily in a dormant state. This may sometimes happen during physical intimacy, or when you are both witnessing the miracle of childbirth, or in the presence of death, or when one of you is seriously ill — anything that renders the mind powerless. When this happens, your Being, which is usually buried underneath the mind, becomes revealed, and it is this that makes true communication possible.
即使在一份瘾爱的关系里，也会有超越双方瘾性需求的真爱乍现的时刻。你和伴侣之间会经历到心智短暂的止息，和痛苦之身暂时蛰伏的时刻。在身体亲密接触的时候，在你们一起目睹诞生奇迹的时候，在面对死亡的时候，或者其中一人患重病的时候——在任何足以让心智无能为力的情况，这样的一刻便会发生。这个时刻发生的时候，通常隐埋在心智底层的本体就会显露。而真正的沟通只有在这个时候才有可能。
True communication is communion — the realization of oneness, which is love. Usually, this is quickly lost again, unless you are able to stay present enough to keep out the mind and its old patterns. As soon as the mind and mind identification return, you are no longer yourself but a mental image of yourself, and you start playing games and roles again to get your ego needs met. You are a human mind again, pretending to be a human being, interacting with another mind, playing a drama called "love."
真正的沟通就是分享交流——合一的体现，也就是爱。除非你有足够的临在，足以摒绝心智和它的老模式，通常都会很快地得而复失。心智和心智认同一回来，你就不再是你自己了。你又变成你自己的一个心像图。你再度玩起游戏和角色扮演以满足我执的需求。你又变成了一个人类的心智，人模人样地和另一个心智合演一出叫做“爱”的剧码。
Although brief glimpses are possible, love cannot flourish unless you are permanently free of mind identification and your presence is intense enough to have dissolved the pain-body — or you can at least remain present as the watcher. The pain-body cannot then take you over and so become destructive of love.
爱虽有惊鸿一瞥的刹那，但是除非你适当地摆脱了心智认同，而临在的强度也足以瓦解痛苦之身，或者至少以观察者的身份临在，否则爱就不可能滋长。如此一来，痛苦之身就无法掌控你，大挖爱的墙脚了。
RELATIONSHIPS AS SPIRITUAL PRACTICE
在亲密关系中灵修
As the egoic mode of consciousness and all the social, political, and economic structures that it created enter the final stage of collapse, the relationships between men and women reflect the deep state of crisis in which humanity now finds itself. As humans have become increasingly identified with their mind, most relationships are not rooted in Being and so turn into a source of pain and become dominated by problems and conflict.
我执的意识模式和一切由它所创造的社会、政治、和经济结构，进入分崩瓦解的阶段时，男人和女人的关系便反应了这个深沉的危机状态。人类如今发现自己正处在这个危机状态里。由于人类的心智认同有增无已，大多数的关系不再建基于本体上，因而成为痛苦的来源，饱受着问题和冲突的肆虐。
Millions are now living alone or as single parents, unable to establish an intimate relationship or unwilling to repeat the insane drama of past relationships. Others go from one relationship to another, from one pleasure-and-pain cycle to another, in search of the elusive goal of fulfillment through union with the opposite energy polarity. Still others compromise and continue to be together in a dysfunctional relationship in which negativity prevails, for the sake of the children or security, through force of habit, fear of being alone, or some other mutually "beneficial" arrangement, or even through the unconscious addiction to the excitement of emotional drama and pain.
数以百万计的独居者或单亲者，不是无法再重建一份亲密关系，就是不愿意重蹈覆辙再演一出痴情假爱的剧码。其他的就在关系中不断地转换，在乐和苦的循环里打转，企图透过异性能量的结合，寻求不可捉摸的实现。还有的便与现状妥协，在习性、孤单的恐惧、“互利”的安排、甚至对剧情的刺激和痛苦无意识的瘾头驱使下，便以子女或安全感为藉口，将就地维持着一个充满负面情感的失能关系。
However, every crisis represents not only danger but also opportunity. If relationships energize and magnify egoic mind patterns and activate the pain-body, as they do at this time, why not accept this fact rather than try to escape from it? Why not cooperate with it instead of avoiding relationships or continuing to pursue the phantom of an ideal partner as an answer to your problems or a means of felling fulfilled? The opportunity that is concealed within every crisis does not manifest until all the facts of any given situation are acknowledged and fully accepted. As long as you deny them, as long as you try to escape from them or wish that things were different, the window of opportunity does not open up, and you remain trapped inside that situation, which will remain the same or deteriorate further.
然而任何一个危机都代表着危险之外的机会。如果这一次的关系滋养并且扩大了我执的心智模式，继而启动了痛苦之身，何妨接受这个事实，而不要试图逃避它？何妨和关系合作？而不是回避它，或继续追逐那个理想伴侣的幽灵，做为你的问题或成就感的解药。除非情境里的所有事实，都得到你的承认和完全地接纳，那么隐藏在危机里的机会便不会为你显示。只要你还在否定、逃避，或者希望有所改观，机会之窗便不会为你敞开。而你就会继续困在原状里，或者在每下愈况的情境里脱不了身。
With the acknowledgment and acceptance of the facts also comes a degree of freedom from them. For example, when you know there is disharmony and you hold that "knowing," through your knowing a new factor has come in, and the disharmony cannot remain unchanged. When you know you are not at peace, your knowing creates a still space that surrounds your nonpeace in a loving and tender embrace and then transmutes your nonpeace into peace. As far as inner transformation is concerned, there is nothing you can do about it. You cannot transform yourself, and you certainly cannot transform your partner or anybody else. All you can do is create a space for transformation to happen, for grace and love to enter.
你对事实的承认和接纳，也会带来某种程度的解脱。例如当你知道有“不和”的问题，你掌握住这一份“明白”。透过这一份明白，一个新的因素就进入关系里了，而“不和”这个问题就无法维持不变。当你知道自己不平静的时候，你的这一份明白就会创造出一个静止的空间，用爱和温柔包围你的不平静，把不平静转化成和平了。凡是涉及了内在转化的过程，你就无能为力。你无法转化你自己，你当然也无法转化你的伴侣或任何人。你所能做的就是创造出一个让转化可以发生的空间；一个让爱和恩典可以进来的空间。
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So whenever your relationship is not working, whenever it brings out the "madness" in you and in your partner, be glad. What was unconscious is being brought up to the light. It is an opportunity for salvation. Every moment, hold the knowing of that moment, particularly of your inner state. If there is anger, know that there is anger. If there is jealousy, defensiveness, the urge to argue, the need to be right, an inner child demanding love and attention, or emotional pain of any kind — whatever it is, know the reality of that moment and hold the knowing. The relationship then becomes your sadhana, your spiritual practice. If you observe unconscious behavior in your partner, hold it in the loving embrace of your knowing so that you won't react. Unconsciousness and knowing cannot coexist for long — even if the knowing is only in the other person and not in the one who is acting out the unconsciousness. The energy form that lies behind hostility and attack finds the presence of love absolutely intolerable. If you react at all to your partner's unconsciousness, you become unconscious yourself. But if you then remember to know your reaction, nothing is lost.
