“Yas’m. Ah try but eve’y time Ah try Ah thinks of Mist’ Gerald an’—”
“Well, don’t think. I can stand everybody else’s tears but not yours. There.” she broke off gently, “don’t you see? I can’t stand yours because I know how you loved him. Blow your nose, Pork. I’ve got a present for you.”A little interest flickered in Pork’s eyes as he blew his nose loudly but it was more politeness than interest.
“You remember that night you got shot robbing somebody’s hen house?”“是的,小姐,我不哭了,可是每次我忍着不哭,就想起杰拉尔德老爷--"
“那你就别想,别人哭,你都可以忍受,唯独你哭,我真受不了。你看,”说到这里,她停顿了一下,口气变得温和了,"你还不明白呀?你哭,我受不了,因为我知道你多么爱护老爷,去擤擤鼻子,波克。我要送你一件礼物。"波克一面大声擤鼻子,一面流露出有些感兴趣的目光,不过,与其说他感兴趣,不如说他是出自礼貌。
“那天晚上,你去偷人家的鸡,让人家开枪打伤了,你还记得吗?"“Well, you did, so don’t lie to me about it at this late date. You remember I said I was going to give you a watch for being so faithful?”
“Yas’m, Ah ‘members. Ah figgered you’d done fergot.”“No, I didn’t forget and here it is.”
She held out for him a massive gold watch, heavily embossed, from which dangled a chain with many fobs and seals.“好了,怎么没有,事到如今你也就别对我隐瞒了,我说过我要给你一只表,奖励你的忠诚,你还记得吗?"
“是,小姐,我记得。我猜想您已经忘了。"“没有,我没忘,现在就给你。"
思嘉伸出手来给他看一只沉甸甸的金表,上面刻着很多立体的花纹,一根链子垂下来,链子上也有一些装饰品。“Yes, it’s Pa’s watch, Pork, and I’m giving it to you. Take it.”
“Oh, no’m!” Pork retreated in horror. “Dat’s a w’ite gempmum’s watch an’ Mist’ Gerald’s ter boot. Huccome you talk ‘bout givin’ it ter me, Miss Scarlett? Dat watch belong by rights ter lil Wade Hampton.”“It belongs to you. What did Wade Hampton ever do for Pa? Did he look after him when he was sick and feeble? Did he bathe him and dress him and shave him? Did he stick by him when the Yankees came? Did he steal for him? Don’t be a fool, Pork. If ever anyone deserved a watch, you do, and I know Pa would approve. Here.”
She picked up the black hand and laid the watch in the palm. Pork gazed at it reverently and slowly delight spread over his face.“不错,是爸爸的表,波克,现在我把它送给你了,拿去吧。"
“唔,我不要,小姐,"波克也边说往后退缩,显出很害怕的样子。"这是白人老爷们用的表,是杰拉尔德老爷的。思嘉小姐,您怎么能说把它送给我呢?这只表照理应该属于小少爷韦德.汉普顿。"“现在这只表属于你了。韦德.汉普顿为我爸爸干过什么事?爸爸生病虚弱的时候,给他洗过澡,换过衣裳,刮过脸吗,照顾过他吧?北方佬来的时候,随时跟他在一起吗?为他偷东西吗?你别这么傻,波克,要是说谁配得到这只表,那就是你了。我知道,爸爸要是在世,也会同意的。拿去吧。"
说罢,她抓起波克的一只手,把表放在他的手心里。波克怀着愉快的心情看着这只表,脸上慢慢显出十分崇敬的神色。“Yes, indeed.”
“Well’m—thankee, Ma’m.”“Would you like for me to take it to Atlanta and have it engraved?”
“Whut’s dis engrabed mean?” Pork’s voice was suspicious.“是的,真给你了!”
“那么--谢谢您,小姐。”“愿不愿意让我拿到亚特兰大,去刻上几个字呀?"
“刻字是什么意思?"波克用怀疑的语气问。“No’m—thankee. Ma’m. Never mind de engrabin’.” Pork retreated a step, clutching the watch firmly.
A little smile twitched her lips.“What’s the matter, Pork? Don’t you trust me to bring it back?”
“Yas’m, Ah trus’es you—only, well’m, you mout change yo’ mind.”“不用了,谢谢您,小姐,不必刻字了。"波克后退了一步,手里紧紧握着那只表。
思嘉的嘴角露出一丝微笑。“你怎么了?波克?你不相信我会把它捎回来吗?”
“小姐,我会相信您--不过,唔,也许您会改变主意的。"“Well’m, you mout sell it. Ah spec it’s wuth a heap.”
“Do you think I’d sell Pa’s watch?”“Yas’m—ef you needed de money.”
“You ought to be beat for that, Pork. I’ve a mind to take the watch back.”“那您也许会把它卖了,我估计它值好多钱呢。"
“你以为我会把我爸的表卖掉吗?"“是呀,小姐,如果您需要用钱的话。"
“你说这样的话,真不应该,真想揍你一顿,波克,我都想把表收回来了。"“Yes, Pork?”
“Ef you wuz jes’ half as nice ter w’ite folks as you is ter niggers, Ah spec de worl’ would treat you better.”“It treats me well enough,” she said. “Now, go find Mr. Ashley and tell him I want to see him here, right away.”
Ashley sat on Ellen’s little writing chair, his long body dwarfing the frail bit of furniture while Scarlett offered him a half-interest in the mill. Not once did his eyes meet hers and he spoke no word of interruption. He sat looking down at his hands, turning them over slowly, inspecting first palms and then backs, as though he had never seen them before. Despite hard work, they were still slender and sensitive looking and remarkably well tended for a farmer’s hands.“说下去,波克。"
“您对待黑人的这一片好心,只要拿一半去对待白人,我想人们对您也许会好一些。"“人们对我已够好的了,"思嘉说。"你去找一下艾希礼先生,让他到这里来见我,马上就来。"
艾希礼坐在爱伦书桌前的小椅子上,他身材高大,椅子显得又小,又不经坐,思嘉跟他谈经营木材厂的事,并利钱对半分。他坐在那里对思嘉一眼也不看,一声也不吭,低着头看自己的两只手,反复地慢慢地翻动着,看了手心看手背,好像从来没见过,这双手虽然干重活,却依然细长,看上去一定感觉灵活。对一个庄稼汉来说,这双手是保护得够好的。“You must come to Atlanta. I do need your help so badly now, because I can’t look after the mills. It may be months before I can because—you see—well, because ...”
“Please!” he said roughly. “Good God, Scarlett!”He rose and went abruptly to the window and stood with his back to her, watching the solemn single file of ducks parade across the barnyard.
“Is that—is that why you won’t look at me?” she questioned forlornly. “I know I look—”“你一定要到亚特兰大来。我现在特别需要你帮忙,因为我管不了厂里的事了。可能要等好几个月呢,因为--你看--唔--,因为。……"
“快别说了,看在老天爷份上!"他边粗暴地说,边站起来。突然向窗口走去。他站在窗口,背对着思嘉。注视着窗外一群鸭子在粮仓的院子里蹒跚而行。
“难道--难道这就是为什么你不肯看我一眼吗?"思嘉无可奈何地问:“我知道我的样子--"“Damn your looks!” he said with a swift violence. “You know you always look beautiful to me.”
