As soon as he had gone, Julien began to weep copiously, at the thought of dying. After a while he said to himself that, if Madame de Renal had been at Besancon, he would have confessed his weakness to her… .
他一走，于连便大哭，为了死亡而哭，渐渐地他对自己说，如果德·莱纳夫人在贝藏松，他定会向她承认他的软弱……
At the moment when he most regretted the absence of that beloved woman, he heard Mathilde's step.
正当他因心爱的女人不在而最感惋惜的时候，他听见了玛蒂尔德的脚步声。
'The worst drawback of a prison,' he thought, 'is that one can never close one's door.' All that Mathilde had to say served only to irritate him.
“监狱里最大的不幸，”他想，“就是不能把门关上。”不管玛蒂尔德说什么，都只是让他生气。
She informed him that, on the day of the trial, M. de Valenod, having in his pocket his appointment as Prefect, had ventured to defy M. de Frilair and indulge himself in the pleasure of condemning Julien to death.
她对他说，审判那天，德·瓦勒诺先生口袋里已装着省长任命书，所以他才敢把德·福利莱先生不放在眼里，乐得判他死刑。
'"Whatever induced your friend," M. de Frilair said to me just now, "to go and arouse and attack the petty vanity of that middleclass aristocracy? Why speak of caste? He showed them what they ought to do in their own political interest: the fools had never thought of it, and were ready to cry. This caste interest blinded their eyes to the horror of condemning a man to death. You must admit that M. Sorel shows great in experience. If we do not succeed in saving him by an appeal to clemency, his death will be a sort of suicide … "'
“‘您的朋友是怎么想的，’德·福利莱先生刚才对我说，‘居然去唤醒和攻击这个资产阶级贵族的虚荣心！为什么要谈社会等级？他告诉了他们为维护他们的政治利益应该做什么，这些傻瓜根本没想到，并且已准备流泪了，这种社会等级的利益蒙住了他们的眼睛，他们就看不见死刑的恐怖了。应该承认，索莱尔先生处理事情还太嫩。如果我们请求特赦还不能救他，他的死就无异于自杀了……’”
Mathilde did not, of course, mention to Julien a thing which she herself did not yet suspect; namely, that the Abbe de Frilair, seeing Julien irremediably lost, thought that it would serve his own ambition to aspire to become his successor.
玛蒂尔德当然不会把她还没有料到的事情告诉于连，原来德·福利莱神甫看见于连完了，不禁动了念头，以为若能接替于连，必对他实现野心有好处。
Almost out of his mind with helpless rage and vexation: 'Go and hear a mass for me,' he said to Mathilde, 'and leave me a moment's peace.'Mathilde, who was extremely jealous already at Madame de Renal's visits and had just heard of her departure, realised the cause of Julien's ill-humour and burst into tears.
于连干生气，又有抵触情绪，弄得几乎不能自制，就对玛蒂尔德说：“去为我做一回弥撒吧，让我安静一会儿。”玛蒂尔德本来已很嫉妒德·莱纳夫人来探望，又刚刚知道她已离城，便明白了于连为什么发脾气，不禁大哭起来。
Her grief was genuine, Julien saw this and was all the more irritated.He felt a compelling need of solitude, and how was he to secure it?
她的痛苦是真实的，于连看得出，就更感到恼火。他迫切地需要狐独，可如何做得到？
Finally Mathilde, having tried every argument to soften him, left him to himself, but almost at that moment Fouque appeared.
最后，玛蒂尔德试图让他缓和下来，讲了种种道理，也就走了，然而几乎同时，富凯来了。
'I want to be alone,' he said to this faithful friend. And, as he saw him hesitate: 'I am composing a memorial for my appeal to clemency … but anyhow… do me a favour, never to speak to me of death. If I want any special services on the day, let me be the first to mention them.'
“我需要一个人呆着，”他对这位忠实的朋友说……见他迟疑，就又说，“我正在写一篇回忆录，供请求特赦用……还有……求求你，别再跟我谈死的事了，如果那天我有什么特别的需要，让我首先跟你说吧。”
When Julien had at length secured solitude, he found himself more crushed and more of a coward than before. What little strength remained to his enfeebled spirit had been used up in the effort to conceal his condition from Mademoiselle de La Mole and Fouque.