所以说，每当你的关系运转不灵的时候，每当关系把你和伴侣里面的“狂乱”引发出来的时候，你要高兴。因为无意识曝光了。这是一个救赎的机会。在每一刻里，掌握住那一刻的明白，尤其是你的内在状态。如果你里面有愤怒，那么就知道有这个愤怒在。如果有嫉妒、自我防卫、争辩的冲动、讨回公道的需要、内在的孩子索求爱和关注、或者任何一种情感的痛，无论是什么，你要知道那一刻的实相，掌握住那一份明白。这一份关系就变成了你的沙达那（Sadhana）——灵修了。如果你在伴侣身上，观测到无意识的行为，用你的那份明白拥抱它，好让你不对这个行为反应。无意识和明白无法长久并存——即使这一份明白是在对方，而非做出无意识行为的一方。处于敌意和攻击底层的能量形式，对爱的临在是绝对的忍无可忍。如果你对伴侣的无意识行为做出反应，你自己也变成了无意识。不过如果你记得要“觉知到“你的反应，就没有损失。
Humanity is under great pressure to evolve because it is our only chance of survival as a race. This will affect every aspect of your life and close relationships in particular. Never before have relationships been as problematic and conflict ridden as they are now. As you may have noticed, they are not here to make you happy or fulfilled. If you continue to pursue the goal of salvation through a relationship, you will be disillusioned again and again. But if you accept that the relationship is here to make you conscious instead of happy, then the relationship will offer you salvation, and you will be aligning yourself with the higher consciousness that wants to be born into this world. For those who hold on to the old patterns, there will be increasing pain, violence, confusion, and madness.
人类正面对着进化的重重压力，因为这是我们做为一个物种而言，唯一的一个生存机会。这个压力蔓延至你生命的每一个层面，尤其是你的关系。关系中所充斥的问题和冲突，可谓史无前例的严重。你也许已经注意到了，关系好像不是为了快乐或成就而存在的。如果你继续透过一份关系来追求救赎的话，你的幻想注定要破灭。可是如果你接受关系的出现是为了让你觉知，而不是带来快乐的话，那么这份关系将会带给你救赎。而你也将与渴望诞生到这个世界的更高层意识连系上了。至于那些继续执着于旧模式不放的人，痛苦、暴力、混乱、和疯狂，仍将持续地蔓延不已。
I suppose that it takes two to make a relationship into a spiritual practice, as you suggest. For example, my partner is still acting out his old patterns of jealousy and control. I have pointed this out many times, but he is unable to see it.
照你的建议在关系中灵修应该是指双修吧。比如说，我的伴侣还是守着他嫉妒和控制的老模式不放。我点过他很多次，可是他还是依然故我。
How many people does it take to make your life into a spiritual practice? Never mind if your partner will not cooperate. Sanity — consciousness — can only come into this world through you. You do not need to wait for the world to become sane, or for somebody else to become conscious, before you can be enlightened. You may wait forever. Do not accuse each other of being unconscious. The moment you start to argue, you have identified with a mental position and are now defending not only that position but also your sense of self. The ego is in charge. You have become unconscious. At times, it may be appropriate to point out certain aspects of your partner's behavior. If you are very alert, very present, you can do so without ego involvement — without blaming, accusing, or making the other wrong.
你需要多少人把你的生活变成道场？不必在意伴侣不跟你合作。神志清明——意识——只能透过你来到这个世界。你不需要等到全世界都神智清明了，或者某个人变觉知了以后才能开悟。你可能得等一辈子。切勿彼此指责对方无意识。你开口争辩的那一刻，你就是和一个心理的地位认同了。你就是在为这个地位和你的自我感辩护。我执取得了主控。你已经变成无意识了。有些时候，指出你伴侣行为的某些方面不当是可以的。不过如果你非常机警、非常临在的话，你就能在不牵涉到我执——在不谴责、不指控、或者要讨回公道的心态之下做到。
When your partner behaves unconsciously, relinquish all judgment. Judgment is either to confuse someone's unconscious behavior with who they are or to project your own unconsciousness onto another person and mistake that for who they are. To relinquish judgment does not mean that you do not recognize dysfunction and unconsciousness when you see it. It means "being the knowing" rather than "being the reaction" and the judge. You will then either be totally free of reaction or you may react and still be the knowing, the space in which the reaction is watched and allowed to be. Instead of fighting the darkness, you bring in the light. Instead of reacting to delusion, you see the delusion yet at the same time look through it. Being the knowing creates a clear space of loving presence that allows all things and all people to be as they are. No greater catalyst for transformation exists. If you practice this, your partner cannot stay with you and remain unconscious.
当你的伴侣做出无意识的行为时，摒除你所有的批判。批判一则把对方无意识的行为和他们的本来面目混为一谈；一则是你把自己的无意识行为，投射到对方身上，而误以为那是他们的本来面目。摒除批判并不意谓着你看到了失能和无意识的时候不加承认。它的意思是做“那份明白”，而不做“那个反应”和批判。然后你不是完全免于反应，就是有反应却仍然是那份明白，仍然是那个反应被观察到，被容许存在的空间。你不跟黑暗抗争，反而带进光来，你不对虚幻反应，反而看见虚幻，同时洞察它。做为那份明白，你便创造了一个清澈的有爱临在的空间。在这个空间里，你容许了所有的人和事，以他们的本来面目存在其中。这是最棒的一个转化触媒。如果你照这个方法修持，你的伴侣便无法在和你相处的同时，却又执迷不悟了。
If you both agree that the relationship will be your spiritual practice, so much the better. You can then express your thoughts and feelings to each other as soon as they occur, or as soon as a reaction comes up, so that you do not create a time gap in which an unexpressed or unacknowledged emotion or grievance can fester and grow. Learn to give expression to what you feel without blaming. Learn to listen to your partner in an open, nondefensive way. Give your partner space for expressing himself or herself. Be present. Accusing, defending, attacking — all those patterns that are designed to strengthen or protect the ego or to get its needs met will then become redundant. Giving space to others — and to yourself— is vital. Love cannot flourish without it. When you have removed the two factors that are destructive of relationships: When the pain-body has been transmuted and you are no longer identified with mind and mental positions, and if your partner has done the same, you will experience the bliss of the flowering of relationship. Instead of mirroring to each other your pain and your unconsciousness, instead of satisfying your mutual addictive ego needs, you will reflect back to each other the love that you feel deep within, the love that comes with the realization of your oneness with all that is. This is the love that has no opposite.
