Love! In what folly do you not contrive to make us find pleasure?

Letters of a Portuguese Nun

爱情!在什么疯狂行为中你不能使我们找到快乐?

《一个葡萄牙修女的书信集》

Julien read over his letters. When the dinner bell sounded: 'How ridiculous I must have appeared in the eyes of that Parisian doll!' he said to himself; 'what madness to tell her what was really in my thoughts!And yet perhaps not so very mad. The truth on this occasion was worthy of me.

于连把他写的信重读了一遍。晚饭的铃声响了,他对自己说:“我在这个巴黎玩偶眼中一定很可笑!我简直疯了,居然把我想的如实告诉了她!不过,也许并非那么疯。在那种情况下,我理应说真话。

'Why, too, come and cross examine me on private matters? Her question was indiscreet. She forgot herself. My thoughts on Danton form no part of the sacrifice for which her father pays me.'

“然而为什么来问我一些私事呢?她那样问是很冒昧的,不成体统。我的关于丹东的想法并不包括在她父亲花钱雇我的工作之中。”

On reaching the dining-room, Julien was distracted from his ill humour by Mademoiselle de La Mole's deep mourning, which was all the more striking since none of the rest of the family was in black.

进入餐厅,于连看见德·拉莫尔小姐一身重孝,火气也就全消了,尤其是全家并无一人戴孝,就更使他感到惊奇。

After dinner, he found himself entirely recovered from the fit of enthusiasm which had possessed him all day. Fortunately, the Academician who knew Latin was present at dinner. There is the man who will be least contemptuous of me, if, as I suppose, my question about Mademoiselle de La Mole's mourning should prove a blunder.'

饭后,他完全摆脱了困扰他一整天的兴奋。碰巧,那位懂拉丁文的院士也在座。“如果我以为打听德·拉莫尔小姐为谁戴孝是一件蠢事的 话,”于连心想,“这个人对我的嘲笑也会是最轻的。”

Mathilde was looking at him with a singular expression. 'There we have an instance of the coquetry of the women of these parts, just as Madame de Renal described it to me,' Julien told himself. 'I was not agreeable to her this morning, I did not yield to her impulse for conversation.My value has increased in her eyes. No doubt the devil loses no opportunity there. Later on, her proud scorn will find out a way of avenging itself. Let her do her worst. How different from the woman I have lost!What natural charm! What simplicity! I knew what was in her mind before she did; I could see her thoughts take shape; I had no competitor, in her heart, but the fear of losing her children; it was a reasonable and natural affection, indeed it was pleasant for me who felt the same fear. I was a fool. The ideas that I had I formed of Paris prevented me from appreciating that sublime woman.

玛蒂尔德望着他,表情很奇特。“这就是此地女人的卖弄风情啊,德·莱纳夫人为我描绘过的,”于连心想,“今天上午我对她很不客气,她居然想聊天,我没有让步。在她眼里,我反而因此长了身价。无疑,魔鬼是不会吃亏的。不久,她那看不起人的高傲就会好好地报复我。悉听尊便。这和我失去的女人有多大的不同啊!多么迷人的性情!多么天真!她的想法,我比她还先知道;我看着它们如何产生;在她心里,我唯一的对手是害怕孩子会死掉;这是一种合乎情理、十分自然的情感,对于深有所感的我来说,甚至是很可爱的。那时候我真傻。我对于巴黎的种种想法使我不能正确地认识这个崇高的女人。

'What a difference, great God! And what do I find here? A sere and haughty vanity, all the refinements of self-esteem and nothing more.'

“多么不同啊,伟大的天主!在这儿我看到的是什么呢?冷酷而高傲的虚荣心,各种程度的自尊心,除此之外一无所有。”

The party left the table. 'I must not let my Academician be intercepted,' said Julien. He went up to him as they were moving into the garden, assumed a meek, submissive air, and sympathised with his rage at the success of Hernani.

大家起身离开饭桌。“别让人把我的院士拉走,”于连心里想。往花园走的时候,他挨近他,拿出一副温和恭顺的神态,赞同他对《欧那 尼》的成功表示的愤慨。

'If only we lived in the days of lettres de cachet!' he said.

“如果我们还在有密诏的时代就好了!……”他说。

'Ah, then he would never have dared,' cried the Academician, with a gesture worthy of Talma.