于连终于独处，感到比以前更疲惫懦弱了。这颗已被折磨得虚弱不堪的心灵仅余的一点儿力量，又为了向德·拉莫尔小姐和富凯掩饰他的情绪而消耗殆尽。
Towards evening, a comforting thought came to him:
傍晚，一个想法使他得到安慰：
'If this morning, at the moment when death seemed so ugly, I had been warned to prepare for execution, the eye of the public would have been the incentive to glory; my gait might perhaps have been a little heavy, like that of a timid fop on entering a drawing-room. A few perspicacious people, if there be any such among these provincials, might have guessed my weakness… but no one would have seen it.'
“如果今天早晨，当死亡在我看来是那样丑恶的时候，有人通知我执行死刑，公众的眼睛就会刺激我的光荣感，也许我的步态会有些不自然，像个胆怯的花花公子进入客厅那样。这些外省人中若有几位眼光敏锐的，会猜出我的软弱……然而没有人会看得见。”
And he felt himself relieved of part of his load of misery. 'I am a coward at this moment,' he chanted to himself, 'but no one will know of it.'
他于是觉得摆脱了几分不幸。“我此刻是个懦夫，”他一边唱一边反复地说，“但谁也不知道。”
An almost more disagreeable incident was in store for him on the morrow. For a long time past, his father had been threatening a visit; that morning, before Julien was awake, the whitehaired old carpenter appeared in his cell.
第二天还有一件几乎更令人不快的事等着他呢。很长时间以来，他父亲就说来看他；这一天，于连还没醒，白发苍苍的老木匠就来到了他的牢房。
Julien felt utterly weak, he expected the most unpleasant reproaches.To complete his painful sensation, that morning he felt a keen remorse at not loving his father.
于连感到虚弱，料到会有最令人难堪的责备。他那痛苦的感觉就差这一点儿了，这天早上，他竟深深的懊悔不爱他父亲。
'Chance has placed us together on this earth,' he said to himself while the turnkey was making the cell a little tidy, 'and we have done one an other almost all the harm imaginable. He comes in the hour of my death to deal me his final blow.'
“命运让我们在这世界上彼此挨在一起，”看守略略打扫牢房时于连暗想道，“我们几乎是尽可能地伤害对方。他在我死的时候来给我最后的一击。”
The old man's severe reproaches began as soon as they were left without a witness.
Julien could not restrain his tears. 'What unworthy weakness!' he said to himself angrily. 'He will go about everywhere exaggerating my want of courage; what a triumph for Valenod and for all the dull hypocrites who reign at Verrieres! They are very great people in France, they combine all the social advantages.Until now I could at least say to myself:They receive money, it is true, all the honours are heaped upon them,but I have nobility at heart."
就剩下他们两个的时候，老人开始了严厉的指责。
于连忍不住，眼泪下来了。“这软弱真丢人！”于连愤怒地对自已说。“他会到处夸大我的缺乏勇气，对瓦勒诺们、对维里埃那些平庸的伪君子们来说，这是怎样的胜利啊！他们在法国势力很大，占尽了种种社会利益。至此我至少可以对自己说：他们得到了金钱，的确，一切荣誉都堆在他们身上，而我，我有的是心灵的高尚。”
'And here is a witness whom they will all believe, and who will assure the whole of Verrieres, exaggerating the facts, that I have been weak in the face of death! I shall be said to have turned coward in this trial which they can all understand!'
“而现在有了一个人人都相信的见证，他将向全维里埃证明我在死亡面前是软弱的，并且加以夸大！我在这个人人都明白的考验中可能成为一懦夫！”
Julien was almost in despair. He did not know how to get rid of his father. And to make believe in such a way as to deceive this sharp-witted old man was, for the moment, utterly beyond his power.
于连濒临绝望。他不知道如何打发走父亲。装假来欺骗这个目光如此锐利的老人，此刻完全是他力所不能及的。
His mind ran swiftly over all the possible ways of escape.
'I have saved money!' he exclaimed suddenly.
他迅速想遍一切可能的办法。
“我攒了些钱！”他突然高声说。
This inspired utterance altered the old man's expression and Julien's own position.
这句话真灵，立刻改变了老人的表情和于连的地位。
'How ought I to dispose of it?' he continued, with more calm: the effect produced by his words had rid him of all sense of inferiority.