Happiness flooded her until her eyes were liquid with tears.“How sweet of you to say that! For I was so ashamed to let you see me—”
“You ashamed? Why should you be ashamed? I’m the one to feel shame and I do. If it hadn’t been for my stupidity you wouldn’t be in this fix. You’d never have married Frank. I should never have let you leave Tara last winter. Oh, fool that I was! I should have known you—known you were desperate, so desperate that you’d—I should have—I should have—” His face went haggard.“快别说你的样子了,"他异常激动地说。"你明白,我一直觉得你很漂亮。”
思嘉一听这话,感到无限喜悦,顿时眼睛里充满了泪水。“你真好,肯说这样的话,让你看到我这副样子,实在不好意思--"
“你不好意思?你有什么不好意思的?应该是我不好意思,我也的确是不好意思。当初要不是我把事情办得那么蠢,你现在也不必这样为难了。你也决不会嫁给弗兰克了。去年冬天,我本不该你离开塔拉。我怎么这么愚蠢啊!我应该了解你--知道你当时,实在是走投无路,所以你--我应该--我应该--"他脸上出现痛苦的神色。“The least I could have done was go out and commit highway robbery or murder to get the tax money for you when you had taken us in as beggars. Oh, I messed it up all the way around!”
Her heart contracted with disappointment and some of the happiness went from her, for these were not the words she hoped to hear.“I would have gone anyway,” she said tiredly. “I couldn’t have let you do anything like that. And anyway, it’s done now.”
“Yes, it’s done now,” he said with slow bitterness. “You wouldn’t have let me do anything dishonorable but you would sell yourself to a man you didn’t love—and bear his child, so that my family and I wouldn’t starve. It was kind of you to shelter my helplessness.”“我当时起码也可以抢劫甚至杀人,来把税款替你弄到,因为你像收留叫花子一样收留了我们。唉,都是我把什么事全都弄糟了。"
思嘉的心一阵收缩,感到很失望,刚才那喜悦的心情也消失了一些,因为她并不希望听艾希礼说这样的话。“我当时反正是要走的,"她说,脸上显得有些疲倦。"再说,我也不会让你去做那样的事,现在这些事都已经过去了。"
“是的,都已经过去了,"他痛苦地慢慢说。"你不会让我去做这些不光彩的事。可是你却把自己卖给了一个你并不爱的男人--还要为他生孩子,为的是让我们一家不至于饿死,我无能,你照顾了我,你可太好了。"“You didn’t think I was blaming you? Dear God, Scarlett! No. You are the bravest woman I’ve ever known. It’s myself I’m blaming.”
He turned and looked out of the window again and the shoulders presented to her gaze did not look quite so square. Scarlett waited a long moment in silence, hoping that Ashley would return to the mood in which he spoke of her beauty, hoping he would say more words that she could treasure. It had been so long since she had seen him and she had lived on memories until they were worn thin. She knew he still loved her. That fact was evident, in every line of him, in every bitter, self-condemnatory word, in his resentment at her bearing Frank’s child. She so longed to hear him say it in words, longed to speak words herself that would provoke a confession, but she dared not. She remembered her promise given last winter in the orchard, that she would never again throw herself at his head. Sadly she knew that promise must be kept if Ashley were to remain near her. One cry from her of love and longing, one look that pleaded for his arms, and the matter would be settled forever. Ashley would surely go to New York. And he must not go away.“你没有以为我是在责怪你吧?天知道,思嘉。我可没有责怪你呀。你是我认识的最勇敢的一个女人,我是在责怪自己呢。"
他又转身去看窗外,他的肩膀在她眼中已没有刚才显得那样坚定了。思嘉默默地等了半天,希望艾希礼的情绪有所变化,变化到刚才说她漂亮时的那种情情,希望他再说一些她喜欢听的话,她很久没有到他了,在这段时间里,她一直沉浸在对往事的回忆之中。她知道他还在爱她,这是很明显的,他的一举一动,他说的每一句痛苦自责的话,他由于她为弗兰克生孩子而产生的不满情绪,都可以说明这一点。她很想再听他亲口表达他的爱,很想引出话题使他能自动表白,但是她又不敢这样做。她记得去年冬天自己曾在果园里许诺不再挑逗他的感情。她虽然感到很难过,但是她明白,要想使艾希礼留在她身边,她必须遵守诺言。她只要说一句表示情欲的话,使一个祈求拥抱的眼色,那就一切全完了。艾希礼就一定会到纽给去。这是绝对不能让他走的。“No.”
“But, Ashley,” her voice was beginning to break with anguish and disappointment, “But I’d counted on you. I do need you so. Frank can’t help me. He’s so busy with the store and if you don’t come I don’t know where I can get a man! Everybody in Atlanta who is smart is busy with his own affairs and the others are so incompetent and—”“It’s no use, Scarlett.”
“You mean you’d rather go to New York and live among Yankees than come to Atlanta?”“不行。"
“可是,艾希礼。"她的声音由于痛苦和失望都变了。"可是我一直都在指望着你呢。我的确非常需要你。弗兰克帮不了我。他忙着经营商店,你要是不来,我真不知道到哪儿去找人!在亚特兰大,有本事的人都在忙着干自己的事,别人呢,又都没能耐,还有--"“说也无用,思嘉。”
“你的意思是宁可到纽约去和北方佬生活在一起,也不到亚特兰大来,是不是?”“Will.”
“Yes, I’ve decided to go North. An old friend who made the Grand Tour with me before the war has offered me a position in his father’s bank. It’s better so, Scarlett. I’d be no good to you. I know nothing of the lumber business.”“But you know less about banking and it’s much harder! And I know I’d make far more allowances for your inexperience than Yankees would!”
He winced and she knew she had said the wrong thing. He turned and looked out of the window again“威尔。”
“是的,我已经决定到北方去,有个老朋友,战前曾和我一起作过'长途旅行',在他父亲的银行里给我找了个差使,这样比较好,思嘉,我对你没什么用,我不懂木材业务。""可是银行业务你更不懂,更难学!而且我知道,你没有经验,我可以原谅你,北方佬可不会轻易原谅你的。"
艾希礼一愣,思嘉马上意识到这些话得不妥当。艾希礼又转身往窗外看去。“But I’m offering you a half-interest in the mill, Ashley! You would be standing on your own feet because—you see, it would be your own business.”
“It would amount to the same thing. I’d not be buying the half-interest I’d be taking it as a gift And I’ve taken too many gifts from you already, Scarlett—food and shelter and even clothes for myself and Melanie and the baby. And I’ve given you nothing in return.”“Oh, but you have! Will couldn’t have—”
“I can split kindling very nicely now.”“可是木材厂赚的钱,我愿意和你平分,艾希礼!你是在自力更生呀,因为--因为那是你自己的工作和买卖呢。"
“那也一样,平分,也不全是我挣来的,而是你送给我的,你送我的东西已经太多了,思嘉--我自己,媚兰,还有我们的孩子,我们吃的,住的,甚至穿的衣服,都是你送的,可是我还没有什么给过你报答呢。"“哎,你是给过的。威尔就不可能--”
“我现在劈柴已经劈得很不错了。"“What’s happened? A very remarkable thing, Scarlett. I’ve been thinking. I don’t believe I really thought from the time of the surrender until you went away from here. I was in a state of suspended animation and it was enough that I had something to eat and a bed to lie on. But when you went to Atlanta, shouldering a man’s burden, I saw myself as much less than a man—much less, indeed, than a woman. Such thoughts aren’t pleasant to live with and I do not intend to live with them any longer. Other men came out of the war with less than I had, and look at them now. So I’m going to New York.”