如果你们双方同意把关系当做灵修的话，那就再好不过了。你们大可在想法和感觉出现的时候就跟对方表白。如此一来，便不至于创造出一个让未表达或未认可的情感或埋怨滋长的时间空隙。学习在不谴责的情况下表达你的感觉。学习用敞开和不自我防卫的方式倾听对方。给对方一个表达自己的空间。要临在。指控、防卫、攻击所有这些设计来巩固或保护我执，或满足它需求的都会变成了累赘。给别人空间也给自己空间——至关重要。没有它，爱无法滋长。当你祛除了关系中两个摧毁性的因素之后：痛苦之身得到转化，你不再与心智和心理地位认同。如果对方也这么做，你们的关系就会开花，你会经验到这样的至福。你们不再反映对方的痛和无意识，也不再满足彼此瘾性的我执需求，反而互相反映出彼此深处的爱。那份伴随着与万有皆是合一的体现而来的爱。这就是没有对立的爱。
If your partner is still identified with the mind and the pain-body while you are already free, this will represent a major challenge — not to you but to your partner. It is not easy to live with an enlightened person, or rather it is so easy that the ego finds it extremely threatening. Remember that the ego needs problems, conflict, and "enemies" to strengthen the sense of separateness on which its identity depends. The unenlightened partner's mind will be deeply frustrated because its fixed positions are not resisted, which means they will become shaky and weak, and there is even the "danger" that they may collapse altogether, resulting in loss of self. The pain-body is demanding feedback and not getting it. The need for argument, drama, and conflict is not being met. But beware: Some people who are unresponsive, withdrawn, insensitive, or cut off from their feelings may think and try to convince others that they are enlightened, or at least that there is "nothing wrong" with them and everything wrong with their partner. Men tend to do that more than women. They may see their female partners as irrational or emotional. But if you can feel your emotions, you are not far from the radiant inner body just underneath. If you are mainly in your head, the distance is much greater, and you need to bring consciousness into the emotional body before you can reach the inner body.
如果你的伴侣在你已经自由的时候，仍然与心智和痛苦之身认同。这将象征着一个重大的挑战。不是对你，而是你的伴侣。要与一个开悟的人相处并不容易，或者说我执很容易发觉这是一个极具威胁的情况。切记我执需要问题、冲突、和“敌人们”，来强化它的身份所赖以维生的孤离感。无明伴侣的心智会深感挫折，因为它所附着的地位不再受到对抗了，这意谓着它们变得摇摇欲坠，甚至于出现了一起崩溃的“危险”，进而导致了自我的丧失。痛苦之身欲求回馈而不得。争执、剧码、和冲突的需求使得不到满足。不过你要小心：有些表现出无动于衷、退缩、冷漠、或断绝情感的人，会自认或让别人信服他们已经开悟了。或者至少他们“没错”，所有的错全在伴侣身上。这种情况发生在男士的情况多过于女士。他们也许视女性伴侣为无理性或情绪化。可是如果你能感觉你的情感的话，那个在情感底层的内在身体就触手可及。如果你还是活在头脑里，那么两者的距离便不可以道里计了，这时你需要把意识带入情感之身以后，才能触及你内在的身体。
If there isn't an emanation of love and joy, complete presence and openness toward all beings, then it is not enlightenment. Another indicator is how a person behaves in difficult or challenging situations or when things "go wrong." If your "enlightenment" is egoic self-delusion, then life will soon give you a challenge that will bring out your unconsciousness in whatever form — as fear, anger, defensiveness, judgment, depression, and so on. If you are in a relationship, many of your challenges will come through your partner. For example, a woman may be challenged by an unresponsive male partner who lives almost entirely in his head. She will be challenged by his inability to hear her, to give her attention and space to be, which is due to his lack of presence. The absence of love in the relationship, which is usually more keenly felt by a woman than a man, will trigger the woman's pain-body, and through it she will attack her partner — blame, criticize, make wrong, and so on. This in turn now becomes his challenge. To defend himself against her pain-body's attack, which he sees as totally unwarranted, he will become even more deeply entrenched in his mental positions as he justifies, defends himself or counterattacks. Eventually, this may activate his own pain-body. When both partners have thus been taken over, a level of deep unconsciousness has been reached, of emotional violence, savage attack and counterattack. It will not subside until both pain-bodies have replenished themselves and then enter the dormant stage. Until the next time.
如果内在没有散发爱和喜悦，没有对众生的全然临在和敞开，那么就不是开悟。另外一个指标是：一个人在面对棘手、挑战性的情境，或当事情“出错”了的时候，所表现出来的行为。如果你的“开悟”是我执式的自我幻觉，那么生命很快就会再提出一个挑战。把你的无意识以各种形式恐惧、愤怒、防卫、批判、和沮丧等挑出来。如果你处在一份关系里，你许多的挑战都会透过你的伴侣出现。例如，一位女士的挑战可能是一个完全活在头脑里，而对她无动于衷的男性。她受到的挑战也许是男方因为缺乏临在，而表现出对倾听、对给予关注、和给予空间的无能。这种关系中的缺爱——通常女性比男性的感受更敏锐――它会触发女性的痛苦之身。然后透过痛苦之身攻击对方谴责、批评、讨公道等。这些又反过来变成了男方的挑战。他为了抗衡女方痛苦之身的攻击——他视这种攻击为无凭无据——他就会拥兵自重，固守心理地位的城堡，以合理化的方式正其名，继而发动防卫和反击的攻势。到头来也许又启动了他的痛苦之身。这时候双方就进入一个深层的无意识状态里，进而被情感暴力、野蛮的攻击、和反击所掌控。直到双方的痛苦之身都弹尽援绝的时候，才会进入蛰伏的状态。然后就偃兵息鼓，再等待下一个回合。
This is only one of an endless number of possible scenarios. Many volumes have been written, and many more could be written, about the ways in which unconsciousness is brought out in male-female relationships. But, as I said earlier, once you understand the root of the dysfunction, you do not need to explore its countless manifestations.
