Her hands were chilled and she paused to rub them together and to scuff her feet deeper into the strip of old quilting wrapped about them. The soles of her slippers were practically gone and were reinforced with pieces of carpet. The carpet kept her feet off the floor but did little to keep them warm. That morning Will had taken the horse to Jonesboro to get him shod. Scarlett thought grimly that things were indeed at a pretty pass when horses had shoes and people’s feet were as bare as yard dogs’.
She picked up her quill to resume her writing but laid it down when she heard Will coming in at the back door. She heard the thump-thump of his wooden leg in the hall outside the office and then he stopped. She waited for a moment for him to enter and when he made no move she called to him. He came in, his ears red from the cold, his pinkish hair awry, and stood looking down at her, a faintly humorous smile on his lips.她的手已经冻僵了,便停下来使劲搓搓,同时将双脚深深踹入裹着脚的旧棉絮里,她的拖鞋后跟实际上早已磨掉,只好用碎毡皮包起来。毡皮尽管可以使脚不必直接踩地,但已起不了多少保暖作用。那天早晨,威尔把马牵到琼斯博罗钉蹄铁去了。思嘉暗想这世道怎么变得这么怪了,马还有鞋穿,而人却像院子里的狗还光着脚呢。
她继续拿起笔写信,但这时听到威尔正从后门进来,便又把笔放下。她听见他那条木腿在房外面的穿堂里梆梆地响,后来没有声息了。等了一会儿,想必他会进来,但没有一点动静,于是她只好喊他。他进来了,两只耳朵冻得通红,淡红色的头发一片蓬乱,站在那里俯视着她,嘴角浮现着一丝幽幽的笑意。“Are you going to try to marry me for my money, Will?” she asked somewhat crossly.
“No, Ma’m. But I just wanted to know.”She stared at him inquiringly. Will didn’t look serious, but then he never looked serious. However, she felt that something was wrong.
“I’ve got ten dollars in gold,” she said. “The last of that Yankee’s money.”“难道你是贪图我的钱要是我结婚吗?威尔?"她有点粗鲁地反问他。
“不,小姐,我只是想现在想知道。”她审讯似地注视着他。威尔显得不很认真,不过他从来就是这个样子。反正她觉得出了什么事。
“我手头只有十个金元,"她说。"这是那个北方佬留下的最后一点钱了。”“Enough for what?”
“Enough for the taxes,” he answered and, stumping over to the fireplace, he leaned down and held his red hands to the blaze.Taxes?” she repeated. “Name of God, Will! We’ve already paid the taxes.”
Yes’m. But they say you didn’t pay enough. I heard about it today over to Jonesboro.”“不够干什么?”
“不够交纳税金,"他答道,一面蹒跚地走到壁炉前面,弯下腰伸手烤火。“税金?"她简单地重复了一遍,"我的上帝,威尔!我们已经交过税了呀!”
“是的,小姐。但他们说你交得不够。这是今天我在琼斯博罗那边听到的。"“Miss Scarlett, I sure hate to bother you with more trouble when you’ve had your share but I’ve got to tell you. They say you ought to paid lots more taxes than you did. They’re runnin’ the assessment up on Tara sky high—higher than any in the County, I’ll be bound.”
“But they can’t make us pay more taxes when we’ve already paid them once.”“Miss Scarlett, you don’t never go to Jonesboro often and I’m glad you don’t. It ain’t no place for a lady these days. But if you’d been there much, you’d know there’s a mighty rough bunch of Scallawags and Republicans and Carpetbaggers been runnin’ things recently. They’d make you mad enough to pop. And then, too, niggers pushin’ white folks off the sidewalks and—”
“But what’s that got to do with our taxes?”“思嘉小姐,我的确很怕再给你添烦恼,因为你已经够苦的了,可是我又不能不告诉你。他们说你还得付更大一笔的税金。他们把塔拉的税额增加得吓人地高--我敢说超过了县里任何一宗不动产。"
“既然我们已经付过一次了,他们就不能再让我们交更多的税金。"“思嘉小姐,你从来不大到琼斯博罗去,我也高兴你这样。那是这些日子一位夫人不该去的地方。可是假如你去得多了,你就会知道,那里近来有不少的流氓,共和党和提包党人在当政。他们会叫你气炸的。而且,还常常发生黑鬼把白人从人行道上推下去的事,以及--"
“可这同我们的税金有什么关系呢?"Will sat down on the sofa and rubbed the stump of his leg. It ached in cold weather and the wooden peg was neither well padded nor comfortable. Scarlett looked at him wildly. His manner was so casual when he was sounding the death knell of Tara. Sold out at the sheriff’s sale? Where would they all go? And Tara belonging to some one else! No, that was unthinkable!
She had been so engrossed with the job of making Tara produce she had paid little heed to what was going on in the world outside. Now that she had Will and Ashley to attend to whatever business she might have in Jonesboro and Fayetteville, she seldom left the plantation. And even as she had listened with deaf ears to her father’s war talk in the days before the war came, so she had paid little heed to Will and Ashley’s discussions around the table after supper about the beginnings of Reconstruction.威尔在沙发上坐下,抚摩着他的半截腿。这条残腿每逢天气寒冷就要疼痛,而好半截木头又镶嵌得不很好,弄得他很不舒服。思嘉呆呆地望着他。他谈到塔拉这个要命的消息时,态度还是那么随便。由州府公开拍卖吗?那么大家往啊儿去呢?而且搭拉会属于另外一个人!不,这根本是不可思议的!
她早已专心致志于塔拉的生产,因此不大关心外界发生的事。既然有威尔和艾希礼去料理她在琼斯博罗和费耶特维尔可能要办的一切事务,她就没必要离开农常在战争爆发前她对于父亲有关战争的谈论听而不闻,她如今才对于威尔和艾希礼在晚餐后有关开始重建的闲谈也不怎么在意了。But there were many things which Will and Ashley had conspired to keep from her. The scourge of war had been followed by the worse scourge of Reconstruction, but the two men had agreed not to mention the more alarming details when they discussed the situation at home. And when Scarlett took the trouble to listen to them at all, most of what they said went in one ear and out the other.