“我该如何处置呢？”于连继续说，平静多了，那句话的效果使他摆脱了一切自卑感。
The old carpenter was burning with a desire not to allow any of this money to escape, a part of which Julien seemed to wish to leave to his brothers. He spoke at great length and with heat. Julien managed to tease him.
老木匠心急火燎，生怕这笔钱溜掉，于连似乎想留一部分给两个哥哥。他兴致勃勃地谈了许久。于连可以挖苦他了。
'Well, the Lord has given me inspiration for making my testament. I shall give a thousand francs to each of my brothers, and the remainder to you.'
“好吧！关于我的遗嘱，天主已经给了我启示。我给两个哥哥每人一千法郎，剩下的归您。”
'Very good,' said the old man, 'that remainder is my due; but since God has been graciously pleased to touch your heart, if you wish to die like a good Christian, you ought first to pay your debts. There is still the cost of your maintenance and education, which I advanced, and which you have forgotten… '
“好极了，”老人说，“剩下的归我；既然上帝降福感动了您的心，如果您想死得像个好基督徒，您最好是把您的债还上。还有我预先支付的您的伙食费和教育费，您还没想到呢……”
'So that is a father's love!' Julien repeated to himself with despair in his heart, when at length he was alone. Soon the gaoler appeared.
“这就是父爱呀！”于连终于一个人了，他伤心地反复说道。很快，看守来了。
'Sir, after a visit from the family, I always bring my lodgers a bottle of good champagne. It is a trifle dear, six francs the bottle, but it rejoices the heart.'
“先生，父母来访之后，我总是要送一瓶好香槟酒来，价钱略贵一点，六法郎一瓶，不过它让人心情舒畅。”
'Bring three glasses,' Julien told him with boyish glee, 'and send in two of the prisoners whom I hear walking in the corridor.'
“拿三个杯子来，”于连孩子般急切地说，“我听见走廊里有两个犯人走动，让他们进来。”
The gaoler brought him in two gaolbirds who had repeated their of fence and were waiting to be sent back to penal servitude. They were a merry pair of scoundrels and really quite remarkable for cunning, courage and coolness.
看守带来两个苦役犯，他们是惯犯，正准备回苦役犯监狱。这是两个快活的恶棍，精明，勇敢，冷静，确实非同寻常。
'If you give me twenty francs,' one of them said to Julien, 'I will tell you the whole story of my life. It is as good as a play.'
“您给我二十法郎，”其中一个对于连说，“我就把我的经历细细地讲给您听。那可是精品啊。”
'But you will tell me lies?' said Julien.
“您要是撒谎呢？”
'Not at all,' was the answer; 'my friend here, who wants my twenty francs, will give me away if I don't tell the truth.'
“不会，”他说，“我的朋友在这儿，他看着我的二十法郎眼红，我要是说假话，他会拆穿我的。”
His history was abominable. It revealed a courageous heart, in which there survived but a single passion, the lust for money.
他的故事令人厌恶。然而它揭示了一颗勇敢的心，那里面只有一种激情，即金钱的激情。
After they had left him, Julien was no longer the same man. All his anger with himself had vanished. The piercing grief, envenomed by cowardice, to which he had been a prey since the departure of Madame de Renal, had turned to melancholy.
他们走后，于连变了一个人。他对自己的一切怒气都消失了。剧烈的痛苦，因胆怯而激化，自德·莱纳夫人走后一直折磨着他，现在一变而为忧郁了。
'If I had only been less taken in by appearance,' he told himself, 'I should have seen that the drawing-rooms of Paris are inhabited by honest people like my father, or by able rascals like these gaolbirds. They are right, the men in the drawing-rooms never rise in the morning with that poignant thought: "How am I to dine today?" And they boast of their probity! And, when summoned to a jury, they proudly condemn the man who has stolen a silver fork because he felt faint with hunger!