这只是无数出可能的剧码中的一个而已。有关无意识在男女关系中被引发的剧本已经写过的太多，可以写的还有很多。不过正如我之前提过的，一旦你了解了失能的根源之后，你就不必再探索它无以尽数的分身了。
Let's briefly look again at the scenario I have just described. Every challenge that it contains is actually a disguised opportunity for salvation. At every stage of the unfolding dysfunctional process, freedom from unconsciousness is possible. For example, the woman's hostility could become a signal for the man to come out of his mind-identified state, awaken into the Now, become present — instead of becoming even more identified with his mind, even more unconscious. Instead of "being" the pain-body, the woman could be the knowing that watches the emotional pain in herself, thus accessing the power of the Now and initiating the transmutation of the pain. This would remove the compulsive and automatic outward projection of it. She could then express her feelings to her partner. There is no guarantee, of course, that he will listen, but it gives him a good chance to become present and certainly breaks the insane cycle of the involuntary acting out of old mind patterns. If the woman misses that opportunity, the man could watch his own mental-emotional reaction to her pain, his own defensiveness, rather than being the reaction. He could then watch his own pain-body being triggered and thus bring consciousness into his emotions. In this way, a clear and still space of pure awareness would come into being — the knowing, the silent witness, the watcher. This awareness does not deny the pain and yet is beyond it. It allows the pain to be and yet transmutes it at the same time. It accepts everything and transforms everything. A door would have opened up for her through which she could easily join him in that space.
我们再概略地复习刚才描述过的剧情。每一个挑战所附带而来的，其实就是一个化身的救赎机会。在失能过程展现的每一个阶段，都含有一个从无意识中解脱的可能性。例如，女方的敌意可能会变成要男方走出心智认同状态的讯号，从而觉醒于当下而不要一个劲地陷在心智认同和无意识里面。女方可以选择不“成为”痛苦之身，而成为观察内在情感痛苦的“明白”，进而取得当下的力量，启动痛苦的转化过程。这么做就会祛除驱迫性和自动化的外在投射。然后她就能够向伴侣表达自己的感觉。当然这并不保证对方会倾听，不过却会给他一个临在的大好机会。也必然会打破他源于心智旧模式的不自主行为的恶性循环。如果女方错失了这个机会，男方可以观察自己对她的痛苦所产生的心理情感反应和防卫，而不要做出反应。他可以观察他的痛苦之身被触发了，然后把意识带入情感里。这种方式之下，一个清明、宁静的纯意识空间就开始存在了——也就是那个明白、那个沉默的见证和观察者。这份觉知不但不否定痛苦，反而超越痛苦。它在容许痛苦存在的同时，却转化了痛苦。它在接纳一切的同时，却转化一切。一扇门便为她敞开了。通过这扇门，她可以与他在那个空间里轻易地结合。
If you are consistently or at least predominantly present in your relationship, this will be the greatest challenge for your partner. They will not be able to tolerate your presence for very long and stay unconscious. If they are ready, they will walk through the door that you opened for them and join you in that state. If they are not, you will separate like oil and water. The light is too painful for someone who wants to remain in darkness.
如果你持续地或至少大部分地临在你的关系里，对你的伴侣来说，这是一个极大的挑战。对方绝对无法在长期忍受你的临在的同时又处于无意识之中。如果他们准备好了，他们就会走入你为他们敞开的那扇门，在那个状态里和你结合。否则你们就会像水和油一样的分开。这道光对那些想停留在黑暗里的人而言太痛苦了。
WHY WOMEN ARE CLOSER TO ENLIGHTENMENT
为什么女性比较容易开悟？
Are the obstacles to enlightenment the same for a man as for a woman?
开悟的障碍男女都是一样的吗？
Yes, but the emphasis is different. Generally speaking, it is easier for a woman to feel and be in her body, so she is naturally closer to Being and potentially closer to enlightenment than a man. This is why many ancient cultures instinctively chose female figures or analogies to represent or describe the formless and transcendental reality. It was often seen as a womb that gives birth to everything in creation and sustains and nourishes it during its life as form. In the Tao Te Ching, one of the most ancient and profound books ever written, the Tao, which could be translated as Being, is described as "infinite, eternally present, the mother of the universe." Naturally, women are closer to it than men since they virtually "embody" the Unmanifested. What is more, all creatures and all things must eventually return to the Source. 'All things vanish into the Tao. It alone endures." Since the Source is seen as female, this is represented as the light and dark sides of the archetypal feminine in psychology and mythology. The Goddess or Divine Mother has two aspects: She gives life, and she takes life.
是的，不过着重点不一样。一般而言，女性比较容易感觉，容易进入她的身体。因此她比男性较接近本体，也在潜能上更接近开悟。这也是为什么许多古文化本能地选择女性人物或隐喻，来象征或描述无形和超验实相的原因。女性的神祗经常被视为孕育和创造万物的子宫，并且在万物有生命的形相阶段给予抚育和滋养。在《道德经》里——最古老、最深奥的一本书——对道（可以翻译做本体）的描述是“周行而不殆，可以为天下母。”女性自然比男性更接近开悟，因为她们就是隐含生命的“化身”。更重要的是，所有众生万物，最终都要回归源头。“寂兮！寥兮！独立而不改。”由于源头被视为女性，所以在心理学和神话学里，女性也被用来象征阴性原型的光明面和黑暗面。女神或者圣母具有两个层面：她给予生命也取回生命。
When the mind took over and humans lost touch with the reality of their divine essence, they started to think of God as a male figure. Society became male dominated, and the female was made subordinate to the male.
当心智取得优势，人类失去与神性实相连系的时候，他们便以一个男性人物来思考神。社会变成以男性为主导，女性因而被降为男性的附属。
I am not suggesting a return to earlier female representations of the divine. Some people now use the term Goddess instead of God. They are redressing a balance between male and female that was lost a long time ago, and that is good. But it is still a representation and a concept, perhaps temporarily useful, just as a map or a signpost is temporarily useful, but more a hindrance than a help when you are ready to realize the reality beyond all concepts and images. What does remain true, however, is that the energy frequency of the mind appears to be essentially male. The mind resists, fights for control, uses, manipulates, attacks, tries to grasp and possess, and so on. This is why the traditional God is a patriarchal, controlling authority figure, an often angry man who you should live in fear of, as the Old Testament suggests. This God is a projection of the human mind.
