“You see, dear, Ashley hasn’t had a birthday party since—since, you remember the barbecue at Twelve Oaks? The day we heard about Mr. Lincoln’s call for volunteers? Well, he hasn’t had a birthday party since then. And he works so hard and he’s so tired when he gets home at night that he really hasn’t thought about today being his birthday. And won’t he be surprised after supper when everybody troops in!”
“How you goin’ to manage them lanterns on the lawn without Mr. Wilkes seein’ them when he comes home to supper?” demanded Archie grumpily.“你瞧,亲爱的,艾希礼一直没有做过生日,自从--自从,你还记得'十二橡树'村举办的那次大野宴吗?那天我们听说林肯先生在招募志愿兵呢?嗯,从那以后,他就没做过生日了。他工作那么辛苦,晚上回来时已非常疲乏,一定不会想到今天是他的生日。那么,吃完晚饭后看见那么多人涌进门来,他不给吓坏才怪呢!"
“不过,你打算外面草地上那些灯笼怎么办呢?威尔克斯先生回来吃晚饭时会看见的,"阿尔奇显得烦躁地提出这个问题。“Miz Wilkes, you got more sense than most women but you gits flurried right easy,” said Archie. “And as for that fool nigger, Pork, he ain’t got no bizness with them thar contraptions. He’d set them afire in no time. They are—right pretty,” he conceded. “I’ll hang them for you, whilst you and Mr. Wilkes are eatin’.”
“Oh, Archie, how kind of you!” Melanie turned childlike eyes of gratitude and dependence upon him. “I don’t know what I should do without you. Do you suppose you could go put the candles in them now, so we’d have that much out of the way?”“威尔克斯太太,你在妇女中是最精明的了,可是你也容易一时糊涂,"阿尔奇说。"至于说到那个傻黑鬼波克,我看他还是不要去弄那些小玩意儿好。他会把它们一下子烧掉的。它们--可真不错呢,让我来替你挂吧,等你和威尔克斯先生吃饭的时候。"
“啊,阿尔奇,你真好!"媚兰那双天真的眼睛又感激又信赖地看着他。"我真是不知道要是没有你我怎么办。你看你能不能现在就去把蜡烛插在里面,免得临时措手不及呢?"“There’s more ways of killing a cat than choking him to death with butter,” giggled Melanie when the whiskered old man had thumped down the stairs. “I had intended all along for Archie to put up those lanterns but you know how he is. He won’t do a thing if you ask him to. And now we’ve got him out from underfoot for a while. The darkies are so scared of him they just won’t do any work when he’s around, breathing down their necks.”
“Melly, I wouldn’t have that old desperado in my house,” said Scarlett crossly. She hated Archie as much as he hated her and they barely spoke. Melanie’s was the only house in which he would remain if she were present. And even in Melanie’s house, he stared at her with suspicion and cold contempt. “He’ll cause you trouble, mark my words.”“对这种人最好的办法就是对他说点好听的,否则你怎么也不行呢。"媚兰看见那个满脸胡子的老头下了地下室的阶梯,才格格地笑着说。"我一直就在打算要让阿尔奇去挂那些灯笼,可是你知道他的脾气。你要请他做事,他偏不去。现在我们让他走开,好清静一会儿,那些黑人都那样害怕他,只要他在场就低着头喘气,简直什么也别想干了。"
“媚兰,我是不愿意让这个老鬼待在我屋里,"思嘉气恼地说。她恨阿尔奇就像阿尔奇恨她一样,两个人在一起几乎不说话。除非是在媚兰家里,否则他一见思嘉在场就要跑开。而且,甚至在媚兰家里他也会用猜疑和冷漠的眼光盯着她。“他会给你惹麻烦的,请记住我这句话吧。"“You mean he’s so devoted to you, Melly,” said India, her cold face relaxing into a faintly warm smile as her gaze rested fondly on her sister-in-law. “I believe you’re the first person that old ruffian has loved since his wife—er—since his wife. I think he’d really like for somebody to insult you, so he could kill them to show his respect for you.”
“Mercy! How you run on, India!” said Melanie blushing. “He thinks I’m a terrible goose and you know it.”“你的意思是他很忠于你了,媚兰,“英迪亚插嘴说,她那冷淡的面孔流露出一丝丝温暖的微笑,同时深情地看着自己的嫂子。"我相信你是这老恶棍第一个喜欢的人,自从他老婆--噢--自从他老婆死了以后。我想他会巴不得有什么人来侮辱你,因为这才有机会让把他们杀了,显示他对你的尊敬呢。”
“哎哟,瞧你说到那里去了,英迪亚!"媚兰说,脸都红了。"他认为我愚得很,这你是知道的。"“Oh, are you going to the lumber yard?” asked Melanie. “Ashley is coming in to the yard in the late afternoon to see Hugh. Can you possibly hold him there till five o’clock? If he comes home earlier he’ll be sure to catch us finishing up a cake or something and then he won’t be surprised at all.”