“那他就不敢了,”院士高声说道,做了个塔尔玛式的手势。

In speaking of a flower, Julien quoted a line or two from Virgil's Georgics, and decided that nothing came up to the poetry of the abbe Delille.In short, he flattered the Academician in every possible way. After which, with an air of the utmost indifference: 'I suppose,' he said to him, 'that Mademoiselle de La Mole has received a legacy from some uncle for whom she is in mourning.'

说到一朵花,于连引用了维吉尔《农事诗》中的几个句子,并且认为没有什么诗能和德利尔神甫的诗比美。一句话,他百般恭维院士。然 后他用一种最无所谓的口吻说:“我猜想德·拉莫尔小姐一定是继承了哪一位伯父的遗产,才为他戴孝。”

'What! You live in the house,' said the Academician, coming to a standstill, 'and you don't know her mania? Indeed, it is strange that her mother allows such things; but, between you and me, it is not exactly by strength of character that they shine in this family. Mademoiselle Mathilde has enough for them all, and leads them by the nose. Today is the 30th of April!' and the Academician broke off, looking at Julien, with an air of connivance. ????? Julien smiled as intelligently as he was able.

“怎么!您在这个家里,”院士突然站住了,说,“竟然不知道她的这个怪癖?事实上,奇怪的是她母亲竟也允许这类事情,我们私下说 说,在这个家里出众实在也不是因为性格的力量。玛蒂尔德小姐一个人的性格力量抵得上他们所有的人,她牵着他们的鼻子走。今天是四月三十日!”院士站住,狡狯地望着于连。于连微微一笑,尽力装作已经心领神会。

'What connection can there be between leading a whole household by the nose, wearing black and the 30th of April?' he asked himself. 'I must be even stupider than I thought.

“牵着全家人鼻子走,穿黑连衣裙,四月三十日,这中间有什么关系?”他心里想,“我一定比我自己想的还要笨。”

'I must confess to you,' he said to the Academician, and his eye continued the question.

“我应该承认……”他对院士说,眼神还充满着疑问。

'Let us take a turn in the garden,' said the Academician, delighted to see this chance of delivering a long and formal speech. 'What! Is it really possible that you do not know what happened on the 30th of April,1574?'

“我们到花园里转一圈,”院士说,看到有机会讲一个长长的风雅故事,不禁欣欣然。“怎么!您果真不知道一五七四年四月三十日发生了什么事吗?”

'Where?' asked Julien, in surprise.

“在什么地方?”于连惊讶地问。

'On the Place de Greve.'

“在格莱沃广场。”

Julien was so surprised that this name did not enlighten him. His curiosity, the prospect of a tragic interest, so attuned to his nature, gave him those sparkling eyes which a storyteller so loves to see in his audience.The Academician, delighted to find a virgin ear, related at full length to Julien how, on the 30th of April, 1574, the handsomest young man of his age, Boniface de La Mole, and Annibal de Coconasso, a Piedmontese gentleman, his friend, had been beheaded on the Place de Greve. 'La Mole was the adored lover of Queen Marguerite of Navarre; and observe,' the Academician added, 'that Mademoiselle de La Mole is named Mathilde Marguerite. La Mole was at the same time the favourite of the Duc d'Alencon and an intimate friend of the King of Navarre, afterwards Henri IV, the husband of his mistress. On Shrove Tuesday in this year,1574, the Court happened to be at Saint Germain, with the unfortunate King Charles IX, who was on his deathbed. La Mole wished to carry off the Princes, his friends, whom Queen Catherine de' Medici was keeping as prisoners with the Court. He brought up two hundred horsemen under the walls of Saint Germain, the Due d'Alencon took fright, and La Mole was sent to the scaffold.