我并非建议回归以女性做为神性象征的初民时代。有些人使用女神采取代神。他们要强调的是一个早已失落的男、女性的平衡，这是个好现象。不过这也只是一个象征和概念，也许只有短暂的用途，正如地图或路标的工具性价值一样。可是当有一天，你准备好要体会超越所有概念和图像的实相时，它的阻力反而大于助力。而一个依然不变的真实是：心智的能波在本质上似乎是男性的。心智抗拒、为控制而争斗、役使、操纵、攻击、试图抓取、和占有等。这也是为什么传统的神就像旧约中所暗示的，是一个父权式、主控的权威型，一个动辄发怒让你不得不心生畏惧的人物的原因。这位神是人类心智的投射。
To go beyond the mind and reconnect with the deeper reality of Being, very different qualities are needed: surrender, nonjudgment, an openness that allows life to be instead of resisting it, the capacity to hold all things in the loving embrace of your knowing. All these qualifies are much more closely related to the female principle. Whereas mind-energy is hard and rigid, Being-energy is soft and yielding and yet infinitely more powerful than mind. The mind runs our civilization, whereas Being is in charge of all life on our planet and beyond. Being is the very Intelligence whose visible manifestation is the physical universe. Although women are potentially closer to it, men can also access it within themselves.
要超越心智，要重新取得与本体深层实相的连系，你需要具备下述几个相当不同的品质：臣服、不批判、一个容许生命存在而不抗拒的敞开性、同体大悲的胸怀。所有这些品质都近乎于女性的原理。“心智能“质硬而刚，而“本体能”既柔且屈，威力更胜于心智。心智主导了人类的文明，而本体却掌管着地球和地球之外的众生万物。本体就是无上智，它有形的显化就是实体的宇宙。虽然女性在潜质上较接近本体，男性却能够从自己的内在进入本体。
At this time, the vast majority of men as well as women are still in the grip of the mind: identified with the thinker and the pain-body. This, of course, is what prevents enlightenment and the flowering of love. As a general rule, the major obstacle for men tends to be the thinking mind, and the major obstacle for women the pain-body, although in certain individual cases the opposite may be true, and in others the two factors may be equal.
当今之势，绝大多数的男性和女性仍然在心智的掌控之下：与思考者和痛苦之身认同。这当然就是阻碍开悟和爱的主因。一般来说，男性的主要障碍是心智；女性的主要障碍是痛苦之身，不过某些个案中情况却正好相反，也有两种因素不相上下的情况。
DISSOLVING THE COLLECTIVE FEMALE PAIN-BODY
瓦解集体女性痛苦之身
Why is the pain-body more of an obstacle for women?
为什么痛苦之身多为女性的障碍？
The pain-body usually has a collective as well as a personal aspect. The personal aspect is the accumulated residue of emotional pain suffered in one's own past. The collective one is the pain accumulated in the collective human psyche over thousands of years through disease, torture, war, murder, cruelty, madness, and so on. Everyone's personal pain-body also partakes of this collective pain-body. There are different strands in the collective pain-body. For example, certain races or countries in which extreme forms of strife and violence occur have a heavier collective pain-body than others. Anyone with a strong pain-body and not enough consciousness to disidentify from it will not only continuously or periodically be forced to relive their emotional pain but may also easily become either the perpetrator or the victim of violence, depending on whether their pain-body is predominantly active or passive. On the other hand, they may also be potentially closer to enlightenment. This potential isn't necessarily realized, of course, but if you are trapped in a nightmare you will probably be more strongly motivated to awaken than someone who is just caught in the ups and downs of an ordinary dream.
痛苦之身通常分为集体和个人两个层面。个人层面指的是个人由过往承受的情感痛苦所累聚的残留；集体层面指集体人类心灵历经数千年来的疾病、虐待、战争、谋杀、酷刑、疯狂等所累聚的痛苦。每一个人的痛苦之身，也参与了人类集体痛苦之身的一部分。集体的痛苦之身有不同的源流。例如，在某些发生极端冲突和暴力的种族或国家，它们的痛苦之身便比别的种族或国家严重。任何一个具有较坚固的痛苦之身的个人，如果没有足够的意识，撤离与它的认同，不仅会持续地或定期地在被迫的情况下释放情感的痛苦，也会轻易地沦为暴力的加害人或受害者，端赖于痛苦之身处于活跃期或潜伏期而定。换个角度来看，他们也较具开悟的潜力。当然这个潜力并不必然会得到发挥，不过一个陷于恶梦里的人，会比一个受困于一般梦幻里浮浮沉沉的人有更强烈的觉醒动机。
Apart from her personal pain-body, every woman has her share in what could be described as the collective female pain-body — unless she is fully conscious. This consists of accumulated pain suffered by women partly through male subjugation of the female, through slavery, exploitation, rape, childbirth, child loss, and so on, over thousands of years. The emotional or physical pain that for many women precedes and coincides with the menstrual flow is the pain-body in its collective aspect that awakens from its dormancy at that time, although it can be triggered at other times too. It restricts the free flow of life energy through the body, of which menstruation is a physical expression. Let's dwell on this for a moment and see how it can become an opportunity for enlightenment.
除了个人的痛苦之身外，每一个女性都分担了我们所描述的集体女性痛苦之身——除非她是全然地觉知。这包括了女性数千年来透过附庸于男性，透过奴役、剥削、强暴、生产、丧子等，所承受累聚而来的痛苦。许多女性在月事来临之前或同时，所感受的情感或生理的痛苦，就是痛苦之身以集体的面向在当时由蛰伏中觉醒的时刻，虽然它也可能在其他的时候被触发。痛苦之身严禁生命能在身体里自由地流通，而月经潮就是生命能在生理上的展现。我们就这一方面做个探讨，以了解它如何能变成一个开悟的机会。
Often a woman is "taken over" by the pain-body at that time. It has an extremely powerful energetic charge that can easily pull you into unconscious identification with it. You are then actively possessed by an energy field that occupies your inner space and pretends to be you — but, of course, is not you at all. It speaks through you, acts through you, thinks through you. It will create negative situations in your life so that it can feed on the energy. It wants more pain, in whatever form. I have described this process already. It can be vicious and destructive. It is pure pain, past pain — and it is not you.