Scarlett smiled inwardly, good temper restored.“唔,你要到木料场去?"媚兰问。"艾希礼傍晚时候要到场里去看休呢。你能不能把他留在那里等到五点钟再放他走?要不然他回来早了,一定会看见我们在做蛋糕什么的,那样就根本谈不上叫他惊喜了。
“思嘉暗自一笑,情绪又好起来。As she spoke, India’s pale lashless eyes met hers piercingly. She always looks at me so oddly when I speak of Ashley, thought Scarlett.
“Well, hold him there as long as you can after five o’clock,” said Melanie. “And then India will drive down and pick him up. ... Scarlett, do come early tonight. I don’t want you to miss a minute of the reception.”As Scarlett rode home she thought sullenly: “She doesn’t want me to miss a minute of the reception, eh? Well then, why didn’t she invite me to receive with her and India and Aunt Pitty?”
Generally, Scarlett would not have cared whether she received at Melly’s piddling parties or not. But this was the largest party Melanie had ever given and Ashley’s birthday party too, and Scarlett longed to stand by Ash-ley’s side and receive with him. But she knew why she had not been invited to receive. Even had she not known it, Rhett’s comment on the subject had been frank enough.当她这样说时,她发现英迪亚那双没有睫毛的眼睛正犀利地盯着她。她想:每次只要我一说到艾希礼,她就这样古怪地看我。
“那么,你尽可能把他留到五点以后,"媚兰说,"然后英迪亚赶车去把他带上。……思嘉,今晚你得早点来呀。我可要你一分钟也不耽误来参加宴会。"思嘉赶车回家时,一路上闷闷不乐地思忖着:“她叫我一分钟也不要耽误去参加宴会,啊?那么,她为什么不请我跟她和英迪亚和皮蒂姑妈一起接待客人呢?"
在通常情况下,思嘉并不在意是否在媚兰举办的家宴上参加接待客人。可这一回是媚兰家里最大的一次宴会,并且是艾希礼的生日晚会呢,所以思嘉恨希望能站在艾希礼身边,跟他一起接待宾客。但是不知为什么她没有被邀请来参加接待。当然,尽管她自己至今仍不明白,不过瑞德对于这个问题已经作过坦率的解释了。Scarlett dressed with more than usual care that afternoon for her trip to the store and the lumber yard, wearing the new dull-green changeable taffeta frock that looked lilac in some lights and the new pale-green bonnet, circled about with dark-green plumes. If only Rhett would let her cut bangs and frizzle them on her forehead, how much better this bonnet would look! But he had declared that he would shave her whole head if she banged her forelocks. And these days he acted so atrociously he really might do it.
It was a lovely afternoon, sunny but not too hot, bright but not glaring, and the warm breeze that rustled the trees along Peachtree Street made the plumes on Scarlett’s bonnet dance. Her heart danced too, as always when she was going to see Ashley. Perhaps, if she paid off the team drivers and Hugh early, they would go home and leave her and Ashley alone in the square little office in the middle of the lumber yard. Chances to see Ashley alone were all too infrequent these days. And to think that Melanie had asked her to hold him! That was funny!那天下午思嘉动身到店里和木料场去之前,比往常多注意打扮了一下自己,穿了一件暗绿的可以闪闪发光的塔夫绸长衣,它在灯光下会变成淡紫色;还戴了一顶浅绿色的新帽子,周围装饰着深绿色羽毛。要是瑞德赞成她把头发剪成刘海式的,并在额前烫成鬈发,戴上这顶帽子还会好看得多呢!可是他已经宣布,只要她把额发弄成刘海,他就要把她的头发全剃光。何况近来他态度那样粗鲁,说不定真会干呢。
那天下午天气很好,有太阳,但并不怎么热,很亮堂,但又不觉得刺眼,温暖的微风徐徐地吹指着桃树街两旁的树木,使思嘉帽子上的羽毛也跳起舞来。她的心也在跳舞,就像每一次去见艾希礼时那样。也许,如果她早一点给运输队的车夫和休付了工资,他们便会回家,把她单独和艾希礼留在木料场中央那间的小小的正方形办公室里。最近,要想与艾希礼单独会面可不怎么容易呀。可是你想,媚兰居然请她把他留住呢?这太有意思了。Along the way to the lumber yard she stopped a dozen times to speak with Carpetbagger ladies in splendid equipages—not so splendid as her own, she thought with pleasure—and with many men who came through the red dust of the street to stand hat in hand and compliment her. It was a beautiful afternoon, she was happy, she looked pretty and her progress was a royal one. Because of these delays she arrived at the lumber yard later than she intended and found Hugh and the team drivers sitting on a low pile of lumber waiting for her.
“Is Ashley here?”到木料场去时,她沿途停了十来次车跟那些打扮得很考究--但是都不如她的打扮那样漂亮,她高兴地想--与提包党太太说说话,还有些男人穿过这大街上的红色尘土跑上前来,手里拿着帽子站在马车旁边向她表示敬意。这真是个很可爱的下午,她非常高兴,也显得很漂亮,她的计划也进行得极为顺利。但是由于这些耽搁,她到达木料场时比原先打算的晚了一点,休和运输队的车夫已经坐在一堆木头上等候她了。
“艾希礼来了吗?”“Oh, he needn’t bother about that today,” she said and then lowering her voice: “Melly sent me down to keep him here till they get the house straight for the reception tonight.”