She had heard Ashley say that the South was being treated as a conquered province and that vindictiveness was the dominant policy of the conquerors. But that was the kind of statement which meant less than nothing at all to Scarlett. Politics was men’s business. She had heard Will say it looked to him like the North just wasn’t aiming to let the South get on its feet again. Well, thought Scarlett, men always had to have something foolish to worry about. As far as she was concerned, the Yankees hadn’t whipped her once and they wouldn’t do it this time. The thing to do was to work like the devil and stop worrying about the Yankee government. After all, the war was over.但是,有许多事情是威尔和艾希礼合谋向她隐瞒了。随着战争灾害而来的是重建故园时期的更大灾害,只不过他们两人早商量好了,在家里谈论当前形势时不提外面那些更可怕的具体情况。而当思嘉不加回避高兴听听时,也大多是一只耳朵进另一只耳朵出。
她听艾希礼说过,南部正在被当作一个被征服的省份对待,而征服者所采取的主要政策便是给予报复。不过,这样一种报道对于思嘉来说丝毫没有意义,因政治是男人们的事。她听威尔说过,似乎北部就是不准备让南部重新建立起来。好吧,思嘉心想,男人们总爱为一些蠢事操心。而她,北方佬过去没有鞭打过她,这一次看来也不会。如今最要紧的是拚命工作,再用不着为北方佬政府忧虑。反正,战争已经过去了。This Bureau, organized by the Federal government to take care of the idle and excited ex-slaves, was drawing them from the plantations into the villages and cities by the thousands. The Bureau fed them while they loafed and poisoned their minds against their former owners. Gerald’s old overseer, Jonas Wilkerson, was in charge of the local Bureau, and his assistant was Hilton, Cathleen Calvert’s husband. These two industriously spread the rumor that the Southerners and Democrats were just waiting for a good chance to put the negroes back into slavery and that the negroes’ only hope of escaping this fate was the protection given them by the Bureau and the Republican party.
Wilkerson and Hilton furthermore told the negroes they were as good as the whites in every way and soon white and negro marriages would be permitted, soon the estates of their former owners would be divided and every negro would be given forty acres and a mule for his own. They kept the negroes stirred up with tales of cruelty perpetrated by the whites and, in a section long famed for the affectionate relations between slaves and slave owners, hate and suspicion began to grow.这个由联邦政府组织起来的局,其职责是管理那些懒惰而激动的前黑奴,现在正吸引他们成千上万地从种植园转移到乡村和城城市中来。局里供养着他们,任其游手好闲,并且腐蚀毒化他们的思想,激发他们反对以前的主人。杰拉尔德家从前的监工乔纳斯.威尔克森负责设在塔拉的分局,他的助手是凯瑟琳.卡尔弗特的丈夫希尔顿。他们两人大肆散布谣言,说南方人和民主党人正等待时机要让黑人回到种植园重新沦为奴隶,而黑人为逃避这一厄运的唯一希望在于这个局以及共和党给他们提供的种种保护。
威尔克森和希尔顿进一步告诉黑人们,他们在哪个方面都不比白人弱,并且很快就会允许白人与黑人通婚了,而他们以前的主人们财产也将很快被瓜分完,每个黑人都将分到四十英亩地和一头骡子归自己所有。他们以所谓白人逞凶犯罪的故事来煽动黑人,因此在一个一贯以主奴关系亲密闻名的地区,仇恨和猜疑又开始抬头了。Fortunately Scarlett had come into contact with the two men very little, for Will had persuaded her to let him handle the trading while she managed the plantation. In his mild-tempered way, Will had straightened out several difficulties of this kind and said nothing to her about them. Will could get along with Carpetbaggers and Yankees—if he had to. But now a problem had arisen which was too big for him to handle. The extra tax assessment and the danger of losing Tara were matters Scarlett had to know about—and right away.
She looked at him with flashing eyes.幸好思嘉很少同这两个人发生什么联系,因为威尔早已说服她让他来管理买卖上的事,而她自己只管理农常威尔用他那种温和的办法克服了好几种这一类的困难。并对她什么也没有说。同时威尔能够同提包党和北方佬周旋下去--如果他必须这样做的话。不过现在出现了一个大问题,大到他自己无法处理了。这就是那笔额外规定的税金和丧失塔拉农场的危险,这些事不能不让思嘉知道--而且得马上知道。
她瞪着两眼望着他。The war was over, peace had been declared, but the Yankees could still rob her, they could still starve her, they could still drive her from her house. And fool that she was, she had thought through weary months that if she could just hold out until spring, everything would be all right. This crushing news brought by Will, coming on top of a year of back-breaking work and hope deferred, was the last straw.
“Oh, Will, and I thought our troubles were all over when the war ended!”“No’m.” Will raised his lantern-jawed, country-looking face and gave her a long steady look. “Our troubles are just gettin’ started.”
“How much extra taxes do they want us to pay?”战争已经结束,和平已宣布到来,可是北方佬仍然有权掠夺她,仍然可以叫她挨饿,仍然能把她赶出家门。而她竟然那么傻,曾经以为熬过这段艰难的日子,只要她能够坚持到春天,就会万事大吉的。可威尔带来的这个令人可怕和绝望的消息却在整整一年累死累活和苦苦盼望之后降临,这已经是将她彻底压垮的最后一份负担了。
“唔,威尔,我还满以为战争结束后我们的困难也就会完了呢!"“不会的,“威尔扬起他那张瘦削的乡巴佬面孔,镇定地注视着她。"我们的困难还刚刚开头呢。"
“他们要我们付多少额外税金呢?"She was struck dumb for a moment. Three hundred dollars! It might just as well be three million dollars.
“Why,” she floundered, “why—why, then we’ve got to raise three hundred, somehow.”“Yes’m—add a rainbow and a moon or two.”
“Oh, but Will! They couldn’t sell out Tara. Why—”一瞬间她被吓得说不出话来了。三百美元呀!这听起来就像三百万美元一样。
“怎么,"她慌乱地嚷嚷着,"怎么--怎么,那我们无论如何得筹集三百美元了。""是的,又是月亮又是虹,或者两个都要,很不容易埃"
“啊,不过威尔!他们是不能出卖塔拉的。你看--"“Oh, couldn’t they? Well, they could and they will and they’ll like doin’ it! Miss Scarlett, the country’s gone plumb to hell, if you’ll pardon me. Those Carpetbaggers and Scalawags can vote and most of us Democrats can’t. Can’t no Democrat in this state vote if he was on the tax books for more than two thousand dollars in ‘sixty-five. That lets out folks like your pa and Mr. Tarleton and the McRaes and the Fontaine boys. Can’t nobody vote who was a colonel and over in the war and, Miss Scarlett, I bet this state’s got more colonels than any state in the Confederacy. And can’t nobody vote who held office under the Confederate government and that lets out everybody from the notaries to the judges, and the woods are full of folks like that. Fact is, the way the Yankees have framed up that amnesty oath, can’t nobody who was somebody before the war vote at all. Not the smart folks nor the quality folks nor the rich folks.
