Only till June! By June she must have the mill well enough established for her to leave it. By June she must have money enough to give her at least some little protection against misfortune. So much to do and so little time to do it! She wished for more hours of the day and counted the minutes, as she strained forward feverishly in her pursuit of money and still more money.
Because she nagged the timid Frank, the store was doing better now and he was even collecting some of the old bills. But it was the sawmill on which her hopes were pinned. Atlanta these days was like a giant plant which had been cut to the ground but now was springing up again with sturdier shoots, thicker foliage, more numerous branches. The demand for building materials was far greater than could be supplied. Prices of lumber, brick and stone soared and Scarlett kept the mill running from dawn until lantern light.总得要到六月呀!在六月以前,她一定得使木厂稳稳地站住脚跟,这才能够放心离开。在六月以前,她必须赚足够的钱,对可能发生的不幸作一点点防备。还有那么多事情要做,而时间这么短促。她希望一天能更长些,并且争分夺秒地拼命赚钱,赚更多的钱。
由于她喋喋不休责骂胆小的弗兰克,那店总算现在有了点起色,连一些老帐他也收了,但是思嘉还是把希望寄托在那家木厂上。如今的亚特兰大就像一棵被砍倒在地的大树,正在重新长出更茁壮的幼芽,更稠密的叶子,更繁茂的枝条。对建筑材料的可供应数量远远跟不上需求。木材、砖瓦和石头的价格在猛涨,思嘉经营的那家木厂从天一亮直到黄昏掌灯时分,始终忙得不亦乐乎。Soon she was a familiar sight on Atlanta’s streets, sitting in her buggy beside the dignified, disapproving old darky driver, a lap robe pulled high about her, her little mittened hands clasped in her lap. Aunt Pitty had made her a pretty green mantelet which hid her figure and a green pancake hat which matched her eyes, and she always wore these becoming garments on her business calls. A faint dab of rouge on her cheeks and a fainter fragrance of cologne made her a charming picture, as long as she did not alight from the buggy and show her figure. And there was seldom any need for this, for she smiled and beckoned and the men came quickly to the buggy and frequently stood bareheaded in the rain to talk business with her.
She was not the only one who had seen the opportunities for making money out of lumber, but she did not fear her competitors. She knew with conscious pride in her own smartness that she was the equal of any of them. She was Gerald’s own daughter and the shrewd trading instinct she had inherited was now sharpened by her needs.很快她就成了亚特兰大大街上一个时常能见到的人物。她坐在一辆轻便马车里,旁边是一位神情严肃、但不以为然的老黑人车夫。她把那条膝毯拉得高高地围着她的肚皮,那双戴手套的小手紧紧抱住膝盖。皮蒂姑妈给她做了一件漂亮的绿色短斗篷,可以遮住她的体形,还做了一顶绿色的扁平帽,和她的眼睛正好相配。她总是穿着这些得体服装出去做生意,并在双颊上抹上淡淡一点胭脂,再轻轻洒一点科隆香水,这使她看上去十分迷人,只要不从车里下来露出自己的体形就行了。实际上也很少需要也下车的事,因为她一微笑打个招呼,人们就会赶快跑过来,而且是光着脑袋冒雨站在车旁同她谈生意经。
她当然并不是唯一知道做木材生意好赚钱的人,但是她不惧怕竞争者。她对自己的精明颇为自豪,深信跟别人不相上下。她是杰拉尔德的亲生女儿,父亲遗传给她的那种狡猾的经商本能现在由于需要而磨练得炉火纯青了。There was no doubt what Ellen would say to a daughter who told lies and engaged in sharp practices. She would be stunned and incredulous and would speak gentle words that stung despite their gentleness, would talk of honor and honesty and truth and duty to one’s neighbor. Momentarily, Scarlett cringed as she pictured the look on her mother’s face. And then the picture faded, blotted out by an impulse, hard, unscrupulous and greedy, which had been born in the lean days at Tara and was now strengthened by the present uncertainty of life. So she passed this milestone as she had passed others before it—with a sigh that she was not as Ellen would like her to be, a shrug and the repetition of her unfailing charm: “I’ll think of all this later.”
But she never again thought of Ellen in connection with her business practices, never again regretted any means she used to take trade away from other lumber dealers. She knew she was perfectly safe in lying about them. Southern chivalry protected her. A Southern lady could lie about a gentleman but a Southern gentleman could not lie about a lady or, worse still, call the lady a liar. Other lumbermen could only fume inwardly and state heatedly, in the bosoms of their families, that they wished to God Mrs. Kennedy was a man for just about five minutes.爱伦对于一个撒谎和损人利己的女儿会怎样教训,那是很显而易见的。她会大吃一惊,难以置信,然后说些刺人但又不失文雅的话,教导应该如何对待名誉、诚实、真理和帮助自己的邻居,等等,思嘉一想像母亲脸上的神情,便禁不住畏缩起来。但是很快这个形象便变得模糊不清,被一种冷酷无情、不讲道德的贪婪的的冲动所抹煞,这种冲动产生于塔拉那些贫困的日子,如今又在目前不安定的生活中大大加强了。这样,她就跨过了这个里程碑,就像跨过以前那些阻止她行动的规范一样--她叹息自己已经不是爱伦所希望她做的那种人了,同时耸了耸肩,重复一遍她那句万应灵丹式的口诀:“我以后再去想这些吧。"
从此,在做生意方面她就彻底忘掉了爱伦,也再没有对自己抢别人买卖的手段内疚过了。她知道用谎言去损害人家,对她自己来说是绝对安全的。南方的绅士制度保护了她。南方的上等女人可以用谎言去损害一位绅士,而南方的绅士却无法用谎言来损害一个上等女人,更不能说这个上等女人是撒谎者。其他做木村生意的人只能在暗里发火,跟家人一起时激动地声称,但愿上帝保佑能让肯尼迪太太变成男人,哪怕五分钟也好。But Scarlett, for some reason she could not understand, did not want any of these. “I don’t want men who haven’t found something to do after a year,” she thought. “If they haven’t adjusted to peace yet, they couldn’t adjust to me. And they all look so hangdog and licked. I don’t want a man who’s licked. I want somebody who’s smart and energetic like Renny or Tommy Wellburn or Kells Whiting or one of the Simmons boys or—or any of that tribe. They haven’t got that I-don’t-care-about-anything look the soldiers had right after the surrender. They look like they cared a heap about a heap of things.”
But to her surprise the Simmons boys, who had started a brick kiln, and Kells Whiting, who was selling a preparation made up in his mother’s kitchen, that was guaranteed to straighten the lankiest negro hair in six applications, smiled politely, thanked her and refused. It was the same with the dozen others she approached. In desperation she raised the wage she was offering but she was still refused. One of Mrs. Merriwether’s nephews observed impertinently that while he didn’t especially enjoy driving a dray, it was his own dray and he would rather get somewhere under his own steam than Scarlett’s.不过,连思嘉自己也不明白,她不能要一个这样的人。“我不能要那些过了整整一年还没打到事情干的人,"她想。“要是他们还不能适应和平时期,他们也就无法适应我。而且他们看上去全都那么畏畏缩缩,像挨了揍似的。我可不要挨揍的人。我要的是精明能干,像雷尼或托米.韦尔伯恩或凯尔斯.惠廷那样的,或者像西蒙斯家的一个小伙子,或者--或者任何一个属于这一类的人。他们没有士兵们一投降便什么事也不管的那种神气。他们看上去像是十分关心许多事情呢。"
但是西蒙斯家的小伙子们正在开办一个砖窑,凯尔斯.惠廷在卖一种药剂,是从他母亲厨房里制作出来的,那是可以使黑人最卷缩的头发涂上六次就能变直的灵丹,他们居然都彬彬有礼地朝思嘉微微一笑,婉言谢绝了她的雇用,这叫她大吃一惊。她又试了试许多别的人,结果都一样。实在无法了,她决定提高工资,但还是遭到了拒绝。梅里韦瑟太太有个侄子甚至傲慢地对她说,虽然他并不特别喜欢赶大车,但大车毕竟是他自己的,他宁愿自食其力使事业有所发展,也不愿到思嘉那里去。“Look here, Renny, why don’t you come and work for me? Managing a mill is a sight more respectable than driving a pie wagon. I’d think, you’d be ashamed.”