Hugh smiled for he was going to the reception. He liked parties and he guessed Scarlett did too from the way she looked this afternoon. She paid off the teamsters and Hugh and, abruptly leaving them, walked toward the office, showing plainly by her manner that she did not care to be accompanied. Ashley met her at the door and stood in the afternoon sunshine, his hair bright and on his lips a little smile that was almost a grin.“唔,今天他不用费心了,"她说,接着又放低声音说:“媚兰打发我来把他留住,等他们把今晚的宴会准备好了才让他回去呢。"
休微笑起来,因为他也要去参加宴会。他喜欢参加宴,并且猜测思嘉也是这样,这可从她今天下午的神气看得出来。她给运输队和休付了钱,然后匆匆离开他们向办事房走去,那态度显然是她不愿意他们留在这里。艾希礼在门口遇到她,他站在午后的阳光下,头发闪闪发亮,嘴唇上流露出一丝差一点要露出牙齿来的微笑。“Why, Ashley Wilkes!” she cried indignantly. “You weren’t supposed to know a thing about it. Melly will be so disappointed if you aren’t surprised.”
“Oh, I won’t let on. I’ll be the most surprised man in Atlanta,” said Ashley, his eyes laughing.“Now, who was mean enough to tell you?”
“Practically every man Melly invited. General Gordon was the first. He said it had been his experience that when women gave surprise parties they usually gave them on the very nights men had decided to polish and clean all the guns in the house. And then Grandpa Merriwether warned me. He said Mrs. Merriwether gave him a surprise party once and she was the most surprised person there, because Grandpa had been treating his rheumatism, on the sly, with a bottle of whisky and he was too drunk to get out of bed and—oh, every man who’s ever had a surprise party given him told me.”“怎么了,艾希礼.威尔克斯?"思嘉生气地喊道。"本来是想不让你知道这件事的呀。要是你居然一点也不吃惊,媚兰会大失所望呢。"
“唔,我不会泄露的,我将是亚特兰大最感到吃惊的一个,"艾希礼眉开眼笑地说。“那么,是谁这么缺德告诉你了呢?”
“事实上媚兰把所有的人都请上了。头一个是戈登将军。他说根据他的经验,妇女们要举行意外招待会时,总是选择男人们决定要在家里擦拭枪支的晚上举办。然后梅里韦瑟爷爷也向我提出了警告。他说有一次梅里瑟太太给他举行意外宴会,可结果最吃惊的人却是她自己,因为梅里韦瑟爷爷一直在偷偷地使用威士忌治他的风湿症,那天晚上他喝得烂醉,压根儿起不来床了--就这样,凡是那些为他们举行过意外宴会的人都告诉我了。"He looked like the old Ashley she knew at Twelve Oaks when he smiled like this. And he smiled so seldom these days. The air was so soft, the sun so gentle, Ashley’s face so gay, his talk so unconstrained that her heart leaped with happiness. It swelled in her bosom until it positively ached with pleasure, ached as with a burden of joyful, hot, unshed tears. Suddenly she felt sixteen again and happy, a little breathless and excited. She had a mad impulse to snatch off her bonnet and toss it into the air and cry “Hurray!” Then she thought how startled Ashley would be if she did this, and she suddenly laughed, laughed until tears came to her eyes. He laughed, too, throwing back his head as though he enjoyed laughter, thinking her mirth came from the friendly treachery of the men who had given Melly’s secret away.
“Come in, Scarlett. I’m going over the books.”他仍然是以前她在"十二像树"村认识的那个艾希礼的模样,那时也是这样笑的。可是他最近很难得有这种笑容。今天空气是这么柔和,太阳这么温煦,艾希礼的面容这么愉快,谈起话来又显得这么轻松,因此思嘉也有点兴高采烈了。她的心在发胀,高兴得发胀,好像整个胸膛充满了喜悦的、滚烫的没有流出的泪珠,被压得疼痛难忍。她突然感到自己又变成了一个十六岁的姑娘,那么快活,还有点紧张和兴奋。她简直想把帽子扯下来,把它抛到空中,一面高呼"万岁!"接着她想像如果她真的这么做时,艾希礼会多么惊讶,于是她放声大笑,笑得眼泪都快流出来了。艾希礼也跟着仰头大笑,仿佛他欣赏这笑声似的,他还以为思嘉是对那些泄露了媚兰秘密的人诡谲手法感到有趣呢。
“进来吧,思嘉。我正要查账呢。”“Oh, don’t let’s fool with any books this afternoon, Ashley! I just can’t be bothered. When I’m wearing a new bonnet, it seems like all the figures I know leave my head.”
“Figures are well lost when the bonnet’s as pretty as that one,” he said. “Scarlett, you get prettier all the time!”He slipped from the table and, laughing, took her hands, spreading them wide so he could see her dress. “You are so pretty! I don’t believe you’ll ever get old!”