于连很惊讶,这个词儿并没有让他明白什么。好奇心,期待着听见一个与他的性格如此相合的悲惨故事,这都使他的眼睛闪闪发亮,讲故 事的人最喜欢看见听讲者这副模样了。院士很高兴能碰上一只从未听过的耳朵,于是详详细细地讲给于连听:一五七四年四月二十日,当时最英俊的青年博尼法斯·德·拉莫尔和他的朋友,皮埃蒙特的绅士阿尼巴尔·德·柯柯纳索,在格莱沃广场被斩首。“拉莫尔是玛格丽特·德·纳瓦尔王妃心爱的情夫;请注意,”院士说,“德·拉莫尔小姐的名字是玛蒂尔德—玛格丽特。拉莫尔同时还是德·阿朗松公爵的宠臣和纳瓦尔国王的密友。纳瓦尔国王就是后来的亨利四世,他的情妇的丈夫。一五七四年这一年封斋前的星期二那天,当时宫廷在圣日耳曼,可怜的国王查理九世快死了。王太后卡特琳·德·美第奇把拉莫尔的朋友,那两位亲王,囚禁在宫中,拉莫尔想把他们救出去。他率领两百名骑兵来到圣日耳曼围墙下,德·阿朗松公爵害怕了,拉莫尔就被交给刽子手。

'But what appeals to Mademoiselle Mathilde, as she told me herself, seven or eight years ago, when she was only twelve, for she has a head, such a head! … ' and the Academician raised his eyes to heaven. 'What impresses her in this political catastrophe is that Queen Marguerite of Navarre, who had waited concealed in a house on the Place de Greve, made bold to ask the executioner for her lover's head. And the following night, at midnight, she took the head in her carriage, and went to bury it with her own hands in a chapel which stood at the foot of the hill of Montmartre.'

“但是,真正打动玛蒂尔德小姐的,七、八年前她亲口对我承认的,那时她才十二岁,因为那是个人头啊,是个人头啊!……”院士抬起眼睛望着天空。“在这场政治灾难中真正打动她的,是玛格丽特·德·纳瓦尔王后藏在倍莱沃广场的一所房子里,竟敢派人向刽子手索要情人的脑袋。第二天午夜,她捧着那颗头颅,坐上车,亲手把它葬在蒙特玛尔山脚下的小教堂里。”

'Is it possible?' exclaimed Julien, deeply touched.

“这是可能的吗?”于连叫起来,深受感动。

'Mademoiselle Mathilde despises her brother because, as you see, he thinks nothing of all this ancient history, and never goes into mourning on the 30th of April. It is since this famous execution, and to recall the intimate friendship between La Mole and Coconasso, which Coconasso, being as he was an Italian, was named Annibal, that all the men of this family have borne that name. And,' the Academician went on, lowering his voice, 'this Coconasso was, on the authority of Charles IX, himself, one of the bloodiest assassins on the 24th of August, 1572. But how is it possible, my dear Sorel, that you are ignorant of these matters, you, who are an inmate of the house?'

“玛蒂尔德小姐看不起她哥哥,因为正如您所看到的,他根本不把这段古老的历史放在心上,四月三十日也不戴孝。自从这次有名的极刑 之后,为了纪念拉莫尔对柯柯纳索的亲密友谊,这个柯柯纳索是个意大利人,名字叫作阿尼巴尔,因此这个家庭的所有男人都叫这个名字。而且,”院士放低声音补充说,“据查理九世本人说,这个柯柯纳索是一五七二年八月二十四日最残忍的杀人犯之一。但是,我亲爱的索莱尔,您经常和这个家的人一起吃饭,怎么可能不知道这些事情呢?”

'Then that is why twice, during the dinner, Mademoiselle de La Mole addressed her brother as Annibal. I thought I had not heard aright.'

“原来就是为这,德·拉莫尔小姐吃饭时两次叫她哥哥阿尼巴尔。我还以为听错了呢。”

'It was a reproach. It is strange that the Marquise permits such folly …That great girl's husband will see some fine doings!'

“这是一种责备。奇怪的是侯爵夫人竟容忍这种疯狂……将来这个高个子姑娘的丈夫有他好看的呢!”

This expression was followed by five or six satirical phrases. The joy at thus revealing an intimate secret that shone in the Academician's eyes shocked Julien. 'What are we but a pair of servants engaged in slandering our employers?' he thought. 'But nothing ought to surprise me that is done by this academic gentleman.'