“如果我能不受表象的欺骗，”他对自己说，“我就能看出，巴黎的客厅里充斥着我父亲那样的正人君子，或者这两个苦役犯那样的狡猾的坏蛋。他们说得对，客厅里的那些人早晨起床时绝不会有这样令人伤心的想法：今天怎么吃饭呢？他们却夸耀他们的廉洁！他们当了陪审官，就得意洋洋地判一个因感到饿得发晕而偷了一套银餐具的人有罪。”
'But when there is a Court, when it is a question of securing or losing a Portfolio, my honest men of the drawing-rooms fall into crimes precisely similar to those which the want of food has inspired in this pair of gaolbirds …
“但是在一个宫廷上，事关失去或得到一部长职位，我们那些客厅里的正人君子就会去犯罪，和吃饭的需要逼迫这两个苦役犯所犯的罪一模一样……”
'There is no such thing as natural law: the expression is merely a hoary piece of stupidity well worthy of the Advocate General who hunted me down the other day, and whose ancestor was made rich by one of Louis XIV's confiscations. There is no law, save when there is a statute to prevent one from doing something, on pain of punishment. Before the statute, there is nothing natural save the strength of the lion, or the wants of the creature who suffers from hunger, or cold; in a word, necessity …No, the men whom we honour are merely rascals who have had the good fortune not to be caught redhanded. The accuser whom society sets at my heels has been made rich by a scandalous injustice … I have committed a murderous assault, and I am rightly condemned, but, short of murder only, the Valenod who condemned me is a hundred times more injurious to society.
“根本没有什么自然法，这个词儿不过是过了时的胡说八道而已，和那一天对我穷追不舍的代理检察长倒很相配，他的祖先靠路易十四的一次财产没收发了财。只是在有了一条法律禁止做某件事而违者受到惩罚的时候，才有了法。在有法律之前，只有狮子的力气，饥饿寒冷的生物的需要才是自然的，一句话，需要……不，受人敬重的那些人，不过是些犯罪时侥幸未被当场捉住的坏蛋罢了。社会派来控告我的那个人是靠一桩卑鄙可耻的事发家的……我犯了杀人罪，我被公正地判决，但是，除了这个行动以外，判我死刑的瓦勒诺百倍地有害于社会。”
'Ah, well,' Julien added sorrowfully, but without anger, 'for all his avarice, my father is worth more than any of those men. He has never loved me. I am now going to fill his cup to overflowing, in dishonouring him by a shameful death. That fear of being in want of money, that exaggerated view of the wickedness of mankind which we call avarice, makes him see a prodigious source of consolation and security in a sum of three or four hundred louis which I may leave to him. On Sunday afternoons he will display his gold to all his envious neighbours in Verrieres. "To this tune," his glance will say to them, "which of you would not be charmed to have a son guillotined?"'
“好吧！”于连补充说，他心情忧郁，但并不愤怒，“尽管贪婪，我的父亲要比所有这些人强。他从未爱过我。我用一种不名誉的死让他丢脸，真太过分了。人们把害怕缺钱、夸大人的邪恶称作贪婪，这种贪婪使他在我可能留给他的三、四百路易的一笔钱里看到了安慰和安全的奇妙理由。礼拜天吃过晚饭，他会把他的金子拿给维里埃那些羡慕他的人看。他的目光会对他们说：以这样的代价，你们当中谁有高兴有一个上断头台的儿子呢？”
This philosophy might be true, but it was of a nature to make a man long for death. In this way passed five endless days. He was polite and gentle to Mathilde, whom he saw to be exasperated by the most violent jealousy. One evening Julien thought seriously of taking his life. His spirit was exhausted by the profound dejection into which the departure of Madame de Renal had cast him. Nothing pleased him any more, either in real life or in imagination. Want of exercise was beginning to affect his health and to give him the weak and excitable character of a young German student. He was losing that manly pride which repels with a forcible oath certain degrading ideas by which the miserable are assailed.
这种哲学可能是正确的，但是它能让人希望死。漫长的五天就这样过去了。他对玛蒂尔德礼貌而温和，他看得出来，最强烈的嫉妒使她十分恼火。一天晚上，于连认真地考虑自杀。德·莱纳夫人的离去把他投入到深深的不幸之中，精神变得软弱不堪。不论在现实生活中，还是在想象中，什么都不能使他高兴起来。缺少活动使他的健康开始受到损害，性格也变得像一个德国大学生那样脆弱而容易激动。那种用一句有力的粗话赶走萦绕在不幸者头脑中的某些不适当念头的男性高傲，他正在失去。
'I have loved the Truth… Where is it to be found?… Everywhere hypocrisy, or at least charlatanism, even among the most virtuous, even among the greatest'; and his lips curled in disgust … 'No, man cannot place any trust in man.