At his touch she realized that, without being conscious of it, she had hoped that just this thing would happen. All this happy afternoon, she had hoped for the warmth of his hands, the tenderness of his eyes, a word that would show he cared. This was the first time they had been utterly alone since the cold day in the orchard at Tara, the first time their hands had met in any but formal gestures, and through the long months she had hungered for closer contact. But now—“艾希礼,咱们今天下午别弄什么账本子吧!我都腻烦透了。我只要戴上一顶新帽子,就觉得我熟悉的那些数字全都从脑子里跑掉了。"
“既然帽子这样漂亮,数字跑掉也完全是应该的嘛,”他说,"思嘉,你愈来愈美了"他从桌子上滑下来,然后笑着拉住她的双手,把她的双臂展开,好打量她的衣裳。"你真漂亮!我想你是永远也不会老的!"
她一接触到他便不自觉地明白了,她本来就是期望发生这种情况的。这一整个愉快的下午她都在渴望着他那双温暖的手和那柔和的眼睛,以及他的一句表示情意的话。这是自从塔拉果园里那寒冷的一天以来,他们头一次完便单独在一起,头一次他们彼此无所顾忌地拉着手,并且有很长一个时期她一直渴望着同他更密切地接触呢。而现在—But she pushed the thought from her mind. It was enough that she was with him and he was holding her hands and smiling, completely friendly, without strain or fever. It seemed miraculous that this could be when she thought of all the unsaid things that lay between them. His eyes looked into hers, clear and shining, smiling in the old way she loved, smiling as though there had never been anything between them but happiness. There was no barrier between his eyes and hers now, no baffling remoteness. She laughed.
“Oh, Ashley, I’m getting old and decrepit.”不过,她把这想法抛到了脑后。既然她跟他在一起,他在拉住她的手微笑着,即便纯粹的朋友式的,没有了什么激情,那也就满足了。当她想起他们之间所有那些心照不宣的事情时,便觉得出现这种情形实在不可理喻。他那双清澈明亮的眼睛盯着她,仿佛洞察她的隐情似的,同时用她向来很喜欢的那种神态微笑着,好像他们之间只有欢愉,没有任何别的东西。现在他们的两双眼睛之间毫无隔阂,毫无疏远困惑的迹象了。于是她笑起来。
“哎,艾希礼,我很快就老了,要老掉牙了。"He stopped abruptly and the eager light faded from his face. He dropped her hands gently and she sat waiting, waiting for his next words.
“We’ve come a long way, both of us, since that day, haven’t we, Scarlett? We’ve traveled roads we never expected to travel. You’ve come swiftly, directly, and I, slowly and reluctantly.”说到这里他突然停住,脸上那热切的光辉也消失了。他轻轻地放下她的后,让她坐在那里等待他的下一句话。
“从那以后,我们已走了很长一段路程,我们两人都是这样,你说是吗,思嘉?我们走了许多从没想到要走的路。你走得很快,很麻利,而我呢,又慢又勉强。"“Yes, you came swiftly, dragging me at your chariot wheels. Scarlett, sometimes I have an impersonal curiosity as to what would have happened to me without you.”
Scarlett went quickly to defend him from himself, more quickly because treacherously there rose to her mind Rhett’s words on this same subject,“But I’ve never done anything for you, Ashley. Without me, you’d have been just the same. Some day, you’d have been a rich man, a great man like you are going to be.”
“No, Scarlett, the seeds of greatness were never in me. I think that if it hadn’t been for you, I’d have gone down into oblivion—like poor Cathleen Calvert and so many other people who once had great names, old names.”“是的,你走得很快,把我拴在你的车轮上拖着走。思嘉,我有时怀着一种客观的好奇心,设想假如没有你我会变成了什么样子呢。"
思嘉赶忙过来为他辩解,不让他这样贬损自己,尤其因为她这时偏偏想起了瑞德在这同一个问题上说的那些话。“可是艾希礼,我从没替你做过什么事呢。就是没有我,你也会完全一样的。总有一天你会成为一个富人,成为一个你应当成为的那种伟大人物。"
“不,思嘉,我身上根本没有那种伟大的种子。我想要不是因为你,我早就会变得无声无息了--就像可怜的凯瑟琳.卡尔弗特和其他许多曾经有过名气的人那样。"“No, I’m not sad. Not any longer. Once—once I was sad. Now, I’m only—”
He stopped and suddenly she knew what he was thinking. It was the first time she had ever known what Ashley was thinking when his eyes went past her, crystal clear, absent When the fury of love had beaten in her heart, his mind had been closed to her. Now, in the quiet friendliness that lay between them, she could walk a little way into his mind, understand a little. He was not sad any longer. He had been sad after the surrender, sad when she begged him to come to Atlanta. Now, he was only resigned.“I hate to hear you talk like that, Ashley,” she said vehemently. “You sound just like Rhett. He’s always harping on things like that and something he calls the survival of the fitting till I’m so bored I could scream.”