“Me, I am dead to shame,” grinned René. “Who would be respectable? All of my days I was respectable until ze war set me free lak ze darkies. Nevaire again must I be deegneefied and full of ennui. Free lak ze bird! I lak my pie wagon. I lak my mule. I lak ze dear Yankees who so kindly buy ze pie of Madame Belle Mère. No, my Scarlett, I must be ze King of ze Pies. Eet ees my destiny! Lak Napoleon, I follow my star.” He flourished his whip dramatically.“But you weren’t raised to sell pies any more than Tommy was raised to wrastle with a bunch of wild Irish masons. My kind of work is more—”
“And I suppose you were raised to run a lumber mill,” said Tommy, the corners of his mouth twitching. “Yes, I can just see little Scarlett at her mother’s knee, lisping her lesson, ‘Never sell good lumber if you can get a better price for bad.’ ”“雷内,你看,为什么你不到我的木厂干活?经营一家木厂可比赶一辆馅饼车要体面呢。我想你大概觉得不太好意思呢?"
“我吗,我看也没有什么不好意思的,“雷内咧嘴笑笑说。“什么算体面呢?我倒一向是体面的,直到这场战争将我像黑人一样解放了。我再也不必像过去那么高贵和闲得无聊了。我自由得像只小鸟了。我喜欢我的馅饼车。我喜欢我的骡子。我喜欢亲爱的北方佬,他们好心地买我岳母的馅饼。不,我的思嘉,我决心要成为馅饼大王。这是我命中注定了的!就像拿破仑一样,我听天由命。"他高兴地挥舞起他的鞭子。“但是你父母把你养大,决不是让你来卖馅饼的,就像把托米养大不是来对付那帮粗野的爱尔兰泥瓦匠一样。而我那里的工作可要--"
“那么你的父母准是把你养大来经营木厂的吧,"托米插嘴说,嘴角抽搐了一下。"是的,我正看见那个小小的思嘉在母亲膝头上,咬着舌头在背课文:'要是次木料能卖好价钱,可千万别卖好木料呀。'"“Don’t be impudent,” said Scarlett coldly, for she saw little humor in Tommy’s remark. “Of course, I wasn’t raised to run a sawmill.”
“I didn’t mean to be impudent. But you are running a sawmill, whether you were raised to it or not. And running it very well, too. Well, none of us, as far as I can see, are doing what we intended to do right now, but I think well make out just the same. It’s a poor person and a poor nation that sits down and cries because life isn’t precisely what they expected it to be. Why don’t you pick up some enterprising Carpetbagger to work for you, Scarlett? The woods are full of them, God knows.”“放肆,"思嘉冷冷地说,因为她听不出托米的话时有多少幽默。"当然我父母养育了我,可不是叫我来开木厂的。"
“我并没有放肆的意思。不过你是在开木厂呀,不管你父母养你时是不是就要你干这一行。事实上你干得很好。得了,依我看,我们中间谁都不是在干原先打算干的那一行,不过我想我们照样都还干得不错呢。如果生活不能完全如意便坐下来哭鼻子,那才是可怜虫,才是一个可怜的民族。思嘉,你干吗不去找个有气力的提包党人来替你干活呀?上帝知道,树林里有的是!"“You don’t want much. And you won’t get it for the wage you’re offering. All the men of that description, barring the badly maimed ones, have already got something to do. They may be round pegs in square holes but they’ve all got something to do. Something of their own that they’d rather do than work for a woman.”
“Men haven’t got much sense, have they, when you get down to rock bottom?”“Maybe not but they’ve got a heap of pride,” said Tommy soberly.
“Pride! Pride tastes awfully good, especially when the crust is flaky and you put meringue on it,” said Scarlett tartly.“你的要求倒不算高呢。不过照你出的工钱,你是找不到这样的人的。你说的那种人,除非是完全残废的,现在全都找到了工作。他们也许不适宜干当前的活,不过他们毕竟全都在干着呢。"
“只要你了解底细,就会发现很多男人是没有多少头脑的,难道不是吗?"“也许这样,不过他们还是很有自尊心的,"托米冷静地说。
“自尊心!我看自尊心的味道好得很,尤其在外皮容易剥落时放点蛋白糖霜,味道就更好了,"思嘉尖刻地说。Tommy shrugged.
“You’ve got a hard way of looking at things, Scarlett,” he said. “But you think Hugh over. You could go far and do worse. I think his honesty and his willingness will outweigh his lack of gumption.”Scarlett did not answer, for she did not want to be too rude. But to her mind there were few, if any, qualities that out-weighed gumption
After she had unsuccessfully canvassed the town and refused the importuning of many eager Carpetbaggers, she finally decided to take Tommy’s suggestion and ask Hugh Elsing. He had been a dashing and resourceful officer during the war, but two severe wounds and four years of fighting seemed to have drained him of all his resourcefulness, leaving him to face the rigors of peace as bewildered as a child. There was a lost-dog look in his eyes these days as he went about peddling his firewood, and he was not at all the kind of man she had hoped to get.托米耸了耸肩膀。
“你看事情的眼光可真够厉害的了,思嘉,"他说。"但是,你可以再考虑一下休。事情做过头了反而会更糟的。我想,他的忠厚老实和心甘情愿会弥补他的气力不足,而绰绰有余呢。".思嘉没有回答,因为她不想太粗率.在她内心,几乎没有或很少的一些品质可以和气力相比较.
思嘉在全城游说遍了没有成功,而许多想干的提包党人却跑来纠缠不休。但都被她拒绝了。最后她终于决定接受托米的建议,让休.埃尔辛来干。休在战争时期是位干劲很大、足智多谋的军官,但是打了四年仗,受过两次伤,他的全部智谋好像已经干涸,如今面对和平时期这一严峻的现实,像个孩子般糊涂起来了。近来他挑着柴火到处叫卖时,眼睛里流露出一种丧家犬的神色,看来压根儿不是思嘉所希望雇到的那种人。Scarlett had little use these days for honesty in herself, but the less she valued it in herself the more she was beginning to value it in others.