“我爱过真理……现在它在哪里？……到处都是伪善，至少也是招摇撞骗，甚至那些最有德的人，最伟大的人，也是如此；”他的嘴唇厌恶地撇了撇……“不，人不能相信人。”
'Madame de ——, when she was making a collection for her poor orphans, told me that some Prince had just given her ten louis; a lie. But what am I saying? Napoleon at Saint Helena!… Pure charlatanism, a proclamation in favour of the King of Rome.
“德·某某夫人为可怜的狐儿们募捐，对我说某亲王刚刚捐了十个跑易，瞎说。可是我说什么？圣赫勒拿岛上的拿破仑呢！……为罗马王发表的文告，纯粹是招摇撞骗。”
'Great God! If such a man as he, at a time, too, when misfortune ought to recall him sternly to a sense of duty, stoops to charlatanism, what is one to expect of the rest of the species?
“伟大的天主！如果这样一个人，而且还是在灾难理应要他严格尽责的时候，居然也堕落到招摇撞骗的地步，对其他人还能期待什么呢？……”
'Where is Truth? In religion… Yes,' he added with a bitter smile of the most intense scorn, 'in the mouths of the Maslons, the Frilairs, the Castanedes … Perhaps in true Christianity, whose priests would be no more paid than were the Apostles? But Saint Paul was paid with the pleasure of commanding, of speaking, of hearing himself spoken of…
“真理在哪儿？在宗教里……是的”他说，极其轻蔑地苦苦一笑，“在马斯隆们、福利莱们、卡斯塔奈德们的嘴里……也许在真正的基督教里？在那里教士并不比使徒们得到更多的酬报。但是圣保罗却得到了发号施令、夸夸其谈和让别人谈论他的快乐……”
'Ah! If there were a true religion… Idiot that I am! I see a gothic cathedral, storied windows; my feeble heart imagines the priest from those windows … My soul would understand him, my soul has need of him. I find only a fop with greasy hair … little different, in fact, from the Chevalier de Beauvoisis.
“啊！如果有一种真正的宗教……我真傻！我看见一座哥特式大教堂，一些令人肃然起敬的彩绘玻璃窗；我那软弱的心想象着玻璃窗上的教士……我的心会理解他，我的灵魂需要他……然而我找到的只是个蓬头垢面的自命不凡的家伙……除了没有那些可爱之处外，简直就是一个德·博瓦西骑士。”
'But a true priest, a Massillon, a Fenelon… . Massillon consecrated Dubois. The Memoires de SaintSimon have spoiled Fenelon for me; but still, a true priest… Then the tender hearts would have a meetingplace in this world … We should not remain isolated… This good priest would speak to us of God. But what God? Not the God of the Bible, a petty despot, cruel and filled with a thirst for vengeance… but the God of Voltaire, just, good, infinite … '
“然而真正的教士，马西庸，费奈隆……马西庸曾为杜瓦祝圣。《圣西蒙回忆录》破坏了我心目中费奈隆的形象；总之，一个真正的教士……那时候，温柔的灵魂在世纪上就会有一个汇合点……我们将不再狐独……这善良的教士将跟我们谈天主。但是什么样的天主呢？不是《圣经》里的那个天主，残忍的、渴望报复的小暴君……而是伏尔泰的天主，公正，善良，无限……”
He was disturbed by all his memories of that Bible which he knew by heart … 'But how, whenever three are gathered together, how is one to believe in that great name of GOD, after the frightful abuse that our priests make of it?
他回忆起他烂熟于心的那部《圣经》，非常激动……然而，自从成为三位一体，在我们的教士可怕的滥用之后，怎么还能相信天主这个伟大的名字呢？
'To live in isolation! … What torture! …
“狐独地生活！……怎样的痛苦啊！……”
'I am becoming foolish and unjust,' said Julien, beating his brow. 'I am isolated here in this cell; but I have not lived in isolation on this earth; I had always the compelling idea of duty. The duty that I had laid down for myself, rightly or wrongly, was like the trunk of a strong tree against which I leaned during the storm; I tottered, I was shaken. After all, I was only a man… but I was not carried away.