Ashley smiled.“不,我并不伤心。我再也不伤心了。以前--以前我伤心过。可如今我只是--”
他停下来,这时思嘉忽然明白他心里在想什么。这还是头一次,当艾希礼那双清澈而又茫然若失的眼睛扫过她时,她知道他是在想什么。当爱情的烈火在她胸中燃烧时,他的心是向她关闭的。现在,他们中间只存在一种默默的友情,她才有可能稍稍进入他的心里,了解一点他的想法。他不再伤心了。南方投降后他伤心过,她恳求他回亚特兰大时他伤心过。可如今他只能听拼命运的摆布了。“我不要听你说那样的话,艾希礼,"她愤愤地说。"你的话听起来就像是瑞德说的。他在很多事情以及所谓'适者生存'之类的问题上常常唱那样的调子,简直叫我厌烦透了。
"艾希礼微微一笑。“Oh, no! You are so fine, so honorable and he—” She broke off, confused.
“But we are. We came of the same kind of people, we were raised in the same pattern, brought up to think the same things. And somewhere along the road we took different turnings. We still think alike but we react differently. As, for instance, neither of us believed in the war but I enlisted and fought and he stayed out till nearly the end. We both knew the war was all wrong. We both knew it was a losing fight, I was willing to fight a losing fight. He wasn’t. Sometimes I think he was right and then, again—”“Oh, Ashley, when will you stop seeing both sides of questions?” she asked. But she did not speak impatiently as she once would have done. “No one ever gets anywhere seeing both sides.”
“That’s true but—Scarlett, just where do you want to get? I’ve often wondered. You see, I never wanted to get anywhere at all. I’ve only wanted to be myself.”“啊,没有!你这么文雅,这么正直,而瑞德--"她停下来,不知道怎么说好。
“但实际是一样。我们出身于同一类的人家,在同样的模式下教育成长,养成了同样的思维方式。不过在人生道路上某个地方我们分道扬镳了。但我们的想法依然相同,只不过作出的反应不一样而已。举例说,我们谁都不赞成战争,可是我参加了军队,打过仗,而他直到战争快结束时才去入伍。我们两人都明白这场战争是完全错误的。我们两人都知道这一场必定要输的战争。可是我愿意去打这场必败的战争,而他却不是这样。有时我觉得他是对的,可是接着,又觉得----""唔,艾希礼,你什么时候才放弃从两个方面去看问题呢?“她问。但是她说这话时并没有像以前那样很不耐烦。“要是从两个方面去看,就谁也得不出什么结果了。"
“这也对,不过--思嘉,你到底要得到什么结果呀?我常常这样猜想。你瞧,我可是从来也不想得到什么结果的。我只要我自己自由自在地做人。"“But, Scarlett, did it ever occur to you that I don’t care whether I’m rich or not?”
No, it had never occurred to her that anyone would not want to be rich.“Then, what do you want?”
“I don’t know, now. I knew once but I’ve half forgotten. Mostly to be left alone, not to be harried by people I don’t like, driven to do things I don’t want to do. Perhaps—I want the old days back again and they’ll never come back, and I am haunted by the memory of them and of the world falling about my ears.”“但是,思嘉,你有没有想过我这个人是不考虑富不富的呢?"
"没有,她从没想过什么人是不要做富人的。“那么,你要的是什么呢?”
“我现在不清楚。我曾经是知道的,但后来大部分忘了。最重要的是让我自由自在,那些我不喜欢的人不要来折磨我,不要强迫我去做我不想做的事。也许--我希望旧时代重新回来,可是它已经一去不复返了,因此我经常怀念它,也怀念那个正在我眼前崩溃的世界。"“I like these days better,” she said. But she did not meet his eyes as she spoke. “There’s always something exciting happening now, parties and so on. Everything’s got a glitter to it. The old days were so dull.” (Oh, lazy days and warm still country twilights! The high soft laughter from the quarters! The golden warmth life had then and the comforting knowledge of what all tomorrows would bring! How can I deny you?)
“I like these days better,” she said but her voice was tremulous.“我更喜欢现在这样的日子,"她说,不过并没有看他的眼睛。"现在时常有些令人兴奋的事情,比如,举行宴会,等等。一切都显得有了光彩。而旧时代是十分暗淡的。"(唔,那些懒洋洋的日子和温煦而宁静的乡村傍晚!那些来自下房区的响亮而亲切的笑声!生活中那种珍贵的温暖和对明天的令人欣慰的期待!所有这些,我怎么能否认呢?
“我更喜欢现在这样的日子,"她说,但是声音有点颤抖。“Ah, Scarlett, what a poor liar you are! Yes, life has a glitter now—of a sort That’s what’s wrong with it. The old days had no glitter but they had a charm, a beauty, a slow-paced glamour.”
Her mind pulled two ways, she dropped her eyes. The sound of his voice, the touch of his hand were softly unlocking doors that she had locked forever. Behind those doors lay the beauty of the old days, and a sad hunger for them welled up within her. But she knew that no matter what beauty lay behind, it must remain there. No one could go forward with a load of aching memories.His hand dropped from her chin and he took one of her hands between his two and held it gently.