这句话后边又跟了五、六句讽刺。院士眼里闪烁着快乐和亲密的光芒,使于连感到不快。“我们两个仆人在讲主人的坏话呢,”他想。“ 但是出自这个学士院的人口中,什么也不应让我感到奇怪。”

One day Julien had caught him on his knees before the Marquise de La Mole; he was begging her for a tobacco licence for a nephew in the country. That night, he gathered from a little maid of Mademoiselle de La Mole, who was making love to him, as Elisa had done in the past, that her mistress's mourning was by no means put on to attract attention.This eccentricity was an intimate part of her nature. She really loved this La Mole, the favoured lover of the most brilliant Queen of her age, who had died for having sought to set his friends at liberty. And what friends! The First Prince of the Blood and Henri IV.

有一天,于连无意间撞见他跪在德·拉莫尔侯爵夫人面前;他在为他的一个外省的侄子求一个烟草收税人的职务。德·拉莫尔小姐的一个年轻侍女像从前的爱丽莎一样追求于连,晚上她让他明白,她的女主人戴孝绝不是为了引人注目。这个古怪的行动扎根在她性格的深处。她真地爱那个拉莫尔,他是那个时代最有才智的王后的心爱情人,他为了想让朋友们获得自由而死。而且是怎样的朋友啊!王族的首位亲王和亨利四世。

Accustomed to the perfect naturalness that shone through the whole of Madame de Renal's conduct, Julien saw nothing but affectation in all the women of Paris, and even without feeling disposed to melancholy, could think of nothing to say to them. Mademoiselle de La Mole was the exception.

于连已经习惯了德·莱纳夫人举手投足间流露出的完美的自然,而在巴黎的所有女人身上却只看到矫揉造作;只要他心情稍微有些忧郁,就找不出话来跟她们说。德·拉莫尔小姐是个例外。

He began no longer to mistake for hardness of heart the kind of beauty that goes with nobility of bearing. He had long conversations with Mademoiselle de La Mole, who would stroll with him in the garden sometimes after dinner, past the open windows of the drawing-room. She told him one day that she was reading d'Aubigne's History, and Brantome. 'A strange choice,' thought Julien, 'and the Marquise does not allow her to read the novels of Walter Scott!'

他开始不再把举止高贵所具有的那种美视为心灵干枯了。他跟德·拉莫尔小姐有过几次长谈。她有时在晚饭后跟他一起在花园里沿着客厅开着的那些窗子散步。有一天,她对他说,她读过多比涅的历史著作和布兰多姆的作品。“奇特的读物,”于连想,“而侯爵夫人连瓦尔特·司各特的小说都不准她看!”

One day she related to him, with that glow of pleasure in her eyes which proves the sincerity of the speaker's admiration, the feat of a young woman in the reign of Henri in, which she had just discovered in the Memoires by l'Etoile: finding that her husband was unfaithful, she had stabbed him.

一天,她向他讲述亨利三世时代的一个年轻女人的行为:她发现丈夫不忠,就用匕首将他刺死。这是她刚刚在艾图瓦尔的《回忆录》中读到的。她的眼睛里闪烁着喜悦的光芒,证明她的倾慕是真诚的。

Julien's self-esteem was flattered. A person surrounded by such deference, one who, according to the Academician, was the leader of the household, deigned to address him in a tone which might almost be regarded as friendly. 'I was mistaken,' was his next thought; 'this is not familiarity, I am only the listener to a tragic story, it is the need to speak. I am regarded as learned by this family. I shall go and read Brantome, d'Aubigne, l'Etoile. I shall be able to challenge some of the anecdotes which Mademoiselle de La Mole cites to me. I must emerge from this part of a passive listener.'

于连的自尊心得到了满足。一个处处受人敬重的,用院士的话说,牵着全家人鼻子走的女人,居然肯用一种近乎友谊的口吻跟他说话。“我错了,”于连立刻又想,“这不是亲密,我不过是那种悲剧里的心腹人,这是出于说话的需要。我在这个家里被看作有学问的人。我 这就去读布兰多姆、多比涅和艾图瓦尔。我可以对德·拉莫尔小姐谈到的那些软闻趣事中的几则提出反驳。我要从这种被动的心腹人的角色中摆脱出来。”

In course of time his conversations with this girl, whose manner was at once so imposing and so easy, became more interesting. He forgot his melancholy role as a plebeian in revolt. He found her learned and indeed rational. Her opinions in the garden differed widely from those which she maintained in the drawing-room. At times she displayed with him an enthusiasm and a frankness which formed a perfect contrast with her normal manner, so haughty and cold.