“But—I don’t understand! If it’s work you want, why won’t Atlanta do as well as New York? And my mill—”“No, Scarlett This is my last chance. I’ll go North. If I go to Atlanta and work for you, I’m lost forever.”
The word “lost—lost—lost” dinged frighteningly in her heart like a death bell sounding. Her eyes went quickly to his but they were wide and crystal gray and they were looking through her and beyond her at some fate she could not see, could not understand.“出了什么事?一件很重要的事,思嘉,我一直在思考。投降以后,一直到你离开这里这一段时间里,我觉得我没有真正地思考过。我处于一种麻木状态中,只要有东西可以吃,有床可以睡,就行了。但是你去亚特兰大的时候,是肩负着一个男人的重任去的,我觉得自己比男人差得远,甚至比女人更差。有这样的想法而不能摆脱。可不是什么愉快的事。我要摆脱这种想法,有些人在战争结束的时候,情况还不如我,可是你看看我们现在的情况吧。所以我要上纽约去。"
“可是,我不明白!你要是想找工作,亚特兰大和纽约不是一样吗?而且我的木材厂--"“不行呀,思嘉,这是我最后一次机会了,我要定要到北方去。我要是到亚特兰大给你干活,那我就彻底完了。"
“完了--完了--完了"这个字眼儿就像丧钟一样在她心中一阵阵回荡,使她感到害怕。她立刻朝他望去,看见了明亮的灰眼睛睁得大大的正在看着她,并且透过她看到了一种命运,而这是她既看不到,也不能理解的。His remote eyes came back to her swiftly and he smiled a brief smile that never reached his eyes.
“I had forgotten you were so literal. No, it’s not the Yankees I’m afraid of. I mean if I go to Atlanta and take help from you again, I bury forever any hope of ever standing alone.”“Oh,” she sighed in quick relief, “if it’s only that!
“Yes,” and he smiled again, the smile more wintry than before. “Only that. Only my masculine pride, my self-respect and, if you choose to so call it, my immortal soul.”他立刻把望着远处的目光收回来,刚刚开始微微一笑,就又收住了笑容。
“我忘了你喜欢按字面上的意思去理解。我并不是怕北方佬,我的意思是,我要是到亚特兰大去继续接受你的帮助,我就把任何自立的希望永远葬送了。"“噢,“她马上松了一口气,"原来就为了这个!"
“是啊,为了这个,"他又笑笑,比刚才更没有笑意。"就为了我作为男人的骄傲,为了我的自尊心,还有一点,你也许会称之为我的永远不泯灭的灵魂。”“Scarlett,” he interrupted fiercely, “I tell you, no! There are other reasons.”
“What reasons?”“You know my reasons better than anyone in the world.”
“Oh—that? But—that’ll be all right,” she assured swiftly. “I promised, you know, out in the orchard, last winter and I’ll keep my promise and—”“思嘉,"他用严厉的口气找断她,"我告诉你,不行!我还有别的原因呢。”
“什么原因?"“你比任何人都清楚。"
“噢--那个呀?不过--没关系,"她连忙解释好让他放心。"你知道,去年冬天,我在果园里答应过的,我会履行我的诺言,而且--"His eyes, wide and stormy, met hers for an instant and then he went swiftly across the room. His hand was on the door knob. Scarlett stared at him in agony. The interview was ended and she had lost. Suddenly weak from the strain and sorrow of the last day and the present disappointment, her nerves broke abruptly and she screamed: “Oh, Ashley!” And, flinging herself down on the sagging sofa, she burst into wild crying.
She heard his uncertain footsteps leaving the door and his helpless voice saying- her name over and over above her head. There was a swift pattering of feet racing up the hall from the kitchen and Melanie burst into the room, her eyes wide with alarm.他睁得大大的两眼,发出强烈的目光,和思嘉的目光接触了一下,他就匆匆地朝门口走去,他的手放在门把上。思嘉痛苦地望着他,这次谈话已结束了,她失败了。经过这一天的劳累和悲伤,加上眼前的失望,她突然感到软弱无力,精神也一下子垮了,她大叫一声:“哎,艾希礼!"接着她就倒在破旧的沙发上,号啕大哭起来。
她听见他迈着犹豫不定的脚步离开屋门向她走过来,听见他无可奈何地一遍一遍地她头上唤着她的名字。接着又听见一阵急促的脚步声从厨房顺着走廊传过来,媚兰突然来到屋里,她睁着两只大眼睛,显出非常吃惊的样子。Scarlett burrowed her head in the dusty upholstery and screamed again.
“Ashley—he’s so mean! So doggoned mean—so hateful!”“Oh, Ashley, what have you done to her?” Melanie threw herself on the floor beside the sofa and gathered Scarlett into her arms. “What have you said? How could you! You might bring on the baby! There, my darling, put your head on Melanie’s shoulder! What is wrong?”
“Ashley—he’s so—so bullheaded and hateful!”思嘉趴在满是尘土的软垫上,又大喊起来。
“艾希礼--他真坏!坏透了--真可恨!"“唉,艾希礼,你把她怎么了?“媚兰蹲在沙发旁边,把思嘉搂在怀里。"你对她说什么?你怎么能这么干呢?这会使她早产的,来,亲爱的,把头靠在我的肩膀上,出了什么事呀?"
“艾希礼--他真--真顽固,真可恨!"“Don’t you fuss at him!” cried Scarlett illogically, raising her head abruptly from Melanie’s shoulder, her coarse black hair tumbling out from its net and her face streaked with tears. “He’s got a right to do as he pleases!”
“Melanie,” said Ashley, his face white, “let me explain. Scarlett was kind enough to offer me a position in Atlanta as manager of one of her mills—”“Manager!” cried Scarlett indignantly. I offered him a half-interest and he—”
“And I told her I had already made arrangements for us to go North and she—”“你别朝他发火!"思嘉自相矛盾地说。她突然把头从媚兰肩上抬起来,她那浓黑的头发也从发网里散落出来,满脸都是眼泪。"他有权爱怎么干就怎么干!"
“媚兰,让我解释一下,"艾希礼说,他的脸色熬白。"思嘉好心要在亚特兰大给我安排一个工作,在她的一家木材厂里当经理--"“当经理!"思嘉气愤地说。"我说赚的钱和他对半分,他--"
"我对她说,我已经安排好了,我们要到北方去,她—-"She burrowed her head back into Melanie’s thin shoulder and some of the real anguish went from her as a flicker of hope woke in her. She could sense that in Melanie’s devoted heart she had an ally, feel Melanie’s indignation that anyone, even her beloved husband, should make Scarlett cry. Melanie flew at Ashley like a small determined dove and pecked him for the first time in her life.
“Ashley, how could you refuse her? And after all she’s done for us! How ungrateful you make us appear! And she so helpless now with the bab— How unchivalrous of you! She helped us when we needed help and now you deny her when she needs you!”她说完了,又把头搭在媚兰瘦小的肩上。这时她觉得有一线希望,也就不像刚才那样痛苦了,她意识到媚兰对她忠心耿耿,能够助她一臂之力,她感到媚兰非常气愤,因为任何人,哪怕是自己亲爱的丈夫,只要把思嘉惹哭了,都会使她气愤的。媚兰像一只倔犟的小鸽子飞到艾希礼的面前,对着他吸起来,这可是她平生第一次。
“艾希礼,你怎么能不听思嘉的话呢?她为我们做了多少事,操了多少心啊!这样我们显得多么忘恩负义呀!她现在怀着孩子,没有什么办法--你怎么这样不懂事,咱们需要帮助的时候,人家尽力帮了咱们,现在人家需要帮助了,你却不干!"“Melanie ...” he began and then threw out his hands helplessly.