“唔,他们不能?我看,他们不但能而且会很乐意出卖的!思嘉小姐,国家已经完全沦为地狱了,如果你原谅我这样说的话,那些提包党和流氓都有投票权,而我们民主党人大多数没有。这个州的任何民主党人,只要他一八六五年在税收册上有两千美元以上的税额,就不能投票选举。这个规定把你父亲和塔尔顿先生以及麦克雷家和方丹家的少爷们都排除在外了。还有凡在战时担任过联盟军上校以上军官的人都不能投票。而且,思嘉小姐,我打赌这个州有比南部联盟任何一个别的州更多的上校。同时,凡是在联盟政府下面担任过公职的人也不能投票,这样一来,从公证人--到法官都被排除了,而林区是到处有这种人的。事实上,北方佬制造那个大赦誓言的办法就是让每个在战前稍有身分的人都一律不能投票。聪明能干的人不能,上流社会的人不能,有钱的人也不能。
“Miss Scarlett, you ain’t any fool but sometimes you talk like one. Who’s got any money to lend you on this property? Who except the Carpetbaggers who are tryin’ to take Tara away from you? Why, everybody’s got land. Everybody’s land pore. You can’t give away land.”
“I’ve got those diamond earbobs I got off that Yankee. We could sell them.”“Miss Scarlett, who ‘round here has got money for ear-bobs? Folks ain’t got money to buy side meat, let alone gewgaws. If you’ve got ten dollars in gold, I take oath that’s more than most folks have got.”
They were silent again and Scarlett felt as if she were butting her head against a stone wall. There had been so many stone walls to butt against this last year.“思嘉小姐,你为人一点也不傻,可有时说起话来却有点傻乎乎的。请问,谁还有钱来押贷这个农场呢?除了那些想要从你手里弄到塔拉的提包党,还会有谁呀?你看,每个人都有了土地。每个人的土地都是贫瘠的。你的土地怎么能押出去。"
“我还有从那个北方佬身上取下的钻石耳坠呢,我们可以把它卖掉。"“思嘉小姐,这附近谁还有钱买耳坠呢!人们连买腌肉的钱也没有,别说什么首饰了。如果你有了十个金元,那么我敢打赌,这已经超过大多数人的存款了。"
这时他们又沉默下来,思嘉感到她的头好像在撞一堵坚固的石壁,过去一年已有那么多石壁来让她撞埃“I don’t know,” she said dully and felt that she didn’t care. This was one stone wall too many and she suddenly felt so tired that her bones ached. Why should she work and struggle and wear herself out? At the end of every struggle it seemed that defeat was waiting to mock her.
“I don’t know,” she said. “But don’t let Pa know. It might worry him.”“I won’t.”
“Have you told anyone?”“我不知道,"他茫然地说,并且觉得没必要管它了。因为这实在是意外碰到的一堵石墙,而她突然感到特别乏,连骨头都酸疼了。她为什么要那样拼命工作,拼命挣扎,并把自己折磨完呢?每一番挣扎的结果都好像是失败在等待着嘲弄她。
“我不知怎么办好,"她说。"但是千万别让爸知道了。那会使他烦恼的。”“我不会。"
“你告诉过别人吗?"Yes, she thought, everyone always came right to her with bad news and she was tired of it.
“Where is Mr. Wilkes? Perhaps he’ll have some suggestion.”Will turned his mild gaze on her and she felt, as from the first day when Ashley came home, that he knew everything.
“He’s down in the orchard splittin’ rails. I heard his axe when I was puttin’ up the horse. But he ain’t got any money any more than we have.”是的,她想,无论是谁听到了什么坏消息都会立即来找她的,而她对此感到烦透了。
“威尔克斯先生在哪里?说不定他能出些主意。"威尔用温和的眼光看着她,这使她感到,就像从艾希礼回家的头一天那样,他是什么都明白的。
“他在下面果园里劈栅栏呢。我刚才拴马时听见他的斧子声。不过他赚到的钱决不会比我们所有的更多一些。"Will did not take offense but continued rubbing his hands before the flame. “Better get your shawl, Miss Scarlett. It’s raw outside.”
But she went without the shawl, for it was upstairs and her need to see Ashley and lay her troubles before him was too urgent to wait.威尔不表示反对,但继续在炉火前搓着双手。"最好披上你的围巾,思嘉小姐。外面怪冷的。"
可是她没戴围巾便出去了,因为围巾在楼上,而她现在需要见艾希礼,把她遇到的麻烦摆在他面前。这可是非常紧急的事,不容再等了。She went through the orchard under the bare boughs and the damp weeds beneath them wet her feet. She could hear the sound of the axe ringing as Ashley split into rails the logs hauled from the swamp. Replacing the fences the Yankees had so blithely burned was a long hard task. Everything was a long hard task, she thought wearily, and she was tired of it, tired and mad and sick of it all. If only Ashley were her husband, instead of Melanie’s, how sweet it would be to go to him and lay her head upon his shoulder and cry and shove her burdens onto him to work out as best he might.
She rounded a thicket of pomegranate trees which were shaking bare limbs in the cold wind and saw him leaning on his axe, wiping his forehead with the back of his hand. He was wearing the remains of his butternut trousers and one of Gerald’s shirts, a shirt which in better times went only to Court days and barbecues, a ruffled shirt which was far too short for its present owner. He had hung his coat on a tree limb, for the work was hot, and he stood resting as she came up to him.她从光秃秃的树枝下穿过果园,她的双脚全被潮湿的野草打湿了。她听见从沼泽地传来艾希礼劈栅栏时斧子震动的响音。要把北方佬恣意烧光的那些篱笆重新修复,是一桩很艰苦而费时的劳动。一切工作都是艰苦费时的,她很不耐烦地这样想,并为此感到既厌倦又恼火又烦闷透了。假如艾希礼就是她的丈夫而不是媚兰的,那么她去找他时,可以把自己的头靠在他的肩膀上嚷着搡着,将身上的负担都推给他,叫他尽最大的努力加以解决,那该有多好埃.
她绕过一丛在寒风中摇摆着光秃秃的树枝的石榴树,便看见他倚着斧把,用手背擦拭着额头。他身上穿的是一条粗布裤子和一件杰拉尔德的衬衫,这件衬衫以前完好的时候只有开庭和参加野宴时才穿的,如今已经邹巴巴的,穿在新主人身上显然是太短了。他把上衣挂在树枝上,因为这种劳动是要流大汗的,她走过来时,他正站着休息。She could endure the sight of her own child in aprons made of sacking and the girls in dingy old gingham, could bear it that Will worked harder than any field hand, but not Ashley. He was too fine for all this, too infinitely dear to her. She would rather split logs herself than suffer while he did it.