他跟这个举止如此威严、同时又如此随便的女孩子之间的谈话,渐渐地变得有趣了。他正在忘记他那愤怒平民的可悲角色。他发现她有学问,甚至通情达理。她在花园里的看法和她在客厅里承认的看法大不相同。有时她跟他在一起,兴奋,坦率,和平时如此高傲、如此冷淡的态度完全对立。

'The Wars of the League are the heroic age of France,' she said to him one day, her eyes aflame with intellect and enthusiasm. 'Then everyone fought to secure a definite object which he desired in order to make his party triumph, and not merely to win a stupid Cross as in the days of your Emperor. You must agree that there was less egoism and pettiness.I love that period.'

“神圣联盟战争是法国的英雄时代,”一天她对他说,眼睛里闪动着才华和热情,“那时候每一个人为了他想得到的东西,为了使他的党派获得胜利而战斗,不像您那个皇帝的时代,是为了平淡无奇地获得一枚十字勋章。您得同意,那时的人不这么自私,不这么卑劣。我爱那个时代。”

'And Boniface de La Mole was its hero,' he said to her.

“而博尼法斯·德·拉莫尔是那个时代的英雄,”他对她说。

'At any rate he was loved as it is perhaps pleasant to be loved. What woman alive today would not be horrified to touch the head of her decapitated lover?'

“至少他被人爱,而那样被人爱也许是很甜蜜的。如今的女人有哪一个碰到被斩首的情夫的脑袋不感到害怕呢?”

Madame de La Mole called her daughter indoors. Hypocrisy, to be effective, must be concealed; and Julien, as we see, had taken Mademoiselle de La Mole partly into his confidence as to his admiration for Napoleon.

德·拉莫尔夫人叫她的女儿。虚伪,要想有用,就得隐藏起来。而于连呢,正如我们看到的,已经把他对拿破仑的倾慕向德·拉莫尔小姐 吐露了一半。

'That is the immense advantage which they have over us,' he said to himself, when left alone in the garden. 'The history of their ancestors raises them above vulgar sentiments, and they have not always to be thinking of their daily bread! What a wretched state of things!' he added bitterly. 'I am not worthy to discuss these serious matters. My life is nothing more than a sequence of hypocrisies, because I have not an income of a thousand francs with which to buy my bread.'

“这就是他们对我们的巨大优势,”他一个人呆在花园里,对自己说。“他们祖先的历史使他们超出于庸俗的感情之上,他们没有衣食之忧!多么不幸啊!”他感到一阵酸楚,“我不配谈论这些重大问题。我的一生不过是一连串的虚伪,因为我没有一千法郎的年金用来头面包。”

'What are you dreaming of, Sir?' Mathilde asked him, running back outdoors.

“您在想什么,先生?”玛蒂尔德匆匆跑回来,问他。

Julien was tired of despising himself. In a moment of pride, he told her frankly what he was thinking. He blushed deeply when speaking of his poverty to a person who was so rich. He sought to make it quite clear by his proud tone that he asked for nothing. Never had he seemed so handsome to Mathilde; she found in him an expression of sensibility and frankness which he often lacked.

于连对老是蔑视自己也感到厌倦了。出于骄傲,他坦率地谈了自己的想法。他对一个如此富有的人谈自己的贫穷,脸憋得通红。他试图通 过自豪的口气清楚地表明他不求什么。玛蒂尔德觉得他从未这样漂亮过;她发现他有一种敏感和坦白的表情,这实在是他常常缺乏的。

Less than a month later, Julien was strolling pensively in the garden of the Hotel de La Mole; but his features no longer showed the harshness, as of a surly philosopher, which the constant sense of his own inferiority impressed on them. He had just come from the door of the drawing room to which he had escorted Mademoiselle de La Mole, who pretended that she had hurt her foot when running with her brother.

不出一个月,于连有一天在德·拉莫尔府的花园里散步。他在沉思,但他的脸上不再有持续不断的自卑感带来的严峻和哲学家的傲慢了。他刚刚把德·拉莫尔小姐送到客厅门口,她说她跟哥哥一起奔跑时扭伤了脚。

'She leaned upon my arm in the strangest fashion!' Julien said to himself. 'Am I a fool, or can it be true that she has a liking for me? She listens to me so meekly even when I confess to her all the sufferings of my pride! She, who is so haughty with everyone else! They would be greatly surprised in the drawing-room if they saw her looking like that. There is no doubt about it, she never assumes that meek, friendly air with anyone but myself.'