“Ashley, how can you hesitate? Think what she’s done for us—for me! I’d have died in Atlanta when Beau came if it hadn’t been for her! And she—yes, she killed a Yankee, defending us. Did you know that? She killed a man for us. And she worked and slaved before you and Will came home, just to keep food in our mouths. And when I think of her plowing and picking cotton, I could just— Oh, my darling!” And she swooped her head and kissed Scarlett’s tumbled hair in fierce loyalty. “And now the first time she asks us to do something for her—”“媚兰。……"他刚想说话,又两手一摊,无可奈何地停下来。
“艾希礼,你还犹豫什么?想一想她为我们--为我,做过多少事吧!我生小博的时候,要不是她,我就死在亚特兰大了。而且她--是的,她还杀了一个北方佬,这全是为了保护我们。这件事你知道吗?为了我们,她杀过一个人。你和威尔还没回来的时候,她像奴隶一样,什么都干呀,干呀,就为了我们这两张嘴,我一想起她犁地、摘棉花的情景,我就----啊,亲爱的!"说到这里,她又飞奔到思嘉身旁,怀着无限感激的心情,吻起思嘉散乱的头发来。"现在她头一回要求我们为她做一点事--"“And Ashley, just think! Besides helping her, just think what it’ll mean for us to live in Atlanta among our own people and not have to live with Yankees! There’ll be Auntie and Uncle Henry and all our friends, and Beau can have lots of playmates and go to school. If we went North, we couldn’t let him go to school and associate with Yankee children and have pickaninnies in his class! We’d have to have a governess and I don’t see how we’d afford—”
“Melanie,” said Ashley and his voice was deadly quiet, “do you really want to go to Atlanta so badly? You never said so when we talked about going to New York. You never intimated—”“艾希礼,你想想!除了帮助她以外,你还该想到,在亚特兰大和自己人生活在一起,而不必和北方佬生活在一起,这对我们来说,又意味着什么呢?那儿有皮蒂姑妈和亨利叔叔,还有我们那么多朋友,小博可以和许多小朋友玩,还可以去上学。要到北方去,我们就不能让他去上学,和北方佬的孩子混在一起,和小黑鬼同班上课,那我们就得请家庭教师,可我们又怎么又负担得起呢--"
“媚兰,"艾希礼语调平静的说。"你真的这么想去亚特兰大吗?我们商量去纽约的时候,你可没说呀,你从来没表示--"Her eyes blazed with enthusiasm and happiness and the two stared at her, Ashley with a queer stunned look, Scarlett with surprise mingled with shame. It had never occurred to her that Melanie missed Atlanta so much and longed to be back, longed for a home of her own. She had seemed so contented at Tara it came to Scarlett as a shock that she was homesick.
“Oh Scarlett, how good of you to plan all this for us! You knew how I longed for home!”她眼睛里放射出了兴奋、喜悦的光芒,另外那两个人目不转眼地看着她,艾希礼显得不知所措的样子,思嘉则又惊讶又羞愧。她从来没想到媚兰这样留恋亚特兰大,盼着回去,盼着有一个自己的家。媚兰在塔拉显得心满意足的样子,她说她想家,的确使思嘉感到吃惊。
“思嘉,你总为我们想到这一切,你可真太好了。你知道我多么想家呀。"“We could get a little house of our own. Do you realize that we’ve been married five years and never had a home?”
“You can stay with us at Aunt Pitty’s. That’s your home,” mumbled Scarlett, toying with a pillow and keeping her eyes down to hide dawning triumph in them as she felt the tide turning her way.“No, but thank you just the same, darling. That would crowd us so. We’ll get a house— Oh, Ashley, do say Yes!”
“Scarlett,” said Ashley and his voice was toneless, “look at me.”“你想到过没有,我们可以有自己的一所小房子,我们结婚已经五年了,却还没有一个家。"
“你们可以和我们一起住在皮蒂姑妈家里。那里也就是你们的家。“思嘉含糊地说。她在玩弄一个沙发靠垫,两眼往下看,以免流露出获得初步胜利的心情,因为她意识到情况知向她希望的方向发展。“谢谢你,亲爱的,不麻烦了。那样太拥挤,我们还是自己弄一所房子吧--喂,艾希礼,快说同意呀!"
“思嘉,"艾希礼用非常平淡的语气说,"看着我。"“Scarlett, I will come to Atlanta. ... I cannot fight you both.”
He turned and walked out of the room. Some of the triumph in her heart was dulled by a nagging fear. The look in his eyes when he spoke had been the same as when he said he would be lost forever if he came to Atlanta.After Suellen and Will married and Carreen went off to Charleston to the convent, Ashley, Melanie and Beau came to Atlanta, bringing Dilcey with them to cook and nurse. Prissy and Pork were left at Tara until such a time as Will could get other darkies to help him in the fields and then they, too, would come to town.
The little brick house that Ashley took for his family was on Ivy Street directly behind Aunt Pitty’s house and the two back yards ran together, divided only by a ragged overgrown privet hedge. Melanie had chosen it especially for this reason. She said, on the first morning of her return to Atlanta as she laughed and cried and embraced Scarlett and Aunt Pitty, she had been separated from her loved ones for so long that she could never be close enough to them again.苏伦和威尔结了婚,卡琳到查尔斯顿进了修道院,随后艾希礼和媚兰就带着小博到亚特兰大来了。迪尔茜也跟他们来了,给他们做饭,看孩子,百里茜和波克暂时留在塔拉,等将来威尔另外找到黑人帮他干农活儿的时候,他们也要到城里来的。
艾希礼在艾维待找到一所小砖房,就在这里安了家。这所房子就在皮蒂姑妈房子后面,两家的后院紧挨着,中间只隔一道没有修剪的,显得很乱的水蜡树篱笆。媚兰选定这个地方,就是因为靠得近。回到亚特兰大的头一天早晨,她就一会儿笑,一会儿哭,一会儿搂着思嘉和皮蒂姑妈不放,她说,离开亲人的时间太长了,现在住得再近也不嫌近。India Wilkes came back from Macon, where she and Honey had lived since 1864, and took up her residence with her brother, crowding the occupants of the little house. But Ashley and Melanie welcomed her. Times had changed, money was scarce, but nothing had altered the rule of Southern life that families always made room gladly for indigent or unmarried female relatives.