女性经常会在这个时候被痛苦之身所“掌控”。痛苦之身挟带强大的蓄能，可以轻而易举地把你拖入无意识的认同里。然后你就会主动地被一个占据了你内在空间，并且假你之身的能场所附——不过，它当然根本就不是你。它透过你说话、行动、和思考。它在你的生命里创造出负面的情境，好以此负能为食。它渴求更多的痛苦，任何形式的痛苦都行。这个过程我已经描述过了。它会变得邪恶无比，摧毁性十足。不过它还是纯粹的痛苦，过往的痛苦——它不是你。
The number of women who are now approaching the fully conscious state already exceeds that of men and will be growing even faster in the years to come. Men may catch up with them in the end, but for some considerable time there will be a gap between the consciousness of men and that of women. Women are regaining the function that is their birthright and, therefore, comes to them more naturally than it does to men: to be a bridge between the manifested world and the Unmanifested, between physicality and spirit. Your main task as a woman now is to transmute the pain-body so that it no longer comes between you and your true self, the essence of who you are. Of course, you also have to deal with the other obstacle to enlightenment, which is the thinking mind, but the intense presence you generate when dealing with the pain-body will also free you from identification with the mind.
已经达到全然觉知的女性，在数量上已经超过了男性，往后的几年里，也将会以更快的速度累进。男性虽然会在最后迎头赶上，不过在相当长的时期内，男、女性之间仍旧存在一个相当大的意识差距。女性正在取回她们的天赋功能：做为外显世界和隐含生命、身体和性灵之间的桥梁。因此，此一功能会比男性更自然地来到女性身上。身为一个女性，你当前的要务就是转化痛苦之身，使它不再阻碍着你和你的真我，不再阻碍着你和你的本来面目。当然你也要对治阻碍着你开悟的其他障碍，也就是思考的心智，不过你在对治痛苦之身时所产生的深刻临在，也将会把你从心智的认同里解脱出来。
The first thing to remember is this: As long as you make an identity for yourself out of the pain, you cannot become free of it. As long as part of your sense of self is invested in your emotional pain, you will unconsciously resist or sabotage every attempt that you make to heal that pain. Why? Quite simply because you want to keep yourself intact, and the pain has become an essential part of you. This is an unconscious process, and the only way to overcome it is to make it conscious.
你第一件要切记的事：只要你由痛苦中制造你的身份，你就无法摆脱痛苦。只要你自我感的一部分，还投注在你的情感痛苦上，你便会无意识地抗拒或破坏你每一个想要疗治这个痛苦的企图。为什么？很简单，因为你想固步自封。还有就是，痛苦已经变成你不可分割的一部分了。这是一个无意识的过程，唯一的致胜之道就是觉知这个过程。
To suddenly see that you are or have been attached to your pain can be quite a shocking realization. The moment you realize this, you have broken the attachment. The pain-body is an energy field, almost like an entity, that has become temporarily lodged in your inner space. It is life energy that has become trapped, energy that is no longer flowing. Of course, the pain-body is there because of certain things that happened in the past. It/s the living past in you, and if you identify with it, you identify with the past. A victim identity is the belief that the past is more powerful than the present, which is the opposite of the truth. It is the belief that other people and what they did to you are responsible for who you are now, for your emotional pain or your inability to be your true self. The truth is that the only power there is, is contained within this moment: It is the power of your presence. Once you know that, you also realize that you are responsible for your inner space now — nobody else is — and that the past cannot prevail against the power of the Now.
乍见自己正在或曾经执着在自己的痛苦上，是一个相当令人惊悚的体认。你体认到这件事的那一刻，你就打破了这个执着。痛苦之身是一个暂时赁居在你内在空间的能场，一个几可乱真的实体。它是一个受困的生命能，一个已经停滞的能量。痛苦之身之所以存在，当然是因为过往的某些事件。它是活在你里面的过往。如果你认同了它，你就是和过去认同。受害者身份是一个信念，这个信念认为过去比当下更有力量，这当然是一个反真理。这个信念认为别人或他们的做为，应该为你的现在负责，应该为你情感的痛苦，或你无能做你的真我负责。真理是真正的力量，它就在当下这一刻里：它就是你临在的力量。一旦你知道了这一点，你也就体会了应该为你内在空间负责的是你——不是别人——还有，过去必然难敌当下的威力。
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So identification prevents you from dealing with the pain-body. Some women who are already conscious enough to have relinquished their victim identity on the personal level are still holding on to a collective victim identity: "what men did to women." They are right — and they are also wrong. They are right inasmuch as the collective female pain-body is in large part due to male violence inflicted on women and repression of the female principle throughout the planet over millennia. They are wrong if they derive a sense of self from this fact and thereby keep themselves imprisoned in a collective victim identity. If a woman is still holding on to anger, resentment, or condemnation, she is holding on to her pain-body. This may give her a comforting sense of identity, of solidarity with other women, but it is keeping her in bondage to the past and blocking full access to her essence and true power. If women exclude themselves from men, that fosters a sense of separation and therefore a strengthening of the ego. And the stronger the ego, the more distant you are from your true nature.
因此，是认同阻挡了你对治痛苦之身。有些女性已经有了足够的觉知，因而放弃了个人层面的受害者身份，却仍然执着在一个集体的受害者身份上：“男人对女人的待遇。”她们说的对——同时她们也错了。说她们对，是因为集体女性痛苦之身的大部分，是归因于数千年来男性所施加于女性的暴力，和对阴性原理的压制。她们的错在于，如果她们还继续从这个事实中汲取自我感，并且把自己囚禁在集体受害者的身份里。如果女性还是执着于愤怒、怨憎、或诅咒，她就仍然执着于她的痛苦之身。这么做也许给予她一个聊堪自慰的身份感，以及和其他女性团结的一体感。可是却把她捆绑左过去的枷锁里，堵死了她取得本质和真正力量的通道。如果女性自外于男性而各自为政的话，就会滋养孤离感，进而巩固了我执。我执越巩固，你与真如本性便渐行渐远。
So do not use the pain-body to give you an identity. Use it for enlightenment instead. Transmute it into consciousness. One of the best times for this is during menses. I believe that, in the years to come, many women will enter the fully conscious state during that time. Usually, it is a time of unconsciousness for many women, as they are taken over by the collective female pain-body. Once you have reached a certain level of consciousness, however, you can reverse this, so instead of becoming unconscious you become more conscious. I have described the basic process already, but let me take you through it again, this time with special reference to the collective female pain-body.