“她靠在我胳膊上的方式真奇怪!”于连对自己说。“我是自命不凡,还是她真对我有兴趣?她听我说话时的神情是那么温和,甚至在我承认骄傲给我带来的种种痛苦时!而她对无论什么人都那么骄傲,如果在客厅里看到她那副表情,谁都会感到惊奇的。肯定,她对任何人都不会有这种温柔善良的神情。”

Julien tried not to exaggerate this singular friendship. He compared it himself to an armed neutrality. Day by day, when they met, before resuming the almost intimate tone of the day before, they almost asked themselves: 'Are we friends today, or enemies?' Julien had realised that, were he once to allow himself to be insulted with impunity by this haughty girl, all was lost. 'If I must quarrel, is it not to my advantage to do so from the first, in defending the lawful rights of my pride, rather than in repelling the marks of contempt that must quickly follow the slightest surrender of what I owe to my personal dignity?'

于连努力不夸大这种奇特的友谊。他自己将其比作武装交往。每天见面时,在恢复头一天的近乎亲密的口吻之前,他们几乎都要自问:我们今天是朋友还是仇敌?于连明白,如果白白地让这个如此高傲的姑娘侮辱一次,那就一切都完了。“如果我必须跟她闹翻,那么我先来维护我的骄傲所拥有的正当权利,比起我对个人尊严应尽的职责稍有疏忽而立刻招来轻蔑的表示之后再加以抵制,不是要好些吗?”

Several times, on days of mutual discord, Mathilde tried to adopt with him the tone of a great lady; she employed a rare skill in these attempts, but Julien repulsed them rudely.

有好几次,碰上心绪不佳的日子,玛蒂尔德试图跟他摆出贵妇人的架势;她以一种罕见的巧妙进行这种尝试,但都被于连粗暴地顶了回去。

One day he interrupted her suddenly: 'Has Mademoiselle de La Mole some order to give to her father's secretary?' he asked her; 'he is obliged to listen to her orders and to carry them out with respect; but apart from that, he has not one word to say to her. He certainly is not paid to communicate his thoughts to her.'

有一天,他突然打断她的话:“德·拉莫尔小姐有什要吩咐她父亲的秘书吗?”他对她说,“他应该听候她的吩咐,并且恭恭敬敬地执行,除此之外,他并没有话要对她说。他绝不是花钱雇来向她谈思想的。”

This state of affairs, and the singular doubts which Julien felt banished the boredom which he found regularly in that drawing-room, in which, for all its magnificence, people were afraid of everything, and it was not thought proper to treat any subject lightly.

这种生活的方式,还有于连那些奇特的疑虑,把他在这间如此豪华的客厅里经常感到的烦闷驱散了,在那里,人们什么都要怕,拿任何东西开玩笑都有失体面。

'It would be amusing if she loved me! Whether she loves me or not,'Julien went on, 'I have as my intimate confidant an intelligent girl, before whom I see the whole household tremble, and most of all the Marquis de Croisenois. That young man who is so polished, so gentle, so brave, who combines in his own person all the advantages of birth and fortune, anyone of which would set my heart so at ease! He is madly in love with her, he is going to marry her. Think of all the letters M. de La Mole has made me write to the two lawyers arranging the contract! And I who see myself so subordinate, pen in hand, two hours later, here in the garden, I triumph over so attractive a young man: for after all, her preference is striking, direct. Perhaps, too, she hates the idea of him as a future husband.She is proud enough for that. And the favour she shows me, I obtain on the footing of a confidential servant!