Honey had married and, so India said, married beneath her, a coarse Westerner from Mississippi who had settled in Macon. He had a red face and a loud voice and jolly ways. India had not approved of the match and, not approving, had not been happy in her brother-in-law’s home. She welcomed the news that Ashley now had a home of his own, so she could remove herself from uncongenial surroundings and also from the distressing sight of her sister so fatuously happy with a man unworthy of her.从一八六四年以来,英迪亚.威尔克斯就和霍妮一起住在梅肯,现在也搬到她哥哥这里来住了,房子不大,显得有些拥挤。但是艾希礼和媚兰还是欢迎她的。时代变了,钱虽不多,可是什么也改变不了南方的老规矩:对于亲属中生活无着落或未婚的女子,家家都是热烈欢迎的。
霍妮嫁人了,而且据英迪亚说,嫁了个各方面不如她的人。此人是个粗人,原来住在西边的密西西比州,后来在梅肯落了户。他红脸膛儿,大嗓门,一天到晚乐呵呵的。英迪亚并不赞成这门婚事,正因为这样,住在一起就不愉快。她一听艾希礼有了自己的家,很高兴,这样她就能搬出来,免得别扭,也免得看着妹妹和一个不般配的人在一起生活还觉得幸福,这使她感到难受。The mantle of spinsterhood was definitely on her shoulders now. She was twenty-five and looked it, and so there was no longer any need for her to try to be attractive. Her pale lashless eyes looked directly and uncompromisingly upon the world and her thin lips were ever set in haughty tightness. There was an air of dignity and pride about her now that, oddly enough, became her better than the determined girlish sweetness of her days at Twelve Oaks. The position she held was almost that of a widow. Everyone knew that Stuart Tarleton would have married her had he not been killed at Gettysburg, and so she was accorded the respect due a woman who had been wanted if not wed.
英迪亚已完全是一副老处女的样子了。她25岁,看上去也的确是这个年纪,因此也就没有必要再追求美貌了,她那即没有睫毛又暗淡无光的眼睛不妥协地正视世上的一切事物,她那薄薄的嘴唇总是闭得紧紧的,显得很傲慢。她现在有一种庄重、骄傲的神气,这种神气,说也奇怪,竟然比她在"十二橡树"村时一心想表现的少女的天真妩媚对她更为合适。人们差不多拿她当寡妇看待。大家都知道,斯图尔特.塔尔顿要不是战死在葛底斯堡,一定会和她结婚。因此都把她看作未结婚却早已有主的女人,对她十分尊重。
The little house was always full of company. Melanie had been a favorite even as a child and the town flocked to welcome her home again. Everyone brought presents for the house, bric-a-brac, pictures, a silver spoon or two, linen pillow cases, napkins, rag rugs, small articles which they had saved from Sherman and treasured but which they now swore were of no earthly use to them.
Old men who had campaigned in Mexico with her father came to see her, bringing visitors to meet “old Colonel Hamilton’s sweet daughter.” Her mother’s old friends clustered about her, for Melanie had a respectful deference to her elders that was very soothing to dowagers in these wild days when young people seemed to have forgotten all their manners. Her contemporaries, the young wives, mothers and widows, loved her because she had suffered what they had suffered, had not ‘become embittered and always lent them a sympathetic ear. The young people came, as young people always come, simply because they had a good time at her home and met there the friends they wanted to meet.这座小小的住宅总是宾客盈门。媚兰从小就讨人喜欢,大家听说她回来了,都来看望她。每个人都给她带了礼物,有装饰品,画片,一两把银汤匙,麻布枕套,餐布,碎呢地毯等。这些小东西都是他们设法保存下来没有被谢尔曼抢走的,所以非常珍贵,不过他们说这些东西现在自己不大用得着,一定请她收下。
有些老年人来看她,这些人曾和她父亲一起在墨西哥打过仗,他们带着别的客人来看看“当年汉密尔顿上校这位可爱的小姐。"她母亲的老朋友也聚集到她这里来,因为她对长辈非常尊敬,眼下年轻人又都忘了规矩,为所欲为,所以长辈们可以从她这里得到安慰。她的同辈人,那些年轻的妻子、母亲和寡妇喜欢她,因为她和她们一样吃过苦,受过罪,然而并不怨天尤人,还能怀着同情心听她们倾诉衷肠,年轻人也上她这里来,因为在她家里可以痛快地玩儿,可以见到想见的朋友,所以当然要来。Melanie was young but she had in her all the qualities this embattled remnant prized, poverty and pride in poverty, uncomplaining courage, gaiety, hospitality, kindness and, above all, loyalty to all the old traditions. Melanie refused to change, refused even to admit that there was any reason to change in a changing world. Under her roof the old days seemed to come back again and people took heart and felt even more contemptuous of the tide of wild life and high living that was sweeping the Carpetbaggers and newly rich Republicans along.
媚兰虽然年轻,但她具有劫后余生所所珍视的一切品质:贫穷并因此而感到骄傲,有勇气,不抱怨,开朗,热情,慈爱,还有最重要的一条,忠于一切旧的传统。媚兰不肯改变,甚至不承认在不断弯的环境中有改变之必要。在她家里,昔日的光景仿佛又重新出现,大家都兴致勃勃,以更加鄙视的眼光看着那些北方来的冒险家和那些共和党暴发户过奢侈淫逸的生活。
Melanie was a little embarrassed to find herself at the head of the newly formed Saturday Night Musical Circle. She could not account for her elevation to this position except by the fact that she could accompany anyone on the piano, even the Misses McLure who were tone deaf but who would sing duets.
媚兰成了新成立的周末乐团的负责人,这使她感到难为情。她是怎样荣任这一职务的,连她自己也说不清楚,可能是因为她会弹钢琴,给谁都能伴奏,就连五音不全又特别爱唱二重唱的麦克卢尔小姐,她也能为他们伴奏。
At these ringing words the two associations arose and every lady spoke her mind and no one listened. The meeting was being held in Mrs. Merriwether’s parlor and Grandpa Merriwether, who had been banished to the kitchen, reported afterwards that the noise sounded just like the opening guns of the battle of Franklin. And, he added, he guessed it was a dinged sight safer to be present at the battle of Franklin than at the ladies’ meeting.
Somehow Melanie made her way to the center of the excited throng and somehow made her usually soft voice heard above the tumult. Her heart was in her throat with fright at daring to address the indignant gathering and her voice shook but she kept crying: “Ladies! Please!” till the din died down.一听这话,双方都激动地站了起来,人人各抒己见,谁也不听谁的。这次会是梅里韦瑟太太家的客厅里举行的,当时梅里韦瑟爷爷被她们轰到厨房里去了,据他后来说,她们吵得就像富兰克林战场上的炮声一样,他还说,据他观察,参加富兰克林战斗要比参加这些女士们的会议安全得多。
不知怎地,媚兰站到了这伙人的中心,而且还以她那素来温柔的声音压住了她们的争吵声,她壮着胆身这群愤怒的人说话,心里非常害怕,心都提到了嗓子眼儿了,声音也发颤,但是她不停地喊:“女士们,请听我说!"The excitement broke out again in louder words and this time the two organizations merged and spoke as one.
“On Yankee graves! Oh, Melly, how could you! “And they killed Charlie!” “They almost killed you!” “Why, the Yankees might have killed Beau when he was born!” “They tried to burn you out of Tara!”Melanie held onto the back of her chair for support, almost crumpling beneath the weight of a disapproval she had never known before.