“They say Abe Lincoln got his start splitting rails,” he said as she came up to him. “Just think to what heights I may climb!”她能容忍让自己的孩子用麻布袋作围裙,姑娘们穿着肮脏的旧布衣裳,让威尔比大田里苦力工作得更辛苦,可是决不忍心让艾希礼受这种委屈。他太文雅了,对于她来说是太宝贵了。决不能让他过这样的生活,她宁愿自己去劈木头,免得眼见他干这种活时自己心里难受。
“人们说亚伯.林肯就是劈栅栏出身的呢,"当她走上前来时艾希礼这样说。“想想看,我可能爬到多么高的地位!"Abruptly she told him Will’s news, tersely and in short words, feeling a sense of relief as she spoke. Surely, he’d have something helpful to offer. He said nothing but, seeing her shiver, he took his coat and placed it about her shoulders.
“Well,” she said finally, “doesn’t it occur to you that well have to get the money somewhere?”“Yes,” he said, “but where?”
“I’m asking you,” she replied, annoyed. The sense of relief at unburdening herself had disappeared. Even if he couldn’t help, why didn’t he say something comforting, even if it was only: “Oh, I’m so sorry.”她直截了当地把威尔带来的消息告诉他,话是那和简洁,一说出来觉得便如释重负了。当然,他会提供一些有益的意见的。可是他什么也没说,只不过发现她正在哆嗦时连忙把上衣取下来披在她的肩上。
“怎么,"她终于说,"难道你不觉得我们必须从哪儿弄到那笔钱吗?"“当然,“他说,"可是哪儿有弄呢?"
“我在问你呀,"她有点恼火的答道。那种卸了担子的感觉早已消失。即使他帮不上忙,可为什么连句宽慰的话也没有,哪怕说一声“唔,我很抱歉"也可以埃.“In all these months since I’ve been home I’ve only heard of one person, Rhett Butler, who actually has money,” he said.
Aunt Pittypat had written Melanie the week before that Rhett was back in Atlanta with a carriage and two fine horses and pocketfuls of greenbacks. She had intimated, however, that he didn’t come by them honestly. Aunt Pitty had a theory, largely shared by Atlanta, that Rhett had managed to get away with the mythical millions of the Confederate treasury.“Don’t let’s talk about him,” said Scarlett shortly. “He’s a skunk if ever there was one. What’s to become of us all?”
Ashley put down the axe and looked away and his eyes seemed to be journeying to some far-off country where she could not follow.“我回来好几个月了,只听说过一个人是真正有钱的。那就是瑞德.巴特勒,"他说。
原来上星期皮蒂帕特姑妈已给媚兰寄来了信,说瑞德带了一辆马车和两匹骏马以及满袋满袋的美钞回到了亚特兰大。不过她表示了这样的意思,即他的这些东西都是来路不正的。皮蒂姑妈有这种看法,这在亚特兰大颇为流行,那就是瑞德曾经设法夹带联盟州金库里一笔数百万的神秘款子跑掉了。“让我们别谈他了。"思嘉打断他的话头。"只要世界上有下流坯,他就算是一个。可是,我们大家会怎么样呢?"
艾希礼放下斧子,朝前望去,他的眼光仿佛伸向很远很远她无法跟上的地方。She felt like snapping out abruptly: “To hell with everybody in the South! What about us?” but she remained silent because the tired feeling was back on her more strongly than ever. Ashley wasn’t being any help at all.
“In the end what will happen will be what has happened whenever a civilization breaks up. The people who have brains and courage come through and the ones who haven’t are winnowed out. At least, it has been interesting, if not comfortable, to witness a Gotterdammerung.”“A what?”
“A dusk of the gods. Unfortunately, we Southerners did think we were gods.”她觉得想要突然大喊:“让南部的每个人见鬼去吧!问题是我们怎么办?"但是她忍着没有说,因为那种厌倦的感觉又回到她心头,而且比以前更强烈了。原来艾希礼竟一点忙也帮不上。
“到头来究竟会怎么样,只要看看历史上每当一种文明遭到毁灭时所发生的情况就知道了。那些有头脑有勇气的人会存在下去,而那些没有头脑和勇气的就将被淘汰掉。我们能亲眼看到这样一次Gotterdammerung这尽管令人不怎么舒服,但毕竟还是很有趣的。"“看到一次什么?"
“一次诸神的末日。不幸的是我们南方人并不承认自己是神。"Something of her exasperated weariness seemed to penetrate his mind, calling it back from its wanderings, for he raised her hands with tenderness and, turning them palm up, looked at the calluses.
“These are the most beautiful hands I know,” he said and kissed each palm lightly. “They are beautiful because they are strong and every callus is a medal, Scarlett, every blister an award for bravery and unselfishness. They’ve been roughened for all of us, your father, the girls, Melanie, the baby, the negroes and for me. My dear, I know what you are thinking. You’re thinking, ‘Here stands an impractical fool talking tommyrot about dead gods when living people are in danger.’ Isn’t that true?”她这种夸张了的疲惫似乎稍渗入他的心灵,将他从遥远的遐想中唤了回来,因而他亲切地捧起她的双手,把她的手翻转过来,手心朝上,审视手上的老茧。“这是我一生中见过的最美的两只手,"他一面说,一面轻轻亲吻两只手心。
“这双手很美,因为这双手很坚强,每个老茧都象一枚纪念章,思嘉,每个血泡都是对你勇敢无私的奖赏。这双手是为了我们大家,为了你父亲,那些女孩子,媚兰,那婴儿,那些黑人,以及我,而磨出老茧来的。亲爱的,我知道你现在在想什么。你是在想,'这里站着一个不切实际的傻瓜在空谈关于古代诸神的废话,而活着的人却面临危机,'难道不是这样?"“And you came to me, hoping I could help you. Well, I can’t.”
His eyes were bitter as he looked toward the axe and the pile of logs.“My home is gone and all the money that I so took for granted I never realized I had it. And I am fitted for nothing in this world, for the world I belonged in has gone. I can’t help you, Scarlett, except by learning with as good grace as possible to be a clumsy farmer. And that won’t keep Tara for you. Don’t you think I realize the bitterness of our situation, living here on your charity— Oh, yes, Scarlett, your charity. I can never repay you what you’ve done for me and for mine out of the kindness of your heart. I realize it more acutely every day. And every day I see more clearly how helpless I am to cope with what has come on us all— Every day my accursed shrinking from realities makes it harder for me to face the new realities. Do you know what I mean?”