“她若是爱我,倒满有趣!无论她爱我与否,”于连继续想,“我有了一个有才智的女孩子作为亲密的知己。我看见全家人都在她面前发抖,尤其是德·克鲁瓦泽努瓦侯爵。这个年轻人如此礼貌,如此温柔,如此勇敢,兼有出身和财富带来的种种好处,而我只要能有其中的一种,就会心满意足!他疯狂地爱她,他应该娶她。德·拉莫尔先生曾经让我给拟定婚约的两位公证人写过多少信啊!而我呢,手上握着笔,地位如此低下,两个小时之后,却在这花园里战胜了这个如此可爱的年轻人,因为她的偏爱究竟是明显的,直接的。也许她恨他是她未来的丈夫。她相当高傲,会这样做的。而她对我的亲切,我是以一个地位低下的心腹的身份得到的。

'But no, either I am mad, or she is making love to me; the more I show myself cold and respectful towards her, the more she seeks me out. That might be deliberate, an affectation; but I see her eyes become animated when I appear unexpectedly. Are the women of Paris capable of pretending to such an extent? What does it matter! I have appearances on my side, let us make the most of them. My God, how handsome she is! How I admire her great blue eyes, seen at close range, and looking at me as they often do! What a difference between this spring and the last, when I was living in misery, keeping myself alive by my strength of character, surrounded by those three hundred dirty and evil-minded hypocrites! I was almost as evil as they.'

“然而不,或是我疯了,或是她追求我;我越是对她冷淡、毕恭毕敬,她越是来找我。这可能是事先想好的,是假装的;但是,当我出其不意地出现时,我看见她的眼睛顿时亮了起来。难道巴黎的女人如此善于装假吗?管它呢!表面上看来对我有利,我且享受这表面吧。我的天主,她多美!那双蓝色的大眼睛,从近处看,经常望着我的时候,多么让我喜欢啊!今年春天和去年春天多么不同!那时候,我在三百个恶毒肮脏的伪君子中间,过着悲惨的生活,全靠性格的力量支撑。我几乎跟他们一样恶毒。”

In moments of depression: That girl is making a fool of me,' Julien would think. 'She is plotting with her brother to mystify me. But she seems so to despise her brother's want of energy! He is brave, and there is no more to be said, she tells me. He has not an idea which ventures to depart from the fashion. It is always I who am obliged to take up her defence. A girl of nineteen! At that age can a girl be faithful at every moment of the day to the code of hypocrisy that she has laid down for herself?

在疑虑重重的日子里,于连想:“这女孩子嘲弄我。她和她哥哥串通一气来骗我。然而她好像那样地看不起她哥哥缺乏毅力!‘他是勇敢的,仅此而已。’她对我说,‘他没有一种思想敢于离经叛道。’总是我不得不出来维护他。一个十九岁的女孩子!在这个年纪上,一个人能在一天的每时每刻都忠于为自己规定的虚伪吗?

'On the other hand, when Mademoiselle de La Mole fastens her great blue eyes on me with a certain strange expression, Comte Norbert always moves away. That seems to me suspicious; ought he not to be annoyed at his sister's singling out a domestic of their household? For I have heard the Duc de Chaulnes use that term of me.' At this memory anger obliterated every other feeling. 'Is it only the love of old-fashioned speech in that ducal maniac?

“另一方而,每逢德·拉莫尔小姐用她那蓝色的大眼睛表情奇特地盯着我看的时候,诺贝尔伯爵就立即走开。这在我看来颇可疑;他妹妹看中家里的一个仆人,他不是应该感到气愤吗?因为我听见过德·肖纳公爵这样说过我。”想起这件事,愤怒就取代了任何别的感情。“是这位有怪癖的老公爵喜欢陈旧的语言吗?”

'Anyhow, she is pretty!' Julien went on, with the glare of a tiger. 'I will have her, I shall then depart and woe to him that impedes me in my flight!'

“反正她很漂亮!”于连继续想,目光如老虎一般。“我要得到她,然后走开,谁阻止我逃走谁倒霉!

This plan became Julien's sole occupation; he could no longer give a thought to anything else. His days passed like hours.

这个念头成了于连唯一的大事,他不能再想别的事了。他过一天就像过一个钟头一样。

At all hours of the day, when he sought to occupy his mind with some serious business, his thoughts would abandon everything, and he would come to himself a quarter of an hour later, his heart throbbing, his head confused, and dreaming of this one idea: 'Does she love me?'

他每时每刻都试图干点正经事情,但总是心不在焉,等到一刻钟以后清醒过来,心又怦怦地跳,脑子里乱作一团,只想着这个念头发愣:“她爱我吗?”