“Oh, ladies!” she cried, pleading. “Please, let me finish! I know I haven’t the right to speak on this matter, for none of my loved ones were killed except Charlie, and I know where he lies, thank God! But there are so many among us today who do not know where their sons and husbands and brothers are buried and—”人们一听这话,又骚动起来,比刚才叫嚷得更凶了,不过这次两个组织合在一起了,他们的意见一致了的。
“往北方佬的墓上放鲜花!媚兰,你怎么干得出这样的事!""他们杀死了查理!""他们还几乎把你也杀了!""你忘了,那些北方佬大概连刚出生的小博也不会放过。他们甚至想把塔拉的房子烧掉,让你无家可归呢!"媚兰靠在椅背上,勉强支撑着,她从来没受过这样的严厉指责,这压力几乎要把她压垮了。
“啊,朋友们!"她用祈求的语气说。"请听我把话说完!我明白我没有资格谈论这个问题,因为我的亲人之中就死了查理,而且托上帝的福,他埋在哪里我还知道。而今天在座的许多人,他们的儿子、丈夫、兄弟死了,埋在什么地方他们都不知道,而且--"Mrs. Meade’s flaming eyes went somber. She had made the long trip to Gettysburg after the battle to bring back Darcy’s body but no one had been able to tell her where he was buried. Somewhere in some hastily dug trench in the enemy’s country. And Mrs. Allan’s mouth quivered. Her husband and brother had been on that ill-starred raid Morgan made into Ohio and the last information she had of them was that they fell on the banks of the river, just as the Yankee cavalry stormed up. She did not know where they lay. Mrs. Allison’s son had died in a Northern prison camp and she, the poorest of the poor, was unable to bring his body home. There were others who had read on casualty lists: “Missing—believed dead,” and in those words had learned the last news they were ever to learn of men they had seen march away.
They turned to Melanie with eyes that said: “Why do you open these wounds again? These are the wounds that never heal—the wounds of not knowing where they lie.”葛底斯堡战斗结束之后,她曾长途跋涉赶到那里,想把达西的尸体运回来,但是没人能够告诉她达西埋在哪里了,只知道是在敌人的地区里,埋在一条匆匆忙忙挖的沟里了,阿伦太太的嘴唇颤抖了。她的丈夫和兄弟跟着倒霉的摩根进军俄亥俄,她最后得到的消息是,北方的骑兵冲过来,他们就在河边倒下了,埋在何处,她一无所知。艾利森的儿子死在北方的一个战俘营里,她是个最穷的穷人,无力把自己儿子的尸体运回家来,还有一些人从伤亡名单上看到这样的字样:“失踪--据信已阵亡,"这就是他们送别亲人这后了解到的最后一点情况,今后也不会听到什么消息了。
大家都转向媚兰,她们的眼神似乎在说:“你为什么又触动这些创伤呢?不知道亲人埋在哪里--这样的创伤是永远无法愈合的。"“Their graves are somewhere up in the Yankees’ country, just like the Yankee graves are here, and oh, how awful it would be to know that some Yankee woman said to dig them up and—”
Mrs. Meade made a small, dreadful sound.“But how nice it would be to know that some good Yankee woman— And there must be some good Yankee women. I don’t care what people say, they can’t all be bad! How nice it would be to know that they pulled weeds off our men’s graves and brought flowers to them, even if they were enemies. If Charlie were dead in the North it would comfort me to know that someone— And I don’t care what you ladies think of me,” her voice broke again, “I will withdraw from both clubs and I’ll—I’ll pull up every weed off every Yankee’s grave I can find and I’ll plant flowers, too—and—I just dare anyone to stop me!”
With this final defiance Melanie burst into tears and tried to make her stumbling way to the door.“他们的坟墓可能在北方地区的某个地方,正象有些北方人的坟墓在我们这里,要是有个北方妇女说要把坟挖开,那有多么可怕--"
米德太太轻轻地惊叫了一声。“可是如果有一个善良的北方妇女--我总觉得会有些北方妇女是善良的。不管人们怎么说,北方女人肯定也不都是坏人。要是她们为我们的人清除墓上的杂草,摆上鲜花,虽然是敌人,也这么做,我们要是知道了,该有多高兴呀。如果查理死在北方,我会得到安慰,要是--我不管你们各位对我怎么看,"说到这里,她的声音又颤抖起来。"我要退出你们这两个俱乐部,我要--北方人的坟墓,凡是我能找到的,我就要把杂草清除干净,还要种上花,看谁敢阻拦我!"
媚兰怀着毫无畏惧的神情说完这番话以后,就哭着,踉踉跄跄地朝门口走去。“And they are going to pull up the weeds. The hell of it is Dolly said I’d be only too pleased to help do it, ‘cause I didn’t have anything much else to do. I got nothing against the Yankees and I think Miss Melly was right and the rest of those lady wild cats wrong. But the idea of me pulling weeds at my time of life and with my lumbago!”
Melanie was on the board of lady managers of the Orphans’ Home and assisted in the collection of books for the newly formed Young Men’s Library Association. Even the Thespians who gave amateur plays once a month clamored for her. She was too timid to appear behind the kerosene-lamp footlights, but she could make costumes out of croker sacks if they were the only material available. It was she who cast the deciding vote at the Shakespeare Reading Circle that the bard’s works should be varied with those of Mr. Dickens and Mr. Bulwer-Lytton and not the poems of Lord Byron, as had been suggested by a young and, Melanie privately feared, very fast bachelor member of the Circle.“所以她们准备把杂草清除干净。糟糕的是多丽说我特别的愿意帮助,因为我反正也没有什么别的事可做。我并不讨厌北方人,我认为媚兰小姐是对的,另外那些泼妇是不对的。不对,在我这个年纪,再加上腰痛,也得去拔草,不可想象。"
媚兰还是孤儿院管理委会的委员,她还征集图书,赠给刚成立的青年读书会,塞斯庇安一家每月利用业余时间演出一场话剧,就连他们也要媚兰帮忙,媚兰胆小,不敢站在煤油脚灯前面去讲话,但是她会做服装,需要时她能用粗布制作演戏的服装。莎士比亚朗读会决定朗读莎翁的作品外,还读些狄更斯先生和布尔沃一利顿先生的作品,而没有采纳一个年轻会员的建议,读些拜伦勋爵的诗,这也是在媚兰的帮助之下决定的。媚兰私下里认为那位年轻会员是一个放荡不羁的单身汉。“My dear Miss Melly, it is always a privilege and a pleasure to be in your home, for you—and ladies like you—are the hearts of all of us, all that we have left. They have taken the flower of our manhood and the laughter of our young women. They have broken our health, uprooted our lives and unsettled our habits. They have ruined our prosperity, set us back fifty years and placed too heavy a burden on the shoulders of our boys who should be in school and our old men who should be sleeping in the sun. But we will build back, because we have hearts like yours to build upon. And as long as we have them, the Yankees can have the rest!”
“亲爱的媚兰小姐:到你家来做客,我总感到特别荣幸和愉快,因为你--还有和你一样的很多妇女--是一个核心,维系着我们大家,维系着我们劫后保存下来的一切,他们夺去了我们男子的精华,也夺去了我们年轻女子的笑声。他们损害了我们的健康,毁灭了我们的生活,改变了我们的习惯。他们摧毁了我们的繁荣,使我们倒退了五十年,他们造成了沉重的负担,使我们的孩子们不能上学,使我们的老人不能晒太阳。然而我们要重建家园,因为我们有你们这样的核心做基础只要我们有你们这样的核心,北方佬拿走什么都没关系。"
It was only Ashley who drew her to the house, for the conversations bored and saddened her. They always followed a set pattern—first, hard times; next, the political situation; and then, inevitably, the war. The ladies bewailed the high prices of everything and asked the gentlemen if they thought good times would ever come back. And the omniscient gentlemen always said, indeed they would. Merely a matter of time. Hard times were just temporary. The ladies knew the gentlemen were lying and the gentlemen knew the ladies knew they were lying. But they lied cheerfully just the same and the ladies pretended to believe them. Everyone knew hard times were here to stay.