“It’s a pity Johnnie Gallegher is tied up with Tommy Wellburn on that construction work,” she thought. “He’s just the kind of man I want He’s hard as nails and slick as a snake, but he’d be honest if it paid him to be honest I understand him and he understands me and we could do business together very well. Maybe I can get him when the hotel is finished and till then I’ll have to make out on Hugh and Mr. Johnson. If I put Hugh in charge of the new mill and leave Mr. Johnson at the old one, I can stay in town and see to the selling while they handle the milling and hauling. Until I can get Johnnie I’ll have to risk Mr. Johnson robbing me if I stay in town all the time. If only he wasn’t a thief! I believe I’ll build a lumber yard on half that lot Charles left me. If only Frank didn’t holler so loud about me building a saloon on the other half! Well, I shall build the saloon just as soon as I get enough money ahead, no matter how he takes on. If only Frank wasn’t so thin skinned. Oh, God, if only I wasn’t going to have a baby at this of all times! In a little while I’ll be so big I can’t go out. Oh, God, if only I wasn’t going to have a baby! And oh, God, if the damned Yankees will only let me alone! If—”这些日子思嘉并不怎么需要老实,不过她越是不看重自己的老实,便越发看重别人的老实了。
“可惜的是约翰尼.加勒格尔正同托米.韦尔伯恩合伙在盖房子,"她想。"他才是我想要的那种人,硬像钉子,滑得像蛇,要是给他的报酬合适,他也会老老实实的。我了解他,他也了解我,我们可以很好地共事。也许等那家旅馆盖好之后,我就可以把他弄过来了。在这之前,我只好让休和约翰逊先生将就对付着。要是我让休负责新厂,让约翰逊留在老厂里,我自己就可待在城里管推销,锯木和运输的事由他们去办。不过,要是我总留在城里,那么在请到约翰尼之前,还得冒约翰逊先生偷木料的风险。他要不是个贼就好了!我想将查尔斯留给我的那块地分一半盖个木料堆置常只要弗兰克不在我面前那么大声叫嚷,我还想用另一半地建一个酒馆呢!不管他怎样抗议,只要拿到了足够的钱,我马上就要建酒馆的。要是弗兰克的面皮不那么嫩就好了。啊,天哪,要不是我偏偏在这个时候要生孩子,那多好呀!很快我的肚子就要大得不能出门了。哦,天哪,我怎么就要生孩子了呢?而且,天哪,要是那些该死的北方佬不来管我,要是--"Half of what she made every month went to Will at Tara, part to Rhett to repay his loan and the rest she hoarded. No miser ever counted his gold oftener than she and no miser ever had greater fear of losing it. She would not put the money in the bank, for it might fail or the Yankees might confiscate it. So she carried what she could with her, tucked into her corset, and hid small wads of bills about the house, under loose bricks on the hearth, in her scrap bag, between the pages of the Bible. And her temper grew shorter and shorter as the weeks went by, for every dollar she saved would be just one more dollar to lose if disaster descended.
她每月挣的钱,一半寄到塔拉交给了威尔,一部分还瑞德的债,其余的便自己存起来。没有哪个守财奴比她数钱数得更勤,也没有哪个守财奴比她更害怕失去这些钱。她不肯把钱存到银行里去,因为怕银行倒闭,或者北方佬可能要没收。所以她把钱尽量带在自己身边,塞在自己的紧身衣内,将一小叠一小叠的钞票藏在屋子周围放在壁炉的砖缝里,放在废物袋内,夹在《圣经》的书页中。一个星期又一个星期过去,她的脾气越来越暴躁,因为多省下一块钱,到了灾难临头时,就会多丢掉一块钱埃.
“Death and taxes and childbirth! There’s never any convenient time for any of them!”
Atlanta had been scandalized enough when Scarlett, a woman, began operating the sawmill but as time went by, the town decided there was no limit to what she would do. Her sharp trading was shocking, especially when her poor mother had been a Robillard, and it was positively indecent the way she kept on going about the streets when everyone knew she was pregnant. No respectable white woman and few negroes ever went outside their homes from the moment they first suspected they were with child, and Mrs. Merriwether declared indignantly that from the way Scarlett was acting she was likely to have the baby on the public streets.“死亡,纳税,生孩子!这三件事,那一件也没有合适的时间容你选择的!”
当思嘉作为一个女人开始经营木厂时,亚特兰大普遍感到震惊。经后随着时光的流逝,大家更断定她这个人是什么事都做得出来的。她做生意使用的残酷手段令人骇异,何况她可怜的母亲还是罗毕拉德家的小姐呢。并且,当谁都知道她怀了孕的时候,她却照样在大街上到处奔跑,这就更加令人难以接受了。无论哪个正派的白女或黑人妇女,只要一杯疑自己有了身孕,便几乎都不再迈出家门,因此梅里韦瑟太太愤怒地说,从思嘉的所作所为来看,她大概是想把孩子生在大街上了!Mrs. Merriwether and many other Southerners were also doing business with the newcomers from the North, but the difference was that they did not like it and plainly showed they did not like it. And Scarlett did, or seemed to, which was just as bad. She had actually taken tea with the Yankee officers’ wives in their homes! In fact, she had done practically everything short of inviting them into her own home, and the town guessed she would do even that, except for Aunt Pitty and Frank.
Scarlett knew the town was talking but she did not care, could not afford to care. She still hated the Yankees with as fierce a hate as on the day when they tried to burn Tara, but she could dissemble that hate. She knew that if she was going to make money, she would have to make it out of the Yankees, and she had learned that buttering them up with smiles and kind words was the surest way to get their business for her mill.梅里韦瑟太太和许多别的南方人也在同刚来这里的北方佬做生意,但不同的是他们并不情愿,而且公开地表示不喜欢。可思嘉却是喜欢,或者说,似乎喜欢,那一样是够糟的了。她确实在北方佬军官家里同他们的妻子喝过茶呢!实际上她什么事都干过,只差没邀请他们到她自己家里来了,而且全城的人都在猜想,要是没有皮蒂姑妈和弗兰克,她准会请他们去的。
思嘉知道全城人都在议论她,但她并不在乎,也顾不上去计较。她对北方佬的恨还是同当年他们想烧掉塔拉时那样厉害,不过她能够把这种仇恨掩盖起来。她明白,如果她打算赚钱,便只能从北方佬那里去捞,而且她也明白,用微笑和好言好语去巴结他们,准能把他们的生意拉到她的木厂来.She discovered that making friends with the Yankee officers was as easy as shooting birds on the ground. They were lonely exiles in a hostile land and many of them were starved for polite feminine associations in a town where respectable women drew their skirts aside in passing and looked as if they would like to spit on them. Only the prostitutes and the negro women had kind words for them. But Scarlett was obviously a lady and a lady of family, for all that she worked, and they thrilled to her flashing smile and the pleasant light in her green eyes.
Frequently when Scarlett sat in her buggy talking to them and making her dimples play, her dislike for them rose so strong that it was hard not to curse them to their faces. But she restrained herself and she found that twisting Yankee men around her finger was no more difficult than that same diversion had been with Southern men. Only this was no diversion but a grim business. The role she enacted was that of a refined sweet Southern lady in distress. With an air of dignified reserve she was able to keep her victims at their proper distance, but there was nevertheless a graciousness in her manner which left a certain warmth in the Yankee officers’ memories of Mrs. Kennedy.她发现,同北方佬军官做朋友就像射击地上的鸟一样容易。他们在一个敌对的地方成了寂寞的流亡者,其中许多人渴望与女性有礼貌地交往,因为在这个城市里。正派女人从他们跟前经过时常常掉头不理,好像要啐他们一口才解气似的。只有妓女和黑人妇女才跟他们说话和气。但是思嘉显然是个等女人,一个有门第的上等女人,尽管目前在干活,因此只要她嫣然一笑,那又碧绿的眼睛滴溜一转,他们就浑身激动了。
经常,思嘉坐在车里对他们说话,向他们摆弄两个酒窝,这时她实际上对他们厌恶极了,恨不得破口大骂他们一顿。不过她还是克制住自己,而且发现随意玩弄玩弄北方佬,一点也不比跟南方男人这样调逗要难多少,只不过这不是逗乐而是一桩可恨的交易罢了。她所扮演的角色是一位在患难中的文雅温柔的南方贵妇人。她具有端庄而高雅的风度,可以使她的受骗者与她保持适当的距离,不过她那和蔼的态度仍叫北方佬军官一想起肯尼迪太太便心里暖洋洋的。“You are just the person I want to see, Mrs. Kennedy,” said a tall thin woman from Maine. “I want to get some information about this benighted town.”
Scarlett swallowed the insult to Atlanta with the contempt it deserved and smiled her best.“And what can I tell you?”
“My nurse, my Bridget, has gone back North. She said she wouldn’t stay another day down here among the ‘nay-gurs’ as she calls them. And the children are just driving me distracted! Do tell me how to go about getting another nurse. I do not know where to apply.”“我正想见你呢,肯尼迪太太,"一个缅因州来的瘦高个女人说。"我想从你那里了解一点关于这个愚昧城市的情况。"
思嘉怀着理所当然的鄙视吞下了这种对亚特兰大的侮辱,勉强装出一副笑容。“要我告诉你些什么呢?”