She nodded. She had no very clear idea what he meant but she clung breathlessly on his words, this was the first time he had ever spoken to her of the things he was thinking when he seemed so remote from her. It excited her as if she were on the brink of a discovery.“你现在跑到我这里来,是希望我能帮助你。可是我没这能耐。"
他用困苦的眼光望着那把斧子和那堆木头。“我的家和全部财产都早已经完了,我过去从来不清楚那些财产是归我所有的。我在这个世界上已毫无用处,因为我所属于的那个世界已经消失。我无法帮助你,思嘉,只能以尽可能老老实实的态度学着当个农夫。可这样做并不能帮你保全塔拉。你以为我们在这里依靠你的周济过活,还不明白这处境的悲惨吗--唔,是的,全靠你的周济,我永远也报答不了你为我和我们一家人所作的牺牲,出自你仁慈心肠的牺牲。我一天天愈来愈深切地感觉到这一点。我愈来愈清楚地看到自己多么无能,以致不配接受这加诸我们身上的所有恩惠。我这种可恨的逃避现实的习性,使得我愈来愈难以面对目前的现实了。你明白我的意思吗?"
她点点头,她对于他说的意思并没有一个十分清楚的概念,可是她平心静气地听着他的每一句话。这是他头一次向她倾诉自己心中的想法,尽管他外表上显得离她那么远。她非常激动,仿佛自己面临着一个新的发现似的。He stopped and smiled faintly, shivering a little as the cold wind went through his thin shirt.
“In other words, Scarlett, I am a coward.”His talk of shadow shows and hazy outlines conveyed-no meaning to her but his last words were in language she could understand. She knew they were untrue. Cowardice was not in him. Every line of his slender body spoke of generations of brave and gallant men and Scarlett knew his war record by heart.
“Why, that’s not so! Would a coward have climbed on the cannon at Gettysburg and rallied the men? Would the General himself have written Melanie a letter about a coward? And—”说到这里他停了下来,浅浅地一笑,同时因风寒衣薄而微微颤抖。
“换句话说,思嘉,我是个懦夫。”他那些关于影子戏和模糊轮廓的话,对她没有任何意义,可是最后一句话却是她在语言上能够听懂的。她知道这不是真话。他身上没有懦弱的成分。他细长身躯上的每根线条都表明他家历代祖先的英俊勇敢,而且他在这次战争中的经历是思嘉所深知的。
“怎么,实际上并不是这样!难道一个懦夫会在葛底斯堡爬上大炮去鼓舞士兵重新战斗吗?难道将军会亲自给媚兰写信谈一个懦夫的事迹吗?还有--"His words came slowly and with difficulty as if it hurt to speak them and he seemed to stand off and look with a sad heart at what he had said. Had any other man spoken so, Scarlett would have dismissed such protestations contemptuously as mock modesty and a bid for praise. But Ashley seemed to mean them and there was a look in his eyes which eluded her—not fear, not apology, but the bracing to a strain which was inevitable and overwhelming. The wintry wind swept her damp ankles and she shivered again but her shiver was less from the wind than from the dread his words evoked in her heart.
“But, Ashley, what are you afraid of?”他的话说得缓慢而又颇为吃力,仿佛说出来使他感到痛心,因此要站到一旁来伤心地看这些话似的。要是别人这样说,思嘉准会轻蔑地把这些武断之言当作假意谦虚或者希图得到赞扬而不予理睬。可是艾希礼好像真是这样想的,他的眼睛里还流露出对她躲躲闪闪的神色--这不是恐惧,不是抱歉,而是对于一种无法避免又势不可当的压力的紧张心情。寒风吹拂着她又湿又冷的双脚,她又瑟瑟颤抖起来,但这颤抖与其说由于冷风,不如说由于他的话在她心中激起了恐怖。
“不过,艾希礼,你究竟害怕什么呢?”“Melanie is the gentlest of dreams and a part of my dreaming. And if the war had not come I would have lived out my life, happily buried at Twelve Oaks, contentedly watching life go by and never being a part of it. But when the war came, life as it really is thrust itself against me. The first time I went into action—it was at Bull Run, you remember—I saw my boyhood friends blown to bits and heard dying horses scream and learned the sickeningly horrible feeling of seeing men crumple up and spit blood when I shot them. But those weren’t the worst things about the war, Scarlett. The worst thing about the war was the people I had to live with.
“I had sheltered myself from people an my life, I had carefully selected my few friends. But the war taught me I had created a world of my own with dream people in it. It taught me what people really are, but it didn’t teach me how to live with them. And I’m afraid I’ll never learn. Now, I know that in order to support my wife and child, I will have to make my way among a world of people with whom I have nothing in common. You, Scarlett, are taking life by the horns and twisting it to your will. But where do I fit in the world any more? I tell you I am afraid.”“媚兰是个最轻柔的梦,是我的梦想的一部分。假如战争没有发生,我会悠闲地平静地度过我的一生,幸福地长眠在'十二橡树'村,心满意足地看着生命消逝而不觉得自己就是它的一部分。可是战争一来,生活的真面目就站出来反对我。我第一次投身于战争时--你知道那是布尔溪战役--我看到我的童年伙伴们被击得粉碎,濒死的马匹在厉声嘶叫,这使我领略到开枪杀人和眼看他们倒下喷血时那种令人作呕的恐怖感觉。可这些还不是战争中经历的最坏情景,思嘉。战争中最恶劣的是我必须同他们相处的那些人。
“我一生都在回避不去与人们打交道,因此只交了很少的几位朋友。经过战争后使我明白,我曾经创造过一个自己的世界,其中住着的都是些幻想人物。它教育我真实的人是什么样的,不过它却没有教我怎样同这些人在一起生活。我怕的是永远也学不会了。现在我知道,为了赡养我的妻子儿女,我必须在那些与我毫无共同之处的人们中间开辟自己的一条生路。至于你,思嘉你是抓住双角和生活扭打,让它顺从你的意志。可是我还能怎样去适应生活呢?告诉你,我非常害怕这一点。"“Scarlett, I don’t know just when it was that the bleak realization came over me that my own private shadow show was over. Perhaps in the first five minutes at Bull Run when I saw the first man I killed drop to the ground. But I knew it was over and I could no longer be a spectator. No, I suddenly found myself on the curtain, an actor, posturing and making futile gestures. My little inner world was gone, invaded by people whose thoughts were not my thoughts, whose actions were as alien as a Hottentot’s. They’d tramped through my world with slimy feet and there was no place left where I could take refuge when things became too bad to stand. When I was in prison, I thought: When the war is over, I can go back to the old life and the old dreams and watch the shadow show again. But, Scarlett, there’s no going back. And this which is facing all of us now is worse than war and worse than prison—and, to me, worse than death. ... So, you see, Scarlett, I’m being punished for being afraid.”