“Do you remember,” he said—and a warning bell in her mind rang: Don’t look back! Don’t look back!“哎,思嘉,你太不会撒谎了!是的,现在生活显得有了光彩--某种光彩。可这就是它的毛病所在。旧时代没有光彩,可它有一种迷人之处,有一种美,一种缓缓进行的魅力。"
她的思绪在向两个方向牵引,她不觉低下头来。他说话的声调,他那手的接触,都在轻轻地打开她那些永远锁上了门。那些门背后藏着往日的美好,而现在她心里正苦苦渴望着重新见到它。不过她也知道,无论是什么样的美都必须藏在那里。因为谁也不能肩负着痛苦的记忆向前走埃.他的手从她下巴上放下来,然后他把她的一只手拉过来,轻轻地握在自己的两只手里。
“你还记不记得,"他说--可此时思嘉心里响起了警钟:不要向后看!不要向后看!“Now I know why you can’t be happy,” she thought sadly. “I never understood before. I never understood before why I wasn’t altogether happy either. But—why, we are talking like old people talk!” she thought with dreary surprise. “Old people looking back fifty years. And we’re not old! It’s just that so much has happened in between. Everything’s changed so much that it seems like fifty years ago. But we’re not old!”
But when she looked at Ashley he was no longer young and shining. His head was bowed as he looked down absently at her hand which he still held and she saw that his once bright hair was very gray, silver gray as moonlight on still water. Somehow the bright beauty had gone from the April afternoon and from her heart as well and the sad sweetness of remembering was as bitter as gall.“现在我明白你所以不能高兴起来的原因了,"思嘉黯然地想道。"以前我一直不理解。我一直不理解为什么我也一点不快乐。可是--怎么的,我们居然像两个老年的人那样谈起来了!"她又震惊又忧郁地这样想。"老年人可以回顾过去五十年。可是我们还没老呀!这只是因为我们之间发生过那么多的事情。现在一切发生了变化,所以显得像是五十年前的事了。可是我们还没老呢!"
不过,她看看艾希礼,发现他已经不再年轻英俊了。他正低着头心不在焉地看着他仍然握着的那只手,因此思嘉看见他那本来光亮的头发如今已完全变成了灰色,就像月亮照在死水上的那样的银灰色。不知怎的,四月下午那种炫目的美现在已经消失,同样也从她心里消失了,而那带点悲凉的回忆的美味却苦得像胆汁一样了。“We’ve come a long way since those days, Ashley,” she said, trying to steady her voice, trying to fight the constriction in her throat. “We had fine notions then, didn’t we?” And then, with a rush, “Oh, Ashley, nothing has turned out as we expected!”
“It never does,” he said. “Life’s under no obligation to give us what we expect. We take what we get and are thankful it’s no worse than it is.”“从那些日子以来,我们已走了很长一段路程呢,艾希礼,"她说,设法使自己的声音坚定些,努力控制她那紧缩的嗓子不颤抖。"那时候我们有些美好的理想,不是吗?"接着她冲口而出,"唔,艾希礼,没有哪件事情是像我们所期待的那样啊!"
“那是永远也不会的,“他说。"生活并没有义务要给予我们所期待的东西呢。我们应当随遇而安,只要不每况愈下就感激不尽了。"Without warning, tears started in her eyes and rolled slowly down her cheeks and she stood looking at him dumbly, like a hurt bewildered child. He said no word but took her gently in his arms, pressed her head against his shoulder and, leaning down, laid his cheek against hers. She relaxed against him and her arms went round his body. The comfort of his arms helped dry her sudden tears. Ah, it was good to be in his arms, without passion, without tenseness, to be there as a loved friend. Only Ashley who shared her memories and her youth, who knew her beginnings and her present could understand.
She heard the sound of feet outside but paid little heed, thinking it was the teamsters going home. She stood for a moment, listening to the slow beat of Ashley’s heart. Then suddenly he wrenched himself from her, confusing her by his violence. She looked up into his face in surprise but he was not looking at her. He was looking over her shoulder at the door.她不禁热泪盈眶,接着泪珠沿两颊潸然而下。她站在那里默默地看着他,像个不知所措的孩子似的。他也一言不发,只轻轻地把她搂在自己怀中,让她的头紧靠着他的肩膀,然后歪着头把脸贴在她的面颊上。这时她酥软地靠着他,伸出两臂抱住他的身子。她陶醉在他温暖的怀抱里,眼泪渐渐干了。啊,就让他这样拥抱着,没有激情,也不感到紧张,像一个亲爱的老朋友,那也很好埃不过这一点,也只有艾希礼,这个跟她有着菜同的回忆共和享过青春的人,这个熟悉她的早年和目前情况的人,才能理解呢。
她听见外面有脚步声,但并没在意,以为那是运输队的人回家了。她一时还站在那里,静听着艾希礼的心缓缓搏动。然而,艾希礼忽然挣扎着要摆脱她,那猛劲儿使她莫名其妙。她仰起头来惊异地注视着他的脸,可是艾希礼这时没有在看她。他正越过她的肩膀看着门口呢。The house was empty and still in the April sunset. All the servants had gone to a funeral and the children were playing in Melanie’s back yard. Melanie—
正当四月日落时分,家里静悄悄的,似乎一个人也没有。仆人们都外出参加一个葬礼去了,几个孩子正在媚兰的后院里玩,媚兰呢—
“I won’t think of it now,” she said desperately, burying her face in the pillow. “I won’t think of it now. I’ll think of it later when I can stand it.”
“Am I actually being invited into the sanctuary?” he questioned, opening the door. It was dark and she could not see his face. Nor could she make anything of his voice. He entered and closed the door.