因此，不要用你的痛苦之身来赋予你一个身份。反而用它做为开悟的手段。把它转化为意识。经期就是最佳时机。我相信以后有许多女性，会在这个时期进入全意识状态里。对许多女性来说，由于受到集体女性痛苦之身的掌控，经期就成了她们的无意识期。可是当你达到了某一个息识层面的时候，你就有能力扭转过程的方向。因此你不但不会陷在无意识里，反而更有意识。基本过程我已经谈过，我们再一起复习一遍。这一次我们要特别着重在集体女性痛苦之身上面。
When you know that the menstrual flow is approaching, before you feel the first signs of what is commonly called premenstrual tension, the awakening of the collective female pain-body, become very alert and inhabit your body as fully as possible. When the first sign appears, you need to be alert enough to "catch" it before it takes you over. For example, the first sign may be a sudden strong irritation or a flash of anger, or it may be a purely physical symptom. Whatever it is, catch it before it can take over your thinking or behavior. This simply means putting the spotlight of your attention on it. If it is an emotion, feel the strong energy charge behind it. Know that it is the pain-body. At the same time, be the knowing; that is to say, be aware of your conscious presence and feel its power. Any emotion that you take your presence into will quickly subside and become transmuted. If it is a purely physical symptom, the attention that you give it will prevent it from turning into an emotion or a thought. Then continue to be alert and wait for the next sign of the pain-body. When it appears, catch it again in the same way as before.
当你知道月经潮快要来临的时候，在你感觉到经前张力的第一个征兆之前——集体女性痛苦之身的觉醒你要非常警觉，尽你所能地进驻你的身体。在第一个征兆出现的那一刻，你需要以十足的警觉力，在它掌控你之前就“逮住”它。例如，你的第一个征兆也许是一阵强烈的烦躁、或是一股上冲的怒气、也或许是单纯的生理征候。无论是哪一种情况，都要在它掌控你的思考或行为之前逮住它。这只是意谓着用你的专注探照它。如果是一个情感的话，就感觉它之后的那个强大能量。要知道它就是痛苦之身。同时做那一份明白；也就是说觉察你有意识的临在，并且感觉它的力量。你把临在带进去的任何情感都会迅速止息，接着就被转化了。如果只是单纯的生理征候，你给它的关注会阻止它进一步变成一个情感或思想。然后继续保持警觉，把守痛苦之身的下一个征兆。等它出现的时候，依照刚才的方式逮住它。
Later, when the pain-body has fully awakened from its dormant state, you may experience considerable turbulence in your inner space for a while, perhaps for several days. Whatever form this takes, stay present. Give it your complete attention. Watch the turbulence inside you. Know it is there. Hold the knowing, and be the knowing. Remember: do not let the pain-body use your mind and take over your thinking. Watch it. Feel its energy directly, inside your body. As you know, full attention means full acceptance.
日后，当痛苦之身从蛰伏的状态中完全觉醒以后，你也许会经历一段内在空间的大混乱期，前后也许要几天的时间。无论它以任何形式呈现，保持临在。给它完全的关注。观察你内在的混乱。知道它在那里。掌握住这一份明白，做这一份明白。切记：不要让痛苦之身使用你的心智并掌控你的思考。观察它。直接地感觉它在你体内的能量。你已经知道的，全然地关注意谓着全然地接纳。
Through sustained attention and thus acceptance, there comes transmutation. The pain-body becomes transformed into radiant consciousness, just as a piece of wood, when placed in or near a fire, itself is transformed into fire. Menstruation will then become not only a joyful and fulfilling expression of your womanhood but also a sacred time of transmutation, when you give birth to a new consciousness. Your true nature then shines forth, both in its female aspect as the Goddess and in its transcendental aspect as the divine Being that you are beyond male and female duality.
经由持续的关注和接纳，转化就会到来。痛苦之身会转化成为光明的意识，就像一截木头，置于火里或靠近火边，自己就会转化成为火一样。经期就会变成一个充满喜悦和实现的女性的表现，而且是一段神圣的转化时段，在这个时段里，你生出了一个新的意识。你的真如本性就会以女神的女性层面，和超越男女二分的神圣本体的超越层面而灿然照耀了。
If your male partner is conscious enough, he can help you with the practice I have just described by holding the frequency of intense presence particularly at this time. If he stays present whenever you fall back into unconscious identification with the pain-body, which can and will happen at first, you will be able to quickly rejoin him in that state. This means that whenever the pain-body temporarily takes over, whether during menses or at other times, your partner will not mistake it for who you are. Even if the pain-body attacks him, as it probably will, he will not react to it as if it were "you," withdraw, or put up some kind of defense. He will hold the space of intense presence. Nothing else is needed for transformation. At other times, you will be able to do the same for him or help him reclaim consciousness from the mind by drawing his attention into the here and now whenever he becomes identified with his thinking.
如果你的男伴有足够的意识，他可以照我前面说过的方法，稳住深刻临在的波动，帮助你做这个练习，特别是这个时期。如果他在你无意识地落入痛苦之身的认同的当时，保持临在这种情形在开始的时候，会而且一定会发生——你就能快速地与他在那个状态里再度结合。这句话的意思就是，无论痛苦之身在月经期或任何其他的时候暂时地掌控你，你的伴侣也不会误认它是你的本来面目。即使痛苦之身攻击他——有可能——他也不会认它为“你”，而做出反应、退缩，或设下任何类型的防卫。他会稳住深刻临在的空间。转化所需的只此一样，别无他物。在其他的时候，你也可以为他做同样的事，或者每当他与心智认同的时候，帮助他把注意力拉回此时此刻，而重新由心智里把意识收回来。
In this way, a permanent energy field of a pure and high frequency will arise between you. No illusion, no pain, no conflict, nothing that is not you, and nothing that is not love can survive in it. This represents the fulfillment of the divine, transpersonal purpose of your relationship. It becomes a vortex of consciousness that will draw in many others.
在这种方式之下，你们之间就会发生一个恒常清明的高波能场。在那里面，所有不足你们的幻相、痛苦、和冲突都不存在。所有不是爱的也无法存活。这象征着你们关系中神圣的、超个人目的的实现。它也变成一个吸引其他人的意识涡流。
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GIVE UP THE RELATIONSHIP WITH YOURSELF
放弃你和自己的关系
When one is fully conscious, would one still have a need for a relationship? Would a man still feel drawn to a woman? Would a woman still feel incomplete without a man?
一个人完全觉知的时候，他还需要关系吗？男人还会被女人吸引吗？女人少了男人，还会有不完整的感觉吗？
Enlightened or not, you are either a man or a woman, so on the level of your form identity you are not complete. You are one-half of the whole. This incompleteness is felt as male-female attraction, the pull toward the opposite energy polarity, no matter how conscious you are. But in that state of inner connectedness, you feel this pull somewhere on the surface or periphery of your life. Anything that happens to you in that state feels somewhat like that. The whole world seems like waves or ripples on the surface or a vast and deep ocean. You are that ocean and, of course, you are also a ripple, but a ripple that has realized its true identity as the ocean, and compared to that vastness and depth, the world of waves and ripples is not all that important.