“我疯了，不公正了，”于连心想，用手拍了拍脑门。“我在这牢里是狐独的，可我在世上并不曾狐独地生活，我有过强有力的责任观念。或错或对，我为我自己规定的责任仿佛一株结实的大树的树干，暴风雨中我靠着它；我摇晃过，经受过撼动。说到底，我不过是个凡人罢了……但是，我没有被卷走。”
'It is the damp air of this cell that makes me think of isolation… 'And why be a hypocrite still when I am cursing hypocrisy? It is not death, nor the cell, nor the damp air, it is the absence of Madame de Renal that is crushing me. If I were at Verrieres, and, in order to see her, were obliged to live for weeks on end hidden in the cellars of her house,should I complain?
“是牢房潮湿的空气让我想到了狐独……“为什么一边诅咒虚伪一边还要虚伪呢？不是死亡，不是黑牢，也不是潮湿的空气，而是德.莱纳夫人的不在压垮了我。如果在维里埃，为了看到她我不得不躲在她家的地窖里，我还会抱怨吗？”
'The influence of my contemporaries is too strong for me,' he said aloud and with a bitter laugh. 'Talking alone to myself, within an inch of death, I am still a hypocrite … Oh, nineteenth century!'
'A hunter fires his gun in a forest, his quarry falls, he runs forward to seize it. His boot strikes an anthill two feet high, destroys the habitation of the ants, scatters the ants and their eggs to the four winds … The most philosophical among the ants will never understand that black, enormous, fearful body—the hunter's boot which all of a sudden has burst into their dwelling with incredible speed, preceded by a terrifying noise, accompanied by a flash of reddish flame …
“同时代人的影响中了上风，”他高声说，苦苦一笑，“跟我自己说话，与死亡仅两步之隔，我还要虚伪……十九世纪啊！”
“一个猎人在林中入了一枪，猎物掉下来，他冲上去抓住。他的靴子碰到一个两尺高的蚁巢，毁了蚂蚁的住处，蚂蚁和它们的卵散得远远的……蚂蚁中最有智慧的，也永远理解不了猎人靴子这个黑色的、巨大的、可怕的东西，它以难以置信地迅速闯进它们的住处，还伴以一束发红的火光……”
'So it is with death, life, eternity, things that would be quite simple to anyone who had organs vast enough to conceive them …
“因此，死生，永恒，对于其器官大到足以理解它们的人类来说，都是些很简单的事物……”
'An ephemeral fly is born at nine o'clock in the morning, on one of the long days of summer, to die at five o'clock in the afternoon; how should it understand the word night?
“盛夏，一只蜉蝣早晨九点钟生，傍晚五点钟死，它如何理解夜这个字呢？”
'Grant it five hours more of existence, it sees and understands what night is. '
'And so with myself, I am to die at three and twenty. Grant me five years more of life, to live with Madame de Renal.'
“让它再活五个钟头，它就看见和理解什么是夜了。”
“我就是这样，死于二十二岁。再给我五年的生命，让我和德·莱纳夫人一起生活，”
Here he gave a satanic laugh. 'What folly to discuss these great problems! '
'Imprimis: I am a hypocrite just as much as if there was someone in the cell to hear me.'
'Item: I am forgetting to live and love, when I have so few days left of life … Alas! Madame de Renal is absent; perhaps her husband will not allow her to come to Besancon again, and disgrace herself further.'
他像靡非斯特那样地笑了。“讨论这些重大的问题真是发疯！”
“第一，我是虚伪的，就好像有什么人在那儿听似的。”
“第二，我剩下的日子这样少了，我却忘了生活和爱……唉！德·莱纳夫人不在；可能她丈夫不让她再来贝藏松了，不让她继续丢脸了。”
'That is what is isolating me, that and not the absence of a just, good, all-powerful God, who is not wicked, not hungry for vengeance…'
“正是这使我感到孤独，而不是因为缺少一位公正、善良、全能、不凶恶、不渴望报复的天主。”
'Ah! If He existed … Alas! I should fall at His feet. I have deserved death, I should say to him; but, great God, good God, indulgent God, restore to me her whom I love!'
“啊！如果他存在……唉！我会跪倒在他脚下。我对他说：我该当一死；然而，伟大的天主，善良的天主，宽容的天主啊，把我的女人还给我吧！”
The night was by now far advanced. After an hour or two of peaceful slumber, Fouque arrived.
这时夜已很深。他平静地睡了一、两个钟头以后，富凯来了。
Julien felt himself to be strong and resolute like a man who sees clearly into his own heart.
于连觉得自己既坚强又果断，像一个洞察自己的灵魂的人一样。