“Are you ready for the reception?”“I’m so sorry but I have a headache.” How odd that her voice sounded natural! Thank God for the dark! “I don’t believe I’ll go. You go, Rhett, and give Melanie my regrets.”
There was a long pause and he spoke drawlingly, bitingly in the dark.“难道我真的被邀请到这间圣殿里来了?"他边问边把门推开。房里是黑暗的,她看不到他的脸,她也无法从他的声音里发现什么。他进来,把门关上。
“你已经准备好去参加宴会了吧?”“我真遗憾,现在正头痛呢。"多奇怪,她的声音听起来竟那么自然!真感谢上帝,这房里暗得正好啊!"我怕我去不成了。你去吧,瑞德,并且替我向媚兰表示歉意。"
经过相当久的一番踌躇,他才慢吞吞地、尖刻地说起话来。He knew! She lay shaking, unable to speak. She heard him fumble in the dark, strike a match and the room sprang into light. He walked over to the bed and looked down at her. She saw that he was in evening clothes.
“Get up,” he said and there was nothing in his voice. “We are going to the reception. You will have to hurry.”“Oh, Rhett, I can’t. You see—”
“I can see. Get up.”他知道了!她躺在那里哆嗦,说不出话来。她听见他在黑暗中摸索,划一根火柴,房里便猛地亮了。他向床边走过来,低头看着她。她发现他穿上了晚礼服。
“起来,"他简短地说,声音里似乎什么也没有。"我们去参加宴会,你得抓紧准备。”“唔,瑞德,我不能去。你看--"
“我看得见的。起来。"“Archie dared. A very brave man, Archie.”
“You should have killed him for telling lies—”“I have a strange way of not killing people who tell the truth. There’s no time to argue now. Get up.”
She sat up, hugging her wrapper close to her, her eyes searching his face. It was dark and impassive.“阿尔奇敢。阿尔奇是个勇敢的人。"
“他撒谎,你得把他宰了--"“我有个奇怪的习惯,就是不杀说真话的人。现在没时间争论这些了。起来。"
她坐起身来,紧紧抱住她的披肩不放,两只眼睛紧张地在他脸上搜索着。那是一张黑黑的毫无表情的脸。“If you don’t show your face tonight, you’ll never be able to show it in this town as long as you live. And while I may endure a trollop for a wife, I won’t endure a coward. You are going tonight, even if everyone, from Alex Stephens down, cuts you and Mrs. Wilkes asks us to leave the house.”
“Rhett, let me explain.”“I don’t want to hear. There isn’t time. Get on your clothes.”
“They misunderstood—India and Mrs. Elsing and Archie. And they hate me so. India hates me so much that she’d even tell lies about her own brother to make me appear in a bad light. If you’ll only let me explain—”“你要是今天晚上不露面,你这一辈子恐怕就永远也休想在这个城市走路面了。我可以忍受自己的老婆当娼妇,可不能忍受一个胆小鬼。你今晚一定得去,哪怕从亚历克斯.斯蒂芬斯以下每个人都咒骂你,哪怕威尔克斯太太叫我们从她家滚出去。"
“瑞德,请让我解释一下。"“我不要听。没时间了。穿上你的衣服吧。"
“他们误会了--英迪亚和埃尔辛太太,还有阿尔奇。而且他们那样恨我。英迪亚恨我到这种程度,居然撒谎诬蔑她哥哥来达到让我出丑的目的。你只要让我解释一下--"“They’ll have told everybody lies. I can’t go tonight.”
“You will go,” he said, “if I have to drag you by the neck and plant my boot on your ever so charming bottom every step of the way.”There was a cold glitter in his eyes as he jerked her to her feet He picked up her stays and threw them at her.
“Put them on. I’ll lace you. Oh yes, I know all about lacing. No, I won’t call Mammy to help you and have you lock the door and skulk here like the coward you are.”“他们一定对每个人都说了谎话。我今晚不能去。"
“你一定得去,“他说。"哪怕我只能抽着你的脖子往前拖,或者一路上踢你那向来很迷人屁股。"他眼里闪着冷峻的光芒,便一手把她拽了起来。接着他拿起那件胸衣朝她扔过去。
“把它穿上。我来给你束腰。唔,对了,束腰的事我全懂。不,我让嬷嬷来给你帮忙,也不要你把门锁上,像个胆小鬼偷偷地待在这里。”“Oh, spare me your saga about shooting Yankees and facing Sherman’s army. You’re a coward—among other things. If not for your own sake, you are going tonight for Bonnie’s sake. How could you further ruin her chances? Put on your stays, quick.”