“But, Ashley,” she began, floundering in a quagmire of bewilderment, “if you’re afraid we’ll starve, why—why— Oh, Ashley, we’ll manage somehow! I know we will!”“思嘉,我不知道究竟是什么时候我才孤独而绝望地明白我个人的那出影子戏已经完了。也许就是布尔溪战役爆发后五分钟。当看到我杀死的第一个人倒地的时候就结束了。但那时我明白事情已经结束,我再也不能当旁观者了。不,我突然发现自己到了影幕上,成了一个演员,在徒劳地摆姿势,我那小小的内心世界已经消失,被人们侵占去了,这些人的思想不是我的思想,他的行动也像野蛮人的行动那样与我根本不同。他们用污秽的脚到处蹂躏我的小天地,以致使情况坏到难以容忍时我也找不到一席躲避之地。我在监狱里时曾经这样想:战争结束后,我可以回到以前的生活和旧的梦想中去,并且再看看那影子戏,但是,思嘉,回去是不可能的。而当前我们大家面临的是比战争还要坏,比监狱还要坏--对我来说比死亡还要坏的局面……所以,你看,思嘉,我是由于害怕而在受惩罚呢。"
“但是,艾希礼,"她开口说,就像在一片令人困惑的泥沼中挣扎,"如果你担心我们会挨饿,那么--那么--啊,艾希礼我们总是会想出办法的!我知道我们会的!"Scarlett thought despairingly that Melanie would know what he meant. Melly and he were always talking such foolishness, poetry and books and dreams and moonrays and star dust. He was not fearing the things she feared, not the gnawing of an empty stomach, nor the keenness of the winter wind nor eviction from Tara. He was shrinking before some fear she had never known and could not imagine. For, in God’s name, what was there to fear in this wreck of a world but hunger and cold and the loss of home?
And she had thought that if she listened closely she would know the answer to Ashley.“Oh!” she said and the disappointment in her voice was that of a child who opens a beautifully wrapped package to find it empty. At her tone, he smiled ruefully as though apologizing.
“Forgive me, Scarlett, for talking so. I can’t make you understand because you don’t know the meaning of fear. You have the heart of a lion and an utter lack of imagination and I envy you both of those qualities. You’ll never mind facing realities and you’ll never want to escape from them as I do.”思嘉绝望地思索着,觉得也许媚兰会听懂他这句话的意思。媚兰和他经常谈这样的蠢话,什么诗呀,书本呀,梦呀,月色呀,流星尘呀,等等。他不害怕她所怕的那些事物,不害怕肚子饿着,不害怕寒风刺骨,也不害怕从塔拉被赶出来。而他现在正面对着嗦嗦发抖的恐惧,这是她所从未经历过也无法想像的。因为,她坚信,在这个劫后至残的世界上,除了饥饿和寒冷,以及丧失家园,还有什么比这更要怕的呢?
而且她思量过,只要她注意倾听,她是会知道怎样去回答艾希礼的。“啊!"她声音里含着失望之情,仿佛一个孩子打开装潢漂亮的盒子后发现里面空无一物似的。听到这样的声调,他只好惨然一笑,好像在表示歉意。
“原谅我讲了这样的话,思嘉,我没有办法使你理解,因为你不明白恐惧的含义。你有一颗狮子般的心,同时又缺少想像力,对于这两种禀性我都非常妒忌你。你永远也不会害怕面对现实,你永远也不需要像我这样逃避现实。"It was as if that were the only understandable word he had spoken. Ashley, like her, was tired of the struggle and he wanted to escape. Her breath came fast.
“Oh, Ashley,” she cried, “you’re wrong. I do want to escape, too. I am so very tired of it all!”His eyebrows went up in disbelief and she laid a hand, feverish and urgent, on his arm.
“Listen to me,” she began swiftly, the words tumbling out one over the other. “I’m tired of it all, I tell you. Bone tired and I’m not going to stand it any longer. I’ve struggled for food and for money and I’ve weeded and hoed and picked cotton and I’ve even plowed until I can’t stand it another minute. I tell you, Ashley, the South is dead! It’s dead! The Yankees and the free niggers and the Carpetbaggers have got it and there’s nothing left for us. Ashley, let’s run away!”仿佛这才是他所说的唯一能懂的字眼,原来艾希礼也像她那样对斗争感到厌倦了,所以他要逃避。她想到这里便呼吸紧迫起来。
“啊,艾希礼,"她嚷道,"你错了。我也想逃避呀。我对这一切简直厌倦极了!“他困惑地扬起眉头,思嘉却把一只滚热而殷切的手放在他的臂膀上了。
“听我说,"她滔滔不绝地连忙说起来。"告诉你,我对这一切都厌倦了。简直厌倦到极点,再也不想忍受下去了。我曾经为吃的用的拼命挣扎过,我拼命拔草,锄地,摘棉花,甚至扶犁耙,直到连一分钟也坚持不下去了为止。我告诉你,艾希礼,南方已经死了!它已经全灭了!那些北方佬和自由黑鬼以及提包党人抓住了它,什么也没我们的份儿了。艾希礼,让我们逃走吧!"“Yes, let’s run away—leave them all! I’m tired of working for the folks. Somebody will take care of them. There’s always somebody who takes care of people who can’t take care of themselves. Oh, Ashley, let’s run away, you and I. We could go to Mexico—they want officers in the Mexican Army and we could be so happy there. I’d work for you, Ashley. I’d do anything for you. You know you don’t love Melanie—”
He started to speak, a stricken look on his face, but she stemmed his words with a torrent of her own.“You told me you loved me better than her that day— oh, you remember that day! And I know you haven’t changed! I can tell you haven’t changed! And you’ve just said she was nothing but a dream— Oh, Ashley, let’s go away! I could make you so happy. And anyway,” she added venomously, “Melanie can’t— Dr. Fontaine said she couldn’t ever have any more children and I could give you—”
His hands were on her shoulders so tightly that they hurt and she stopped, breathless.“是的,让我们逃走--丢下他们所有的人!我实在懒得替他们干下去了。有人会照顾他们的。经常有人会照顾那些不能照顾自己的人。啊,艾希礼,让我们逃走,你和我。我们可以到墨西哥去--墨西哥军队中需要军官,到那里我们会惬意的。我会替你做事,艾希礼,什么事我都会替你做。你知道你并不爱媚兰--"
这时艾希礼一怔,脸上浮现惊诧的神色,想要插嘴说话,可是她滔滔不绝的谈势把他的话头打断了。“那天你曾告诉我你更加爱我--啊,你是记得那一天的!而且我知道你并没有改变!我敢说你没有改变!而且你刚才还说她不过是个梦罢了--啊,艾希礼,我们逃走吧。我一定会使你快活的。无论如何,"她又恶狠狠地补充说,"媚兰可不能--方丹大夫说过她再也不能给你生孩子了,而我还能给你--"
他用双手紧紧抓住她的肩头,痛得她没有办法继续说下去,而且她已累得喘不过起来了。“We were to forget that day at Twelve Oaks.”