你不是男人就是女人，因此，在形式身份上你是不完整的。这与开悟与否无关。你是半个圆满。这种不完整感在两极能量的互吸中，以男女两性相吸的感受呈现，无论你是多么有意识。可是在内在的运系状态里，你是在生命的表层或外围感受到这股拉力的。任何发生在这个状态里的事件，都会给你类似的感觉。整个世界就像这个深洋表面的波浪或涟漪。你是这个海洋，你也是这个涟漪。不过你是一个已经体认到自己的真实身份就是海洋的涟漪。你也体会到与整个大洋的无量无边相较之下，洋面的波涛和涟漪已经无足轻重了。
This does not mean that you don't relate deeply to other people or to your partner. In fact, you can relate deeply only if you are conscious of Being. Coming from Being, you are able to focus beyond the veil of form. In Being, male and female are one. Your form may continue to have certain needs, but Being has none. It is already complete and whole. If those needs are met, that is beautiful, but whether or not they are met makes no difference to your deep inner state. So it is perfectly possible for an enlightened person, if the need for the male or female polarity is not met, to feel a sense of lack or incompleteness on the outer level of his or her being, yet at the same time be totally complete, fulfilled, and at peace within.
这并不表示你不再与他人或伴侣有深沉的运系。事实上，只有当你意识到本体的时候，你才能与人建立深沉的运系。源发自本体的你，更能够让自己的专注超越形式的表层之上。在本体中男性和女性是合一的。你的形相也许继续拥有某些需求，可是本体却一无所求。本体已经是圆满俱足的。如果这些需求得到满足，那自然是一件很美的事。可是满足与否对你深处的内在状态毫无差别。所以一个开悟了的人最可能的情况是，在异性的需求得不到满足的时候，难免会在本体的外在层面有匮乏感和不完整感，然而却在同时处于内在的圆满自足和和平之中。
In the quest for enlightenment, is being gay a help or a hindrance, or does it not make any difference?
在求悟的路上，身为一个“同志”是阻力还是助力，或者没有差别？
As you approach adulthood, uncertainty about your sexuality followed by the realization that you are "different" from others may force you to disidentify from socially conditioned patterns of thought and behavior. This will automatically raise your level of consciousness above that of the unconscious majority, whose members unquestioningly take on board all inherited patterns. In that respect, being gay can be a help. Being an outsider to some extent, someone who does not "fit in" with others or is rejected by them for whatever reason, makes life difficult, but it also places you at an advantage as far as enlightenment is concerned. It takes you out of unconsciousness almost by force.
一个人成年的时候，由于体认到自己“与众不同”，而对性向产生了不确定感。这番体认也许会迫使你从社会制约的思想和行为模式中撤离认同。由于社会中的大多数，都是不加置疑地站在承袭模式的阵营，这个撤离会自动地把你的意识层面，从无意识的多数中提升出来。就这方面来说，身为“同志”是一个助力。做为一个不能“溶入”他人，或者因为各种理由遭受排斥的局外人，会使生命格外艰辛，可是就开悟而言，这也把你摆在一个有利的位置。它几乎是把你逼出了无意识。
On the other hand, if you then develop a sense of identity based on your gayness, you have escaped one trap only to fall into another. You will play roles and games dictated by a mental image you have of yourself as gay. You will become unconscious. You will become unreal. Underneath your ego mask, you will become very unhappy. If this happens to you, being gay will have become a hindrance. But you always get another chance, of course. Acute unhappiness can be a great awakener.
另一方面，如果你由自己的同性恋倾向发展出一个身份感，那你就是跳出油锅又入火坑了。你又开始以“同志”的心理形像，扮演角色和玩起游戏了。你会变成无意识。你会变成不真实。在我执面具之下的你会非常不快乐。如果这种情形发生在你身上，那么“同志”的身份会成为你的阻力。不过机会始终都在。剧烈的不快乐，是一帖最棒的觉醒剂。
Is it not true that you need to have a good relationship with yourself and love yourself before you can have a fulfilling relationship with another person ?
一个人与另一个人建立圆融的关系之前，不是需要先爱自己，与自己建立良好的关系吗？
If you cannot be at ease with yourself when you are alone, you will seek a relationship to cover up your unease. You can be sure that the unease will then reappear in some other form within the relationship, and you will probably hold your partner responsible for it.
如果你独处的时候无法自在，你就会寻求一份关系来掩饰你的不安。你可以确定的是，原来的不安会在这一份关系里以其他的形式再现。而且你可能会归罪于你的伴侣。
All you really need to do is accept this moment fully. You are then at ease in the here and now and at ease with yourself.
你所需要做的就是全然地接受这一刻。然后你就在此时此刻和你自己自在了。
But do you need to have a relationship with yourself at all? Why can't you just be yourself? When you have a relationship with yourself, you have split yourself into two: "I" and "myself," subject and object. That mind-created duality is the root cause of all unnecessary complexity, of all problems and conflict in your life. In the state of enlightenment, you are yourself — "you" and "yourself" merge into one. You do not judge yourself, you do not feel sorry for yourself, you are not proud of yourself, you do not love yourself, you do not hate yourself, and so on. The split caused by self-reflective consciousness is healed, its curse removed. There is no "self" that you need to protect, defend, or feed anymore. When you are enlightened, there is one relationship that you no longer have: the relationship with yourself. Once you have given that up, all your other relationships will be love relationships.
可是你真的需要和自己建立一份关系吗？你为什么不能只做你自己？当你和自己建立一份关系的时候，你已经把自己一分为二了：“我”和“我自己”、主体和客体。这个心造的二元对立，是造成你生命中所有不必要的复杂、所有的问题、和所有冲突的根源。在开悟的状态里，你就是你自己——“你”和“你自己”合并为一。你不批判你自己，你不为你自己感到遗憾，你不会为你自己自傲，你不会爱你自己，你也不会恨你自己等等之类的。被自我反射意识所造成的分裂愈合了。它的诅咒被解除了。没有一个需要你保护、防卫、或喂养的“自己”了。当你开悟的时候，只有一个关系是你不再拥有的：你和你自己的关系。一日你放弃了这个关系，所有其他的关系都变成爱的关系了。