“我的保姆布里奇特回北方去了。她说她在这些她称为'黑魔'的人当中再也无法待下去了。孩子们现在成天缠得我心烦意乱,请告诉我,怎样才能再找到一个保姆。我不知道到哪里去找呀。"The three women broke into indignant outcries.
“Do you think I’d trust my babies to a black nigger?” cried the Maine woman. “I want a good Irish girl.”“I’m afraid you’ll find no Irish servants in Atlanta,” answered Scarlett, coolness in her voice. “Personally, I’ve never seen a white servant and I shouldn’t care to have one in my house. And,” she could not keep a slight note of sarcasm from her words, “I assure you that darkies aren’t cannibals and are quite trustworthy.”
“Goodness, no! I wouldn’t have one in my house. The idea!”那三个女人气得大声叫喊起来。
“你以为我会放心将我的孩子交给一个黑鬼吗?”缅因州的女人喊道。"我是要一个爱尔兰的好姑娘呀。"“我恐怕你在亚特兰大是找不到爱尔兰仆人的了,”思嘉冷冷地回答说。"我自己就从未见过一个白种仆人,我家也想要,而且,"她忍不住在话里略带讥设的声调,"我可以向你保证,黑人并不会吃人,倒是很值得依赖的。"
“天哪,这怎么行!我家里可不能用黑人。怎么能这样想呀!"Scarlett thought of the kind, gnarled hands of Mammy worn rough in Ellen’s service and hers and Wade’s. What did these strangers know of black hands, how dear and comforting they could be, how unerringly they knew how to soothe, to pat, to fondle? She laughed shortly.
“It’s strange you should feel that way when it was you all who freed them.”“Lor’! Not I, dearie,” laughed the Maine woman. “I never saw a nigger till I came South last month and I don’t care if I never see another. They give me the creeps. I wouldn’t trust one of them. ...”
For some moments Scarlett had been conscious that Uncle Peter was breathing hard and sitting up very straight as he stared steadily at the horse’s ears. Her attention was called to him more forcibly when the Maine woman broke off suddenly with a laugh and pointed him out to her companions.思嘉想起嬷嬷那双亲切而粗糙的手,那双由于伺候爱伦、她自己和韦德而变得难看的手。这帮陌生人对于黑人的手能知道什么,她们哪里会明白黑人的手多么可贵,多么令人鼓舞,多么准确无误地懂得怎样去抚慰人、体贴人和温暖人,她想到这里轻轻地笑了笑。
“真奇怪,你们怎么会这样想呢。不正是你们大家把他们解放了吗?"“天哪,可不是我呀,亲爱的,"缅因州女人笑着说。"上个月我来南方之前,还从没见过一个黑人呢,而且也不想再见另外一个了。他们让我浑身起鸡皮疙瘩。我可不能信任他们中间的任何一个人。……"
思嘉早就觉得彼得大叔在急促喘气了,他坐得笔挺,两眼紧紧盯着马耳朵。这时那个缅因州的女人突然大笑起来,指着彼得大叔给她的同样看,这促使思嘉更加注意彼得的神情了。Peter sucked in his breath and his wrinkled brow showed deep furrows but he kept his eyes straight ahead. He had never had the term “nigger” applied to him by a white person in all his life. By other negroes, yes. But never by a white person. And to be called untrustworthy and an “old pet,” he, Peter, who had been the dignified mainstay of the Hamilton family for years!
彼得倒抽了一口气,眉头皱得更紧了,但两眼仍直勾勾地朝前看。他这一生还没有被一个白人叫过"黑鬼。"其他黑人倒是这样叫过他,可从来没有白人这样叫过。至于被看做"难以信任"和称为"老宝贝,"对于他这个汉密尔顿家多年来的庄严桩石更是从来没有过的。
Peter laid the whip on the horse so suddenly that the startled animal jumped forward and as the buggy jounced off, Scarlett heard the Maine woman say with puzzled accents: “Her family? You don’t suppose she meant a relative? He’s exceedingly black.”
God damn them! They ought to be wiped off the face of the earth. If ever I get money enough, I’ll spit in all their faces! I’ll—彼得突然朝马背上狠抽一鞭,把马吓得往前一跳,马车便颠簸着离开了。思嘉听见那个缅因州女人用一种困惑不解的语气说:
“她家里有?不见得是她的亲戚吧?他黑得很厉害呢。"该死的家伙!她们真该死。等到我有很多钱了,我一定要往她们脸上啐唾沫。我一定要—“Peter,” she said, her voice breaking as she put her hand on his thin arm. “I’m ashamed of you for crying. What do you care? They aren’t anything but damned Yankees!”
“Dey talked in front of me lak Ah wuz a mule an’ couldn’ unnerstan’ dem—lak Ah wuz a Affikun an’ din’ know whut dey wuz talkin’ ‘bout,” said Peter, giving a tremendous sniff. “An’ dey call me a nigger an’ Ah’ ain’ never been call a nigger by no w’ite folks, an’ dey call me a ole pet an’ say dat niggers ain’ ter be trus’ed! Me not ter be trus’ed! Why, w’en de ole Cunnel wuz dyin’ he say ter me, “You, Peter! You look affer mah chillun. Tek keer of yo’ young Miss Pittypat,’ he say, ‘ ‘cause she ain’ got no mo’ sense dan a hoppergrass.’ An’ Ah done tek keer of her good all dese y’ars—”“你要哭,我可替你难为情了。你别把她们放在眼里,她们只不过是些该死的北方佬罢了!"
“他们当着我的面说这种话,好像我是头骡子,听不懂她们的话--好像我是个非洲人,一点也听不懂她们说些什么,"彼得说着,用鼻子响亮地哼了一声。"她们还叫我黑鬼,可从来也没有哪个白人这样叫过我。她们说我是老宝贝,说黑鬼一个也不能依赖!我不能依赖吗?老上校临死的时候跟我说,'你,彼得,请你照看我的孩子们吧。好好照顾你那年轻的皮蒂帕特小姐,'他说,'因为她像个蚂炸一样没有头脑。'这些年来我就一直好好照顾她----"“Yas’m, thankee kinely, Ma’m. Ah knows it an’ you knows it, but dem Yankee folks doan know it an’ dey doan want ter know it, Huccome dey come mixin’ in our bizness, Miss Scarlett? Dey doan unnerstan’ us Confedruts.”
Scarlett said nothing for she was still burning with the wrath she had not exploded in the Yankee women’s faces. The two drove home in silence. Peter’s sniffles stopped and his underlip began to protrude gradually until it stuck out alarmingly. His indignation was mounting, now that the initial hurt was subsiding.“是的,姑娘,谢谢你的好意。这些事情我知道,你知道,但他们这些北方佬可不知道,也不想知道。他们凭什么跑来管我们的事呢,思嘉小姐?他们根本就不了解咱们这些支持南部联盟的人。"
思嘉没说话,因为她那股在北方佬女人面前没有发泄出来的怒火仍然在心里燃烧。两人默默地赶车回家,彼得不再用鼻子吸气,他的下嘴唇开始慢慢突出来,直到长长地伸出来吓死人了。现在最初的伤痛正在平息,他却越加忿怒起来“No, Ma’m! Dey din’ sot me free. Ah wouldn’ let no sech trash sot me free,” said Peter indignantly. “Ah still b’longs ter Miss Pitty an’ w’en Ah dies she gwine lay me in de Hamilton buhyin’ groun’ whar Ah b’longs. ... Mah Miss gwine ter be in a state w’en Ah tells her ‘bout how you let dem Yankee women ‘sult me.”
“I did no such thing!” cried Scarlett, startled.“You did so, Miss Scarlett,” said Peter, pushing out his lip even farther. “De pint is, needer you nor me had no bizness bein’ wid Yankees, so dey could ‘sult me. Ef you hadn’t talked wid dem, dey wouldn’ had no chance ter treat me lak a mule or a Affikun. An’ you din’ tek up fer me, needer.”