“Do you think I could ever forget it? Have you forgotten it? Can you honestly say you don’t love me?”He drew a deep breath and answered quickly.
“No. I don’t love you.”“That’s a lie.”
“Even if it is a lie,” said Ashley and his voice was deadly quiet, “it is not something which can be discussed.”“You mean—”
“你认为我会忘记吗?难道你已经忘记了?你能老老实实说你不爱我吗?"
他深深地吸了口气,然后赶紧回答。“不,我不爱你。”
“那是撒谎。”“即使是撒谎,"艾希礼的声音竟平静得可怕,"那也是不容讨论的事。"
“你的意思是----"“I could leave them—I’m sick of them—tired of them—”
He leaned toward her and, for a moment, she thought with a catch at her heart that he was going to take her in his arms. But instead, he patted her arm and spoke as one comforting a child.“I know you’re sick and tired. That’s why you are talking this way. You’ve carried the load of three men. But I’m going to help you—I won’t always be so awkward—”
“There’s only one way you can help me,” she said dully, “and that’s to take me away from here and give us a new start somewhere, with a chance for happiness. There’s nothing to keep us here.”“我能丢下他们--我已经厌恶他们--对他们不耐烦--"
他朝她俯过身去,这时她的心脏紧张得都要停止跳动了,她以为他要来拥抱她呢。但是,不,他只是拍拍她的臂膀,像抚慰一个小孩那样起来。“我知道你已经厌倦了,乏了。所以你才说出这样的话来。你已经肩负着三个男人的重担。不过我会帮助你的--我不会永远这样笨拙下去--"
“你要帮助我只有一个办法,"她阴郁地说,"那就是带我离开这里,让我们到别处去重新开始,寻找自己的幸福。这里已经没有什么值得我们留恋的了。"She looked at him with baffled longing and saw, as if for the first time, how the crescents of his lashes were the thick rich gold of ripe wheat, how proudly his head sat upon his bared neck and how the look of race and dignity persisted in his slim erect body, even through its grotesque rags. Her eyes met his, hers naked with pleading, his remote as mountain lakes under gray skies.
She saw in them defeat of her wild dream, her mad desires. Heartbreak and weariness sweeping over her, she dropped her head in her hands and cried. He had never seen her cry. He had never thought that women of her strong mettle had tears, and a flood of tenderness and remorse swept him. He came to her swiftly and in a moment had her in his arms, cradling her comfortingly, pressing her black head to his heart, whispering: “Dear! My brave dear—don’t! You mustn’t cry!”她怀着几经挫折的热望瞧着他,仿佛头一次看到他那两道新月形的眼睫毛浓密得犹如熟透的了金黄麦穗。他的头高傲地盘踞在裸露的脖子上,瘦长挺直的身躯充分体现出高贵和尊严品质,即使一身褴褛也掩盖不了。她的眼光同他的碰在一起了,她觉得自己的目光流露出期望之情,而对方的眼睛却像灰色在天空下的山中湖泊那么遥远。
她从他的眼睛里看出一种对于她的放荡梦想和狂热欲望的恐惧。一股伤心和疲惫的感觉浸过她的全身,她双手捧着头哭了。他从没见过她哭过。他从没想到像她那样性格刚强的妇女居然也有眼泪,这时他心中涌起怜爱和悔恨之情。他连忙靠近她,立即把她抱在怀里,亲切地抚慰着,把她的头紧紧贴在自己胸口上,低声说:“亲爱的!我的勇敢可爱的人儿--别这样!你千万不要哭呀!"There was a curious low roaring sound in her ears as of sea shells held against them and through the sound she dimly heard the swift thudding of her heart. Her body seemed to melt into his and, for a timeless time, they stood, fused together as his lips took hers hungrily as if he could never have enough.
When he suddenly released her she felt that she could not stand alone and gripped the fence for support. She raised eyes blazing with love and triumph to him.她觉得耳鼓里响起低低的怪叫声,好似是放在耳旁的海螺发出来的;她从这声音中听到自己的心脏在怦怦急跳。她的身体好像完全融化到他的身体中去了,也不知过了多久,他们合而为一地站着,他如饥似渴地紧紧吻着她的嘴唇,似乎永远也吻不够。
后来他突然放开她,她感到自己无法单独站住,便抓住篱笆来支撑着。她抬起那双燃烧着爱欲和胜利之火的眼睛望着他。His hands still rested on her shoulders and she felt them tremble and loved their trembling. She leaned toward him ardently but he held her away from him, looking at her with eyes from which all remoteness had fled, eyes tormented with struggle and despair.
“Don’t!” he said. “Don’t! If you do, I shall take you now, here.”She smiled a bright hot smile which was forgetful of time or place or anything but the memory of his mouth on hers.
Suddenly he shook her, shook her until her black hair tumbled down about her shoulders, shook her as if in a mad rage at her—and at himself.他的两手仍然搭在她肩上。她觉得他的手还在颤抖,并且很喜爱这样的颤抖。她热烈地向他凑过去,可是他却稍稍退却,没有让她贴近,同时用那双已经毫无疏远之意、而如今正苦于绝望挣扎的眼睛看着她。
“不要!不要这样!"他说。"如果你再这样,我就要对你无礼了。"她快活而热情地微笑着看着他,表示她已经忘记了时间、地点和一切,只记得他的嘴唇紧贴着她的嘴唇时的滋味。
他突然抓住她用力摇着,摇得她满头黑发凌乱地披散到肩上,仿佛怀着对她--和对他自己的满腔怒火在摇着她。It seemed as if her neck would snap if he shook her again. She was blinded by her hair and stunned by his action. She wrenched herself away and stared at him. There were small beads of moisture on his forehead and his fists were curled into claws as if in pain. He looked at her directly, his gray eyes piercing.