Hastily she slipped off her wrapper and stood clad only in her chemise. If only he would look at her and see how nice she looked in her chemise, perhaps that frightening look would leave his face. After all, he hadn’t seen her in her chemise for ever and ever so long. But he did not look. He was in her closet, going through her dresses swiftly. He fumbled and drew out her new jade-green watered-silk dress. It was cut low over the bosom and the skirt was draped back over an enormous bustle and on the bustle was a huge bunch of pink velvet roses.“唔,以后别再给我吹那些枪击北方佬和顶着谢尔曼军队的英雄事迹了。你是个胆小鬼--在别的事情上就是如此。不为你自己,就为邦妮着想,你今天晚上也得去。你怎么能再糟蹋她的前途呢?把胸衣穿上,赶快。"
她急忙把睡衣脱了,身上只剩下一件无袖衬衫。这时他要是看看她,会发现她显得多么迷人,也许他脸上那副吓人的表情就会消失。毕竟,他已那么久那么久没有看见她穿这种无袖衬衣的模样了。可是他根本不看她。他在她的壁橱里一件件挑选那些衣服。他摸索着取出了那件新的淡绿色水绸衣裳,它的领口开得很低,衣襟分披着挂在背后一个很大的腰垫上面,腰垫上饰着一束粉红色的丝绒玫瑰花。He took the strings of the stays in his hands and jerked them so hard that she cried out, frightened, humiliated, embarrassed at such an untoward performance.
“Hurts, does it?” He laughed shortly and she could not see his face. “Pity it isn’t around your neck.”Melanie’s house blazed lights from every room and they could hear the music far up the street. As they drew up in front, the pleasant exciting sounds of many people enjoying themselves floated out. The house was packed with guests. They overflowed on verandas and many were sitting on benches in the dim lantern-hung yard.
I can’t go in—I can’t, thought Scarlett, sitting in the carriage, gripping her balled-up handkerchief. I can’t. I won’t. I will jump out and run away, somewhere, back home to Tara, Why did Rhett force me to come here? What will people do? What will Melanie do? What will she look like? Oh, I can’t face her. I will run away.他抓住她胸衣上的带子使劲猛勒,痛得她大叫起来,对他这种粗暴的行为感到又害怕又屈辱,实在尴尬极了。
“痛,是不是?"他毫不在意地笑着说,可她连他的脸色也不敢看一眼。"只可惜这带子没有套在你脖子上。"媚兰家的每个窗口都灯火辉煌,他们在街上便远远听得见那里的音乐声。走近前门时,人们在里面欢笑的声浪早已在耳边回荡了。屋里挤满了来宾。他们有的拥到了走郎上,有的坐在挂着灯笼显得有点阴暗的院子里。
“我不能进去--我不能,"思嘉心里想,她坐在马车里紧紧握着那卷成一团的手绢。”我不能,我不想进去。我要跳出去逃跑,跑到什么地方,跑回塔拉去。瑞德为什么强迫我到这里来呀?人们会怎么说呢?媚兰会怎么样呢?她的态度、表情会怎样?哦,我不敢面对她。我要逃走。"“I’ve never known an Irishman to be a coward. Where’s your much-vaunted courage?”
“Rhett, do please, let me go home and explain.”“You have eternity in which to explain and only one night to be a martyr in the amphitheater. Get out, darling, and let me see the lions eat you. Get out.”
She went up the walk somehow, the arm she was holding as hard and steady as granite, communicating to her some courage. By God, she could face them and she would. What were they but a bunch of howling, clawing cats who were jealous of her? She’d show them. She didn’t care what they thought. Only Melanie—only Melanie.“我从没见过哪个爱尔兰人是胆小鬼。你那吹得很响的勇敢到哪里去了?”
“瑞德,求求你了,让我回家,并且解释一下吧。"“你有的是无穷无尽的时间去解释,可只有一个晚上能在这竞技场上当牺牲品。下车吧,我的宝贝儿,让我看看那些狮子怎样吃你。下车。”
她不知怎么走上了人行道的。抓住她的那只胳臂像花岗石一样坚硬而稳固,这给了她一些勇气。上帝作证,她能够面对他们,她也愿意面对他们。难道他们不就是一群妒忌她的嚎叫乱抓的猫吗?她倒要让他们看看。至于他们到底怎么想,她才不管呢。只是媚兰--媚兰。Before she could turn to speak to those nearest the door, someone came through the press of people. There was an odd hush that caught Scarlett’s heart. Then through the lane came Melanie on small feet that hurried, hurried to meet Scarlett at the door, to speak to her before anyone else could speak. Her narrow shoulders were squared and her small jaw set indignantly and, for all her notice, she might have had no other guest but Scarlett. She went to her side and slipped an arm about her waist.
“What a lovely dress, darling,” she said in her small, clear voice. “Will you be an angel? India was unable to come tonight and assist me. Will you receive with me?”她还没来得及向那些最近门口的人说话,便有个人从人群中挤出向她走来。这时周围突然是一片古怪的安静,它把思嘉的心一下子揪住了。接着,媚兰从小径上挪着细碎的步子匆匆走过来,匆匆赶到门口迎接思嘉,并且没跟任何人打过招呼就对思嘉说起话来。她那副窄窄的肩膀摆得端端正正,挺着胸脯,小小的腮帮子愤愤地咬得梆紧,不管心里怎么清楚还是显得除了思嘉没有别的客人在场似的。她走到她身边,伸出一条胳臂接住她的腰。
“多漂亮的衣服呀,亲爱的,"她用细小而清晰的声音说。“你愿意当我的帮手吗?英迪亚今晚不能来给我帮忙呢。你跟我一起来招待客人吧?”