“I did, too!” said Scarlett, stung by the criticism. “Didn’t I tell them you were one of the family?”“不、小姐!他们没有解放我。我也不要让这帮废物来解放,"彼得生气地说,“我还是属于皮蒂小姐。要是我死了,她也得把我埋在汉密尔顿家的坟地里,因为我是属于这里的呀……我要是告诉皮蒂小姐,你怎样让北方佬女人侮辱了我,她准会十分生气的。"
“我可没有干这种事呀!"思嘉吃惊地大叫。“就是你干了嘛,思嘉小姐,"彼得说着,嘴唇往外伸得更长了。"重要的是你和我都没有理由去跟北方佬打交道,让他们有机会侮辱我。要是你不跟她们来往,她们就不会有机会把我比做骡子或非洲人了。而且,你也没替我责备她们呀。"
“我还是责备她们了呀!"思嘉说,显然被这种指责刺痛了。"我不是告诉她们你是我们家自己人吗?"Peter’s criticism hurt worse than anything Frank or Aunt Pitty or the neighbors had said and it so annoyed her she longed to shake the old darky until his toothless gums clapped together. What Peter said was true but she hated to hear it from a negro and a family negro, too. Not to stand high in the opinion of one’s servants was as humiliating a thing as could happen to a Southerner.
“A ole pet!” Peter grumbled. “Ah specs Miss Pitty ain’t gwine want me ter drive you roun’ no mo’ after dat. No, Ma’m!”彼得的批评,比起弗兰克和皮蒂姑妈或者邻居们的话来,更使她觉得难过。她感到那样恼火,恨不得使劲摇晃这个老黑奴,直到他那两片没牙的牙床碰得嘎嘎响为止。彼得说的倒全是真话,不过她深恨这些话出自一个黑人来说简直是最丢脸的事。
“一个老宝贝呢!"彼得嘟囔着说。"我想皮蒂小姐听了这种话决不会再让我给你赶车了。肯定不会,小姐!"“Ah’ll git a mizry in mah back,” warned Peter darkly. “Mah back huttin’ me so bad dis minute Ah kain sceercely set up. Mah Miss ain’ gwine want me ter do no drivin’ w’en Ah got a mizry. ... Miss Scarlett, it ain’ gwine do you no good ter stan’ high wid de Yankees an’ de w’ite trash, ef yo’ own folks doan ‘prove of you.”
That was as accurate a summing up of the situation as could be made and Scarlett relapsed into infuriated silence. Yes, the conquerors did approve of her and her family and her neighbors did not. She knew all the things the town was saying about her. And now even Peter disapproved of her to the point of not caring to be seen in public with her. That was the last straw.Heretofore she had been careless of public opinion, careless and a little contemptuous. But Peter’s words caused fierce resentment to burn in her breast, drove her to a defensive position, made her suddenly dislike her neighbors as much as she disliked the Yankees.
“Why should they care what I do?” she thought. “They must think I enjoy associating with Yankees and working like a field hand. They’re just making a hard job harder for me. But I don’t care what they think. I won’t let myself care. I can’t afford to care now. But some day—some day—”“我想我的背快出毛病了,"彼得阴郁地警告说。”我的背现在就痛得要命,几乎直不起来了。只要我的背一痛,小姐就不会让我再赶车了。……思嘉小姐,要是咱自家人都不赞同你的做法,就算那些北方佬和白人渣滓都捧你,那对你也不会有什么好处呢。"
这番话对于思嘉当前的处境可真是概括得好极了,以致她陷入一种十分愤怒的沉默中。是的,征服者们确实都对她表示赞许,但她的家人和邻居却不这样。她知道全城的人都在纷纷议论她。现在连彼得都对她那样反感,甚至不愿跟她一起出现在大庭广众之中了。这真是一个致命的打击了。在此之前,她对人家的议论是压根儿不在乎的,不但不在乎,而且有点瞧不起。但彼得的话在她心中点了愤恨的怒火,促使她采取守势,使她突然对邻居如同对北方佬一样厌恶起来。
“他们管我干什么呢?"她想道。"他们准以为我喜欢跟北方佬交往,喜欢像干农活的黑奴一样卖苦力吧。他们这样做,只不过给我难上加难罢了。但是,不管他们怎样想,我才不管它呢,而且目前我也管不起。不过有一天--有一天--"Some day! But not now. Not now, in spite of what anyone might say of her. Now, there was no time to be a great lady.
Peter was as good as his word. Aunt Pitty did get into a state, and Peter’s misery developed overnight to such proportions that he never drove the buggy again. Thereafter Scarlett drove alone and the calluses which had begun to leave her palms came back again.有一天!但不是现在。现在不行,不管人家怎么说她。现在还不是成为一个伟大女性的时候。
彼得的话果真说对了。皮蒂姑妈真的激动起来,彼得的背也一夜之间痛到确实无法再赶车了。从此思嘉只好自己一个人赶车,她手心上的茧子又重新磨起来了。Frequently he was out of town on those mysterious trips to New Orleans which he never explained but which she felt sure, in a faintly jealous way, were connected with a woman—or women. But after Uncle Peter’s refusal to drive her, he remained in Atlanta for longer and longer intervals.
因为他这个人像水银一样飘忽不定,像一个刚从地狱出来的魔鬼一样邪恶倔强呢。但是他同情她,而这一点是她从任何别的人身上都得不到而且也从没指望得到的。瑞德经常出城,神秘地去新奥尔良,可从来不解释去干什么,只是思嘉总带点醋意,觉得肯定同某个女人--或者一些女人有关。但自从彼得大叔拒绝替她赶车之后,瑞德留在亚特兰大的时间便愈来愈长了。
“If you haven’t done anything wrong, it’s because you haven’t had the opportunity, and perhaps they dimly realize it.”
“Oh, do be serious! They make me so mad. All I’ve done is try to make a little money and—”“All you’ve done is to be different from other women and you’ve made a little success at it. As I’ve told you before, that is the one unforgivable sin in any society. Be different and be damned! Scarlett, the mere fact that you’ve made a success of your mill is an insult to every man who hasn’t succeeded. Remember, a well-bred female’s place is in the home and she should know nothing about this busy, brutal world.”
“But if I had stayed in my home, I wouldn’t have had any home left to stay in.”“要说你没干过什么坏事,那只是因为你没有碰到机会罢了,而且也许他们模模糊糊地也意识到了这一点。”
“唔,请你严肃一点吧!他们都把我气疯了。我所干的也不过是想弄点钱嘛,而且--"”就因为你所干的与别的女人所干的不同,而且你又取得一点小小的成就。正像以前告诉过你的,这就是在任何一个社会都不能宽恕的一种罪恶。只要你跟别人不一样,你就该死!思嘉,就因为你的木厂办得成功,这对于每一个没有成功的男人来说,便是一种耻辱。你要记住,一个有教养的女性应该待在家里,应该对灾个复姑而残酷的世界一无所知才好。"
“但如果我一直待在自己家里,我就会没有什么好干的了。"“Oh, fiddle-dee-dee! But look at Mrs. Merriwether. She’s selling pies to Yankees and that’s worse than running a sawmill, and Mrs. Elsing takes in sewing and keeps boarders, and Fanny paints awful-looking china things that nobody wants and everybody buys to help her and—”
“But you miss the point, my pet. They aren’t successful and so they aren’t affronting the hot Southern pride of their men folks. The men can still say, ‘Poor sweet sillies, how hard they try! Well, I’ll let them think they’re helping.’ And besides, the ladies you mentioned don’t enjoy having to work. They let it be known that they are only doing it until some man conies along to relieve them of their unwomanly burdens. And so everybody feels sorry for them. But obviously you do like to work and obviously you aren’t going to let any man tend to your business for you, and so no one can feel sorry for you. And Atlanta is never going to forgive you for that. It’s so pleasant to feel sorry for people.”“嘿,胡说八道!你就瞧瞧梅里韦瑟太太吧。她在卖馅饼给北方佬,这可比开木厂更糟呢。埃尔辛太太在给人家缝缝补补,招些房客。至于范妮,她是在瓷器上画些谁也不要看的丑东西,可是为了帮助她谁都去买,而且--"
“不过你没有看到问题的实质,我的宝贝儿。她们的事业都不得意,所以没有触犯那些南方男人强烈的自尊心。这些男人还会说:'可怜而又可爱的傻娘们,她们干得很难呀!不过那也好,就让她们去觉得自己是在帮忙吧。'再说,你提到的那些太太可并没觉得干活是一种享受。她们总让大家知道,她们现在干活是不得已的,一旦有个男人来解放她们,让她们摆脱这种不适合女人的劳动,她们就不干了。因此大家都为她们感到难过。可是你呢,你明显地是喜欢干活的,而且显然不想让任何男人来管你的事,所以也就没有人会为你感到难过了。就为这一点,亚特兰大人也决不会原谅你。因为替别人感到难过是一桩非常令人高兴的事呀。"“Did you ever hear the Oriental proverb: The dogs bark but the caravan passes on?” Let them bark, Scarlett. I fear nothing will stop your caravan.”