“It’s all my fault—none of yours and it will never happen again, because I am going to take Melanie and the baby and go.”“Go?” she cried in anguish. “Oh, no!”
“Yes, by God! Do you think I’ll stay here after this? When this might happen again—”看来如果他再摇下去,她的脖子就要摇断了,头发已经蒙住了她的双眼,她被他的行动吓呆了。她竭力挣脱开来,然后瞪着眼睛看着他。他的额上渗出小小的汗珠,他紧握双拳,似乎在经受某种痛苦。他直望着她的脸,那双灰色的眼睛仿佛要把她刺穿。
“这全是我的错--与你没关系,而且永远不会再发生了,因为我要带着媚兰和婴儿离开这里。"“离开?"她痛苦地嚷道,"啊,不!"
“是的,千真万确!你以为做了这种事我还会留下来吗?而且这种事以后还可能发生--”“You want me to say it? All right, I’ll say it. I love you.”
He leaned over her with a sudden savagery which made her shrink back against the fence.“I love you, your courage and your stubbornness and your fire and your utter ruthlessness. How much do I love you? So much that a moment ago I would have outraged the hospitality of the house which has sheltered me and my family, forgotten the best wife any man ever had—enough to take you here in the mud like a—”
She struggled with a chaos of thoughts and there was a cold pain in her heart as if an icicle had pierced it. She said haltingly: “If you felt like that—and didn’t take me—then you don’t love me.”“你还要我这样说吗?好,我就说,我爱你。"
他忽然鲁莽地向她凑过去,吓得她连忙朝后退,把身子靠到篱笆上。“我爱你,爱你的勇敢,爱你的顽强,爱你的情火,爱你那十足的冷酷无情。我爱你到什么程度,爱到我刚才几乎败坏了这所庇护过我和我一家的殷勤款待,爱到几乎忘掉了我那世界上再好不过的妻子--爱到我在这泥地里就能对你放肆,把你当作一个--"
她在一遍混乱思绪中挣扎,心里像被冰刀戳了似的,感到痛苦,感到心寒。她犹豫地说:“如果你有了那样的感觉--而又没有把我怎么样--那么你就是并不爱我。"They fell silent and looked at each other. Suddenly Scarlett shivered and saw, as if coming back from a long journey, that it was winter and the fields were bare and harsh with stubble and she was very cold. She saw too that the old aloof face of Ashley, the one she knew so well, had come back and it was wintry too, and harsh with hurt and remorse.
She would have turned and left him then, seeking the shelter of the house to hide herself, but she was too tired to move. Even speech was a labor and a weariness.There is nothing left,” she said at last. “Nothing left for me. Nothing to love. Nothing to fight for. You are gone and Tara is going.”
He looked at her for a long space and then, leaning, scooped up a small wad of red clay from the ground.他们相视对方,都不再说话了。突然思嘉打了个寒颤,她仿佛作了一次长途旅行后回来,看见这里还是冬天,赤裸裸的田野由于那些割剩的残梗而显得分外凄凉,她更觉得寒冷极了。同时也看见艾希礼苍老而冷漠的面孔,那张她如此熟悉的面孔,如今也回来了,那面孔也是一幅寒冬景象,并且由于伤痛和悔恨而显得越发萧瑟。
这时她真想掉过头来,抛下艾希礼,进屋去找个隐蔽的地方躲藏起来,可是她太疲倦了,懒得走动,甚至连说话也觉得劳累。“没有什么要说的了,"她终于说。"我是说,一切都完了。没有什么可爱的了。没有什么还值得奋斗的了。你走了,塔拉也很快就会完了。"
他注视着她,过了好一会,然后弯下腰从地上挖起一小块泥土。He took her limp hand and pressed the damp clay into it and closed her fingers about it. There was no fever in his hands now, nor in hers. She looked at the red soil for a moment and it meant nothing to her. She looked at him and realized dimly that there was an integrity of spirit in him which was not to be torn apart by her passionate hands, nor by any hands.
If it killed him, he would never leave Melanie. If he burned for Scarlett until the end of his days, he would never take her and he would fight to keep her at a distance. She would never again get through that armor. The words, hospitality and loyalty and honor, meant more to him than she did.他拿起她柔软的手,把那块润湿的泥土塞到她手里,把她的手指并拢。现在他的双手已经不发烫了,她的手也是这样。她朝那块泥土看了看,觉得这对她真是毫无意义。她看着他,渐渐模糊地认识到他身上有一种精神的完整性,那是她那双热情的手所无法分裂的,而且无论什么样的手都办不到。
即使你把他杀了,他也决不会抛弃媚兰。即使他至死热爱着思嘉,他也决不会同她苟合,并且会竭力设防与她保持一定的距离。她永远也不会穿过那身铁甲了。殷勤好客、忠诚名誉,这些字眼对他来说有着比她更大的意义。“Yes,” she said, I’ve still got this.”
At first, the words meant nothing and the clay was only red clay. But unbidden came the thought of the sea of red dirt which surrounded Tara and how very dear it was and how hard she had fought to keep it—how hard she was going to have to fight if she wished to keep it hereafter. She looked at him again and wondered where the hot flood of feeling had gone. She could think but could not feel, not about him nor Tara either, for she was drained of all emotion.“You need not go,” she said clearly. “I won’t have you all starve, simply because I’ve thrown myself at your head. It will never happen again.”
She turned away and started back toward the house across the rough fields, twisting her hair into a knot upon her neck. Ashley watched her go and saw her square her small thin shoulders as she went. And that gesture went to his heart, more than any words she had spoken.“对了,"她说,"我还拥有--这个呢。”
起初,她觉得艾希礼那些话毫无意思,而泥土只不过是红泥土而已。但她突然想起塔拉周围的红色海洋,觉得它多么可爱,而且为了保留它她曾多么艰苦地奋斗过--为了今后继续拥有它她还必需多么艰苦去进行奋斗。她再一次看着他,不知那炽热的感情洪流如今究竟到哪里去了。现在她可以静下来思考,但无法感觉,对艾希礼,还是对塔拉,都是这样,因为她的全部热情都已经枯干了。“你不必走,"她明白地说。"我不会让你们大家挨饿的,就算是我讨好你也罢。刚才那样的事再也不会发生了。"
她转身向荒地那边的房子走去,一面把她的头发整理成一个发髻贴在颈后。艾希礼目送着她,看她抬起瘦小的肩膀向前走去。而这一姿势映到他的心灵上,比她所说过的任何话都更加深刻。