Once the hard times were disposed of, the ladies spoke of the increasing impudence of the negroes and the outrages of the Carpetbaggers and the humiliation of having the Yankee soldiers loafing on every corner. Did the gentlemen think the Yankees would ever get through with reconstructing Georgia? The reassuring gentlemen thought Reconstruction would be over in no time—that is, just as soon as the Democrats could vote again. The ladies were considerate enough not to ask when this would be. And having finished with politics, the talk about the war began.事实上是艾希礼把她吸引来的,因她对人们谈话的内容感到厌烦和难过。老是那一套----首先,艰苦生活,其次,政治形势;然后总要谈到内战,妇女们抱怨什么东西都涨价,问男人们好日子是否还会回来。无所不知的男人们就总是说一定会回来的。不过是时间问题而已。生活艰能只是暂时的,妇女们知道这些男人在撒谎,男人们也知道妇女们认为他们在撒谎。但他们还是照样兴致勃勃的撒谎,妇女们也都假装相信他们的话。人人都知道艰苦的日子是不会轻易过去的。
谈完了艰苦的生活,妇女们就要谈黑人怎样越来越无礼,北方来的冒险家如何令人愤慨,北方士兵在街上游荡多么令人难以忍受。他们问男人们,北方佬改造佐治亚,还有完没完?男人们就给她们吃定心丸,说改造很快就会结束,总而言之,一旦民主党人重新获得选举权,改造就结束了。她们很能体谅男人们的难处,也就不再刨根问底追问究竟何时结束了。谈完了政治形势,就该开始谈内战了。“If England had recognized us—” “If Jeff Davis had commandeered all the cotton and gotten it to England before the blockade tightened—” “If Longstreet had obeyed orders at Gettysburg—” “If Jeb Stuart hadn’t been away on that raid when Marse Bob needed him—” “If we hadn’t lost Stonewall Jackson—” “If Vicksburg hadn’t fallen—” “If we could have held on another year—” And always: “If they hadn’t replaced Johnston with Hood—” or “If they’d put Hood in command at Dalton instead of Johnston—”
If! If! The soft drawling voices quickened with an old excitement as they talked in the quiet darkness—infantryman, cavalryman, cannoneer, evoking memories of the days when life was ever at high tide, recalling the fierce heat of their midsummer in this forlorn sunset of their winter.“如果当时英国承认了我们--""如果当时杰夫.戴维斯征集了所有的棉花,而且在加强封锁之前就运到英国—-""如果朗斯特里将军在葛底斯堡服从命令的话--"“如果斯图尔特将军在马尔斯.鲍勃需要他的时候他就在身边,而不是在进行袭击--""如果石壁杰克逊没有牺牲--""如果维克斯堡没有陷落--""如果我们能再坚持一年--"总要提到的还有:“如果他们没有让胡德取代给翰斯顿--"或者说"如果他们在多尔顿是让胡德指挥,而没有让给翰斯顿指挥----"
如果!如果!他们在寂静的黑夜里,越说越兴奋,越说越快--步兵,骑兵,炮兵,使他们回忆起火红的年代,在垂暮之年回想起那炎热的盛夏。She looked about, seeing little boys lying in the crooks of their fathers’ arms, breath coming fast, eyes glowing, as they heard of midnight stories and wild cavalry dashes and flags planted on enemy breastworks. They were hearing drums and bugles and the Rebel yell, seeing footsore men going by in the rain with torn flags slanting.
“And these children will never talk of anything else either. They’ll think it was wonderful and glorious to fight the Yankees and come home blind and crippled—or not come home at all. They all like to remember the war, to talk about it. But I don’t. I don’t even like to think about it. I’d forget it all if I could—oh, if I only could!”她四处张望,看见小孩子躺在父亲的怀里,睁着大眼睛,喘着粗气,聚精会神听大人讲述如何夜间出击,骑兵勇猛往前冲,把战旗插在敌人的防御工事上。他们能听到战鼓声、号角声、南方起义者呼叫声,他们能看见脚上打了泡的士兵扛着破碎的旗子在雨中行进。
“这些孩子将长长大了也只会谈论内战,不会谈论别的。他们会认为打北方佬是了不起的事。是光荣的事,哪怕是瞎着回来,瘸着回来,甚至干脆回不来。他们都愿意记住这场战争,谈论这场战争。我可不愿意。这场战争,我连想都不愿意想。要是能忘,我愿意把它忘得干干净净--啊,要是能把它忘得一干二净该多好啊!“Oh, why can’t they forget? Why can’t they look forward and not back? We were fools to fight that war. And the sooner we forget it, the better we’ll be.”
But no one wanted to forget, no one, it seemed, except herself, so Scarlett was glad when she could truthfully tell Melanie that she was embarrassed at appearing, even in the darkness. This explanation was readily understood by Melanie who was hypersensitive about all matters relating to childbirth. Melanie wanted another baby badly, but both Dr. Meade and Dr. Fontaine had said another child would cost her her life. So, only half resigned to her fate, she spent most of her time with Scarlett, vicariously enjoying a pregnancy not her own. To Scarlett, scarcely wanting her coming child and irritated at its untimeliness, this attitude seemed the height of sentimental stupidity. But she had a guilty sense of pleasure that the doctors’ edict had made impossible any real intimacy between Ashley and his wife.“唉,他们为什么不把这些事忘掉呢?为什么不能不往后看,而往前看呢?我们打那场战争是不明智的。还是赶快把它忘掉的好。"
不过看起来除了她,谁也不愿意把它忘掉,所以思嘉很高兴能如实地对媚兰说,即使是在黑夜里,她也不想露面,怕她为情。媚兰对这样的解释是十分理解的,和生育有关的任何事情她都非常体谅。媚兰很想再生一个孩子,但是米德大夫和方丹大夫都说,如果再生孩子,她就活不成了。但她又不肯完全听从命运的摆布,所以就大部分时间和思嘉待在一起,借以体验怀孕的乐趣,虽然不是自己怀孕,而思嘉本来就不大理想这个孩子,而且嫌他来得不是时候,因此就觉得媚兰这种态度极其无聊。但她暗自高兴,因为大夫发了话,艾希礼和他妻子就不可能再痛痛快快地过性生活了。If only she wasn’t having a baby! Here was a God-given opportunity to ride out to the mill with him every morning, through the lonely woods, far from prying eyes, where they could imagine themselves back In the County again in the unhurried days before the war.
No, she wouldn’t try to make him say one word of love! She wouldn’t refer to love in any way. She’d sworn an oath to herself that she would never do that again. But, perhaps if she were alone with him once more, he might drop that mask of impersonal courtesy he had worn since coming to Atlanta. Perhaps he might be his old self again, be the Ashley she had known before the barbecue, before any word of love had been spoken between them. If they could not be lovers, they could be friends again and she could warm her cold and lonely heart in the glow of his friendship.思嘉心里想,要是没有怀孩子该多好啊!有这天赐良机,她就可以每天早止和他一起赶车到木材厂去,路上经过那清静的小树林,没有人盯着他们,他们就可以想像重新回到战前那悠闲的日子了。
不过她决不会要求他说什么表白爱情的话,决不再提爱情的事,她已经暗地里起过誓,不再做这样的事了。但是,如果有机会单独和他在一起,说不定会摘下他那副假面具。自从来到亚特兰大,他一直是那副一本正经的样子,说不定他还会回到老样子,重新成为那次野宴之前的艾希礼,成为他们彼此表露爱情之前的艾希礼,即便他们不能成为情人,也可以重新做朋友,借他的友谊之光来温暖自己冷漠的心。It was not only the desire to be with him that made her writhe with helpless impatience at her confinement. The mills needed her. The mills had been losing money ever since she retired from active supervision, leaving Hugh and Ashley in charge.