“But why should they mind my making a little money?”“You can’t have everything, Scarlett. You can either make money in your present unladylike manner and meet cold shoulders everywhere you go, or you can be poor and genteel and have lots of friends. You’ve made your choice.”
“I won’t be poor,” she said swiftly. “But—it is the right choice, isn’t it?”“你是否听到过这样一句东方的格言:'尽管狗在狂吠,大篷车继续前进。'让他们叫去吧,思嘉。我想什么东西也无法阻挡你这辆大逢车的。"
“但是我赚点钱,他们凭什么要管呢?"“思嘉,你可不能样样都想要呀!你要么像现在这样不守妇道只管赚钱,同时到处受人家的冷笑,要么就自命清高,受冻挨饿,赢得许多朋友。可是你已经作出自己的选择了。"
“我可不愿受穷,"她马上说。"不过,这是正确的选择吧,你说呢?"“Yes, I want money more than anything else in the world.”
“Then you’ve made the only choice. But there’s a penalty attached, as there is to most things you want. It’s loneliness.”That silenced her for a moment. It was true. When she stopped to think about it, she was a little lonely—lonely for feminine companionship. During the war years she had had Ellen to visit when she felt blue. And since Ellen’s death, there had always been Melanie, though she and Melanie had nothing in common except the hard work at Tara. Now there was no one, for Aunt Pitty had no conception of life beyond her small round of gossip.
“I think—I think,” she began hesitantly, “that I’ve always been lonely where women were concerned. It isn’t just my working that makes Atlanta ladies dislike me. They just don’t like me anyway. No woman ever really liked me, except Mother. Even my sisters. I don’t know why, but even before the war, even before I married Charlie, ladies didn’t seem to approve of anything I did—”“是的,我爱钱胜过世界上任何别的东西。"
“那么这就是你唯一的选择。不过这一选择,就像你所需要的大部分东西那样,附带着一种惩罚,这就是寂寞。"这话使她沉默了片刻。这倒是真的。她静下来想想,的确是有点寂寞--因为缺乏女伴感到的寂寞。在战争年代,她情绪低落时可以去找爱伦。自从爱伦去世之后,一直总还有媚兰和她作伴,当然她和媚兰除了在塔拉一起干苦活以外没有什么共同之处。可现在一个女伴也没有了,因为皮蒂姑妈除了她自己那小小的闲谈圈子之外,对人生是没有什么想法的。
“我想--我想,"她开始犹豫地说,"就跟女人的关系而言,我始终是寂寞的。但亚特兰大的女人之所以讨厌我,也不仅仅是由于我在工作。反正她们就是不喜欢我。除了我母亲,没有哪个女人真正喜欢过我,就连那些妹妹也是这样。我真不知道究竟为什么,不过就是在战前,甚至在我跟查理结婚之前,女人们对我所做的一切就似乎都不赞成--"Scarlett thought grimly: “She’s even approved of murder,” and she laughed contemptuously.
“Oh, Melly!” she said, and then, ruefully: “It’s certainly not to my credit that Melly is the only woman who approves of me, for she hasn’t the sense of a guinea hen. If she had any sense—” She stopped in some confusion.“If she had any sense, she’d realize a few things and she couldn’t approve,” Rhett finished. “Well, you know more about that than I do, of course.”
“Oh, damn your memory and your bad manners!”思嘉冷酷地想道:“她甚至也赞成杀人呢。"接着便轻蔑地笑起来。
“啊,媚兰!"她忽然想起,但紧接着就悲叹道:“只有媚兰是唯一赞成我的女人,不过可以肯定也不是我的什么光荣,因为她压根儿连一只母鸡的见识都没有。要是她真有点见识--"她有点发窘,没有说下去了。“要是她真有点见识,她会发现有些事情她是无法赞同的,"瑞德替她把话说完。"好了,你当然对于这些比我更清楚。"
“啊,你这该死的记忆力和臭德行!”Scarlett laughed with amusement.
“Sometimes you do hit on the truth! Now there was my Grandma Robillard. Mammy used to hold her over my head whenever I was naughty. Grandma was as cold as an icicle and strict about her manners and everybody else’s manners, but she married three times and had any number of duels fought over her and she wore rouge and the most shockingly low-cut dresses and no—well, er—not much under her dresses.”思嘉给惹得哈哈大笑起来。
“有时候你真能悟出个真理来!我的外祖母罗毕拉德就是这样。以前我只要一淘气,嬷嬷就拿她来警戒我。外祖母像冰一样冷酷,对自己和别人的举止都很严格,但是她嫁了三次人,引得那些情敌为她决斗过无数次,她抹胭脂,穿领口低得吓人的衣服,而且没有--嗯--不怎么喜欢穿内衣。"“Not really! A walk-the-plank kind?”
“I daresay he made people walk the plank if there was any money to be made that way. At any rate, he made enough money to leave my father quite wealthy. But the family always referred to him carefully as a ‘sea captain.’ He was killed in a saloon brawl long before I was born. His death was, needless to say, a great relief to his children, for the old gentleman was drunk most of the time and when in his cups was apt to forget that he was a retired sea captain and give reminiscences that curled his children’s hair. However, I admired him and tried to copy him far more than I ever did my father, for Father is an amiable gentleman full of honorable habits and pious saws—so you see how it goes. I’m sure your children won’t approve of you, Scarlett, any more than Mrs. Merriwether and Mrs. Elsing and their broods approve of you now. Your children will probably be soft, prissy creatures, as the children of hard-bitten characters usually are. And to make them worse, you, like every other mother, are probably determined that they shall never know the hardships you’ve known. And that’s all wrong. Hardships make or break people. So you’ll have to wait for approval from your grandchildren.”“不是真的吧!是让俘虏蒙着眼走船板的那种海盗?"
“我敢说只要那样能弄到钱,他就会让人蒙着眼走船板的。总之,他弄到好多钱,后来留给父亲一大笔遗产。不过家里人总是小心地称他为'船长'。在我出生之前很久,他在一家酒馆跟人吵架时被打死了。不用说,他的死对于子女倒是一大解脱,因为这位老先生一天到晚喝得醉醺醺的,酒一落肚便忘记自己是个退休的船长,一味诉说过去的经历,把他的儿女们都吓坏了。不过我很佩服他,而且尽力想更多地模仿他而不是我自己的父亲,因为我父亲是位和蔼可亲的绅士,有许多体面的习惯和虔诚的格言--所以你看事情就是这样。我保证你的孩子们也不会赞成你。思嘉,就像梅里韦瑟太太和埃尔辛太太现在不赞成你这样。你的孩子们也许会是些吃不了苦,缺乏男子汉气慨的人,因为一般吃过苦的人的子女往往是这样。而且对他们更糟的是,你像所有的母亲一样,大概已下定决心不让他们去经历你所经历过的苦难了。这可大错特错了。吃苦要么使人成材,要么把人毁掉。所以你就得等待你的孙子辈来赞同你了。"“Are you suggesting by that ‘our’ that you and I will have mutual grandchildren? Fie, Mrs. Kennedy!”