Hugh was so incompetent, for all that he tried so hard. He was a poor trader and a poorer boss of labor. Anyone could Jew him down on prices. If any slick contractor chose to say that the lumber was of an inferior grade and not worth the price asked, Hugh felt that all a gentleman could do was to apologize and take a lower price. When she heard of the price he received for a thousand feet of flooring, she burst into angry tears. The best grade of flooring the mill had ever turned out and he had practically given it away! And he couldn’t manage his labor crews. The negroes insisted on being paid every day and they frequently got drunk on their wages and did not turn up for work the next morning. On these occasions Hugh was forced to hunt up new workmen and the mill was late in starting. With these difficulties Hugh didn’t get into town to sell the lumber for days on end.她恨不得赶快把孩子生下来,不光是因为她强烈地希望和他在一起,木材厂也需要她照料,她不直接管理,交给休和艾希礼来经营,从那时起,两个厂子一直是亏损。
休虽然非常努力,却极不称职。他不会做生意,更不会对付工人,谁都能压他的价。要是有个狡猾的顾客非说木材质量不高,不值要的那个价,休就会感到,作为一个正人君子,只能表示歉意,低价出售。休卖了一千英尺的地板料,思嘉知道售价后,气得大哭了一场,那是厂里生产的质量最高的地板料,休简直是白送了!除此之外,他也不善于对付工人,黑人要求每天开工钱,领了工钱就去喝酒,常常喝得醉醺醺,第二天早上就不来上班。遇到这种情况,休就不得不别找别的工人,造成误工。因为这些困难,休一连数日未能进城去推销木材。At least, it seemed worse to Frank and the conservative circles in which he moved. This new system of leasing convicts had come into being because of the poverty of the state after the war. Unable to support the convicts, the State was hiring them out to those needing large labor crews in the building of railroads, in turpentine forests and lumber camps. While Frank and his quiet churchgoing friends realized the necessity of the system, they deplored it just the same. Many of them had not even believed in slavery and they thought this was far worse than slavery had ever been.
And Scarlett wanted to lease convicts! Frank knew that if she did he could never hold up his head again. This was far worse than owning and operating the mills herself, or anything else she had done. His past objections had always been coupled with the question: “What will people say?” But this—this went deeper than fear of public opinion. He felt that it was a traffic in human bodies on a par with prostitution, a sin that would be on his soul if he permitted her to do it.She sighed. If even one of the mills were making money, she could stand it. But Ashley was faring little better with his mill than Hugh.
At first Scarlett was shocked and disappointed that Ashley did not immediately take hold and make the mill pay double what it had paid under her management. He was so smart and he had read so many books and there was no reason at all why he should not make a brilliant success and lots of money. But he was no more successful than Hugh. His inexperience, his errors, his utter lack of business judgment and his scruples about close dealing were the same as Hugh’s.她叹了一口气,哪怕两个木材厂有一个是赚钱的,她也能顶得祝可是艾希礼经营的木材厂并不比休高明。
刚开始,艾希礼没有尽快把厂子管好,没有比思嘉自己经营时多赚一分的钱,使得思嘉感到惊讶,失望。他很精明,又读过那么多书,完全没有道理经营不好,赚不到钱。但是他并不比休经营得好。他没有经验,处理不当,全然没有商业头脑,不愿进行激烈的讨价还价,在这些方面,他和休是一样的。The situation gave her many sleepless nights. She worried about Ashley, both because she knew he was unhappy and because she knew his unhappiness wasn’t helping him to become a good lumber dealer. It was a torture to have her mills in the hands of two men with no more business sense than Hugh and Ashley, heartbreaking to see her competitors taking her best customers away when she had worked so hard and planned so carefully for these helpless months. Oh, if she could only get back to work again! She would take Ashley in hand and then he would certainly learn. And Johnnie Gallegher could run the other mill, and she could handle the selling, and then everything would be fine. As for Hugh, he could drive a delivery wagon if he still wanted to work for her. That was all he was good for.
这种情况害她一连好多天睡不好觉。她为艾希礼担心,一方面是因为她发现艾希礼不愉快,另一方面也是因为她知道他这种不愉快的心情无助于他成为一个好的木材商人。让休和艾希礼这样两个没有商业头脑的人来经营她的木材厂,简直是受罪,为了度过这最艰难的几个月,她曾绞尽脑汁,制订了周密的计划,如今眼看着竞争的对手把最好的顾客都吸引去了,实在感到痛心。唉,她要是能马上重新开始工作就好了!由她亲自来指导艾希礼,他就肯定能学会。约翰尼.加勒格尔管另外那个木材厂,她来主持销售,这样情况就好了。至于休,他要是还想干,就让他赶车送货,他也就能干点这个。
Tommy Wellburn, in spite of his crippled back, was the busiest contractor in town and coining money, so people said. Mrs. Merriwether and René were prospering and now had opened a bakery downtown. René was managing it with true French thrift and Grandpa Merriwether, glad to escape from his chimney corner, was driving René’s pie wagon. The Simmons boys were so busy they were operating their brick kiln with three shifts of labor a day. And Kells Whiting was cleaning up money with his hair straightener, because he told the negroes they wouldn’t ever be permitted to vote the Republican ticket if they had kinky hair.
It was the same with all the smart young men she knew, the doctors, the lawyers, the storekeepers. The apathy which had clutched them immediately after the war had completely disappeared and they were too busy building their own fortunes to help her build hers. The ones who were not busy were the men of Hugh’s type—or Ashley’s.托米.韦尔伯恩虽然腰部有伤,却成了城里生意最好的包工头,人们都说他赚钱像造钱一样。梅里韦瑟太太和雷内也干得不错,在繁华闹市开了个面包房,雷内是用真正法国人的勤俭精神来经营这个店的。梅里韦瑟爷爷也兴高采烈地从厨房角落里解放出来,赶车替雷内送糕点呢。西蒙斯家的几个男孩子也忙得热火朝天,他们经营一个砖窑,工人一天三班倒。凯尔斯.惠廷的头发拉直机也大赚其钱,因对他对黑人说,要是他们的头发老这么鬈曲着,就永远不让他们投共和党的票。
所有思嘉认识的能干的年轻人,包括大夫、律师、店主,情况都一样。内战刚结束时候的那种垂头丧气的样子一归而光,大家都忙头为自己赚钱,谁也顾不上帮她赚钱,清闲的只有像休这样的人,像艾希礼这样的人。“I’ll never have another one,” she decided firmly. “I’m not going to be like other women and have a baby every year. Good Lord, that would mean six months out of the year when I’d have to be away from the mills! And I see now I can’t afford to be away from them even one day. I shall simply tell Frank that I won’t have any more children.”
Frank wanted a big family, but she could manage Frank somehow. Her mind was made up. This was her last child. The mills were far more important."我决不再要孩子了,"她下定了决心。"我可不能像别的女人那样,一年生一个。天啊!一生孩子,一年就有半年不能去木材厂,现在我算明白了,木材厂我一天不去都不行,我要直截了当告诉弗兰克,我不再要孩子了。"
弗兰克是希望多要几个孩子的,但是思嘉有办法对付他。她已下定决心,这是最后一个孩子了。木材厂重要得多。