Scarlett, suddenly conscious of her error of speech, went red. It was more than his joking words that shamed her, for she was suddenly aware again of her thickening body. In no way had either of them ever hinted at her condition and she had always kept the lap robe high under her armpits when with him, even on warm days, comforting herself in the usual feminine manner with the belief that she did not show at all when thus covered, and she was suddenly sick with quick rage at her own condition and shame that he should know.“你这个'我们是不是暗示我和你会有共同的孙子辈呀?去你的吧,肯尼迪太太!”
思嘉立即意识到自己说漏了嘴,脸涨得通红。叫她难为情的不光是他那句开玩笑的话,因为她突然想到了自己这愈来愈粗的腰身。他俩以往谁也没有提到她怀孕的事,因为她跟瑞德在一起时总是把膝毯一直盖到腑窝底下,即使天气很暖和也是这样;她总以女人的习惯安慰自己,以为这样一盖别人就看不出来。现在发现他已经知道,便突然恼羞成怒,受不了了。“I’ll do nothing of the kind,” he returned calmly. “It’ll be dark before you get home and there’s a new colony of darkies living in tents and shanties near the next spring, mean niggers I’ve been told, and I see no reason why you should give the impulsive Ku Klux a cause for putting on their nightshirts and riding abroad this evening.”
“Get out!” she cried, tugging at the reins and suddenly nausea overwhelmed her. He stopped the horse quickly, passed her two clean handkerchiefs and held her head over the side of the buggy with some skill. The afternoon sun, slanting low through the newly leaved trees, spun sickeningly for a few moments in a swirl of gold and green. When the spell had passed, she put her head in her hands and cried from sheer mortification. Not only had she vomited before a man—in itself as horrible a contretemps as could overtake a woman—but by doing so, the humiliating fact of her pregnancy must now be evident. She felt that she could never look him in the face again. To have this happen with him, of all people, with Rhett who had no respect for women! She cried, expecting some coarse and jocular remark from him which she would never be able to forget.“我才不会干这种事情,"他平静地回答。"等你还没到家天就要黑了,这里又来了一帮新的黑人,就住在泉水附近的帐篷和棚屋里,听说都是些下流的黑鬼。我看你又何必给那些容易感情冲动的三K党人制造一个理由,让他们今天夜里穿上睡袍出去奔跑呢。"
“你滚吧!"她喊道,使劲去夺他手里的缰绳,可突然感到一阵恶心向她袭来。瑞德马上勒住马,递给她两条干净的手帕,又相当熟练地把她那个歪在马车边上的脑袋托起来。黄昏的太阳从一片刚刚长出嫩叶的树林中斜照过来,暂时织成一个令人头晕目眩的金黄碧绿的漩涡。当这阵头晕作呕过去之后,她便双手捂住脸,不胜羞愧地哭起来。她不但在一个男人面前呕吐--这件事本身令人十分尴尬,足以把一个女人吓坏了--而且这样一,她怀孕这一丢脸的事也就昭然若揭了。她觉得自己再也没有勇气面对他了。这件事却偏偏发生在他面前,在这个从来不尊重妇女的瑞德面前呀!她一边哭,一边准备听他说出一些叫她一辈子也忘不了的粗鲁打趣的话来。She said “Oh” in a stunned voice and tightened her fingers over her crimson face. The word itself horrified her. Frank always referred to her pregnancy embarrassedly as “your condition,” Gerald had been won’t to say delicately “in the family way,” when he had to mention such matters, and ladies genteelly referred to pregnancy as being “in a fix.”
“You are a child if you thought I didn’t know, for all your smothering yourself under that hot lap robe. Of course, I knew. Why else do you think I’ve been—”她以十分惊恐的语气"啊“了一声,然后用两手紧紧捂住绯红的面孔。"怀孕"这个字本身就把她吓坏了。弗兰克每次提到她怀孕时总是不好意思地用"你那状况"来表示。她父亲杰拉尔德在不得不提起这类事情时也往往微妙地用"坐房"这样的字眼,而女人们则体面地把怀孕说成"在困境中"。
“你要是以为我不知道,你可真是个小孩子了,尽管你总用膝毯把自己捂得严严的。当然我早知道了。要不然你以为我为什么老是--"“I didn’t think you could be so shocked, Scarlett. I thought you were a sensible person and I’m disappointed. Can it be possible that modesty still lingers in your breast? I’m afraid I’m not a gentleman to have mentioned the matter. And I know I’m not a gentleman, in view of the fact that pregnant women do not embarrass me as they should. I find it possible to treat them as normal creatures and not look at the ground or the sky or anywhere else in the universe except their waist lines—and then cast at them those furtive glances I’ve always thought the height of indecency. Why should I? It’s a perfectly normal state. The Europeans are far more sensible than we are. They compliment expectant mothers upon their expectations. While I wouldn’t advise going that far, still it’s more sensible than our way of trying to ignore it. It’s a normal state and women should be proud of it, instead of hiding behind closed doors as if they’d committed a crime.”
他突然打住不说了,于是两个都沉默起来。他提起缰绳,朝马吆喝了一声,然后继续心平气和和地说下去。随着他那慢条斯理的声调温和地在她耳边回响,她面孔上的红晕也逐渐消退了。
“我没想到你还这样容易激动,思嘉。我还以为你是个有理智的人,可现在失望了。难道你心中还有羞怯之感?我恐怕自己向你提起这件事情就不能算是上等人了。其实,我也知道我不是上等人,就凭我在孕妇面前竟不觉得发窘这一点来看,也可以说明我认为可以把她们当做正常人看待--为什么能看天看地或看任何别的地方,就不能看她们的腰围,然后却偷偷向那里瞧一两眼--我以为这才是最不无礼的呢!我干吗要来这一套呀?这完全是正常的情况嘛。欧洲人就比我们明智多了。他们是要给那些快要做母亲的人道喜的。尽管我不想主张我们也要像他们那样做,不过那确实比我们这种设法回避的态度毕竟要明智些。这是一种正常情况,女人应该为此感到自豪,而不需要躲在闺房里好像犯了罪似的。"“Aren’t you proud to be having a child?”
“Oh dear God, no! I—I hate babies!”“You mean—Frank’s baby.”
“No—anybody’s baby.”“难道你不觉得有个孩子值得自豪吗?"
“啊,天哪,决不!--我恨孩子!"“你指--恨弗兰克的孩子?"
"不--不管谁的孩子都恨。“Then we’re different. I like babies.”
“You like them?” she cried, looking up, so startled at the statement that she forgot her embarrassment “What a liar you are!”“I like babies and I like little children, till they begin to grow up and acquire adult habits of thought and adult abilities to lie and cheat and be dirty. That can’t be news to you. You know I like Wade Hampton a lot, for all that he isn’t the boy he ought to be.”
That was true, thought Scarlett, suddenly marveling. He did seem to enjoy playing with Wade and often brought him presents.“那么我们就不一样了,我喜欢孩子。”
“你喜欢?"她抬起头来喊道,对他的话感到非常吃惊,竟忘了自己的窘境。“你多会撒谎呀!"“我喜欢小毛头,也喜欢小孩子,要等到他们开始长大,养成大人的思维习惯和大人撒谎仆人的本领并变得下流之后,才不喜欢了。这对你也不应该是什么新闻,因为你知道我非常喜欢韦德,尽管他还不是个很理想的孩子。
“思嘉想这倒也是真的,并突然感到惊异起来。他的确好像非常愿意跟韦德玩儿,并且经常给他送礼物呢。He shrugged impatiently.
“How should I know? I’m a renegade, a turncoat, a Scalawag. Would I be likely to know? But I do know men who are suspected by the Yankees and one false move from them and they are as good as hanged. While I know you would have no regrets at getting your neighbors on the gallows, I do believe you’d regret losing your mills. I see by the stubborn look on your face that you do not believe me and my words are falling on stony ground. So all I can say is, keep that pistol of yours handy—and when I’m in town, I’ll try to be on hand to drive you.”瑞德不耐烦地耸了耸肩膀。
“我怎么会知道呢?我是个叛徒,变节者,流氓。难道我会知道吗?不过我确实知道那些被北方佬怀疑过的人以及他们发动的一次冒失行动,那些人几乎都被绞死了。虽然我知道你对邻居们上绞架不会感到悲痛,但我相信你肯定会因为失去你的木厂而伤心的。我从你脸上的固执劲儿看到,你肯定不相信我,因此我的话也就等于白说了。所以我唯一能说的是请你经常把那支手枪带在身边--而且,只要我在城里,我会尽量出来替你赶车的。"“Yes, my dear, it is my much advertised chivalry that makes me protect you.” The mocking light began to dance in his black eyes and all signs of earnestness fled from his face. “And why? Because of my deep love for you, Mrs. Kennedy. Yes, I have silently hungered and thirsted for you and worshipped you from afar; but being an honorable man, like Mr. Ashley Wilkes, I have concealed it from you. You are, alas, Frank’s wife and honor has forbidden my telling this to you. But even as Mr. Wilkes’ honor cracks occasionally, so mine is cracking now and I reveal my secret passion and my—”
“Oh, for God’s sake, hush!” interrupted Scarlett, annoyed as usual when he made her look like a conceited fool, and not caring to have Ashley and his honor become the subject of further conversation. “What was the other thing you wanted to tell me?”"是的,宝贝儿,是我那大肆宣扬的骑士精神在促使我保护你。"他那双黑眼睛里的讥讽神色开始闪烁,脸上那副一本正经的表情无影无踪了。“还为什么呢?还因为我深深地爱着你;肯尼迪太太。是的,我一直在默默地如饥似渴地想占有你,站得远远地崇拜你;不过我很艾希礼先生一样,也是个高尚的人,我把这一切向你隐瞒了下来。因为,唉,你是弗兰克的妻子,为了名誉,我不能把这些告诉你。但是,就连威尔克斯先生那样讲究名誉的人,有时也免不了要露馅儿,所以现在我也在露馅,把自己的秘密情感向你透露,还有我那--"
"啊,看在上帝面上,请你闭嘴吧!"思嘉打断他的诉说,因为生当他把她弄得像个自高自大的傻瓜时,她总是十分气恼,而且也不愿意把艾希礼和他的名誉作为他们的话题继续谈下去了。于是她说:“你要告诉我的另一件事又是什么呀?"“I want you to do something about this horse. He’s stubborn and he’s got a mouth as tough as iron. Tires you to drive him, doesn’t it? Well, if he chose to bolt, you couldn’t possibly stop him. And if you turned over in a ditch, it might kill your baby and you too. You ought to get the heaviest curb bit you can, or else let me swap him for a gentle horse with a more sensitive mouth.”
She looked up into his blank, smooth face and suddenly her irritation fell away, even as her embarrassment had disappeared after the conversation about her pregnancy. He had been kind, a few moments before, to put her at her ease when she was wishing that she were dead. And he was being kinder now and very thoughtful about the horse. She felt a rush of gratitude to him and she wondered why he could not always be this way.“我希望你对这匹马想点办法。这匹马的脾气太倔,它的嘴像铁一样硬了,你赶起它来一定很累吧,对吗?嗨,要是它想脱缰逃跑,你根本无法制止它。而且如果你被翻到阴沟里,那可能使你和孩子都活不成了。你应该给它戴上一副最重的马嚼子,要不然就让我牵去给你换一匹口头比较嫩、比较驯服的马来。"
她抬起头来看了看他那张目无表情但温和的面孔,突然她的火气烟消云散了,正如他就她的怀孕作了那番谈话之后她的羞怯反而消失了一样。刚才,当她还巴不得自己死了的时候,他却那样神奇地让她平静下来,心安理得了。现在他变得更加好心,连对她的马都想得非常周到,这不免引起她一阵感激之情,心想为什么他要是始终都这样多好呢?His eyes sparkled wickedly.
“That sounds very sweet and feminine, Mrs. Kennedy. Not in your usual masterful vein at all. Well, it only takes proper handling to make a clinging vine out of you.”She scowled and her temper came back.
“You will get out of this buggy this time, or I will hit you with the whip. I don’t know why I put up with you—why I try to be nice to you. You have no manners. You have no morals. You are nothing but a— Well, get out I mean it.”他的两眼恶作剧地闪烁着。
“这话听起来倒满甜,很有点女性味道呢,肯尼迪太太。这可不像你平时那种专横的空调呢。看来,只要对付得当,是可以将你变成一个乖乖地依靠男人的妇女的。"她的脸一沉,又发起脾气来了。
“这次你非给我滚下车不可,要不我就用马鞭抽你了。我真不明白为什么我就能容忍你--为什么总尽量对你那么好。你一点礼貌也没有。一点道德不讲,简直就是个--算了,你滚吧。我就是这个意思。"Yes, he was coarse, he was tricky, he was unsafe to have dealings with, and you never could tell when the dull weapon you put into his hands in an unguarded moment might turn into the keenest of blades. But, after all, he was as stimulating as—well, as a surreptitious glass of brandy!
During these months Scarlett had learned the use of brandy. When she came home in the late afternoons, damp from the rain, cramped and aching from long hours in the buggy, nothing sustained her except the thought of the bottle hidden in her top bureau drawer, locked against Mammy’s prying eyes. Dr. Meade had not thought to warn her that a woman in her condition should not drink, for it never occurred to him that a decent woman would drink anything stronger than scuppernong wine. Except, of course, a glass of champagne at a wedding or a hot toddy when confined to bed with a hard cold. Of course, there were unfortunate women who drank, to the eternal disgrace of their families, just as there were women who were insane or divorced or who believed, with Miss Susan B. Anthony, that women should have the vote. But as much as the doctor disapproved of Scarlett, he never suspected her of drinking.是的,他很粗鲁,又很狡猾,他不是一个你能放心跟他打交道的人。你永远也说不准你放在他手里的那把钝刀子,什么时候稍不防备就会变成最锋利的武器。但是,尽管这样,他毕竟很有刺激性,就像--是的,就像偷偷他喝上一杯白兰地!
这几个月以来,思嘉已经知道了白兰地的用处。每天傍晚回家,被雨水淋得湿透了,而且由于长时间在车上颠簸,浑身觉得酸痛,这时她除了想起背着嬷嬷那双贼亮的眼睛藏在衣橱顶层抽屉里的那瓶酒之外,便没有任何东西能支撑得住了。米德大夫没有想到要警告她,女人在怀孕期间不该喝酒,因为他从未想到一个正派女人也会喝比葡萄酒更烈性的酒呢。当然,在婚礼上喝杯香槟,或者感冒很厉害时上床睡觉前喝杯热棕榈酒,也还是可以的。虽然,也有些不幸的女人喝酒,因而使全家的人一辈子丢脸的,正像有些发疯或离了婚的女人,或者像苏珊、安东妮小姐那样相信妇女应该有选举权的女人,也常常喝酒。但是,尽管米德大夫对思嘉有许多地方看不顺眼,可他还从没怀疑她居然会喝酒呢。